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Still Friends With Trouble Maker

Is there any scripture that tells me after I forgive someone seventy times seven for humiliating me in front of others for several years now (a reoccurring sin in this person's life) that I still have to be friends with them? Any scripture reference to this effect?

Moderator - Why would you even be hanging out with someone that isn't nice?

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 ---donna8365 on 5/27/08
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I think the verse which warns us to be wise as a serpent and gentle as a lamb says it well. Wisdom dictates you have nothing to do with evil,to avoid it with all your strength,and anyone who abuses a person is the picture of evil. Words can be abuse just as much as a slap. When people put others down its because they have little respect for themselves. We are also told by the Word of God not to company with an angry man. That tells me we have the right and responsibility to choose our friends we are around carefully. The Bible says be nice to those who do you evil for you heap coals of fire on their heads but that doesn't mean you must be close friends with them. Be tolerant when you see her but try not to see her.
---Darlene_1 on 10/29/08

Donna, let me give you some words in the bible: (please read Rom.12:17-21)

"Never pay back evil for evil to anyone."

"If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men."

"Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God..."

"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."
---manny on 10/29/08

In response to this situation I can only repeat two common sense pieces of advise to you that I am reminded of which fit my own relationship with our neighbors residing east of our lot. The first is: 'There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who have a little something, and those who seek to take it from them.' Secondly: 'Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.' This is difficult to do. The people next door have gotten their share in due lately. Of their own doing those that they have been doing these things to have talked about the situation, done nothing about it, left it to God. We see a horizon.
---Pamela on 9/16/08

Do not give too much detail, which leaves you vulnerable to a third party, sometimes it's best to say what you have to say leave it, be honest and to the point, bless them, let go AND let God.
---Carla5754 on 6/2/08

Bill, one example would be scolding me for saying things she did not agree with. Sadly, she did this 3 times in front of adults at a party for a little girl. I use the word scolding because her former fiancee says she talks to people like they are three year olds. I still have not spoken to her. I'm still too hurt over this. Can forgive, but can't talk to her.
An adult should not correct or lash out at another adult in front of adults and children at a party - it's different if we were alone, amen?
---donna8365 on 6/2/08

God says Love your neighbour as yourself. That means love yourself too. You need to protect yourself from those who would abuse you. That is entirely biblical. Jesus hid from people who were after him, to end His ministry.
---frances008 on 5/29/08

Carla, would you have any more ideas about blogging with the mentally ill?
How do we blog without getting in too deep as you explained, since it makes little difference what we share, anyway.
---Ulrika on 5/29/08

Donna, would you give us one representative example of how this person has "humiliated" you? Maybe something I might do, that I need to see (o: I can learn from how others are wrong . . . seeing how I am wrong, also (o:
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/29/08

Yes, we should forgive even people who are not dealing with how they are wrong, like Jesus on the cross PRAYED forgiveness to those who were still busy with hating and torturing and murdering Him > "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do." (in Luke 23:34) But He did not trust them, to say the least (o:
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/29/08

1 Timothy 3:1-10 shows us that a man must be "tested" "first", before he is considered to be trusted with "care of the church of God". Yes, he has been forgiven, but still he must be "tested" before being trusted. So, I'd say, in the case of this person who has humiliated you, forgive and TEST. Forgive, and pray FOR the person. Forgive, and pay attention to God. Forgive, and evaluate YOURSELF.
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/29/08

If this person is really being unloving with you, this person is not a friend of Jesus. And so, this person will not be able to do good things with you, but will influence you to do what is not important, not loving all people as yourself, but just maybe palling together with useless things and empty talk. You do NOT have to go along with this. If you do what *God* has you doing, this person won't be able to stay with you, "possibly" ?
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/29/08

I have had a similar experience recently. I decided to protect myself and my family, first of all. Then gradually dropped them. (A couple). I know they needed help which I was able to give them, but after a while I was suffering mentally at their hands, so I cut them off. It is sad but some people you cannot help.
---frances008 on 5/28/08

