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I Have A Miserable Marriage

I have been married 3 years and am miserable. I am 41 and have an 11 month old son and a 21 year old daughter from a previous marriage. I want to divorce and have no support from anyone and need some advise.

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 ---Jennifer on 11/13/08
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Part of your misery comes from having such a young kid at your age. I would be miserable,too.I could not imagine having a young 11 month old on my hands at 41 yrs old. You brought this baggage into this young marriage. Now you are feeling the stress and strain. You do not have the time or energy to devote to the marriage. I am sure. Marriage is hard work,dear.What is your 21 yr old doing to help you? She is old enough to get a job and help with the bills,if you leave this marriage. Your income and hers could keep a roof over both your heads until times gets better.
---Robyn on 3/4/09

What does God want you to do? In any relationship or anything you do God has to be the first one on your list. I learned this in a faith sharing group and am sharing it with you. Ask God what he wants you to do and let him guide you.

God Bless,
---Lisa5554 on 2/18/09

I understand with my whole heart. I want to run away at times and never look back. All I hear is I'm sorry. If you are stop hurting me.
---gwendolyn on 2/18/09

frances008...Is correct, in saying that you may feel trapped. Or perhaps you are trapped. However, if you belong to God, the trap can be His doings. I am sure I will get some rebukes on this. Paul, a great example, when he was imprisoned said that he took it as being a prisoner of the Lord. Or scripture goes something like that. A very frustrating experience for some, even if God's hand is in it.
---catherine on 2/16/09

Jamie, many people these days have mental problems due to the extent of the evil in the world. Try to get to what is behind your husband's nastiness. In the meantime, make sure you read the Bible for encouragement. Pray that things will turn themselves around (or that God will do it for you). You are really trapped but need not be unhappy. God will make everything beautiful in his time.
---frances008 on 2/15/09

Having been in your situation i can say my heart go's out to you its hard when you fill trapped. perhaps your partner is feeling the same way, or maybe he is suffering from deepresion? whatever it is you need to be able to talk openly about how you feel, even if it hurts. communication, and honesty are very importent. Have you tried counselling before going down the break up route? what ever way you go its not easy. Ask God to help you choose the right path.Sometimes the mountain looks to hard to cross but with Gods help be brave.
God bless,gary
---gary_cleverley on 2/15/09

I am miserable too. I am 38, have a 3 year old and live with an awful, horrible, nasty man who has no remorse for how terrible he treats me. I wish I could get out but cannot financially do so and have no where to go.
---jamie on 2/14/09

Since you are married, you should try to get along with your husband. Find out if he will go to church with you. If he refuses, try working it out anyway. Find out if you can hear from God. The Holy Spirit will lead you and guide you if you are able to give your life to God. Find favor in His sight by giving time to prayer and reading the Scriptures and going to church. If your husband is physically abusive, you might ought to leave him and take the children. Never let him abuse you or the children physically. While God hates divorce, He does not expect people to be sitting ducks for a murderer.
---Betty on 2/10/09

First of all lots of prayer,Jennifer.Second,have you seen Kirk Cameron's movie--Fireproof.It is all about saving his marriage,with the love dare.It was awesome.You should watch it.Also why are you miserable?Something husband did?Depression in share.
---judy on 2/10/09

Everybody's talking but you Jennifer. What's going on?
---Naulon on 1/4/09

Good comments Lynne.
I don't want to sound trite, however, my first question is, how is your relationship with the Lord? All I am saying is, first things first. I know sometimes the problems of life can hinder and confuse that relationship. I am not suggesting that that is the problem. Just asking.
Let me ask a few questions that you can answer to yourself.
Where is Christ in your life?
With friends and you praying and finding a quiet place to think and pray:
what do "you" think you can do to improve the situation?
Do you think Christ would want you to divorce?
Most of us have gone through challenging times in a marriage.
---Rod on 1/2/09

I am younger than you but, I too have been in your place. I have been with my husband for 15 years(married for ten). I am sorry I don't think it gets easier with time, I believe you just learn to handle issues better. I personally found that part of my misery was 'me'. The problem was I was not exactly happy with me. Therefore that was spilling over into my marriage. I am not saying that there weren't issues there but, the fact that I was not happy with myself just made our issues much larger. I think we can all agree that it's easier to blame than to take responsibility for. I agree with another posting that as long as this isn't an abuse issue I think you should try to stick it out and do some soul searching before you make any rash decisions.
---Lynne on 1/1/09

