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Confess Adultery To Husband

I committed adultery but have trully repented. If I confess to my husband he will be so shocked and hurt, I'm afraid our marriage will never be the same again. Will God hold this sin against me if I do not confess to my husband?

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 ---Julia on 10/27/08
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FollowofChrist - what is 'an unconverted Christian'?
---Rita_H on 2/13/13

Committing adultery requires you to have faith God will restore your marriage by repenting to Him and telling your spouse you broke your vows, otherwise confession is worthless because you will always be telling lies to hide the adultery, and don't underestimate busybodies who may tell your husband years from now, making simple act of adultery into years of lying and deception, and here is how many misuse their confession to God, it becomes a weapon against their spouse. A true walk with The Lord requires you to remove sin not continue living in it, one sin of adultery left unconfessed to spouse brings many more sins on the adulterer then lying becomes easier. True walk with Lord is overcoming not hiding
---Follower_of_Christ on 2/13/13

Julia unconverted Christians are suggesting if your husband doesn't ask don't tell just like a child, is your husband your parent? If you are emotionally mature living life with integrity and want to walk with The Lord Jesus you would not use religion as a weapon as many suggest here and use the lies of others confessing as your excuse to not do the right thing. God knows a hollow confession as much as your own heart does, by confessing to God yet hiding from spouse with never-ending lies is an obvious contradiction if you are truly living for The Lord. The suggestions here to continue living a lie with your spouse are from those who truly believe they have a license to sin in The Lord. You cannot walk with The Lord by living a life of deceit
---Follower_of_Christ on 2/13/13

Michael e, you are correct. No one knows the effect unless we have gone through something similar. And I have, and so have many man and woman. I speak for man because man have different ways of dealing with things like this. Their manhood responds different. I am not saying that some time a husband might forgive his wife, and their lives could be great after, but it takes a special man to forgive that way. I did. But know what others went through. What they thought, what they did, and one who killed himself. Sin always has consequences, many times that sin hurts so many people. That is why I said that it is better not to tell. Ask God for forgiveness and be the wife she should have been in the first place.
---Mark_V. on 2/9/13

If you have never personally experienced this, any remarks are speculation
---michael_e on 2/8/13

Rod4him, It takes a special man of God to overlook so many things we are so use not to. I use to councel man who went through this. Some pictured their wife naked laying down with another man, and wondering if he was ever going to satisfy her, since she proved she was not satisfied with him and had to look for someone else. Not many man will overlook that. Others who were obbessed with their wives didn't care so long as they got her back, to later suffer more defeats. Others talked about how they felt thinking of another man putting their hands on the wives body parts. They would just cry, but stayed together. Other times the more a nice guy put up with things the worse things got. His love for her was a weakness, she would take advantage of.
---Mark_V. on 2/8/13

Those who say that telling the husband (to be honest and to tell others what we have confessed to God) are being as good as they can

Those who say that telling the husband will damage him (which I agree it will) are also saying the best they can

The only reason why I (personally) said it would be better to tell him was that I (personally) would always distrust (myself) that the reason for not telling him was that I was afraid to

The other people in this blog may be stronger on that, but as I am the weak one who feels I am must limit myself, and in cases where there is something where there is a strong desire not to then I will feel I must, so I do not just do what I am 'tempted to' do.
---Peter on 2/7/13

If you are dizzy, think how the husband would feel living with a lying deceiving wife. Everyday would be a lie living with her husband.

I speculate that some people have many sins they do not want to make right, thinking all they have to do a say a 30 second prayer and all is good.

