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I Love A Married Woman

I am a Christian man in love with a woman that is married. She did not marry thru church. Marriage has not been consummated. She wants to get out of marriage to make things right for us. What am I to do? What would be the "right" thing to do for both of us?

Moderator - Is this the Eloy that always posts on ChristiaNet asking this question?

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 ---eloy on 2/9/09
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CLUNY - I Already did - In MALACHI 2 - basically is saying that marriage is a covenant witnessed by GOD, and that can be any place.Of coarse your to be yoke with a believer, Now in ROMANS 13:1 -God says your to a obey the law of the governing body your under, So go down to the court house and get a license, and your good to go !
---RICHARDC on 4/16/12

\\She didn't get marry in a church - ( GOD Law it does not matter, There married in GODS eyes.)\\

Can you tell us what is really necessary to do to be married in God's eyes?

Please give book, chapter, and verse in your answer.
---Cluny on 4/15/12

She didn't get marry in a church - ( GOD Law it does not matter, There married in GODS eyes.)

MALACHI 2:14 Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.
ROMANS 13:1 Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authorities that exist have been established by GOD.

Marriage has not been consummated - It does have to be to a marriage. BIG example - Mary , Jesus mother -They were married and they did not consummated till after Christ Birth.

MARK 10:9 What therefore GOD has Joined together let no man separate
---RICHARDC on 4/15/12

family,seen lot 'o different bloggs!Wow! This one "take the cake!" someone falling 'n love with someone who "claims"she got you 4 what?? ELENA been Chemo,either slows things up or speeds my thoughts..Hey! I am really understand ..It's like "a fairy tale!"but,when she said "Now that she has learning she is crushed at the thought of herself being married!"BINGO! KENO! Either he doesn't have no $ she wants out! Did you meet her on those "chat lines?"....Cuz they all "got game" 99% run don't walk! She's not for real! No matter where you met her RUN! Get bk to God!
---ELENA on 4/15/12

I absolutely agree with Elder. If either one of you were would run away as fast as you can. Sin starts in the eyes. be careful what you see and be careful how your brain processes it. If you did both of the above you would not even look at a married woman and neither would she look at you.
---shira4368 on 4/15/12

I'm calling Elder out. Dude, you do NOT act towards the OP like Jesus would. It is so blatantly obvious that you are an angry, depressed, controlling, unloved human being by yourself and others. Check the DSMV new edition for further support. Jesus would NOT run away from this woman. He would counsel her. Jesus would walk away from sin, but not the sinner. This man, truly loves this woman and we do not know her heart but it sounds to me that she does love him because of how they can't stay apart. YOU ALL need to accept obvious human behavior. To what degree is the love - we can't make assumptions here.
---john on 4/14/12

First this is not love. Love wants what is best for another person. You plainly do not want that.
Next, you say, "She IS a devout Christian." Not hardly, Pal. This is a sinful woman that has no concern for God's principles. She is just like you. Read my post to Eloy on 2-12-09 and put your name in place of his. You are involved in pure lust. It has nothing to do with love of any sort.
---Elder on 9/11/10

I don't know, Rick. I wish I had a wife that stayed in our marriage because of her faith...what better reason to stay in a chaste marriage if not for faith. It is impossible to please The Almighty without faith and it is impossible to please a spouse without faithfulness.

Your problem is this woman has pledged herself to someone else and you want her. Coveting thy neighbor's wife is never a good career decision and in some countries it can be downright dangerous to your health.

