As to Robert's excellent suggestion about considering the society we live in, if you Google the title of this blog, this conversation appears in the #1 position (which is GREAT!). However, after that it's a different story. THAT is the society we live in and this may be why people are telling you it's inappropriate. Although I'm sure you're a great dad, Robert makes a strong point about the way your daughter may feel about it. In a society where this punishment produces such sordid results on a search engine, who knows the shameful feelings it may evoke in your daughter who, it is likely, is the only one among her peers this is happening to. Just a little food for thought. I'm sure you will make the decision you feel best for your daughter.
---AlwaysOn on 12/3/09|
I'm a Catholic from Poland. As a kid I received my share of a strap. Even as a teenager it was "drop your pants" and so on, you know. It was normal and I didn't feel harassed - exactly because it was standard. Later I also used a strap on my daughter, seeing nothing wrong in that. However, I would be more cautious now. I think that the answer to your question depends on the society you live in: if spanking is accepted, then your kid will treat it as normal, just as we did. But if spanking is not accepted, the kid will feel humiliated - that's the danger. I don't think the Bible really decides the issue - I think that God leaves us a free choice here and in choosing a proper method we should look also at the society we live in.
---Robert on 12/3/09|
I feel that it is appropriate if talking does not do the job ( they don't listen. some of our young ladies and young men need a corporal reminder that we mean what we say.
---Almeta_Mccarter on 11/28/09|
The fact that "some people are telling" you that spanking your young teenage daughter is inappropriate is an eyebrow raising statement in and of itself. I commend you for coming here and asking for the opinions of Believers. However, I'm assuming people who are labeling this as inappropriate know you and your daughter, as well as know "how" you are spanking her. It is my guess that they are witnessing something that we're not privy to. It is good that you are second-guessing your actions...this shows that you are open to self-examination and correction. Perhaps it is time to change your methods of discipline. What was appropriate when she was younger may be seen as something entirely different now.
---AlwaysOn on 10/31/09|
No it isn't, as long as you aren't spanking in anger. Sometimes even older children need a spanking, not very often and not every single one, but sometimes it's called for.
Despite what the so called experts say these days, spanking has been advocated by God's word and there is no age limit or anything of the sort mentioned in the Bible.
---Lynn on 10/31/09|
Absolutely not. In fact, Physical violence is a misbehaviour that earns them a spanking. I have heared this argument time and time again and it just doesnt stack up. Yes, If by spanking you were to mean hitting accross the face or another part of the body in anger so as to cause bruising or worse, then of course I would agree. However that couldnt be further from what I mean when I say spanking. I am talking about a clear known consequence for a particular behaviour carried out calmly in privacy over the most cusioned part of the body so as to cause momentary discomfort and redening but no lasting bruising or injury. This is in no way a Violent act.
---Gill on 9/1/09|
If you act inappropriately would you consider it ok for someone to strike you to put you straight?
The best way to help someone to learn right from wrong is to show them by example. If you use force, and don't be fooled, spanking is using force, you are teaching them that using force on someone smaller and more vulnerable than yourself is acceptable
---Sue on 8/31/09|
Spanking in itself is not inappropriate, even for a teenager. I have teenage children and all have been spanked. However the way you do it is very important. Teens are not the carefree children they once were, they have modesty and sensitivities about their bodies. For this reason, since they have reached their teens I have never spanked on the bare and have always ensured any spanking be carried out in the privacy of their bedroom, out of earshot of other family members.
---Gill on 8/29/09|
I'dlike to join in your club with joy
---John on 8/24/09|
I have 3 teenage daughters and I have never been able to spank them because I can't honestly say that I wouldn't be taking my problems out on them. I would be afraid that I would take my frustrations out on them, and that is NOT good parenting. And until I can be w/o strife in my life I use alternative ways of discipline. They are wonderful ladies if I might add.
---Shay on 8/24/09|
The phrase "Spare the rod and spoil the child" is not from the Bible but from Samuel Butler's "Hudibras", a 17th Century satirical poem. The poem, like his novel, The Way of All Flesh, was written to expose and denounce violence against children.