As I mentioned before, by the thinking of not telling the husband, a person could rob, rape, murder, and steal and never make those things right.
---Rod4Him on 2/7/13

Julia, you have gotten so much advice, it makes me dizzy. some tell you to tell your husband and some say not. yes I agree with markv, sin has it consequences, God will still forgive. we can be a glutton and that has its own consequences. I can tell you if I had done that I would not tell anyone.
---shira4368 on 2/6/13

Follower, you say,
"WOW! twisting guilt around to serve guilty party!!! That's a new one!! certainly the sleazy approach forget about the non-Christian approach"
first, how does it twist the guilt around to the innocent? How can he be guilty?
Then say, "How could someone live a life full of integrity, be emotionally mature, responsible adult when they commit a mistake and hide it? How do you grow as a person without owning your mistakes?"
They cannot ever again live a life of integrity with their spouse even if they are forgiven by God or by the spouse. Not very Christian approach you say, it was not very Christian to cheat in the first place. Sin always has consequences.
---Mark_V. on 2/6/13

Easy to pacify yourself in deceit when you make a mistake and tell more lies to cover it up. Any excuse to hide your mistake of adultery is being dishonest with yourself and the ultimate lie you tell yourself would be that you are protecting and shielding your spouse, when truth is you are protecting yourself.

Dont kid yourself, because unless you never speak to your spouse about anything in life then conversations from movies, tv, people you work with, family members will involve others committing adultery and every time you answer will provide more opportunities for you to tell another lie to your spouse, because one lie always leads to another.
---Follower_of_Christ on 2/5/13

When a spouse tells the other they cheated, all they are doing is relieving themselves of their own guilt they are holding

WOW! twisting guilt around to serve guilty party!!! That's a new one!! certainly the sleazy approach forget about the non-Christian approach

Let's put the religious aspect aside

How could someone live a life full of integrity, be emotionally mature, responsible adult when they commit a mistake and hide it? How do you grow as a person without owning your mistakes??

Those without the Lord believe motto of "whatever happens in vegas stays in vegas" and "deny deny deny deny", it's the mark of delusion deception and destruction and excuses bring more lies
---Follower_of_Christ on 2/5/13

NO! If you have repented before the Lord thy God from your heart, God will not hold your sins against you. He forgets them. It's your reputation with the living God that matters in this life. Not with your husband, wife, neighbors, bosses, or the government. Only with God. It's an inside job, my friend.
---pat on 2/5/13

Rod4him, you are right, no one knows what the response would be from the husband. Everyone is speculating. If a husband found out their wife slept with someone, even if they forgive, they will never again be able to trust their wife and will become paranoid every time she goes out to the store. And when they are in bed, his thoughts will always be if the other guy was better then him in bed. I even know a guy who found out his wife had cheated, and he killed himself, it hurt him that bad. His children and whole family suffered. When a spouse tells the other they cheated, all they are doing is relieving themselves of their own guilt they are holding, and hurting the other with the worse thing that could happen to a spouse, betrayal.
---Mark_V. on 2/5/13

//...she definitely does not have to hurt her husband with this issue if truly she had repented.//

She already hurt him and the marriage. Sure, a person can live a life of deception, but it is shallow. Could she not trust that God will use the infidelity to make the marriage stronger? What was missing in the marriage that she would do such a thing? Maybe he needs to know so he won't do it again. Hiding the sin that involves him is deception...and that will make the marriage stronger? Just don't expect me to believer that is Christian behavior.

When one repents and confesses, it hurts so bad they tend not to repeat it. What's the moral of the story of what happened to Ananias and Sapphira?
---Rod4Him on 2/4/13

//then she had confessed it on Christianet(letting it out)//

Interesting, so she tells the whole world but not her husband.
---Rod4Him on 2/4/13

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Rod4Him: She had confessed it to God(letting it out), then she had confessed it on Christianet(letting it out), she definitely does not have to hurt her husband with this issue if truly she had repented.
---Adetunji on 2/4/13

//What confession does to the person that tells their spouse, is they themselves are relieved they let the secret out to the husband,..//

That's what it is supposed to do.

"...let the secret out.."
It's called confessing your sins...not "keeping a secret."
...does "secret sin" ring any bells?

//I say you are very wrong.//
However, be careful about giving poor advise.

