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Pastor Confessed An Affair

My pastor husband confessed a four-year affair with a church member. He also confessed everything to several core members and is repentant. We are small, unaffiliated and there is no one to take over any of his duties. The church will definitely be harmed if we go public or he steps down, but should he?

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 ---Sue on 3/5/09
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It's funny how people can sin themselves but be so judgmental of pastors. Pastors are human themselves. They are not Jesus incarnate or Jesus Himself.
---amand6348 on 5/4/09

SusieB: Born Again people can and do sin, including pastors who commit adultery. How on earth can you claim to know what is or was in a man's heart? You are a mere mortal, who is highly judgmental.
---Trish9863 on 3/9/09

And, the point I am trying to make is that you cannot possibly know what is in a man's heart either as you stated. However, we can judge by a person's life whether they are truly born again. A person who is truly born again is a new creation and would not be committing adultery for four years, especially while pretending to be a minister.
---SusieB on 3/20/09

I do not think that I did but I will respect your opinion.
---pg1 on 3/19/09

pg1-"They were on the verge of abandoning their faith in Christ and returning to Judaism. The writer was warning them of the dangers of turning back to their old faith or becoming apostate."

Wow did you ever miss the intent of that book. It has nothing to do with what you said but, like it says in Heb.2:5, the book of Hebrews is about the world to come not judaism, which they were still a thriving sect of at the time it was written. I suggest you listen to the Book of hebrews series by DanieL Lancaster on the Beth Immanael Sabbath fellowship website. It will help alot.
---Jeff on 3/19/09

While God can forgive sins, even sins of adutery, and so can people around him, but this doesn't indicate that a person doesn't have to pay the price of the sin. In the case of this pastor, not to tell the congreation about it is a big mistake. If they chose to keep him after he tells them, he can stay as far as I'm concerned, but if they tell him to leave, he must. His role influence may be limited though, especially with young people who may say if he did it, why can't I.
---wivv on 3/18/09

Hi Susie B,
The Hebrew letter was not talking about sin as described here. That church was undergoing severe perscution. They were on the verge of abandoning their faith in Christ and returning to Judaism. The writer was warning them of the dangers of turning back to their old faith or becoming apostate.
---pg1 on 3/18/09

SusieB: You sure have skewed logic in comparisons.

1. My ex professed Christ, and lived a Spirit filled life evidenced by many changes and service in our church.
2. I lived with him for 25 years, and knew him intimately.
3. Many people, including unsaved relatives, made comments of the changes in him.

Whereas, you are judging a man you never met, never got to know in any way shape of form, never had any conversation with are basing a judgment of whether or not someone is born again on four years of sexual sin.

Big difference in my statement that my husband is born again, and your statement that the husband here is not born again.
---Trish9863 on 3/17/09

Trish...Thanks for answering. I see now that it is alright for you to judge whether or not your ex-husband was born again. But, it is not alright for me to judge if a man committing adultery for four years while pretending to be an upright pastor is born again. Another thought is this little "clic" in the church of a few people who know the truth about the pastor are deceiving the other members who must think their pastor is an upright man of God. In my opinion, this is a lie to the whole congregation. If he were truly a born again Christian who was repentant for his four-year adulterous affair, he would apologize and ask forgiveness from the entire church which he has harmed through his sin.
---SusieB on 3/17/09

A person can backslide on God and still be born again. If you think other wise, then you're going against God's word.
---Rebecca_D on 3/16/09

Where is the scripture? Here's mine.