---Shay on 8/24/09|
martha. was that how it was administered on you. how about I give you a caning now on your bare bottom?
---beth on 6/10/09|
Discipline is sorely lacking across today's society. But discipline must start when a child is young and spanking or paddling are not the ONLY ways to discipline... often not the best way after a child is old enough to understand WHY behavior is wrong.
Natural consequences are often easiest and best. The child will not get ready for school? Let him be tardy (and call the school to explain). One parent I know took her dawdling young son to school on time, but in his pajamas.
On the other hand, Malaysian authorities publically caned a youth for vandalism. They reasoned he would not repeat, but unlike our system, would not carry a "record". He could start fresh afterward. I can see their point for juvenile law breakers.
---Donna66 on 5/20/09|
children need to be disciplined at all ages and at all times. Look ,the gov't disciplines no matter the age race or color. we live in a society where discipline is crumbling.explain to your teen the rules and what the consequences are so there's no surprises. now when she or he steps over the line you take the cane or paddle in one hand and lead them with your other hand to the nearest table,drop the pants or lift the skirt,undies should be down to the ankles and bend em well over and cane 6 to 12 strokes right across the buttocks. you won't have to do it often!!!!!
---martha on 5/20/09|
It is absloultely inappropriate to spank a teenager, You should be able to communicate with your daughter.And have other forms of displine, taking away priviliges,etc.
---BB on 5/9/09|
cynthia. you mean you get spanked like a child over the knee with pants and undies down to your ankles?
---marsha on 5/7/09|
cynthia. could you explain how the domestic discipline is administered.
---maria on 5/3/09|
I believe 100% in spanking children and I spank my son if he needs it, but there does come a point where that is not appropriate. To me puberty is that point. Would you pull down the pants of a menstruating daughter to spank her?? HELLO!?!?!?!? If you are still needing to spank a child of that age then you failed her in the area of discipline long before that. I completely understand that teens need discipline, but at this age, hitting them just makes them angry and feel that they need to retaliate. I was slapped across the face many time when my mom would get mad. It just made me hate her. Find other ways to discipline like withholding fun times or outings.
---Katie on 4/20/09|
taking down the pants of teenage girl ???? don't know . I would say just turn her around facing the wall and just use your bare hand 4 2 5 good slaps should be enough. I happened to see just the other day through my neighbors window how she disciplined her 17 yr. old son. she had him bent over the kitchen table and yes with the "pants down" and she was whacking full force. I saw him today . he looks fine
---peter on 4/19/09|
I think that the punishment of children and and "older teenagers" is wrong. Only God can discipline his children because only he knows what remedy must be used to make things better for the life of his child. Having others discipline children is like doing God's work in my opinion and that is against God's wishes...
---jordon on 4/19/09|
I was spanked as a child, and as a teen. It affected me psichologically, and now i ask to be spanked. At 20 years old I asked my boyfriend to spank me.I know my pleasure is wrong, but I cannot stop.I suggest not spanking her.Who knows what wiil happen.
---gumy on 4/18/09|
Of course she must be disciplined, children must know their boundaries and what happens when they cross boundaries. being an older teenager means it's not possible to spank her over the knee, lay her on the bed and apply the strap to the covered backside, this will protect her modesty while allowing you to administer the punishment effectively. But of course you will have to think of altenative methods of discipline very shortly as legally she will be a grown woman.
---ben on 4/17/09|
Withhold not correction from the child:
for if thou beatest him with the rod,
he shall not die.
Thou shalt beat him with the rod,
and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
I am thankful my parents taught me the difference between right and wrong. They taught me to have manners, and to be respectful. They did not have to spank us often because they were consistent in their teaching of respect and honor. When we tested our limits, they gave us a good spanking. As an adult, I know that my parents were teaching me to fear God and be obedient to our Heavenly Father. If I had not been taught those things, I would not be saved because I would be disobedient to God and His commandments. (1Cor 6:9)
---Suzie on 4/6/09|
No one should be physically touched because it induces RESENTMENT in the other, the same as HATE/JUDGMENT which must be avoided. "Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child" refers to the Rod Jesus uses to GUIDE the Sheep not BEAT them!