We really don't know what the response would may be relief from the husband because he knew something was wrong.
---Rod4Him on 2/4/13

Follower, you say,

"truth is the ultimate betrayal is keeping adultery a secret from your spouse because it is irresponsible, self-serving, and allows the adulterer to escape all consequences.".

The person that sinned has to answer to God. She's responsible for her own actions. How can she be escaping from the consequences? Her husband is responsible for his own actions.
What confession does to the person that tells their spouse, is they themselves are relieved they let the secret out to the husband, it only helps the person that sinned. It does not help the person who finds out he was betrayed. What she does then is put in motions actions from the husband that many times are fatal. I say you are very wrong.
---Mark_V. on 2/3/13

I am tempted to agree with Shira-it was your sin, it would be unwise to hurt him and do more damage. If it is dealt with at the Cross, then it is not his business anymore (sorry, this is God's business-not ours), and he should not feel wounded for this. However, if he finds out, it could further wound him. The devil would use this to destroy-and I would not to give place to him. I would say, deal carefully, deal honestly, deal prayerfully.
---dovidacher on 2/2/13

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I would say that confessing would be proper.

But you have to know that when you do that, a lot of the trust of your husband for you will be lost, and may not return.

While it will cause major damage, I consider that confession is what God wants from you
---Peter on 2/2/13

Julia, you are getting a load of bad advice. your husband would be hurt beyond measure. that is the ultimate betrayel.

truth is the ultimate betrayal is keeping adultery a secret from your spouse because it is irresponsible, self-serving, and allows the adulterer to escape all consequences.

Using the excuse your spouse will be shocked, hurt, angry, (or any other emotion) is simply a lie to keep yourself from owning up to your betrayal and the person you betrayed.

To say your marriage will never be the same again is the ultimate selfish response I have ever heard!! Really!! And how could it be the same when you entertained another? It can never be the same you cheated the deed is already done.
---Follower_of_Christ on 2/2/13

Julia, you are getting a load of bad advice. your husband would be hurt beyond measure. that is the ultimate betrayel.
I have known some guys whose wife committed adultery and the hurt and rage is almost uncontrollable.
---shira4368 on 2/2/13

Hiding the truth will create a pain & suffering ....jealousy! It is so selfish to hide it

Yes it demonstrates a lack of faith God can heal, and sets your mind up to believe a confession to God you owe nothing to your spouse. It also means that you value the lust and memories of the adultery to be shared by you alone in private and the secret of knowing you escaped getting caught, eventually it builds to a grander deception when you value the affair did not get exposed more than you value your spouse and restoring your marriage. Confessing to God is the first step, not the only step. Sadly you also deny your spouse the ability to forgive and restore, or forgive and move on which is purely a selfish motive.
---Follower_of_Christ on 2/1/13

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Eric, I kind of disagree with your answer. you said,

"Confess...Yes, it may hurt the husband, for a short timeWithout confession there can NEVER be full recovery! How can you expect the husband to trust you again?"

How can he trust her now that she has betrayed him? Now that he knows, he will be more worried every time she goes out, or dresses real nice, or gets a call. It is better that he not know. What he doesn't know cannot hurt him. I just think that she has already done so much damage, that telling him, will have great consequences. Even if she is forgiven by God, she will have to change her habits.
---Mark_V. on 1/30/13

Ps.32:1,2 "Blessed is he(she) whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man(woman)unto whom the Lord imputeth not iniquity, and in whose spirit is no guile". Except the Lord asks you to go and confess to your husband, do not tell him & do not go back to your vomit.
---Adetunji on 1/29/13

He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper,
But he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion.

Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD,
But those who deal faithfully are His delight.

There are consequences to sin.

//I'm afraid our marriage will never be the same again.//

It is already not the same.

