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New Christian Wants A Divorce

I love my husband with all my heart. We both have health issues, but he's plain lazy. He refuses to work, yells at me and our kids, has been abusive and cheating in the past, and won't change. We were both pagan but now I am Christian and I want a divorce. The bible looks down on it, how do I deal?

Moderator - Prayer and fasting.

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 ---Janett on 8/20/08
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You love him with all your heart?does he love you the same way?If he does,communicate with him,tell him how you feel in a kind yet open way..of course pray about it.But if he is in anyway physically abusive to your children or yourself-it is wrong to stay with him.Also if he has cheated and is truly not repentant,you have a "Biblical"out to divorce him and start fresh.However if he has truly repented and desires to change,then God would prefer your forgiveness and for you to attempt to renew and strengthen your marriage.
---judy on 2/28/09

Is he still cheating? You can be granted a divorce but not able to remarry.
Matthew 5:32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress.....
---dayce on 8/30/08

The situation for this blog is dealt with directly in I Corinthians chapter 7, when it says if you live with an unsaved or rather "unbelieving husband or wife" and they're pleased to dwell with you, stay with them, but if the unsaved spouse leaves you, you're not under bondage."
---theresa on 8/28/08

If a persons becomes a christian they become a new person and are not bound by old laws. God and Satan cannot live in one home else it will be divided. If he does not change and u stay with him you will loose your spirit. I did. I was in the same situation but I'm slowely regaining my faith. For ten years I tried everything to help him and in the long run my son suffered the most. I thought he would change, but he got worse instead. A person can not change who they are, only what they do.
---Helena on 8/27/08

You are right. Mike does not make sense. Many Christians hold to his views when it comes to difficult issues. God is stronger than satan but He also will not override a persons will and abusers exercise their will in that they choose to abuse. God has given humanity the awesome ability to think and reason. Therefore in cases of DV, etc. it makes sense to me that a peson would use their God given mind and wisdom rather than overspiritualize Domestic Violence in the name of faith. By the way, it takes great faith to leave the situation. Many women stay because they lack the resources and support necessary to break away from an abuser.
---pg1 on 8/25/08

Bill, abusing kids is also a crime. Women who hit their kids in an abusive manner SHOULD indeed be charged with a crime....

And mike - you are a man and you have no idea what it's like to be hit and bashed around by a man over eight month period of time. WOMEN SHOULD NOT STAY IN THAT SITUATION. Yes God is greater than satan, but man's strength is greather than a woman's and when the man THROWS the woman on the bed and sits on top of her and beats her face in, that's what happened to me, I had no strength to fight back. I almost died....and I believed God is stronger than satan and where did THAT get me while being beat? mike, you don't make sense.
---donna8365 on 8/25/08

That's very clear, Donna. But nowhere in my offered scripture and blog does it say for a woman to keep on allowing herself to be abused. If she is faithful to God, by submitting to Him in a "gentle and quiet spirit", He will give her exactly what to do.

What about if a mother is abusing her kids, by arguing and by blaspheming God by complaining against His blessing of rain? Should her kids be removed from her? Where do we draw the line, here? Women who are evil and abusive also should be separated, shouldn't they? I don't see any blogs dealing with THIS.
---Bill_bila5659 on 8/25/08

There is no right answer,only faith. Do you believe God is stronger then satan? Then stay God will protect you. If you have a little faith then walk away.
---mike on 8/23/08

Donna: I totally agree with you. Abused women do not need to be reminded of scriptures concerning submission. They need to be told to run as fast as they can, to safety and security.
---Trish9863 on 8/22/08

I bless and praise God for your deliverance and thank you for your witness.

Blessings to you
---pg1 on 8/22/08

---Bill_bila5659 - it's easy to throw out scriptures to a woman who is being abused and has been cheated on. I have been through an abusive marriage and I STAYED in it and let my husband beat me up, throw me around, terrorize me with a gun, etc., and GOD pulled me out.

MEN OF GOD: PLEASE do NOT give out scriptures to women who are being abused and in addition, being cheated on. She can stay in the marriage if he's cheating, I understand that, but NOT when he is abusing her. She needs to flee for her life. The abuse is from a viscous root of bitterness that causes her husband to go into a rage of anger towards her which leads him to abuse her. Domestic Violence is a crime and God does NOT back up crimes. Amen?
---donna8365 on 8/22/08

"Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they,

without a word,

may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward---arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel---rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:1-4)

Are YOU being faithful . . . to God, by relating with Him in "a gentle and quiet spirit" so you are pleasing to *Him*. **Example wins** (o:
---Bill_bila5659 on 8/21/08

Okey, how do you deal? If God wants you there God will give you the grace, which is same as His power, to remain. If God wants you out or away from this relationship He will by His grace, which is the same as His power, give you a-way out. So, you must stay in prayer. Fasting I believe should be done if led by the Person of the Holy Spirit. Otherwise, you might complain about it. I wonder why am I doing this? God didn't tell me to fast. Boring. Take note: We can do nothing unless it is by God's power. If you try you will make MISTAKES. Pay attention to the leading of the Person of the holy spirit. Have a great life+++
---catherine on 8/21/08

Good Morning,
God does not like divorce but he also does not want any woman to stay in an abusive relationship. Being a christian does not mean you allow someone to abuse you. That is not a Godly witness. I work in Domestic Violence. I see how abuse affects Christian woman and their children because the church has made them think they are wrong for wanting to escape. Scriptures on divorce need to be rightly interpreted. That means we must look at culture and context. Paul was not addressing issues of domestic violence and abuse in those texts. Therefore we must be careful when applying those Scriptures to all marital situations because a woman may lose her life in the process.
---pg1 on 8/21/08

check the scriptures and pray, if i remember correctly, there are scriptures for this situation, and goes something like this , the unsaved husband may leave the saved wife, but the saved wife should stay with the unsaved husband in order that he may be saved by the witness shown forth in the wife's life / her testimony, also God hates divorce, although it may be forgiven like all sins except blasphemy of the Holy Spirit, but pray long and hard & read the bible, study to show yourself approved by God, for God is our judge in all things we do and say, i dont know how young the kids are, but when you read the bible and pray, have them with you, so they see and witness that you want to live for God, (a tip from personal experience)
---aleia8534 on 8/20/08

First, you have no grounds for a divorce, unless you can PROVE adultry. While I would certainly endorse seperation in the case of physical abuse, not divorce. Second, you are at this time a living testimony to your husband, and maybe the only one he has. By your Christian example, and prayer, you may influence him for Christ. Third, have you ever tried to connect his health issues with his being lazy? There could be a connection, which may also account for his being verbally abusive to you and the kids. (A man puts alot of importance to being "the bread winner" and if he can't work because of his health, he may be abusive as a means of control.) Maybe counseling from a Christian Doctor may be in order.
---wivv on 8/20/08

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Janett, go to prayer and ask God, "how do I deal with this?" Then read the scriptures. Don't leave them until God answers you. Being abusive and cheating are MAJOR no no's in God's eyes and HE will lead you and guide you in the way in which you should go.
Stay in God's word - let God direct you.
Tell God "you said Lord that you will counsel me with your eye upon me" and I need your counsel and help and guidance in this situation, please help me Lord in Jesus name I pray. I will be praying for you too. It's hard, I know. Keep praying and God will answer you.
---donna8365 on 8/20/08

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