Why are you miserable? Does you husband know you are miserable? My advice is to find a good, Christian marriage counselor. Even if you have to go alone, you should go and visit one. At least for now, here is my advice, "When given lemons make lemonade". Try to find something positive in your marriage that at least for now that will make you less miserable until you can find out what may be the real problem that a good Christian marriage counselor may discover.
---wivv on 12/18/08

hi Jenny
hope you had a great day today...

well i'm told that the first five years of a marriage are very trying ones... and that after the tenth year.... things seem much better

if it is not about abuse... then do hold on
i am praying with you for solutions to your issues... every marriage they say.. have issues

all the best... find a godly woman who can be your mentor... or seek counselling.... it shall be well soon

the day is coming.... the night will soon pass

stay blessed
---pat on 12/3/08

Hi Jennifer,
I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. I pray that God restores your marriage. Are you guys going to a church, maybe find a married couples group? We find at our lowest point, is when we are closest to God. Put your trust in God. Jeremiah 17:7
"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.
Do you know why blessed is the man that trusts in the Lord? It is because he will never fail you. He will heal your past hurts and restore your marriage, all you have to do is trust in him and lean on him, seek him with all of your heart.
---melinda on 12/3/08

I'm not blowing my own trumpet (God forbid) I know so many women messed up on drugs ALL women need is Physical help if needed spiritual and the appropriate Support.

Drugs is just a lazy cheap way out..... she said she wanted a divorce not that she was mentally disturbed.
---Carla3939 on 11/18/08

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I am so very sorry for your pain. through the grace of God for leading me to the Christian group Celebrate Recovery at my church, I found relief. I was married to an addict and an abusive husband. they helped me see that it was not God's will for me to yoked to a man that would do those kind of things. My divorce will be final on the 25th of this month. My group has been a wonderful support for me. I hope you look into it.
Love in Christ,
---sue on 11/15/08

If you haven't had this depression all 3 years but only since baby was born,don't do anything right away,since you have a young baby you could be suffering from Post Partum Depression. Go see your doctor and tell him how you feel and why. What you really need may be medication and medical care to get you over this. If you would also get in a group with other Mom's of babies it could also be a help to you. Try to see all the possible causes and best answers for your situation. Divorce will just add more pain to your life and serious adjustment time especially since you have a baby at 41 years old,that is later than usual. God Bless
---Darlene_1 on 11/15/08

Charla:-I don't know about being Born again But you are using the right deck of Of 'His word'.Marriage is insoluble different from Divorce which some think is a certificate to remarry.They belong to the class of Heard heartedness,but "it was not so from the beginning" as God intended: 2 in ONE flesh ONLY- there is no mention of exchange partners and dance again.
---Mic on 11/15/08

Please get a Pastor or mediator, name the 3 biggest complaints that you have and the 3 biggest complaints that your spouse has and seek to meet each others need. When we get focused on ourself then our problems are magnified. When our focus is on G-d His Will and some one else then our problems are not as big an life threatening as we think they are. J-sus never said it would be easy, don't give up so soon, get involved in your church, go to marriage retreats, be reminded of why you fell in Love in the first place, and hold onto that, hard times come and go do not let them dictate your life, let your resolve to stand on G-d's word be your standard and your backbone.
---Tanner on 11/15/08

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Are you a Born- again Believer? "you should not be misarable, the Joy of the Lord is your strength.Neh.8:10b
If you are Born Again you are to remain Married (Unless) there has been Sexual sin on his part.Matt.19:9.
I say his part, because if you cause him to commit adultery just so you can get out, thats called defrauding your mate, and is a sin, and does not give you the right to divorce.Matt.5:32
If there is abuse, you are to seperate but remain unmarried.
1Corn.7:10-11and unto the married I command, yet not I but the Lord,let NOT the wife depart rom her husband: and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband and let not the husband put away his wife.
---Charla on 11/15/08

Love is a commitment, Why are you so Miserable? A mother of 8.
---Karen on 11/14/08

Given just the information in your question alone It is my opinion that you should seek out some private Christian Counseling before attempting any future relationships of any kind. Your misery appears to be your life long traveling companion and needs to be dealt with immediately before it ruins any future relationships.
---TIMOTHY on 11/14/08

Kevin, "if divorce is God's will"? That is NEVER God's will. Marriage has always been intended by God to be "'til death do us part." The fact that God gave a law through Israel to allow divorce does NOT mean God condones it, even for the reasons the Bible tells us it is allowed. This stuff of saying God wills things that are clearly contrary to His will has to stop! God will never do or cause anything against His counsel, or His character. If Jennifer is in an abusive relationship, she should remove herself from immediate danger and seek counselling, she doesn't say why her marriage is miserable, so who knows?
---tommy3007 on 11/14/08