//but have trully repented//

Not really...otherwise it would have been confessed to the husband.
---Rod4Him on 1/28/13

please just keep this in your heart because God has forgiven you but you can bet if you confess to your husband you will never stop hearing it. it would take years for him to trust you again and maybe he would never trust you. now, on the other hand, if you keep doing it, then he should find out. you have betrayed your husband in the worst way possible but if you ask God to forgive and He does forgive then go and sin no more. somewhere in proverbs, it tells us to keep things in our heart because the unwise blurts things from their heart.
---shira4368 on 1/28/13

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Confess...Yes, it may hurt the husband, for a short timeWithout confession there can NEVER be full recovery! How can you expect the husband to trust you again? Hiding the truth will create a pain & suffering that will NEVER go away. You will be keeping a door open for torment, deception & jealousy! It is so selfish to hide it! What about the husbands needs? God has for those who are willing to truly confess, to follow through with the healing & James 5:16 Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
---Eric on 1/28/13

david did commit adultry with bathsheba's husband to the front lines. as you read thru psalms, you know david is begging God to restore him to where he was before he sinned. when someone willingly sin, it does take a long time to get your joy back that you once had. I've been there too.
---shira4368 on 1/25/13

Bro. Trey, I totally agree with you and Sister Shira answers. Nothing good can be gain by telling the husband. The marriage will never be the same even if she don't tell him. This problem will be with her till she dies. Since it was her sin, why should he suffer for her sin? God has forgiven her she says, but she will now face the consequences of that sin. The consequences could get worse, he could find out from someone else and turn around and leave her, but no one knows but God. She will stand before God along, her husband will not be there with her to speak for or against her, it will be between her and God.
Like you, I believe she did enough damage already, why do more.
---Mark_V. on 1/25/13

//He confessed his sin to God. Ultimately it is God who you've sinned against.//

True...however, by only using this thinking, one could murder and do all sorts of evil and only confess it to God, never getting a clear conscience and making things right with others. That's pretty shallow coming to faith in Christ. What was Zacchaeus' very first response to Yeshua? What happened to, "Confess your sins (faults) to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed?"

If married couples don't share everything, they are missing a lot and missing being one together.
---Rod4Him on 1/24/13

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When King David sinned with Bathsheba he said:
Ps51:3 For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.
Ps51:4 Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.

He confessed his sin to God. Ultimately it is God who you've sinned against. Again my advice is "go and sin no more". Do not tell your husband! How can telling him help your marriage?

1John1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
The confession is made to Him. Him being God! Ask for forgiveness and don't live in the past! Live for today!
---trey on 1/24/13

Would you want to know? Would you feel disrespected and played for a fool if you were not told?

In my opinion, not confessing to your husband may actually be the bigger sin that the actual adultery.
---Jed on 1/24/13

//If you tell your husband it will only hurt him.//

He may verbally forgive, but he will never forget
---michael_e on 1/23/13

//If you tell your husband it will only hurt him.//

Maybe, maybe not...maybe you'll find out he had an affair. In any case if married couples don't share everything, it's not much of a marriage of being one.

//Keep this in your heart because your husband may not forgive.//

The Bible teaches to repent and to go and make things right, keeping a clear conscience.

One reason some people keep sinning over and over again is because they don't go and make things right, returning stolen items, for example, and confessing sins against a spouse.
---Rod4Him on 1/23/13

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Julia, listen to Sister Shira. If you tell your husband it will only hurt him. The Lord has granted you repentance. The Lord has forgiven you. Go and sin no more.

Lord bless you dear sister.
---trey on 1/22/13

Please dear lady, if you ask God for forgiveness God forgave you. It would hurt your husband in ways you can't imagine. Keep this in your heart because your husband may not forgive. Don't hurt him with this. God has forgiven you.
---shira4368 on 1/22/13

I believe every situation is different. Sometimes I think it is better to keep silent and live with the pain. After all we suffer consequences for sinning, and living with something like this could be one. Many people say it's selfish to keep it from your spouse but I say that it can be just as selfish to tell them, especially if it's because you can't handle carrying the burden and need to clear your concious. What if it could destroy your spouse? What if your spouse has already been through too much in life and is finally happier than he/she has ever been? What if the affair was between two married people and it would destroy two spouses' lives and children's lives as well? I think many times it's best to just live with your consequences.
---CKK on 1/22/13

should i tell my husband that i cheated 29 yeats ago?
---deb_shirl on 11/7/12

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I have to Amen Daniel also. Jesus sacrificed Himself to free us from our individual sins and overall iniquity.

