My Wife Snores Too Much
I have an issue with my wife who snores. This is affecting my happiness each morning I work up. I have suggested that my wife loses some weight and each time I say so she becomes defensive. Any ideas on how I can save both my marriage and my faith?
Moderator - Yes, losing weight is the first step. Second steps involve expensive surgery and may not work. Of course use prayer and fasting first.
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---olives on 11/2/08
Helpful Blog Vote (23)
Losing sleep can be a killer. Those who have no spare bedroom have my sympathy. My answer was to wait until he was deep asleep, that's when the noise began, and then I'd quietly go to the spare room and spend the remainder of the night there.
I could not have functioned the next day if I had no sleep and I sympathise greatly with those going through this every night. I didn't snore at that time but now I do. There is nothing wrong in a married couple sleeping in different rooms if that is the only way they can get their much needed sleep.
---Rita_H on 5/19/15|
And you probably snore too. My mother complained of my dad snore, then dad recorded my mom snoring and she asked, "What is that?" True that both snored. I occasionally snore as well as does my wife, but since my wife has not slept with me for years, what does that matter? However, there are modern solutions to snoring and some are effective at little cost, so look for your remedies on the net.
---mike on 5/18/15|
My wife of 23 years snores so loudly that I can't sleep at all. I don't blame her, she is not doing it on purpose.
However, I do blame her for her refusal to talk to her doctor about it. Years ago she went to a sleep clinic and they set her up with a CPAP machine. That worked for about 7 years until the machine's motor burned out. Now to get a new one, she will have to go through the sleep clinic again. She didn't like the experience, so she refuses to do it again.
Meanwhile, I get about 3 hours of sleep per night. I'm ready to move into an apartment to get her to take me seriously. If she wants me back, then go see a frickin doctor!
---k on 2/25/15|
If your wife snores & has heavy weight, try to introduce joint exercises or games that will involve the 2 of you together & help her to reduce weight. Walking 30min - 1hr a day together is one example.
---Adetunji on 4/26/14|
Are you an anchorman? I am offended by your use of the racial term "redneck". I bet you don't slur black folk that way.
---jerry6593 on 4/26/14|
My wife snores like a burly, redneck, truck driving, viking lumberjack (from hell)! I have to replace windows in our house yearly and repaint/plaster the walls and ceilings because here wrath of God snoring vibrates the house! Ok, ok THAT is a tad over-exxagerating (but only just ,-)), but you get the point. Her snoring pierces headphones and earplugs. You can here it in other rooms throughout the house. I love my wife, we have been together for 20 years. Yes, she has put on a truck ton of weight and yes that is a problem, but not THE problem at hand. It IS THE SNORING. Lord help me, what can I do? I am going nuts....
---Ron_Burgandy on 4/25/14|
Affecting your happiness? Did she snore when you met her? If so, this sounds like you're looking for an excuse to find a new relationship. BTW though do you snore also?
---Sarah on 10/3/12|
Terry, got to say I had the same problem,my husband snore horribly every night,when every I got a chance,I would go to my neighbors close and ask could I get a few hours sit and sleep at the table and just cry.... thankfull God,answered my prayer..eventually, after he did try, to stop but continue snoreing. We were through Love of. Jesus,
---ELENA on 10/3/12|
Poor soul too afraid to tell you how he put up with yours and never said a word.
Get some ear plugs!!!
---Carla on 7/8/12|
I used to love my husband, but over the years, his snoring got to the point that I could not sleep. I would go for days and weeks without sleeping. I was constantly on edge and anxious, fearing the time of day that bedtime would come because I knew that it would be another sleepless night. I got to resent him tremendously because he was the cause of my not being able to sleep. He refused to get surgery for it. He eventually moved into another room. From the point that the snoring became so horrible that it could be heard throughout the house, upstairs and downstairs, the marriage was pretty much over. Other issues existed as well, but the snoring was a factor.
---Terry on 7/7/12|
Olives, if your still there from 2008, I just wanted to say, that if your happeness is dependent on your wife's snoring or not, you are in big trouble. While your wife might need to lose some weight I believe that when you married her, you thought she would remain the same through the years, you are very wrong. We all change. I can bet you have a lot of faults too. Maybe you don't think they are bad, but I'm sure your wife has seen them and never said anything. You did the worse, you spoke bad about your wife to everyone who would read your blog and let me say, you announced it to the world.