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Jennifer: I understand you have hard times now.I just want to say two things. 1. You need somebody in your church to talk about this. 2. Jennifer: Despite how miserable you feel now,before Gods eyes YOU ARE NOT A MISERABLE PERSON. Despite your family history, YOU ARE NOT A MISERABLE PERSON. You are a daughter of the creator of heaven and earth. You are a precious jewel before Gods eyes. This hard time you are going throug now, is time to remember God is the God no for Good times only.Our God is the bad timesspecialist.I do not have a simple answer but our God always has the best answer. The Lord is with you.You are not alone.
---antonio on 11/14/08

Hi, Jennifer . . . I think I've seen someone here posting with the name Jennifer. Have you been with us, posting already in blogs? You might share more with us, about this. That's a point I was going to make > how if you hadn't married this guy, you wouldn't have your 11 month son (o: So-o-o . . . how do you feel about having him? (o: You're not getting support from whom? Are you in a Bible church which does not believe in divorce? Or, are these "secular" people who don't buy what you are saying? WHY don't ones buy this, Jennifer? Do we dare get into this? Yes, deal with what it is about YOU that had you not share with God about if He wanted you to get married.
---Bill_bila5659 on 11/13/08

Frances :You have the right answer IMHO Go Girl.Not Oprah but JC
---Mic on 11/13/08

Sorry to hear you picked a short straw. At least you got a nice baby out of it. Take up your cross and follow Jesus. If he is abusive get out of it and learn your lesson that you are better off on your own than with an abusive partner.
---frances008 on 11/13/08

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Hi. I am sorry you are going through such a hard time and would like to lend a helping hand. When I was married to my husband, my pastor told me that on the 3rd and 5th year, every 5 years will be a struggle. So year, 3,5,7,10 ect. and that praying will be the only solution to our success. Also that you need to take the moment you fell in love and hold on to it for the rest of your life, and any momment you rekindle your love there after. I have a book I read and pray to, "The Power of a Praying Wife", by Stormie Omartian. This is the best thing that I could ever have recieved. Talk to your pastor and figure out what is best for you and you family, and may God lead your path! God Bless you!
---Zoe on 11/13/08

Jennifer:What would Jesus say to your dilemma?He is really the counciller.First of all you have a daughter 21years old and after that long period of time you have an 11 month son.Question? why did you wait so long only to make the same mistake of getting into a relationship without investigating closely:perhaps this you should examine if the marriage is valid? you may want to separate for purposes of safety to yourself and your child. This is your first step.You can go back to work,and be self supportive.What kind of support are you looking for?My best advice is fervent Prayer as a starter.Go in peace.
---Mic on 11/13/08

Do you have a home church that you belong to? If so maybe you can talk to your pastor about this issue and resolve this situation. How about a bible? What a wonderful resource.
God Bless you.
---Susan on 11/13/08

Why are you miserable in your marriage? Did your husband do something to you? If you just want to leave your husband because you are miserable or unhappy, then I can see why no one is supporting you in wanting a divorce. I can't support anyone in divorce if they just want to leave thinking it was a mistake. If your husband is abusive to you or to your 11 month old son, then yes I support you in leaving and divorcing him.
---Rebecca_D on 11/13/08

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Sounds to me like you to need to take action to correct the spiritual deficit in your heart. You can't divorce just because you are "miserable." You need to surrender your heart to Jesus Christ and ask His Spirit to help you correct this improper attitude.
---tommy3007 on 11/13/08

Jennifer, You need to be thankful for what you have, and to do that you have to take the focus of your attention off of your life and feelings and place them on Jesus. Let the Lord bring what you've devalued back into it's proper perspective.

I was a man who only considered how I felt, and what I thought, and looked to other people for advice. The problem with this is that we as people tend to lean to what makes us feel good and comfortable, or worse, Justified in our wrong outlook. It only takes you believing one lie to harden your heart and destroy all that God has given you.

I deserve...If you finish that statement with anything other than eternal torment in Hell, you're deceived, and have taken a rebellious stance toward God.
---Pharisee on 11/13/08

Trust God!Pray!get passed the I,consider the we.if divorce is God's will He will provide for you,even if He has to feed you and your children from the hands of angels.
---kevin on 11/13/08

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