I will venture to say that if Daniel did not confess apparent sin, God would not be able to work with Daniel (and his wife) in areas that we cannot see.

Now, I guarantee that Daniel and his wife, one day, will be able to use this as witness.

His strength shines in our weakness.
---aka.joseph on 5/28/10


A true Christian!!!

All else is a deception from Satan! The same Satan that quoted the Bible to Jesus so he would not have to go to the cross.

Satan gave Jesus the easy out from doing what G-d expected Him to do.

And so these "Christians" posting need to look at what they are proffessing and who they are parroting in their ploy to decieve a Husband. Are these Woman of G-d? Due they hold the same view if it were a man cheating?

You should all be ashamed of yourselfs and repent of your inquities to G-d for what you advocate in the name of Christ!!!
---John on 5/25/10

You need to tell your husband. I committed adultery last year, and i know how you feel. Please do not listen to anyone that is telling you to hide it. Specially those people that will quote the bible to you, keep in mind that even the devil tried to tempt Jesus by quoting the bible. But the bible is the living word of God and is the truth.... PART 1
---Daniel on 5/24/10

Keeping this a secret will hurt your spiritual life, emotional life and intimate life with your husband. I don't know him and i don't know how he is going to react when you tell him. The one thing I can tell you is if he chooses to forgive you and give you another chance it will not be easy. Almost 1 year has gone by since I told my wife and it has not gotten any easier. We argue constantly, there are times when i find my wife crying. It will not be easy (expect the worse and hope for the best).... Part 2
---Daniel on 5/24/10

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After a committed adultery I hided from my wife for months. I said the same thing to myself. "all i need to do is confess it to God, not do it any more and I'm good." THAT IS A LIE! During that time it was a tourment for me. I tried to get closer to God but the harder I tried the further away he felt. I gained over 20 lbs in two months period, I had a cough that would not go away. I was always tired, angry and annoyed. Until one day I got on my knees and talked to God, really talked to God. He said to me was "trust me." Again being me i tried to argue with God and tell him why i could not tell her.... Part 3
---Daniel on 5/24/10

I tried to rationalize my action but all I keep getting from him was "trust me." One night i finally got on my knees again and said "ok, Lord. I will trust you and tell her." and I did. although still not easy but I now have peace in my heart. I have the confidance to come to Jesus again. I can lift my hands to him and worship. I am free! There is no better feeling than freedom. Now my wife and i are working hard to make our marriage work out. We have good days and bad but we are trusting God and I'm beleiving his word. Put your trust in him. I would say fast and come before God in prayer before you tell your husband.. END
---Daniel on 5/24/10

I found out my husband of 10 yrs committ adultery. There is not one day I dont hurt inside but if you dont confess you and your family wont be blessed. There will be a blockage.
I hate this happened. But do tell him...Trust me I am still hurting but glad he said the truth finally. He is still at home because I love God and I have kids..but think about God and how this hurts him before going to another man rather than your husband..