Rick, there are over 3 billion women on this planet and of those, over half are unmarried. Please put in a little effort and divert your attention to those who are available and leave this couple alone.
---Higgins on 9/11/10

ANYONE's help would be's just love

you are seeking agreement not help

typical biblical answers don't help most christians and are useless to nonchristians ..why have you tortured and duped yourself into believing you have "love" for a women who is a fraud, lacks integrity and has no character (apply to yourself if you are married too) ...she easily dismisses marriage vows yet stays in her loveless marriage under guise of being "so christian" YET that is only a sham to NOT be with you or are you really THAT clueless

no lust??? this women tastes so good because you sneak around ...she lives her full life without you or has love been reduced to a few hours a week?
---Rhonda on 9/9/10

I'm just as confused and will be torn to pieces here.I am in love with a married women and she IS ONLY staying in her relationship because of her faith.She IS a devout Christian. We have tried for three and a half years to end this...we can't! We really can't be apart! ....We're both in our 40's , we both have a life and we can NOT stay apart for more than 3 weeks. This has NEVER been based on passion FYI. Soooo.. WHY does this deep rooted love have to be labeled a sin? Can you go to hell for love? I wouldn't think so. PLEASE don't give me the typical biblical I've already heard the quotes !!!
ANYONE's help would be's just love ......and I KNOW it's forbidden...
---Rick on 9/8/10

You need to step out of the equation she is another man's wife and will be till the day he dies.
Pro 9:17
Stolen waters are sweet, and bread [eaten] in secret is pleasant.

Pro 9:18
But he knoweth not that the dead [are] there, [and that] her guests [are] in the depths of hell.

Pro 6:25
Lust not after her beauty in thine heart, neither let her take thee with her eyelids.

Gal 5:16
[This] I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.

---Carla3939 on 5/7/09

I think you are more than WRONG, and you are trying your best to come up with reasons why it is right.
This is awful.
If you ever end up marrying here one day, she may run off again with someone new.
You chose to love her, you are at fault.
---Elvira on 5/4/09

Wait for her to get divorced.
---amand6348 on 5/4/09

Edward:-"I would save myself for her, and DIE for her"RIGHT and what would that accomplish and how would you save yourself?You are being irrational and talking as one demented.Jesus died to save us from our sins and here you are willing to die in sin Calm down Think what you say.BTW you write, you couldnt save a Fly even if you could catch it.First things First if you love her THEN respect Her- keep your distance.Weeping will not solve your problem. PRAYER may help but keep your Hands to yourself and she should do likewise for starters.Are you a man of GOD?
---MIC on 4/15/09

I am a Christian...or once were. I have been searching my lost faith, as soon as I begin to find my faith: I begin fall for my married friend I try hard to just maintain a friendship but I truly covet my neighbors wife. I feel guilty for it everyday until I get a moment to speak with her and all is well again. What I feel is not lust, I would do anything for her. I would save myself for her, and I would die for her. Does this make me a sinner or a savior from marriage "consumated" by a man of God yet delivering truth to the real strength of a bond under the laws of God. Is it my will that is tested. I am to love all Gods children? How am I to hurt one I love so much by leaving her in pain. I have tried and we both weep when I do.
---Edward on 4/15/09

I thoroughly agree with Suzie This is an impostor I've had the same thing done to me by someone that opposed to re marriage being unbiblical for every cause !
---Carla3939 on 3/10/09

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and exactly how do you know her marriage was not consummated? Were you there?

And if a women can LIE to her husband by taking vow of marriage ...marry him and withhold intimacy that has been set aside for marriage ...then she is free to do this to you too

Or worse

she will divorce her husband marry you consummate the marriage with you and find another man on the side telling him she hasn't really consummated her marriage to you

at what point is the snake who beguiled you into adultery invisible to you

Pray to God for strength to RUN and don't look back
---Rhonda on 2/28/09

WIVV .. You did not read my post.

Of course there would have to be a legal process.
---alan8566_of_UK on 2/24/09

Allen8566 of the UK Sorry, you may be sincere in your advice, buy you are sincerely wrong. Marriage is marriage rather it's been consummated or not. Look at the legal aspect, to get un-married will require a legal process. My advice stands!
---wivv on 2/24/09

Wivv ... If the marriage were truly not consummated, there would be no need for a divorce.

The marriage would be annulled, cancelled ab initio.

There may have been a wedding ceremony, but the marriage would not have taken place

And of course the woman would still be a virgin.

