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People That Speak Out

How do you feel about people who speak their mind without considering other's feelings. For example, telling someone they had not seen in a while that they gained weight?

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 ---Kella3336 on 5/16/08
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In seeking truth sometimes I appear not to have a lot of tact. That is a personality flaw. I do try to be tactful but somehow it doesn't come out that way. If I am in a good debate, I will be very bold.
---shira3877 on 9/23/11

Hey, good blogg! It goi' hurt!!! (with love) not goin' say it in front of othersbut,yeah! I bout ready to get "real" with him! know you can't fool me! No, nev'r been on drugs! Suffer'd alot becuzmy mom was.... I know a "doper" when I see one.This person dear to me like a son.... everything crumbling around himand he don't even see it.Maybe it will help & for sure he be mad.Hopefully,he will realize I'm not no fool! If,he wakes up! Cry out to God! God will forgive 'n possibly leave of absence for a while... From his job or just "quit cold turkey"God will see him thru according to his faith! He need deliverance....You can't do nothing gett'n "high"!!!
---ELENA on 9/18/11

Robyn -- Excellent point. what you say is true.. that sometimes courtesy and tact must be thrown to the wind. Some messages are so urgent, they must be given in a forceful way...e.g. "Don't touch!","Stay away", "That hurts", "Look out!". And some people will listen to no other kind of communication.

I'm not saying don't share your thoughts, needs or desires..that's the only way people can come to know you and trust you. I guess I'd just say not to value your own opinion over everybody else's or assume that others always need to hear whatever is on your mind.
---Donna66 on 8/19/08

We all need to grow up and ignore what you do not want to hear. If it's for your good then you should listen. How do you feel about yourself?
---catherine on 8/19/08

I feel it is insensitive to the person who has gained the weight..or whatever the situation might be. They have no idea what this person may have been going through to bring about this change and it could be quite hurtful. It could be quite crushing, in fact.
---trudy3787 on 8/18/08

Donna66, You understand what I am saying:-)
---Kella3336 on 8/18/08

We should always be mindful of others feelings, however, some are more sensitive than others. Walking in love toward your fellowman, is the key. Also, to enlist the help of forgiveness, when necessary. None of us are perfect.
---gayla on 8/17/08

Speaking one's mind serve many purposes. It is better to speak one's mind when something needs to be said that no one else has been able to say. Speaking ones mind will get respect from others. Speaking one's mind teaches us how to ask and seek what we need.Speaking ones mind keeps others from trying to take advantage of us. There are other reasons also.
Sometimes courtesy and tact needs to be thrown to the wind.
---Robyn on 8/15/08

You said:
>I wonder why some people think every little thought they have is so important, that it needs to be said-even if it is hurtful.<

Exactly! I've often wondered the same thing.
If you didn't ask for someone's opinion, why would they think you should value it when offered?

People who take pride in always saying what they think are... self-centered and usually egotistic.. And if they can't take the time to phrase their ideas tactfully,they are uncaring about others as well.
---Donna66 on 8/14/08

Ulrika,speaking from personal experience with these people?
---Kella3336 on 5/28/08

She knows how I am, And loves my Honesty, No matter how bad it made her feel, A person feels bad Because they know It's Wrong,
Thats the Convicting Spirit of the Holy Ghost makes you FEEL bad.
My whole family knows how I am, Been that way for almost longer than i can remember.
I don't sugar coat the Word or their Lives to get Along.
I wish she had a pc she could tell you.
1st you would have to understand our situation, I had 4 dads by the age of 12 I was like her dad for alot of her life.
---Duane_Dudley_Martin on 5/27/08

Usually, the most sensitive, those that are constantly offended - are the greatest offenders.
They give out every bit as good as they get back, and then whine about it.
They're cagey, sneaky, childish and underhanded about it, but when the favor is returned, they literally fall apart.
---Ulrika on 5/27/08

Rude..yep..rude would be the word.
---melanie on 5/27/08

"Tact" is always in vogue. It's fine for someone to speak their minds but they can do it by employing tact. NOT to use tact, (or discretion) shows either poor training, selfishness or maybe both in how to deal with someone else's feelings.
---wivv on 5/27/08

"How do you feel about people who speak their mind without considering other's feelings." I 'feel' that if one, for what ever reason, can not speak that which is beneficial, edifying and uplifting, then that one should remain silent. One will never truly help themselves by hurting someone else. "A fool utters all his mind, but a wise man keeps it till afterwards. The words of a wise man's mouth are gracious and are heard in quiet more than the cry of him that rules among fools."
---Josef on 5/22/08