Forgive yourself and make things right..
---Natalie on 5/24/10

If your husband really loves you he will come around. Will it hurt him? yes. Will he be angry? possibly. Will he blame himself? possibly. You both need GOOD solid counseling, you your self also. To hide the wrong will not right it, found out why you had the affair. Then you both can be on the road to true recovery in your marriage. It will not be easy, the repercusions of sin never are. Know that God really loves you and will work on your behalf the way He works it out. God bless I will be praying for you and your husband.
---RJ on 5/23/10

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"You should not confess to your husband", thus saith the Lord thy God. Go and sin no more.
---catherine on 5/23/10

am a typical example to this,i committed adultery,i asked God for forgiveness,did deliverance confessed to my husband,and told my pastor,But to the glory of God he forgave me.we are learning to love ourselves again,but God is really helping us
---benny on 5/22/10

Three weeks ago my wife and her lifelong friend (x) had an hefty argument, resulting in (x)sending an email which I read (our family email address),which revealed my wife had a brief affair 9 years ago. She didn't tell me because she didn't want to hurt me. What I see lacking in the blogs is the failure to make a distinction between motivational sin, and event sin. What my wife needed to repent of was motivational sin (all of the lies she believed about life that led her to the actual act), and because she didn't tell me, she never fully dealt with that. The blogs also fail to recognize the offended spouse handles it is a matter between him and God. God's resources are abundant - the affair happened because His resources were unsought.
---Jim on 7/9/09

The only way God can forgive you is to confess your sins to God and the those you offended including your husband.

You said you have repented? Repentance must always be toward abiding in Christ not self. I say to you now... return to God and to your husband. stop looking for someone to agree with you and your sin. "let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the Lord, ...and ... he will abundantly pardon." (Isa 55:7 {RSV})
---Obi on 3/30/09

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David,I may be wrong.Only God can give her the answer in this individual situation.However,to my way of thinking,if the woman has repented of her ways and God has forgiven her,and put her sins as far as the east is from the west..the slate has been wiped clean.Yes,she did him wrong.But there are other things to consider-other people who could be hurt.What is the greater wrong,to hurt children by splitting up a family or to keep the past in the past and just be the best wife and mom she can be.(hypothetically-i dont know if she has children)and the husband,would he really want to know or would he prefer to have years of wedded bliss with a truly dedicated wife?
---judy on 3/3/09

Judy, I've been thinking about this idea of only needing forgiveness from God for a few days now and a scripture came up that makes me think there may be more to it. It is written Matthew 5:24 about jesus saying if you are offering your gift at the altar and remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there go and be reconciled to your brother and then come and offer your gift. Its only a little bit related but it seems to say to me that we need to get right with each other before we try to get right with God (my bad paraphrase). Maybe someone else could help us find more proof on this one way or the other.
---DavidA on 3/1/09

David felt he sinned against God but God apparently also felt he sinned against Bathsheba's husband. Remember Nathan's vision was of a rich man stealing a sheep from a poor man. Now David also caused that man to die so David's feelings were not without basis (don't you love have God pointed out the lesser sin and let David himself come to grips with the greater one?) You have hurt yourself and your husband. I do believe Jesus when he said the truth will set you free and I believe if you trust him he will get you through this. He got my wife through it when she stumbled and he got me though it too and we really are stronger now. But please ask him to guide you through it. He can set it up for success if you let him lead.
---DavidA on 2/19/09

When David sinned against God,committing adultery and when he finally repented,he said(paraphrased)"Against you only Lord I have sinned".Only God needs to forgive--noone else.As long as there is no impending likelihood of someone else telling him and no
std's involved,for the sake of your marriage and happiness(esp if you have children),I would NOT tell him,unless the Lord definitely tells you otherwise.Your husband is human.Nothing would probably be exactly the same and why hurt anyone if it can be avoided?
---judy on 2/19/09

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When David sinned against God,committing adultery and when he finally repented,he said(paraphrased)"Against you only Lord I have sinned".Only God needs to forgive--noone else.As long as there is no impending likelihood of someone else telling him and no
std's involved,for the sake of your marriage and happiness(esp if you have children),I would NOT tell him,unless the Lord definitely tells you otherwise.Your husband is human.Nothing would probably be exactly the same and why hurt anyone if it can be avoided?
---judy on 2/19/09