---Kay on 4/6/09|
Even at the age of 17 years of age, if I was disrespectful I received a spanking. My husband and I also practice Christian Domedtic Discipline. I do not resent my spankings as a child and teen, and I am marrief to a man who loves me, and respects me.
---Cynthia on 4/6/09|
If you want them to obey you, teach them to obey God and His word. A man wrote spare the rod and spoil the child. Does the Holy Spirit direct any of you to spank your children?
---Betty on 4/3/09|
I have always spanked my girls when they disobey, no matter the age. If my girls did wrong they got paddled as quick as possible.I did haave three girls from age in school from age 13-17 yrs of age. All of theem got paddled at one time or another. I fully agree with this practice of spanking teenagers. My paddle was 5 inches wide and 20 inches long and one-half of n inch thick. Kimberly Jones
---kimberly_jones on 3/31/09|
Personally, as long as that teen is in your house, under you rules, and is acting like a brat, breaking the rules, she needs to be spanked. She is supposed to be an adult or at least close to one, so if she is acting like a child, spank her. But that is just me. God doesn't say how old is too old. He says for children to respect and obey. Respect the rules of the home.
---Ben on 3/20/09|
You can attack me all you want, but the bible teachs how and why to discipline. The whole nature of Proverbs is instructional, where very little is mystical or symbolic. You seem to assume that I think "beating" itself saves the child from hell. Instead, I feel that proper disciplining helps a child learn right from wrong and to become self disciplined. This helps them avoid evil and thus helps them avoid going to hell (and prison too). I'm not a big fan of spanking, but neither am I a fan of modern parenting which has non-parented a whole generation of kids without manners, conscience or self control. Now we have millions of abortions, millions in prison, Columbia massacres, unending corporate and political corruption.
---doug on 3/17/09|
I agree that is too old. I was spanked until I was 12, but anything over 14 would be too old. And for the man that pulls down his childrens pants at 15, that is definitely not respectiing their body and borders on perversion. It says in the word "Train them up in the way they should go and they will not depart from it. I tell you what worked more for me is having my allowance taken away and being grounded. If privledges were taken away, that hurt way more than a spanking. Grounded means no cell phone, no computer, no TV, to take anything away form them they they really want to do. I was a teacher for 3 years with children and I found that if you did time outs correctly, you would never have a unruly teenager.
---Janine_Henschel on 3/2/09|
I can see the "temptation" to want to spank a teenager when they act in childish and immature ways. But, spanking is mostly not appropriate for teenagers. They're at the age when they are starting to learn to be independent. And, so, there are PLENTY of other ways to chasten teens, that will be just as effective in getting their attention, and in teaching them the valueable lessons of obedience to authority and of taking on certain expected responsibilities. Maybe a handful of teens could be spanked, depending on how they are, and what the violation is, but, by and large, no. The Scriptures do say, "Spare the rod, spoil the child". So, spanking and chastening definitely have a place. But, the methods must be age-appropriate.
---Gordon on 3/2/09|
Tactfully, I say you should not spank her. Try to let her know the Lord is against those who do wickedly. Mention words of Scriptual basis to her. Jesus let us know that He does not want us to behave violently to anyone. Don't give in to her, though, if she is really definitely wrong. Try to make sure that you're not over-reacting when she does something. Sometimes parents get into a mindset that they have to find fault with almost everything their kids say or do, just to show who's boss.
---Betty on 3/1/09|
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My best friend was beat by her mother (of course her mother used the word "spank" instead). Usually it was out of the mother's frustrations with the world, and my friend had little or no control over when or why she was beat. My friend rebelled through drugs, sex, and more. Finally she found a great Chris-centered community that helped her develop a relationship with Christ. I cannot imagine a true follower of Christ trying to justify beating and belittling another person, or even an animal. When it involves a grown man and a teenage (read: sexually mature) girl... the only word that comes to mind is "pervert". Learn to communicate, Dad! Teach your daughter some real lessons.