---Mark_V. on 6/16/12|
\\sleep apnea can be deadly over time -- it can cause a heart attack if left untreated over years.\\
And when that happens, you won't have to listen to your wife snoring, will you?
And then you'll miss it.
Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 6/14/12|
earplugs for you, buy in bulk at a hardware store like home depot and not at a pharmacy, it's cheaper per pair by far. also, a sleep study for your wife, she may need a cpap. sleep apnea can be deadly over time -- it can cause a heart attack if left untreated over years. and a lack of sleep is very unhealthy. a good night sleep for both of you is one of the non-negotiable healthy things you must have. i also would caution against ambien or sleep pills -- i had an addiction issue with them and it takes a long time to 're-learn' how to sleep once you are off them. it's shockingly easy to get addicted, it is more psychologically addictive than physical. also, if possible, no caffeine ever.
---justme on 6/14/12|
Mine keeps saying that God has a reason for her snoring. Well God brought us together. Why is it always God who gets the praise or the blame. Whatever happened to chance, free will and integrity.
---Prete on 5/21/12|
Awake1, I would gladly go without sleep for the rest of my life if it came between that and leaving my wife. I know she feels the same too. I snore badly and my wife rolls around in her sleep so it's not easy for either of us to sleep together but we make it work and would never consider divorce over something so trivial. You must not have any kids or you would be used to going years without sleep. My wife has gained some weight after having the twins but I would never think of telling her she needed to loose weight. I'm just happy to have her in my life. Go ahead and leave, you don't deserve her anyways. I guess preachers need to add "For thinner or for thicker" in the wedding vows.
---Jed on 11/8/11|
Suggesting that she exercise may not be enough, doing the exercise with her will be better. A lecturer who had an obese wife on campus helped his wife to become beautifully slim again by accompanying her to the sport arena early in the mornings. Within 2 weeks, a colleague went close to her to say "Hi babe" before we disclose her ID to him.
---Adetunji on 11/8/11|
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awake1, you are very insenstivie. Many couples have that problem. Ask the druggest about the spray that some people use. I had that problem once and I would just get up and sleep on the sofa. What's wrong with that? NOTHING
---shira4368 on 11/8/11|
I can't believe someone would suggest that its insensitive to sleep in another room, or suggesting losing weight is some how insulting. I'm in a situation right now where there is no where else in the house I can sleep. I nicely wake her and ask her to roll on her side, but nothing works. I can tell you love has nothing to do with be frustrated from not being able to sleep. The icing on the cake for me is not being able to suggest anything or she gets defensive or her feelings hurt. So my options are what......you love her so just stay awake for the rest of your life and deal with it?
---Awake1 on 11/7/11|
I also snore terrible. My husband is so unhappy. It causes me a terrible amount of grief also. I could also benefit from losing weight, but telling a woman she needs to lose weight is treading on extremly sensitive ground. No of us want to be overweight. try explaining the health issues for her the lack of sleep and anxiety for you. Be patient, and please be sensitive.
---jenny on 3/10/09|
My snoring was really bad. I had a sleep study done and found out I had sleep apnea. I had the pillar procedure done and wow! what a differece it has made. My husband says my snoring has greatly improved. Affecting your happiness? Her health could be affected by this. I would think that if my husband had said anything about me needing to lose weight I would have become defensive also. That is not always the reason for snoring or sleep apnea. If your happiness is revolving around your wife snoring you may want to take a look at that as your happiness shouldn't be controlled by anyone but yourself.
---Jael on 2/21/09|
I hope you will like this one...Why not sleep in separate rooms. You need your rest. As far as weight losing...Keep less food in the house. Stop your nagging for that never works. If you did some push-ups right infront of her while she is eating 1/2 chocolate cake that might work. She might join in with you. Have a good weekend with your wife. Just try these things. Let me know how they worked.
---catherine on 2/13/09|
I can't believe that you haven't heard of the nose pincher that stop snoring and also to put her on her side when she sleeps. Sometimes it's got nothing to do with weight, but a problem with her breathing and nasel passages. I would see a doctor and he should be able to suggest some nose things that can help her.
