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Fighting Over Our Finances

My husband and I are have a difficult time financially, however when I ask him about the rent and bills he begins to yell that I am always trying to get money out of him. We do not follow the bible about finances. What do I do?

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 ---Concerned_wife on 11/24/08
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Has he never taken seriously the idea of supporting his family? Had you not been working before he would have had to pay all the bills throughout all your marriage. Different couples manage money differently and there are no rights and wrongs but for your interest:- I worked only for 3 years after marriage and, during that time, all my pay went in the bank and his pay was used for the bills with none left over. When children came along there were no more savings for over 20 years. (We have a large family). Then I worked again for a few years and that extra money paid for repairs to house etc. that we could not afford before.There has to be some sort of plan that works but him keeping most of his for himself isn't a plan, its just mean.
---RitaH on 11/28/08

Everyone here has answered with the assumption that you and your husband are both christians, if this is true, then you need to seek Biblical financial counselling as well as marriage counselling. The fact that you have separate finances indicates a failure to follow Biblical guidelines about marriage all the way around. You are to become ONE in all things, and your husband is to be the "head" of the household, meaning he takes responsibility for all decisions, but, shares with you in making them and listens to your input before making final decision. If you will seek and honor God in all your ways He will provide for you.
---tommy3007 on 11/27/08

Trish...Actually, I did not need to read the question again. I was stating my opinion on this matter as a married woman. I'm still waiting to find out how long this woman has been married to this cheapskate who expects her to support him.
---SusieB on 11/25/08

SusieB: Reread the wife's post about the finances. She wants money together. Hubby does not want money together. You are preaching to the choir.
---Trish9863 on 11/25/08

John: What, exactly, does the Bible say a wife should do in this situation? Clue me in, because I don't understand on this one.
---Trish9863 on 11/25/08

The best thing to do is what the Bible says a wife should do. This may be very difficult but it will work for sure.
---john on 11/25/08

Concerned_wife....How long have you been married? I can't imagine being married and not sharing finances including income and bills from the first day of marriage. That's no marriage. That's a partnership. I expect if you did not pay the rent or other bills your husband might think it would be a good time to go live somewhere else where he didn't have to support the entire household. I wonder what would have happened had he been the one to lose his job.
---SusieB on 11/25/08

Financies is one of the largest problems in marriage. After about 10 years of marriage, I knew my wife was much better at budeting money than me, and since then I just give her my paycheck and let her take care of it. (I've been married 46 years.) You need to decide who is best suited to handle the financies and the other person back off. We decide together if any unusual or large purchases are to be made and decide together rather they should be made or not. She always lets me make the finale decision. It really works! The book of Proverbs in the OT gives great guildelines for business priciples. You can also get advice from various free services provided the private and government agencies.
---wivv on 11/25/08

Why join your finances with his? Then you'll be locked out of controlling any portion of your money. Then you won't be able to give to the church or your favorite ministry, or the cat on the corner with no where to go. All these are good examples of giving to God.

Not that you can give him anything, it's his. Don't give out of need to receive from him, (that's double minded) give because you believe him and that only. He knows your needs and will move Heaven and Earth to protect you.

Give with this faith, that in seeking first the kingdom, and HIS righteousness, God will add the things you not only need but desire to you. Joining your finances with his means you approve of his wicked faithlessness.
---Pharisee on 11/25/08

If for whatever reason your finances are separate, start honoring God financially with your money.

If you have to talk to him about practical things learn to season your statements. you wouldn't make a soup and not put salt in it would you? In the same way make the question one which he can see as a would benefit him to answer.

Preface your statement: Tell him I'm going to ask you a question and I need you to not get angry with me. Tell him how it hurts you to see his anger and mistrust, and that you simply want to take care of the business we have to face immediately.

Pray before you ask him the question, pray for him, pray for you, and commit yourself to peace even if he loses his mind yet again.
---Pharisee on 11/24/08

I lost my job recently but still maintain an income through unemployment. I have asked my husband to put our finances together so that we are able to pay the bills. He wants own account and only to pay a certain amount for rent. I was making a larger sum each month but now....please pray for us
---Concerned_wife on 11/24/08

While yelling is totally inappropriate behavior for a husband and wife to communicate with, is what he says true? Are you trying to get money out of him?

Do you work? If not, is it because you have small children at home? If you don't have small children at home, I suggest you get a job and help with the family income.

In any case, it might be a good idea to see a marital therapist so that you and he can learn more effective ways of communicating with one another.

What exactly do you mean by saying you don't follow the Bible about finances?
---Trish9863 on 11/24/08

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