---Aaron on 2/28/09|
--Doug:**biblical references on physical punishment:
Prov. 23:14---doug on 2/6/09***
Prov. 23:14 Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
Doug, It's very unfortunate for you, yours & anyone else who lives life according to the delineated words of these verses, because it's falsly leading you to thinking that your souls will be delivered from hell, do to being physically beaten with a rod!
Our souls are delivered from hell by the 'Corrective Word of God' which is His 'Rod'.
I pray you gain an understanding of this Truth, through a relationship with the Holy Spirit.
Good Day to You Brother & God Bless
---Shawn_M.T. on 2/27/09|
Aaaaaaaaa I can see it now... guiding the rod gently in a fairy like fashion until the child is just guided back to good behaviour......... How wonderful... If just don't happen
More like guiding the rod across the butt two times!!!!!
---Carla3939 on 2/27/09|
Wasn't a 'rod' used to guide sheep? Not beat them?
I can't picture Jesus spanking a child. It is wrong. There are other, much better and much more effective ways to disapline (teach) children but it takes a little more energy than just hitting them.
---sue on 2/26/09|
I believe in spanking I was spanked at home and school until I was 15 , I spank my 13 and 11 yr. old daughter and 10yr. old son over my knee with pants down and they respect me
---Joe on 2/25/09|
I still spank my 12 year old boy occasionally. I think that spankings are best reserved for direct disobedience, willful deviance. If he lies to me, I give 5 swats. When he keeps bad mouthing me I give him a warning or two, and then I give him two swats if we are on a time crunch. If he either of us are angry at the time I try to wait until we cool down by sending him to his room or going to my room. If he grumbles and gives me attitude after the two swats he gets two more. (I use a belt) I also take away priviledges, add chores, but I think that for my son he resents being grounded more than the spanking. Each child is different, each situation is different. I think it is good if the child is given a warning, so the choice is theirs.
---emily on 2/12/09|
The bible does indicate a rod having said that It was just their way of speaking, I don't recall an instance where the rod was to be used to abuse a child that's plain wrong.
In light of the parents that do abuse their children there has to be a clear distinction between bruising and damaging a child, to disciplining or correcting a child that will not behave.
I think a teenager should be above being hit or spanked, below those ages depending on the reason should also be observed with control, but I think the sober parents on this will agree, there are different measures but when they all fail, it's time for something a little different.
---Carla3939 on 2/12/09|
I generally think that spanking is not effective or proper with most teenagers. It may be in a few cases, but in most cases, I believe it does much more harm than good. With younger children, a light slap or spanking is often effective at changing behavior and attitude for the better. With teenagers, it often tends to increase the teenager's isolation from parents and further push them towards influences that oppose the views and authority of their parents. In general, losing privledges is one of the few disciplinary tools left by the time children reach their teenage years.
---doug on 2/11/09|
I see nothing wrong with paddling your teenage daughter, if it corrects the behavior.
---ted on 2/11/09|
Does it not depend on how the child is spanked? I mean pulling her pants down would be wrong, but there are other ways.
I went to a public high school in the late 70's where corporal punishment was regularly administered to both boys and girls up to the age of 18. How would you feel about a non parent spanking your child? It was a very effective system of discipline and we had few problems with the students. The teachers had long wooden paddles with holes drilled to reduce the wind resistance that they proudly displayed every day.
---obewan on 2/6/09|
Martin ... I think it was quite apparent that I was talking about assault of a child.
Not having remembered every word of the Bible, I cannot categorically state that the Bible does not defend it ... but I am pretty certain that it does not.
I would say it is abuse ... But maybe you will tell me that the Bible does condone assault upon a child In which case, once again the Bible will prove me wrong.