I think that we teach people how to treat us. And love is respect. Sometimes we put others before we put Christ or ourselves.
---Senya on 5/28/08

Carla I agree with you and may I add do not let anyone use you as a doormat, so to speak. I have learned from my own personal experiences, that people will take advantage of you , but only if you let them. Great question and Carla a very wise answer! God Bless you!!
---Cynthia on 5/28/08

Donna...I've found myself in a similar situation with a woman who has ran off all her other friends. When we first met, I noticed that she knew everybody in the small town we had just moved to. I said, "That is either a good thing or a bad thing." I know now that it is not a good thing.
---KarenD on 5/28/08

#2....Although I no longer live in the same state as her, she IM's me about situations where she has made someone mad at her, I am honest and don't beat around the bush in a way that is gentle so she sees what she is doing to people. Example, "Maybe you need to stop and think before you say something. That way you have a few seconds to think whether it might hurt someone or not." Your friend may just need a mentor who can help her mature.
---KarenD on 5/28/08

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Excellent advice, Carla. I'll take it.
---Ulrika on 5/28/08

The sad truth is there are just some people you cannot help they have mental health problem and you wont get through to them. Love them help them but don't allow someone to destroy you by being too deep with them, Know your limitations and stick to them.
---Carla5754 on 5/28/08

Alot of the conflict among the bloggers is because of doctrinal differences. I don't know if those will be solved, as I've yet to see anyone's mind changed about their basic core beliefs. I don't see anyone jumping ship to come aboard someone else's.
---Ulrika on 5/28/08

As long as the very childish manuever of using someone's name is continued to write church junk, the conflicts will continue.
They will not cease, as one childish but not childlike blogger cannot help themselves from using this weapon against others.
---Ulrika on 5/28/08

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I'm still hanging out with the troublemaker, but I don't think we are friends. We tolerate one another and that's about it. It's always on my mind when I blog, but they started it. I think they've been carrying on this way for their entire life.
---Ulrika on 5/28/08

No Donna, I don't believe there is. Many Christians (and even some non-Christians) confuse forgiveness with 'let's get back to how things were'. You can sincerely forgive someone but that doesn't mean that you want to go back for more. I am in that situation and it has been repeated many times, like you say. My way of dealing with it is simply to not allow our paths to cross any more. Others view that as my being unforgiving but they are totally WRONG.
---RitaH on 5/28/08

You do not mention anywhere that you have brought this re-occuring problem to the attention of the offender. You need to do that if you haven't. Silently forgiving offences has is place but in relationships there has to be communication or there will be no growth. First thing that comes to mind as an example, family, friends or aquaintances telling me a story and poking my arm or shoulder to add to their tale, I inmediately tell them to poke their eye and not me.
---Nana on 5/28/08

StrongAxe brought on a good Scripture. Taking those Scriptures along side those that say "seventy times seven" make for a good study. I believe that the nature of forgiveness Jesus taught is not clearly understood. I say that specially in regards to a common belief that forgivenes = restoration. I disagree they are equal. Suppose I have a cousin who is a thief and I catch him stealing from me and I forgive him. I will definitely watch more as stated in Matthew 24:43.
---Nana on 5/28/08

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As you said, "humiliating me in front of others for several years now (a reoccurring sin in this person's life)", sadly even some marriages have bad relationships as such. With all the best intentions we must guard ourselves against enabling this types of behaviors on us and from us. Consider Matthew 7:6: "Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you."
---Nana on 5/28/08

Perhaps the person you speak of is a long time friend whom you hope to lead back to the Lord (got that from your blog's summary), does not matter, you should not enable her. I hope you can sort this out with your friend. After all you have spent years on this relationship, make them count for the better.
---Nana on 5/28/08

Well, if a person is abusing me and this is getting the better of me, Donna, first I pray and submit for how God makes me strong so Satanic stuff can't have power over me to make me feel humiliated. And I pray His mercy and blessing for the person. Then I look forward to seeing if and how He has made things better, the next time we are together. And, of course, I see how God shows me however *I* may be wrong . . . never mind the other person (o:
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/28/08