She would not have been married, and there would be nothing to stop her getting married, and it would be for the first (not second) time.
---alan8566_of_UK on 2/17/09

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Satan is using you! If a Christian "falls in love" with a married woman, it either has to be God or Satan. Since their is enough evidence in the Bible that gives evidence to the fact it can't be God, that only leaves one fact left and that's Satan is tempting you. The only thing you can do is forget her - and that will take discipline and much prayer. Forget about the part that the marriage hasn't been consumamated - it has nothing to do with the situation. She's legally married and that should end it. Even if she got divorced, for any reason, she would not be eligable for remarriage to you.
---wivv on 2/17/09

Nullity of Marriage
You can apply to the Court for your marriage to be declared a nullity if your marriage is void or voidable, meaning your marriage will be annulled.

Voidable Marriage
Your marriage will be voidable if it falls under the following circumstances
The marriage has not been consummated due to the incapacity of either party to consummate it,
The marriage has not been consummated due to the willful refusal of the respondent spouse to consummate it,
---TheSeg on 2/13/09

I think a marriage can be annulled if it has not been physically (sexually) consummated.

But Eloy should steer clear and pray that the marriage can work.
---alan8566_of_UK on 2/13/09

Hi TheSeg,

All I questioned was if she were married in a civil court or city hall. If she were, then she is married and can't simply ask her to marry him.

A civil marriage is bound even by the church although the church wants to bless such a marriage.
---Paul2 on 2/13/09

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Read his post
eloy on 2/10/09
maybe you didnt read it
again sorry for the confusion
let me no if you still feel the same
---TheSeg on 2/13/09


I am sorry, you are right, I am wrong.
I do not like confusion. I will leave this alone.
---TheSeg on 2/13/09

TheSeg, I have no clue what you're talking about.

Eloy is wrong to "fall in love" with that woman even if she had been married in a civil or city hall ceremony.
---Paul2 on 2/12/09

No, this doesn't sound crazy. It sounds sinful. Or maybe you just like to see Christians scramble to give you advice on this subject. That is sinful too.
Are you seeking support in this issue? To bad you are barking up the wrong tree. There ain't no squirrels up here.
If your questions are valid then get real with the Lord. Anyone that is Saved by the Blood of Christ could not be this naive.
Plus, I still believe you are the "same" Eloy that we deal with foolishness from on a daily basis. Otherwise he would have been on here voicing his opinion. He does seem to have multi-personalities though. That, in my experience, has to do with demon activity. That would drive someone to be involved in what you describe here.
---Elder on 2/12/09

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I am saying, only the lord has the power to say yes or no.

Thou hast put all things in subjection under his feet. For in that he put all in subjection under him, he left nothing that is not put under him. But now we see not yet all things put under him.
he left nothing that is not put under him.

Do you believe this?
Do you believe this was a marriage in is eyes?
---TheSeg on 2/12/09

TheSeg sid: "Are you saying this is a paper marriage, only?"

Are you saying that civil or city hall marriages are not binding?
---Paul2 on 2/12/09

First of all, is she even a christian. God says not to be unequally yolked. Second, how could you have fallen for her, if she did not tell you this right away, why would you had anything to do with her until she gets this taken care of. The right thing to do is to wait and have no contact with her until she get unmarried and then she can contact you and only then. I know it is tough, but you let your heart lead instead of your head and it got you into this mess. You should have used wisdom, hopefully you will learn to be more careful next time. God bless.
---janine on 2/11/09

Are you saying this is a paper marriage, only?
If so and they did not before God make a marriage, they are not married!
You can only marry before God! However they did sin, in they lie, only!
You have to face both, in front of your eyes and have them say what is going on.
If he has fallen in love with her, then you have a problem. As he sees it, she is married!
This is his wife you are talking about!
Take it up with God. May God help find the truth!
---TheSeg on 2/11/09

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eloy: I have heard of people getting married for medical insurance coverage and for citizenship reasons. These people do not love each other romantically and do not even live together, they just use the legal status of marriage for convenience.