---alan869_of_uk on 2/6/09|
It is inappropriate if you abuse your child but giving her him/her a good righteous clap on the shoulder or leg now and again just reinforces the fact that your not playing Manner is manners!
---Carla3939 on 2/6/09|
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It's inappropriate. Up to 8 or 9 years of age spanking is probably appropriate but not thereafter. Definitely not after puberty.
Is your daughter OK about kissing her in front of her friends? If not than you are well past the age of spanking. Its just too degrading for a young woman. You risk fanning the fires of deep resentment and rebellion.
There are other more suitable punishments.
---Naulon on 12/24/08|
I agree with the general train of thought that at her age there be alternative discipline structures in place.
Alan_of_uk you said "there is no biblical defense of assault." Please expand on this.
There is a train of thought here that says that using physical force to discipline is wrong.
Disciplinary and arbitrary force are different. One demonstrates that if you break the rules then you will get a punishment. The other demonstrates that force is an appropriate method to achieve an end. Thus making force just as a means to achieve an end.
---Martin_nz on 12/22/08|
the rod is for inspection,
the staff is for beating.
---kevin on 11/29/08|
Uche I rather like that answer and how right you are even I can learn I have 6 children and smacked all but one she's far too ypung for that I'd like to think at least one child didn't have to smacked I tried everything in the book with the others and smacking is still rare especially with the girls but the last resort if at all they get a smack.
---Carla3939 on 11/27/08|
NVB:You are a wise MOM and a good mother and the proof is your sons devotion to you Blessings.I like the "Board of Education" Yes hit em where it hurts,not only by the rod as a gentle reminder,5 fingers are not alike and love is the balm that brings rewards.Girls are different to boys.Sound reasoning is always infallible,valuable and lasting.I see it being employed down the line.
---Mic on 11/27/08|
Its really good to know that u love her enough to chastise her.The bible even talks about using a rod to drive foolishness out of a fool.''Not saying ur daughter is a fool''but if u look at this u'll see that ur right.The only thing i think u should look at concerning the spanking is that it could result to an injury or a health issue.U could smack her,ground her, u know,think of when u where her age and see if u can figure out what would be the worst punishment 4 u at that age and u can punish her with whatevr u come up with.U should also see her doing the right things and speak forth the good changes u desire to see in her cos there is power in our words.Congratulations .Godbless u and ur wonderful and spiritfilled daughter.
---Uche on 11/27/08|
I feel that the goal of dicipline should be
to help a child achieve more mastery over
impulses. That would be a loving thing to
do. I feel that a huge part of dicipline is
to set the right example and thus become
diciplined ourselves, first.
---julie on 11/27/08|
YES! Ground her.>>>I feel that it is sadistic.
---catherine on 11/24/08
Grounding is sadistic?? "Grounding" is simply taking away a privilege where an activity or event they enjoy is removed so they can think about what they did
an older child learns to evaluate their actions and THINK before acting when they understand that the things they like to do can be taken away when they "act out"
not possible today if you parent by incessantly indulging ...where children learn entitlement ...wrong actions by teenagers are handled by a smack and then ironically rewarded in the next breath because in one quick instant their wrong action was eliminated by a smack
---Rhonda on 11/26/08|
Listen to Trish!
ALSO listen to MIC, he raised over a dozen children!
If my boys got in a scrape, they'd say "how about just a swat with the paddle Mom"?
They knew if I did that no further discipline would follow.
I never fell for their brilliant deduction!
Extra chores and being grounded always worked!
My son was 6'3" by the time he was 13, I'd have had to stand on a stool to reach him!
I DID have a paddle that hung on a wall that read "Board of Education" just as a quiet reminder, but it was never used.
---NVBarbara on 11/26/08|
Mike: It is ridiculous to believe that you would spank a person who in less than a year can vote and enter our military. That is just too much to comprehend.
Of course a teenager who is adopted would lie. I have a student who lives in a foster home, and has been in and out of foster care most of his life. Most of what comes out of his mouth is fiction.