---janine on 2/12/09|
Apparently a person CAN get use to the snoring. My wife, who I have been married to for 13 years today, will actually nudge me at night when I quit snoring, saying she can't sleep without it. I am over weight a bit, and also have a deviated septum. I have been to and ear, nose and throat doctor and asked about surgery, and was told that he wouldn't guarantee that surgery would cure the problem.
---tommy3007 on 2/10/09|
When I was married, my wife snored dreadfully too. On the occasions earplugs were insufficient, the spare bedroom was!
Of course, it ended in divorce anyway, but that wasn't the cause!
---Graham on 1/12/09|
I have the same problem with my husband and have made the same suggestions. I have been met with the same defensiveness. It is unfair and unfortunate. I am sleep deprived and less productive the next day. For the sake of our marriage I now sleep in the guest bed room. This has helped our marriage "some" as my husband misses my prescence and is more attentive during the day.
---Savannah_Jen on 12/29/08|
You could try nasal strips, a tiny strip that opens the nasal passages more so that the snorer will breathe through their nose rather than through their mouth. I seen a little plastic one on an infomercial late one night, but I did not pay attention to it. You could get some nasal strips at breatheright dot com.
---Eloy on 12/28/08|
Why do so many married couples absolutely insist on sleeping mere inches from each other, especially when it contributes to a poor night's sleep? How much intimacy is promoted when one spouse is getting jabbed in the ribs, or rolled over or having their nose held all night long?
You can sleep apart and comfortably and still be married, you know.
---ralph7477 on 12/29/08|
Perhaps it's another way of saying, I'm sick of my wife and want to find an excuse to attempt a divorce.
Pharmacists sell ear plugs. You guys may want to invest some money in a pair.
Ask yourselves if you truly love your wives. Speak to a specialist and see if problem can be cured. Also google around with the hope of finding some suggestions on how to stop snoring.
---Paul2 on 12/28/08|
Leandra if my snoring was keeping my wife awake, and therefore harming her health, I would get the problem fixed or sleep elsewhere. Isn't that the loving thing to do? What sort of a Christian (male or female) would subject their loved one to such harassment.
---Warwick on 12/28/08|
My husband snores like the largest brass band playing for last lime before the ship go's down, am I frustrated you bet, do I want him to sleep else where course I do, Do I give him a dig in the ribs you bet.
But after so many years you understand that it really isn't there fault I'd hate to think he'd be as awful to me if I snored as I were to him. So now I gently dig him in the ribs, ask him nicely to turn on his side, and try not to get too frustrated.
IT'S not deliberate, help your wife to loose weight by encouraging her with Love not taunts POOR Soul think about it if it were You!
---Carla3939 on 12/27/08|
My wife snores and it is driving me insane. She will voluntarily sleep elsewhere 'sometimes' but I am being mean if I suggest it. How long is someone supposed to take this?
---Don on 12/27/08|
I think it is redicules that someone one would come on this site and vent about his wife snoring instead of insulting her you should encourage her and be there for her, how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot. I hope that GOD works out this problem cause in my eyes its all pure foolishness.
---leandra on 12/21/08|
Robyn, my sister has sleep apnea, and when we travel, she sometimes does not take her C-PAP machine. I am unable to sleep because of her snoring, and now make sure she takes her machine when we travel together. The wife in question should get a study done and see if a C-PAP machine is appropriate for her as well.
---Trish9863 on 12/7/08|
Robyn I disagree. If I snored and wouldn't get the problem fixed then I am not exhibiting love toward my wife.
Under these circumstances I would expect her to ask that I sleep elsewhere, as good sleep is vital to good health. What sort of a Christian would willingly subject another to the extreme discomfort of snoring-induced sleeplessness.
Sleep deprivation is a very effective torture method, therefore not something I should force upon my wife.
---Warwick on 12/6/08|
To the guy who put his wife in the spare room: I hope his marriage survives this evil insult. You should love all of your wife. Including her snoring.People are so wishy-washy. Never learning to compromise and tolerate. Tsk,tsk,tsk
---Robyn on 12/6/08|
A guy I met had a wife who talked in her sleep, in German. He fixed the problem. She's now in the spare room.