Cynthia sister, thank you so much. You are so kind.God Bless!Hugs, kella email me
---Kella3336 on 5/22/08

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I don't want anyone to flatter me. I already know I need to lose weight. I do not ask opinions either. I know better. It would also be unfair to ask others and put them on the spot.
---Kella3336 on 5/22/08

I am not in denial that I've gained weight. It is kinda hard to not notice. I am fully aware when I have jeans that I can't get into. I won't get rid of them because I know I will lose weight.I want to weigh 130-135.It will happen with discipline. Pray for me:-)
---Kella3336 on 5/22/08

"Even though I'm bold in my words of God, I would NEVER call a heavy person Fat or A disfigured person Ugly.
You will never reach people W/that kinda feelings of people inside you..." So, DDM, how do you think you reached your sister with your comments about fornication???
---RitaH on 5/21/08

to my dear sister Kella,
When I used to be so overweight, I too heard a lot of negative and cruel comments, so I quickly learned that the best way to treat someone like that is with kindness, and to pray for that particular person. When you treat them with kindness, that is something that they are not expecting, and it catches them offguard. Keep your eyes fixed on our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He is with us always. You are special in the eyes of the Lord! God Bless you sister Kella.
---Cynthia on 5/21/08

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I never tell people they are fat. That is just plain rude and childish. Children say whatever they think, but adults should know better. They should be a better example. I wonder why some people think every little thought they have is so important, that it needs to be said-even if it is hurtful. Who cares if that person cries when they get home and feels sad as long as someone puts there two cents in. Come on.
---Kella3336 on 5/21/08

How do I feel about people who speak out there mind without considering other's feelings? Well...that seems pretty rude and hurtful. As Christians we should strive never to hurt people.
---Todd1 on 5/21/08

Some people are too honest, but don't hate them for it, they could be doing you (or whoever) a favour. In Proverbs it says we should beware of flatterers and rather trust someone who tells the truth about us. A real friend will be open with you, and not hide their thoughts.
---frances008 on 5/20/08

The thing is that you can laugh about something or be upset about it. Better to admit you put on weight and thereby make a lot of friends who will probably say that they too have put on weight, than to try and cover up your embarrassment and everyone do the same. I had a great laugh recently with a lot of ladies when I had to explain that I was not wearing my suit because this year it did not fit me. They all burst out laughing because they had been saying the same thing.
---frances008 on 5/20/08

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#1 Aren't we blessed that God looks at the heart and not the package it comes wrapped in. Nobody is perfect, not even the gorgeous person who may seem to be without flaw. Some of the most beautiful people I know have visible flaws. As for myself, I am crippled, over wieght and disfigured, but who I am is on the inside of me where I am beautiful, lean and perfect just like Christ. This was said of Jesus in Is.53:2:
---Debbie_Jo on 5/20/08

#2 For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness, and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him. It is better that people remark about our inner man rather than notice our outer man for whatever reason.
---Debbie_Jo on 5/20/08

Even though I'm bold in my words of God, I would NEVER call a heavy person Fat or A disfigured person Ugly.
You will never reach people W/that kinda feelings of people inside you...
That's school yard kid stuff and it serves NO purpose, But, to breed Resentment & Hurt ect. ect. ect.
If your heavy because you like the Twinkie isle, that could be a diff. story...
---Duane_Dudley_Martin on 5/20/08

I would look them straight in the eye and say, "Oh! Thank you!" Then change the subject.

People say dumb things all the time, either because they misspeak, are malicious, or are under the misguided belief that they know it ALL.
---deb on 5/20/08

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I am not obese, but I am overweight. I am supposed to weigh between 130-148 lbs.I am guessing my weight to be somewhere near 180-185. I am happy to be under 200.I am making an effort.I do sit ups. I usually do approximately 80. I've done more-over 100.
---Kella3336 on 5/20/08

Thank you RitaH:-):-):-)
---Kella3336 on 5/19/08

One person I know didn't realize she had gained a lot. If someone had said something . . . .