I truly believe that you should ask the Holy Spirit whether you should when and how because he know everything. Timming is very important. If you do so you will have to make your mind up before hand to trust totally and comppletely in Christ, his word, will and His way. It will be very difficult at times because the enemy hates truth and honesty he loves for people to live in lies and cover up which normally leaves the door open to possibly fall again or never really change. A relationship with God must always be first in our lives. He will not lead you wrong. However, there are always consequences when we sin or have sinned. It is not going to be easy rate away. But continue to trust God. He will take you through. God Bless
---Judy on 1/19/09

I can only speak for myself and my own experiances. I was told by my husband years ago about several affairs that he had had while we were married. It all still hurts , but Jesus said we must forgive others or he won't forgive us. My husband asked for forgiveness and so we did reconcile. I still wish I did not know. When Jesus talked to the woman who committed adultury, he did not say "go and tell your husband and sin no more" So please don't put husband in a position to have to forgive something that he wished he never ever knew about. Tell a good freind, or a counselor. Now we are just commanded to forgive them. Back then they stoned them.At least that was my take on it. So try and make it up to him, but not by telling him.
---char on 12/2/08

My husband and I were married for over 6 years. There was domestic abuse involved and then he took up gambling. I had left him for a week but then we reconciled. Through all of this, I lost myself and didn't know who I was anymore. One night when attending a function, I was unfaithful to my husband. After a few months of guilt and crying, I cried out to God for forgiveness because I was away from him for too long. I had a relationship with Him but because of my bad marriage and hard heart, it led me away, or I allowed myself to be led away. But after confessing to God and asking Him to somehow tell my husband, I finally did. It took a long time for it to happen but after all we've been through we do love each other deeply!
---Cher on 12/2/08

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I don't think so. Keep it only between yourself and God. As always go with the leading of the Person of the Holy Spirit. Why cause more hurt for yourself and for your husband? Prophetess speaks wisdom! Note: I have never had that problem I have always been the faithful type. Note again: I have enough other baggage. Sins.
---catherine on 12/2/08

I have been reading a lot of answers on this site and I notice that no one ever gives this advice, ask God what you should do, listen to him, open your heart and obey what HE leads you to do. Do not rely on anyone in this forum for advice solely because none of us are God. We are all humans who sin, not one of us is perfect. You confessed to God, you repented, repenting means you walk away from that sin and never do it again, you are doing this. The sin is between you and God but only God can lead you to do the rest.
And try not to allow anyone's judgmental attitude or finger pointing make you feel any worse than you already do.
---italysprings on 11/29/08


Amen that you are repentant now ask for forgiveness.

Do not keep it in the dark for the devil to attack you.
---Martin_nz on 11/27/08

only you can weight in on the situaton i saw the reply to my response but only me know what "I" was experiencing prior to my regrettable incident the guilt you feel may always be there but women are more emotional then men so we will always feel the need to confess fully men hardly ever attach emotionlism to infidelities. People can judge if they want to but I joined a Christian site for a reason let's not point fingers or judge others answers let the person with the question chose for themselves.
---jolly on 11/7/08

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you have to consider his emotional state. Is your spouse the type of person that can handle this .... it didn't make me feel any better just worst

YOU CHEAT on your spouse AND THEN you consider their emotional state ...OR you cheated knowing you had an emotionally unstable spouse and this would be your excuse for never communicating

which is it live a life cheating or you live to work on your marriage

telling a spouse you cheated is not about "making oneself feel better" it's about allowing cheated spouse a CHOICE you didn't give them when you cheated

it's about taking RESPONSIBILITY and rebuilding trust ...if you act without integrity you can't rebuild trust by yourself
---Rhonda on 11/3/08

i read some of the response that were posted and in the end my response is 'he who feels it , knows it' I cheated on my spouse and after confession I still felt guilty so I confessed to my pastor but he said once we confess to God leave it and if I could'nt when the time was right then tell my spouse. I suggest you do what I did , I suggested counselling for us both , he agreed and on our second visit I confessed. Since then my hubby has lost 15lbs and is suicidal I have to watch him constantly. you have to consider his emotional state. Is your spouse the type of person that can handle this type of info. you have to weight this situation for yourself If i could i wouldn't have told him it didn't make me feel any better just worst
---jolly on 11/2/08