---Warwick on 12/4/08|
I suggest you take her to a sleepclinic.(sorry forgot the scientifical name) My father had the same problem, so bad that even our neighbours complained. then it happened he ghot a trombosis at the age of 45. when the doctor examined him, he asked if he snored, they did some examinations and YES the trombosis wass related to his continual snoring. snoring is actually a sign of another problem, that is whilst sleeping the airways are ghetting blocked and lack of oxygen for the entire system as a cosequense, if this repeats for years it can permenantly damage the body. really try to convcince her. and no snoring is not always related to overweight.now my father sleeps with a respiration machine, and he is more vivid as before.
---Andy on 12/3/08|
I suggest you try loving her as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. This is simply an opportunity for you to choose to walk in the Spirit instead of in the flesh. Deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Him. Instead of telling your wife how annoying she is and what she needs to do to satisfy your flesh, why don't you build her up by telling her how beautiful she is. She'll never live above how you make her think about herself.
---Linda on 12/1/08|
Take 1 Corinthians 13 one "fruit" at a time and ask the Holy Spirit how you can demonstrate that to her on a daily basis. The first behavior of Christ love listed there is that it suffers long. And that longsuffering comes from God who is "longsuffering to usward, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance". The demonstration of longsuffering through the love of Christ will be an unearned goodness to her that will lead her to repentance and will cause her to not perish. And you will have the reward of not only building her up but being built up yourself because of the seed you sow. Remember, God is not mocked.
---Linda on 12/1/08|
My husband has severe sleep apnea and uses a CPAP. He has lost weight, but it has not helped. Thank God for that CPAP.
---SusieB on 11/5/08|
Two things in response to your question. 1st, your wife needs to see a doctor about the snoring issue to find out the cause(s). 2nd, You need to seek spiritual counselling to see why you are apparently so self-centered in this relationship. According to Scripture, we men are to love our wives to the extent of even being willing to "die" for them, and not just physical death if necessary, but emotionally as well. Dying to our desires and wants to do what is most beneficial for her and the marriage. To be thinking of "marriage problems" over an issue such as this is very immature and egotistical. Get your heart right and the rest can resolve for itself.
---tommy3007 on 11/4/08|
Maybe she needs a sleep study to see if she has sleep apnea, which can be corrected by a cpap machine.
There are also various devices to hold the nostrils more open so the sleeper can breathe better.
And don't forget--the time may come (please, Lord, let it be a LONG time off) when you will miss her snoring.
---katavasia on 11/4/08|
Oh-h-h . . . there really is an Olives, and you stayed to answer my question. I offer my apology, and I'm glad I was wrong about you being one just leaving something and not even coming back. Thanks for proving me wrong (o: If you feel your faith threatened, I'd say stay a while and share so we all can be good to each other. But, actually, Paul says faith is "faith working through love," in Galatians 5:6. And I can feel how having a lady who has not managed her weight and is keeping me awake could get the better of me so I would not be so loving with her. And such losing LOVE could be associated with losing faith working through love. Consider 2 Corinthians 12:15. Don't let problems decide how well we can love.
---Bill_bila5659 on 11/3/08|
I say do what donna8365 wrote, and in the meantime, do what I do..After the day is done and its time to sleep, go to another room to sleep.
---a_good_friend on 11/3/08|
Go to a local shooting range or gun store and purchase one or more sets of high quality shooters ear plugs and wear them to bed at night. They will significantly reduce the volume you hear of your wife's snoring. It take no action on her part other than reminding you to use them and the cost is under $20 per pair which I would consider a cost effective solution.
---Phil_the_Elder on 11/3/08|
Thank you for all your suggestions so far.I will consider them prayerfully.
And for those who might be wondering what gender/sex I am,I was born male(XY) and remain the same.
---olives on 11/3/08|
Snoring is a very simple problem to deal with. The moderator is correct. If's it's a matter of weight, she needs to lose it - but you aren't the one to tell her. Have her doctor tell her, and you help her and encourage her. Along with that there is a very inexpensive medical produre that can be performed on an outpatient basis. These two things should solve the problem - if it doesn't, just remember, you got married for life regardless of the situation. As a very last resort, you can have seperate bedrooms, but this is only as a very last resort because it doesn't cure her of a medical problem if there is one.
---wivv on 11/3/08|
I had the same probelm as your wife did and I got tested for sleep apnea. Turns out I needed what's called a CPAP machine. It's a machine you hook up to your nose at night while you sleep. It's forced air directly into your nose. It stops snoring alltogether.