I'm slim and trim, but I have self-control problems, they just don't show as increasing weight > "He can have compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray, since he himself is also subject to weakness." (Hebrews 5:2)
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/19/08

(1) Yes, people can react harshly if we talk about our problems. But we have, "Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much." (James 5:16) By confessing sin problems, you can get prayer that *heals* you of what makes you able to sin and then suffer emotionally. So, Satan has his world reacting harshly, so people don't discover the healing of confessing "to one another > (2) >
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/19/08

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(2) > James 5:16 shows that mutual confessing and prayer can get me "healed" of what makes me sin and then suffer. But I know my confessing can get harsh reactions, with Satan's intent to keep me from getting healed so I am not available to him (o: I WILL be persecuted, then, for doing God's word (o: But being prayerfully ready to stand against harsh reactions helps make me stronger so I can have better self-control against my sin problems (o: > (3) >
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/19/08

(3) > Also, if I openly confess to what is wrong with me, I can be an example of honesty to others, possibly encouraging others to also deal with their problems. And by confessing that something is wrong, this can be a way of telling others that something is wrong, making myself an example, instead of self-righteously just criticizing them > "nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/19/08

We can't know how comments about someones weight will effect them emotionally and whos to say comments concerning their weight gain is going to encourage them? Who knows, they may be making effort to lose weight and you may discourage them. Come on people...really
---Kella3336 on 5/19/08

"Some people I'll drag around by the jaw and in fear until they listen & others i use the Word of God to Heap Coals upon their heads & let God deal W/them."

You must be a riot at family gatherings, Dudley
---NurseRobert on 5/19/08

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Lisa, I am not the kind of woman who is always telling everything about myself. I understand what you are saying, but that woman is not me. It is hard to know anyone well from blogging and assumptions are easilly made.Sometimes comments are so off the mark that it can be unnerving. Anyhow, I've made my point. I'm not mad. If I sound that way, sorry...
---Kella3336 on 5/19/08

Well, there is rudeness and there is truthfulness. Rudeness is when you do not care about others feelings. Truthfulness is for the concern for other people. When it comes to how a person looks in size, who cares. Chances are you don't, so you are being rude.
---catherine on 5/18/08

DDM--I imagine your sister was not too happy if that's what you first say to her after five years! I miss my big brother so much (the one who is still alive and the one who was murdered years ago) and if I had the chance to see my surviving brother, my first words to him would be loving--not mentioning his sins right off the bat. Yes, you must tell the truth but be kind too. :)
---Mary on 5/18/08

There are times to speak out and I have done this because I care about their soul. I have been bold and I have done it quietly. Not every situation is the same. I do not come out and comment negatively about someones weight.
---Kella3336 on 5/18/08

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I have always been an attractive woman, so in some ways this weight has humbled me more. I was never arrogent, but I never thought I would weigh too much and I would wonder why some people don't just lose all of it already. I understand now and I have more compassion.
---Kella3336 on 5/18/08

20 But YE, beloved, building UP yourselves on your most HOLY faith, praying IN the HOLY Ghost,

21 KEEP yourselves IN the LOVE of God, looking FOR the mercy OF our Lord Jesus Christ UNTO eternal LIFE.


23 AND OTHERS SAVE with FEAR, PULLING them OUT of THE FIRE, HATING even the garment spotted BY the FLESH.
---Duane_Dudley_Martin on 5/18/08

I was told briefly on a few occasions that I have gained weight. During those times, I did not ask if I was fat or gained weight. If I had asked for an opinion and was offended, that would be foolish. I did not bring up the subject of weight. I am not the only person this has happened to. I have noticed others gain weight, but I figure they already know-also they may be trying to lose weight. Anyhow, why not just enjoy others company no matter their appearence?
---Kella3336 on 5/18/08

Duane_Dudley_Martin, I am soooooooo glad that you are not my brother. That kiss on your sister's cheek was the most insincere kiss I've ever heard of. What sort of greeting are the words "OUT Fornicating Again", to someone you haven't seen for 5 years? I'm guessing she'll stay away for 25 years after that. "If you're offended by some of the words of God" excuse me!!, is that was the questioner was asking about?
---RitaH on 5/18/08

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I do not spill my personal life or feelings to everyone who has ears. I believe in discernment. I also believe in tact. There is a time to be bold, when the benefit is for God-however Just because something is true does not mean it needs to be said. I am glad I don't say everything I think. If I did maybe some people would not speak to me. This is not to say I always have thoughts that would hurt others. When I have a thought that is unkind or could go in that direction, I ask God to remove them.
---Kella3336 on 5/18/08

I am open to the word of God, but I do not believe that everyone who says they are speaking God's word is speaking in truth. I am a Christian. I have a responsibility to line up what is said with the bible-friend,preacher-whoever.
---Kella3336 on 5/18/08

If you don't like being told you have gained weight, don't gain weight (o:

I'd say it depends on not if they should tell you, but HOW they tell you. A person very concerned about your well-being is going to say something, if he/she sees you have changed in a way not good for you. You care, you say something, often enough. So, it depends on who is saying and how.