In mental health, we don't punish people for using their defense mechanisms. They are necessary for a person's physical and emotional survival. We help them see that there is no longer a need to use them, and teach them alternative behaviors to cope with the fear and anxiety they experience in the first place. Corporal punishment is the easy/lazy way to raise a teen.
---Trish9863 on 11/26/08|
I have just adopted a teen boy, 17 in fact, and he has a major problem with telling the truth, in fact almost everything he told me was a lie. With regret, I have introduced a simple rule, any lies other then white lies, and he will get spanked. The threat has been enough, and he is now telling the truth. Yes I could have tried to reason with him, but the lies had become part of a deffence mechanism, and he had to be taught self discipline, none of which he had,
Part of my job as a parent is to prepare him to live in the real world, and if he consistently lies, no one is ever going to believe a word he says.
He is also on his way to becoming an active Christian in the local church.
---mike8384 on 11/26/08|
It's too bad that "Charlie" doesn't come back on this blog and discuss this. I'd like to know what it is that the daughter does that causes him to want to hit her.
---KarenD on 11/25/08|
The minute a young daughter cannot be discipline in this manner by her dad it's abuse of care not to discipline in this manner especially when talking, time out,rewards and respect is spiraling out of control of course a good smack on the butt make perfectly good sense when all else and I mean all else Fails.
As long are you do so orderly and without anger and every slap is explained Go for it but don't go over board!
---Carla3939 on 11/25/08|
There's a reason why the Lord tell us in Prov.23:13 to use His Word(rod) and not violence when disciplining our children. That reason being that as they get older, they will not depart from it(Prov.22:6). If we use violence, then that is what they'll not depart from.
We're to instill love in our kids and love is never begotten from violence. Anyone who believes that spanking is the corrective rod of God, doesn't know the loving spirit or truth of God.
Conditioning kids, at any age, with violence is not God's Way to raise kids. It will only cause them to be violent and seek-out others who are the same to them, because it's become familiar and (in a twisted sense) a comfortable way for them to deal with lifes issues.
---Shawn_M.T. on 11/25/08|
Charlie:-If it was your teen age SON would you approach the situation in the same way.So why spanking the teen girl?Is she Not Daddys little girl because she is attempting to assert Herself which she probably learnt from you.Respect and love go a longer way by example then brute force which is what you describe.Yes spanking is inappropriate.
---Mic on 11/24/08|
Take away phone privledges, computer access, ground her for a time and TALK to her about responsibility!
She is becoming a woman and hormones rage.
She should not be touched in this manner.
You don't know if she has begun her 'woman's monthly'. You could do damage, physically and emotionally.
Is there a Mom in the house?
Perhaps this "acting out" is due to how she has been disciplined up to now.
---NVBarbara on 11/24/08|
Charlie, it's totally inappropriate. Punishing her by taking away Friday night or weekend privileges of going out is a way to discipline her.
If she does indeed act out as you call it, then that's a spriit of rebellion residing in her. You can't spank demons and get them to behave. Professional counselling would be better.
Ask her why she's rebelling like she is. Try to get to the root of her acting out. Her outward actions are a result of turmoil going on in the inside of her. Talk to her like an adult, maybe she would respond to that.
---donna8365 on 11/24/08|
At that age, there are better ways of disciplining a girl. Spanking is not appopriate.
There is no Biblical justification for physical assault
---alan_of_UK on 11/24/08|
Biblically you have a right to discipline however societally I would stop the spanking of a teenage female immediately for legal reasons. A jury may not understand your Biblical rights in this case and the penalties of this action far exceed any possible rewards. However I do understand your frustration.
---TIMOTHY on 11/24/08|
YES! Ground her.>>>I feel that it is sadistic.
---catherine on 11/24/08|
Bring her to God, in prayer. And be an example of not striking out at others. And it seems to me that we have parents who leave their kids to be babysat by TV, video games, and a pile of toys, and/or a young person who is for sale to babysit. I suspect this can cancel the parent and child from bonding together, so then the child will not listen and respond to the parent, later. I'm considering that as soon as a child starts to want to "help" you and do things with you, do things together so the child finds out how to love and relate, instead of being relegated to peers and THEIR influence, etc. And do things with God so we find out how *He* loves.