Your wife may have sleep apnea. Ask your family doctor to recommend your wife to a sleep center that tests for sleep apnea. She'll need to sleep overnight there and she'll be wired and monitored during the night. Once they determine she has it, they will ask her to come back and sleep over one more time to fit her with the proper mask and air pressure she needs for the CPAP machine.
---donna8365 on 11/3/08|
Please note carefuly Trish9863's response. Sleep apnea is a very common and LIFE THREATENING disorder. While it is more common in obese people, any body size can also be affected.
With sleep apnea your body is oxygen deprived. It places tremendous stresses on the heart. In my case, untreated, my heart rate at nigh can go over 190!! Think about that.
While there may be another cause for your wife's problem loud snoring is a symptom of sleep apnea. ASK YOUR DOCTOR!
---Bruce5656 on 11/3/08|
my husband is also a very loud sleeper and i dont sleep soundly and it keeps me up so we started sleeping apart but i feel it really takes away from our marriage because that is a time to be close to one another ad we miss that. So find another solution we are still looking but cuddling with my husband makes me feel closer to him and I crave it when we go forweeks sleeping apart I think its part of a healthy marriage.
---Elizabeth_Powers on 11/3/08|
Take the advice of Trish... Quick, for your wife's sake.
I see other problems in your question.
1. Something simple like snoring is causing you to lose your faith. Ha, only if you want to.
2. I see a lot of me, my and I in your response. I wonder if you are self-centered?
3. You wife disturbs you while you sleep. I guess you disturb her while you are awake.
4. You marriage needs both medical and spiritual help. I believe it will be easier for your wife to get medical help.
---Elder on 11/3/08|
How about just sleeping separately. Wouldn't that solve everything?
---ralph7477 on 11/3/08|
When I wake up, it helps to wait until God has my attention . . . not to allow anything or anyone from yesterday to demand my attention away from God. Lose your faith because of snoring and weight? I'm starting to wonder if you are making this up. We have ones who write here and never even read our answers. Please answer, if you are still here, Olives. We should spend some time on this. And another thing . . . your name is Olives? That's a man's name, or you are a female asking us about your "wife". Is there more to this, than has first gotten our attention?
---Bill_bila5659 on 11/2/08|
I know one, two, three, four, so far, they are all girls whose names are Olive. Are you a female or a male? What kind of work do you do?
---franc4747 on 11/2/08|
If you can some how tip her head back a bit, she will not Snore
If she sleeps on her back this is easy.
Any ideas on how I can save both my marriage and my faith?
Marriage this is funny!
But do not play with faith!
---Frank on 11/2/08|
No doubt losing weight would help her, but you should know that MOST women are defensive about their weight...even those who aren't heavy. That approach will only make things worse between you.
She should be evaluated for sleep apnea, but often the answer is simply getting a person to sleep in a side-lying position not on their back. My DSIL simply wakes my brother and tells him to turn on his side. He turns and never remembers her saying anything.
There are special pillows that encourage side sleeping. A small pillow pinned or sewn inside the back of a pajama shirt or nightgown may make back sleeping difficult.
Don't lose your faith, exercise it. Show concern for her (snoring is unhealthy) and gain her co-operation.
---Donna66 on 11/3/08|
olives....Sounds to me like you are just using her snoring to nag her about her weight. It's sad that your happiness is in jeopardy because of her snoring. Your priorities are very messed up. I'd really like to know why your wife's snoring could in anyway jeopardize your faith. I can hear it now. "My ex-wife snored too much and was too fat, so I almost lost my faith. So, I had to divorce her."
---SusieB on 11/2/08|
Snoring is often a symptom of sleep apnea, which is a life threatening breathing problem that occurs in some people when they sleep. It can be identified with a sleep study. If she has apnea, a CPAP machine can be used to help her breath during the night, and it will also eliminate the snoring.
Another possibility is that a deviated septum could cause the snoring. This can be corrected with surgery.
As for her defensiveness when you approach her about her weight, pray and ask the Lord to help you be sensitive about that issue. Help her investigate the sleep apnea aspect first.
I had the deviated septum repaired, and also a CPAP machine to help me relieve my snoring.
---Trish9863 on 11/2/08|
Why not get a more comfortable couch?
---Pharisee on 11/2/08|