God allows faithful spouse to make a choice to stay or leave an unfaithful spouse

...sin is breaking Gods laws ...asking God for forgiveness is a first step

...allowing your husband to rebuild trust in you is taking responsibility ...hiding affair from husband continues pattern of non-communication going forward choosing to hide your betrayal there is no means of rebuilding trust in yourself

by communicating betrayal you GIVE husband choice to stay or leave allowing yourself to grow and overcome by taking responsibility for your actions ...rather than hiding in continued deceit because you used the confession to God that you disobeyed him to keep your husband
---Rhonda on 10/31/08

it is obvious you don't TRUST your husband to be just,you do not HONOR his right to be
a part of your life,RESPECT his right to
distrust you also.
---kevin on 10/31/08

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You must be going thought hell right now.
Good you did wrong! But look, all of us sin! Right people tell her!

I will ask you one thing and please I do not want an answer.
If it was your husband, would you want to know? Would you forgive him?
Answer this and you have your answer!

Now I speak as a man!
If it is no! Then put it behind you and sin no more!
If it is yes! Put it behind you and sin no more!
But know you are deceiving your husband.
Living with this will not be easy. Do not deceive yourself.
For something like this the devil will try to eat you alive!

Your brother in the faith of Christ
---Frank on 10/30/08

I was looking for answers on here to my current problem and I came across this. I hope this helps from a husbands point of view. My wife has been unfaithful to me several times over the past 23 years I am 41 now. When she was deceiving me it was horrible. I would want my wife to tell me and give me the chance to forgive. But I know most men cannot. After all these years she finally just left me. If your cheating now and you dont know why. Unhappy ... do not truly love him ... etc .etc .etc... Then do both of you a favor get help and get help with him as well. If he leaves then that is a choice GOD gave him the right to choose in this situation. You should not deny him that.

Sorry if this hurts you ... but it is hell on this end as well.
---DaveS on 10/28/08

I agree with John. If you have confessed, and repented, then move on with your life and accept Christ's forgiveness for your sin. It is unnecessary to hurt your husband and tell him about it now.
---Trish9863 on 10/27/08

Furthering my case,

I don't believe you've fully repented if you still operate in the small time sin that started it all-
the 'what he doesn't know won't hurt him' sin.

You still haven't repented of that part of the sin if you continue to omit the truth. If you cling to sin it will grow and it'll destroy you, don't let it continue to grow in your heart. "For what hath light in common with darkness?"
---Pharisee on 10/27/08

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Matthew 7:12 Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.
---Scripture on 10/27/08

I'm probably going to get a lot of oppostion to this answer but I am going to answer you in accordance to what I've seen happen in these curcumstances. Julia,you are correct, your marriage may never be the same and most likely will come to an end if you disclose this information. As a pastor of more than 22 years it's my experience that if you have truly repented, there is no Scriptural advice that tells you to disclose your sin if you are going to hurt the person and others in the family resulting in even more sin and corruption to enter the scene. The only thing this accomplishes is hurt to your spouse that most often leads to divorce. Is that God's will? I doubt it. Jesus said "go and sin no more."
---john on 10/27/08

Julia: You marriage wasn't the same when you decided to cheat on your spouse. The bible says for us to confess our sins to one another. If you ask God to forgive you, and you believe he did and that sin is under the blood. That is great, but that doesn't mean your husband will forgive you. I would tell your husband because he is going to find out by someone else and you will have more problems. The question I have is, why does people cheat on their spouse? The thought of me messing up a good marriage for a little fling isn't worth it at all.
---Rebecca_D on 10/27/08

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