---Bill_bila5659 on 11/23/08|
No it's not inappropriate. If the punishment fits then spank the child. I think if our system should spank the criminals, we'd have less crime. Spanking just doesn't hurt their butts but it humiliates them. Humility is sometimes the ONLY way to get through to children or adults. Humility humbles them. I also make my children write bible verses to fit the rule they broke. I have them write it 5-10 times each. Then after that write a paragraph explaining in their own words what verse means and then write what they did that went against that teaching. My kids have their own spiral note book.
---dayce on 11/23/08|
spanking teenagers is done by parents who have no boundaries - lost control in their childrens younger years - reaping consequences of their non-actions ...spanking is for young children ALWAYS LAST RESORT not first
spanking teenagers is parents inability to parent - ZERO communication skills too LAZY an unintelligent to TEACH their children ...solving matters by hitting to quickly show teenager who is "in control" by FORCE
it's inappropriate without love ...what happens when she starts hitting back because she's tired of your abuse? ...believe you have enough control to stop spanking her then ...or will the spankings turn in to beatings because you believe she is "ACTING OUT" more?
---Rhonda on 11/22/08|
While I'm for spanking young children, (if needed), you DO NOT spank a teenager. There are too many other options available such as grounding, taking away the cell phone, or phone prvileges, etc. Spanking a teenager may give releif to the parents by making them think they are correcting the situation, but it will kick back on you later (have seen this too many times.) You don't state what you mean by "act out", but you should make the discipline fit the situation - it's not a "one size fits all" That's all spanking accomplishes, a temporary relief to the parents who think they are correcting a situation. Bottom line: DO NOT spank a teenager!
---wivv on 11/22/08|
No its not...but think about this, if you was a teenager, would you want your Mom or Dad spanking you? I did bust my kids back sides even as teens if I had to,which was not often at all, and tho they didn't like it, it did bother them I think..so if I had it to do over, I probably wouldn't. teens are an age, we have to be carefull with. Hope that makes since
---a_good_friend on 11/22/08|
I agree with all that has been said.
What do yuo mean when you say she "acts out"
Probably she has just realised she is a person with her own viewpoints and is trying to become a person in her own right rather than having to do exactly what you want her to do.
Right form the first few days of life, children will test the boundaries, and challenge their parents.
Your need to respond to that with respect and not violence.
Treat her like the person she is, soon to be an adult.
---alan_of_UK on 11/22/08|
It is totally inappropriate to spank you young teenage girl. By that age, other forms of consequences should be in place.
---Trish9863 on 11/22/08|
There are times that a YOUNG CHILD needs self discipline because a stressed family situation has made the child rebellious, but when spanking is continued into the TEEN YEARS, the parent (especially of the opposite sex) should seriously consider professional help for themselves (not just for "parenting classes, but "sexual frustration",...lest it get any worse in the future!!).
---more_excellent_way on 11/22/08|
Yes, it is totally inappropriate for you to be touching her like that at her age. By her age, you should have alternative disciplinary consequences in place that can be implemented to bring about appropriate behavior.
---Trish9863 on 11/21/08|
I don't think spanking at any age is appropriate. You may want to focus on the things she is acting out over and seek to address them. Also, do you reward her good and positive behavior, or do you ignore her and only give her attention when she behaves badly. She's doing what captures your attention which teenagers crave. Spend time with her doing things she enjoys. Remind her why chose to have her. God Bless.
---Janet on 11/21/08|
Charlie....You are using physical violence and are calling it discipline. Your daughter will grow up to resent your violence towards her, have distrust for men as well, yet seek out men who are violent towards her. You are teaching your daughter how a man should treat her. I know because my father used to "spank" me when I was a "young teenager". What could your daughter have done that required you hitting her? Do you get a kick out of it? Do you still think it is appropriate.
---KarenD on 11/21/08|