Hebrews 6:4-6.... 4For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost, 5And have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come, 6If they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance, seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put him to an open shame.
---SusieB on 3/17/09

Karen: First of all, don't put all non-denominational churches into a category such as this. I belong to a non-denominational church and we all have guild-lines to follow.
SusieB: Hence the word, Backslide. If one isn't born again, they can't backslide. For they are still sinners. A backslider falls from grace, a sinner is one who has never been saved by grace. Read Matthew 12:43-45, Revelation 2:4-5, which explains what happens to a backslider, they are still saved. I agree with you that it wasn't a slip up for it was/is a sin, always will be. But the fact remains, this man could have been born again (saved) and gave into temptation and backslid on God, he fell from grace.
---Rebecca_D on 3/17/09

Rebecca...Please quote scripture for the "backslide and still be born again" comment. Peter did not continue to deny the Lord for four years. I still stand by the statement that if this man was really born again, he would not have committed adultery for four years. It wasn't a "slip" or a "mistake" like so many want to sugarcoat it with. It is SIN! And, he should not remain the pastor. And, the whole town probably knows by now anyway. I find it really strange that the wife thinks this can be kept silent.
---SusieB on 3/16/09

This is what happens in these non-denominational (unaffiliated) churches. There is no accountability in them. If this were a denomination with Biblical guidelines for pastors, I wonder if this man would be pastoring at all.
---KarenD on 3/16/09

SusieB: My husband and I were baptized together, and raised three children together. I observed the changes God made in him throughout our marriage. He was and is a Christian, and has been since we began dating in 1975. I have no doubts about that.

Christians can and do sin. Some can do so over a period of time, until the Lord chastises them, or they repent willingly, or the Lord takes them so that their sin will not abound. All of those things occur in God's time, and I truly believe that a Christian, born again, can sin in adultery for four years.

In saying that, I also believe that their ministry would be very ineffective because their relationship with the Lord is severely impaired.
---Trish9863 on 3/16/09

Trish...I was referring to you judging your ex-husband shortly after you told me that nobody could know what is in someone else's heart. The point I was making is this. You called me judgmental by saying that this pastor was not saved. Then you turn around and say that you know without a doubt that your ex-husband was saved. I did not say that you judged me, although that could be considered since you judged me saying that I was judgmental! When does the judging stop and the self-righteousness kick in? We cannot live like the devil and be saved!
---SusieB on 3/16/09

Susie B: Just because one is a Pastor/Preacher that doesn't mean they can't sin or be tempted because they can. Example Peter, no he didn't commit adultery but he was a disciple of Christ, he was even born again and he denied him three times, and cussed and even cut a man's ear off. People are tempted all the time to do certain things. The question is do they have enough faith in God and enough will power not to give into temptation? Satan came to this Pastor by using a woman to tempt him, and he let Satan tempt him and gave into temptation. A person can backslide on God and still be born again. If you think other wise, then you're going against God's word.
---Rebecca_D on 3/16/09

Hi Sue. At times messages are posted and original poster never shows up anymore.

I see no reason why such an affair should go public. It should be sorted out between you two and those involved.
---Paul2 on 3/16/09

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1 of 2
OK, Paul -- I'm here and reading and praying. I can see many people don't understand the situation and much of that is my fault since it's complex and I haven't explained it fully. Suffice it to say, my husband is repentant, wasn't taking full-time pay while he was sinning (or now) and was fully willing to have everything go public. It was upon the advice of a Christian counseling/leadership expert and the discussions of the small core group that knows the situation that we decided to be silent at this point. I'm still uncertain as anyone on this blog about how he could preach and do such good while living such a life of sin, but he did. Since we recommitted to each other and the church, God has blessed us in interesting ways.
---Sue on 3/16/09

2 of 2
We are suddenly seeing new interest in our church and exciting things happening within the group.
One of the things that we noticed is that our pre-set worship topics over the first few weeks were very specifically directed at our situation. We started with repentance and moved through purity, resisting temptation and adultery! God has an interesting sense of humour!
My heart is really broken over this: I'm just trying to ensure I'm doing the right things too -- especially in my dealings with "the other woman". Pray He helps me deal with her in love but with appropriate boundaries.
---Sue on 3/16/09

How come "Sue" doesn't reply to any of the comments passed?
---Paul2 on 3/15/09

Oh my im so sorry for what YOU are going through!May the Lord give you the strength you need!Your husband should (my total 100% opinion)step down for a while.Just so he can get help and the both of you get help if that is even a possibility?Even if not if you have kids you need time for them.Being a pastor takes so much time away from your family already,let alone having to heal through this.Again i am so deeply hurting for you,I pray you grow stronger with the Lord from this.I honestly can say satan is working double time on marriages and we NEED to be strong against his tactics.Even if it is so hard.Bless you
---Jill on 3/14/09

