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Is My Husband Cheating

Is this considered cheating? My husband of 1 year has been talking with a female "friend". Three weeks before we got married, he was sending her "thinking of you" emails and flirting with her. He sent her gifts and confessed to being tempted to go see her behind my back. Cheating or not?

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 ---Patti on 11/14/08
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Yes, he is.
---Betty on 3/1/09

Just out of respect for your wishes, (assuming he knows you might consider this cheating,) he should be willing to "back off". He's playing with fire, regardless of how he thinks of it, and he bound to get burnt sooner or later. To me, in just knowing you side of the story, I'd say he is too close to cheating for comfort. He needs to back off. Of course, you need to confront him and tell him how you feel. Just out of respect for you, he should back off - as I stated at the begining. But, even more important is the question: "Why is he doing this in the first place?"
---wivv on 12/15/08

Yes it is wrong. Marriage is a covenant, and if you do not love your husband or wife above all others in this world, there should have been no marriage to begin with. Your husband has issues and needs to either get into the word of god or to a good christian counselor.
---Wal_Rev on 11/23/08

I feel that He was cheating before you were married to him. The problem is he should have never made vows he did not plan to keep. I am so sorry that you have been hurt this way and yes you have been betrayed and yes anything he wouldn't want you to do with a man is cheating. The problem is he has to be the one who truly decides to change. It's easy to say "sorry" but being sorry means not doing the same thing again. I thnk you know in your heart what the truth is. You married him because you love him. I just hope you can love yourself also and know that you deserved to be loved and appreciated the way God wants you to be loved. If you let him keep hurting you he will keep hurting you! God Bless!
---Dee on 11/18/08

Patti, do not believe for one minute that your husband cannot control his flirting. He is not taking responsibility for his behavior. That reminds me of the old "Laugh-In" line, "The devil made me do it." A man can, if he chooses, not flirt. He has to make a decision to change.

Obviously, your husband has not decided to change, and is refusing to see the need as well.

As for confronting the woman, she did not take a vow to forsake all others, he did.
---Trish9863 on 11/17/08

I agree with you Rebecca, but my husband thinks differently. He doesn't think this was cheating. Even though it wasn't physical, it was emotional and even spiritual (they had Bible study and prayer together).

I confronted the woman and she has promised to leave my husband alone. I have also forgiven my husband.

Thanks everyone for your advice and input.
---Patti on 11/17/08

You don't have to have sexual intercourse in order for a person to cheat on their spouse. Even flirting is considered cheating, I believe that way. Since he confessed to you, I would give him another chance. But if he doesn't change or even try to change, then I'd seek a divorce or at least separation.
---Rebecca_D on 11/15/08

By continuing any relationship with her after he has been married he has left himself open to justifiable review by his mate. My opinion is to admit to him that you are worried about his continued relationship and ask him about the nature of it. Don't accuse, simply ask him about his intentions towards continuing any relationship with her....this advice assumes that you are ready for the truth. I would highly suggest that this session takes place with a Christian Counselor present.
---TIMOTHY on 11/14/08

I just found this out yesterday. I came across an email that he had sent her while we were engaged. I also found out that he was planning on selling my daughters car to this woman in a few days and was going to travel up to Virgina to give her the car. He made arrangements with her behind my back. I was deeply hurt. He confessed to me that he has a problem with flirting. He said its something he cannot control. Not so sure if I believe that.

But since I've confronted him, he has promised to forsake (once again) his secret female "friends" and asked for my forgiveness.
---Patti on 11/14/08

The people on this forum do not know you and the people on this forum do not know him. This is the wrong place to air dirty laundry.
---Phil_the_Elder on 11/14/08

Nothing wrong with talking ... It depends what is said!
---alan_of_UK on 11/14/08

i would say he has feelings for her, he does not sound ready to commit to marriage. try to seek help
---peggy on 11/14/08

You're asking an outsider if your husband is cheating based on something that happened three weeks before your marriage?

Do you see how this is rather strange?

Maybe in a small way for suspecting him your denying him the benevolence he deserves from you. If you have further cause for asking this question please state it. From what you've given here I draw no such conclusion. Three weeks before you are married is playing the field. Inappropriate and careless as it is, he is still technically free at that point. Do keep busy in your free time, idle hands are the devil's workshop.
---Pharisee on 11/14/08

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