If the person is doing things to humiliate me without any clear reason . . . I don't consider that person to be a Christian. Narcissists are said to be character assassins, seeking to put others down so they can feel superior, and they are incapable of seeing how deeply destitute they are. I did this, but secretly in my imagination, but ones got on to me and refused and rebuked and "scourged" me so I was red-faced with anger or shame. Then God had me get the drift (o:
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/28/08

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Assuming your profile is accurate, Donna, you are specially blessed to be sharing with God and loving with people. So . . . you will have at least one Satanic person who is your opposite to test and try you and put you through the fire so you can be more perfected in God's grace of His own love. Jesus had Satan, Himself, plus He *chose* Judas to be His "familiar friend" (Psalm 41:9) (o: Simply obey God.
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/28/08

"And I will very gladly spend and be spent for your souls, though the more abundantly I love you, the less I am loved." (2 Corinthians 12:15)

If anyone can get your goat,
you need to get that goat
OUT of you,
so no one can get it (o:
And get the Lamb of God
in there, instead (o:
In your case, maybe - - -
grow more Lamb (o: Galatians 4:19)
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/28/08

A narcissist is a person with Satan's own personality . . . he attacks, criticizes, wants to put people down so he seems superior. Also, Satan uses such a person to get your attention away from God so you are not relating personally with God and personally sumbitting to Him. Win the attention war, Donna. Make sure you keep attentive to God and how He rules you in His peace > Colossians 3:15.
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/28/08

Amen! Why indeed? The answer is NO you do NOT have to be around people that do not appreciate you and are rude and only think of themselves. Get rid of them. Some might say, "well, that don't sound Christian like". And I will say, "BUNK"
---catherine on 5/27/08

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I agree with the moderator, this person doesn't sound like any kind of a "friend" to begin with. :-) Pray for them.
---Todd1 on 5/27/08

If this person is a Christian, he is subject to the discipline patterns of Matthew 18:

If he persists on causing you harm (in whatever way), and talking to him doesn't resolve it, bring a few others to talk to him about it. If that doesn't work, have the church elders talk to him, and if that doesn't work, bring it up before the whole congregation.
---StrongAxe on 5/27/08

Donna, you are free. When a spouse or relative humiliates, they're harder to pull away from, of course. We have to forgive, but are not required to be a doormat for anyone to wipe their feet on.
Someone on these blogs has humiliated me from day #1, I forgive them but I would not want to be their friend in real life, I would run if I ever saw them coming towards me. We know them by their fruits and I could spot them 10 miles away.
---Crystal on 5/27/08

Exactly. As adults, we are able to pick our friends. Does this "friend" really consider you a friend? If you're simply tolerating one another, for pete's sake, stay away from one another. I don't think true friends make a practice of humiliating one another. We need to read or look for the clues. Adults and children need not cast our pearls before swine.
---Ulrika on 5/27/08

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We are call to love, forgive & to pray for one another. But as far as befriending (hanging around) someone it is stated in Proverbs 13:20 He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm. The harm that you have or are suffering is only because you have not separated yourself from the fools around you.
---Shawn.M.T on 5/27/08

If need to know how to discern a fool read Proverbs 13:19.. fools detest turning from evil.
---Shawn.M.T on 5/27/08

Donna: I refuse to be around anyone who belittles me or my family in anyway. I certainly won't be their friend. In order to be one's friend they must first be friendly and they aren't very friendly if their humiliating me. If a person gossips or humiliates others they are only fooling themselves, not God. I wouldn't hang around people like that. They need to grow up and grow out of their childish ways and grow in God. If you ignore them, then your not helping. I'd say something to a person like that.
---Rebecca_D on 5/27/08


You are able to pick your friends. You have no obligation to hang out with someone just because they are a Christian. Your friends are your choice.
---Moderator on 5/27/08

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Because they are supposedly a Christian. I've wondered about that myself - that's why I'm asking this question. Even Christians can hurt us, right? We forgive, and they don't change. So do we have to still receive them as friends?
---donna8365 on 5/27/08

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