Unfortunately, it creates a spiritual nightmare for people, like you and this woman, now that she has grown up to reality. By God's Word, she is bound to her husband. She needs to seek spiritual and emotional guidance for this matter, and NOT from you. You need to stay away from her, and NOT contact her.

My suggestion is to pray for her and then pray for yourself to stay away from her.
---Trish9863 on 2/10/09

Even though this is not the same Eloy (?) the answer remains the same.
Married is the issue. You know she made a choice for whatever reason and is married. Making excuses to commit adultery is still not correct. There is nothing you can say to change wrong into right.
Again start doing what Jesus has taught and stop feeding your flesh.
You don't want answers. You want someone to say what you are doing/about to do is OK. You are looking for excuses. Someone will treat your marriage vows the same way you are treating your friends husbands vows. When she married this guy was there a gun at her head or did she do it of her own freewill? Get outta the picture Bud. You've caused enough confusion.
---Elder on 2/10/09

Sorry not the same "eloy"... I know this sounds really crazy to most. I guess you would need more background information. Her family believes she married so he can provide for her and "take care" of her. The family doesnt even know him. The only reason why she married was to move from her home. They are really two friends that needed to help each other out. They are not emotionally attached. She was a non believer at the time she married. Now that she is learning she is crushed at the thought of herself being married.
---eloy on 2/10/09

The structure of the question is not like that of our Eloy's blogs.

So I don't think he is the same man.

As to the question, if it is genuine, tha answer is clear ... If he really loves her, he should leave her alone, forget her, and let her to make her marriage work.
---alan8566_of_UK on 2/10/09

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You have said she is married, therefore you should never have anything to do with her. It seems that you two lust for each other either in the heart or the flesh. To even pretend to be her friend would be spiritual suicide. Best to stay away from her.
---Betty on 2/10/09

It sounds to me as if you are just as "wacked" in you personal life as you are in your spiritual life.
You propose that you are a Christian and you have to ask mankind for the answer to this question? Humm... Where is the Holy Spirit in your life? You need to check your relationship with Christ. Maybe all you need is to get Saved. That will help in your other posting also.
My question is how did you find a woman that has just as many personal and spiritual problems as you do?
My guess is that she doesn't care if you turn to salt. I think this "relationship" is all in your mind. I think you need a "Check up from the neck up." Then stop your foolishness and get right with the Lord.
---Elder on 2/10/09

This is a very hard question, because I do not know if you are making this up to entertain yourself by asking this in a Christian forum. Or, maybe you are using the name Eloy which you might know another person, here, uses, in order to get this identified with him. Or, is this really true? In case you are being real with us, please stay and share more, Eloy. How does the man really feel? We need to love him, too. God wants us to love ALL people. Even if they both have had it with their marriage . . . still, we can help them to do better > it is not loving her and him, to be hoping their marriage will fail so you can have her > love "hopes all things" (in 1 Corinthians 13:7). Don't give him an excuse to get out.
---Bill_bila5659 on 2/9/09

Moderator...Surely, you know better than that. Of course, it is not the Godly man, Eloy, who posted this question. Just another imposter, using one of the names of the regulars. The sad part is that he already knows the answer to the question, but is probably just trying to stir up nonsense.
---SusieB on 2/9/09

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consumated?at the end of the ceromony either a priest or justice of peace,signs a marriage license,after the parties vow to each this time they are married,legally married.then by Gods law they may know each other.get the point? married first then intamacy.its not the intamacy or act that declares anyone married.when you sleep with a married person its called adultery,not love.i would suggest you find a single woman to fall for and move on.anything else would be sin on both your parts.
---tom2 on 2/9/09

What you're saying is that you want her to leave her husband so you can have her? You have no business or right in being in her life and destroying this marriage. Get out of the picture. This is just another sick lust affair that will end in adultery and fornincation unless you get out.
---john on 2/9/09

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