If I do something because of not having self-control, I suffer. What others do is not my main problem, then.
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/17/08

I feel that God calls us to use wisdom when speaking to others. Our words can be very powerful and should be treated accordingly. A Christian should speak words that edify, encourage, motivate, or in some way help the person they are speaking to. We should glorify God in all our actions.
---jacka8984 on 5/17/08

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Some people I'll drag around by the jaw and in fear until they listen & others i use the Word of God to Heap Coals upon their heads & let God deal W/them.
I never sugar coat the Word of God.
If your Offended by Some of the Words of God that are spoken to you,
IT(The Word) must not be IN you.
I had'nt seen my sister in 5 yrs. I hugged her, a kiss on the Cheek & then said OUT Fornicating Again, Huh?
---Duane_Dudley_Martin on 5/16/08

James 1:19 says "... let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak ..."

If someone "speaks their mind", without considering the effects of their words, they are acting foolishly. I've lost track of the number of churches that I've visited one time only and was immediately turned away by people who offensively "speak their mind". I see, and hear, the "church rage" when I once said: "I'm really disappointed in the Republican party".
---Augie on 5/16/08

There have been times when I've had to "draw a line in the sand". A good example was: setting limits on helping with church ministry work. If this offends some people, like the Pastor or church board members, I tell them that they either find someone else to do the work or do the work themselves.

Jesus gave a great example of "speaking his mind" in Mark 11:15-19. If Jesus offended the people, too bad. He knew what he was saying.
---Augie on 5/16/08

I find this only happens to those who've made a big deal out of losing weight in the first place. The more vocal about losing weight, the more vocal others are about pointing it out when it comes back on. That's the truth.
The more discreet, silent we are about weight, birthmarks, etc. - people seldom cross the line and point out these visible aspects about our bodies.
---lisa on 5/16/08

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We all know people who let it all hang out, every little detail about every aspect of their life. Full disclosure places a bullseye right in the middle of their forehead for feedback, criticism...good or bad... from the gallery.
---lisa on 5/16/08

Consistency is the name of the game. My coworker, highly intelligent woman, wouldn't dare mention anything about her weight, her hair or clothes. She had definite boundaries dividing what was acceptable to chat about and what was not. I can tell you that she was the most respected woman in the office.
I learned from her to keep my personal life personal and stick to business. No discussions about weight, outward appearances, family problems - that will carry you a long way in a man's world.
---lisa on 5/16/08

This works even with loved ones, including husbands. Full disclosure about every thing that concerns us, is an open door for open season on your feelings. Letting it all hang out, when others are angry, the first thing they take aim at is our weaknesses. It seems to be human nature.
I'd hold back from sharing everything about everything and see if that doesn't stop all of the unwanted comments from others.
---lisa on 5/16/08

Especially with other women, sharing too many personal details - bible says that familiarity can breed contempt.
Too many discussions about personal achievements caused the brothers of Joseph to dig a hole for him and throw him in it.
People haven't changed much since then. I'd shut down the open doors that give people license to take aim at areas that hurt your feelings.
---lisa on 5/16/08

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I think they are rude,crude,and socially unacceptable. True Story,A Lady worked in a Department Store and she was overweight but very pretty. Every day a man came in and made an ugly remark about her weight. One day she'd had enough ,she said,I may be fat but I can lose that,but you can't do a thing about your ugly old nose in the middle of your face. He never picked on her again. Honestly,nicely,tell them your looks are none of their business.
---Darlene_1 on 5/16/08

It is a shame that people generally are not more sensitive in such situations but we should also try not to be so prickly. When we haven't seen someone for a long time they and we have usually changed, and sometimes quite a lot. If someone said something like that to me I would try to make light of it by saying "Yes most of us have an extra wrinkle, grey hair a extra pound in weight after all this time" and add "But I'm so glad I'm no longer 25 (or whatever age you were when you last met).
---RitaH on 5/16/08

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