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you are impregnated with the spirit that raised jesus when you die and jesus comes the resurrection you will be born again in spirit. that that was born of the flesh is flesh that that is born of the spirit is spirit and at that time you will be without sin until that day you should be driven from within for all truth of the kingdom of god
---john on 3/14/09

To all who are reading this blog,
From Trish, "Read Romans 7. Was Paul born again? Did he not wrestle with sin?"
Trish9863 on 3/10/09
There is a difference in wrestling with sin and committing sin.
If there is not a difference, to those of you who claim you have studied I and II Cor, why was the one committing sin turned over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh in I Cor 5? That person was a Christian and was in sin, I Cor 5.
Do we really think we can sin as we please and just go our merry way? The Bible says God chastises those who belong to Him.
Some need to learn that studying error causes error......
---Elder on 3/14/09

David A.
This is good advice except for one consideration: why is there a presumption that "taking responsibility" must mean telling everyone? I don't do that when I sin. We should tell someone (confess your sins) and we should have accountability, but do only pastors have to go completely public, or should it be everyone?
---Shel on 3/14/09

SusieB: I never judged you and for you to say otherwise is a lie.
---Trish9863 on 3/13/09

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Trish...You didn't answer my last question.
---SusieB on 3/13/09

We have probably beat the dead horse on this...oh wait he flicked his tail.... I want to point out that we have no business considering the consequences when we are trying to put something back right that we have messed up. The consequences are determined by what we did wrong, our heart in how we address putting it back right, Gods mercy and also his broader plan for what he wants to accomplish at the moment. Try to never think things like "church will be harmed if we go public". If the church is to be harmed, the harm comes from the offense, not from bringing it to light. Take responsibility for the offense and let God sort out what the consequences should be.

---DavidA on 3/13/09

I found this today. It concerns how God dealt with Davids secret affair.

2 Samuel 12:11 - Thus saith the Lord, Behold, I will raise up evil against thee out of thine own house, and I will take thy wives before thine eyes, and give them unto they neighbor, and he shall lie with thy wives in the sight of this sun. For thou didst it secretly: but I will do this thing before all Israel and before the sun.
---DavidA on 3/12/09

Pg1: Thank you for showing me that while I have studied I and II Corinthians, it is obvious that SusieB has not.
---Trish9863 on 3/12/09

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Yes he can still be born again. Paul called it being a carnal christian. This kind of behavior characterized the Corinthian church and not once did Paul ever say they were not Christian. He even affirmed their identity in Christ (1 Cor. 1, 1 Cor 5:11 & 2 Cor. 2) before he rebuked their behavior which included sexual immorality.
---pg1 on 3/12/09

"SusieB:...How on earth can you claim to know what is or was in a man's heart? You are a mere mortal, who is highly judgmental."Trish9863 on 3/9/09
"..My husband was born again. He had a solid walk with the Lord. Toward the end of our marriage, he stopped doing certain things to feed his Spirit. He stopped attending church and left me and filed for divorce. I am certain that he is born again. I am also certain that he was not sensitive to the prompting of the Holy Spirit." ---Trish9863 on 3/10/09

Trish....I cannot be judgmental, but you can? How is it that you can judge whether someone else is born again, but I can't? I stand by my statement that anyone who commits adultery for four years is not born again.
---SusieB on 3/11/09

I think he should step down, he will need some time to get his self together. The church won't suffer, There is someone there that can fill in in place of the pastor. God always has a ram in the bush. This will be a difficult time for the church and they should have special intessory prayer along with fasting for the Church. I hope you can recover.
---Denise on 3/11/09

If your church is standing on the abilities of one man, and him a confessed adulterer, then you need to close those doors anyway. This "pastor" has violated the trust of the entire church, not just you as his wife, and though he be genuinely repentant, he should step down completely from his position as pastor. He has disqualified himself from being a pastor, according to my understanding of Scripture, and contrary to what many seem to believe, God is NOT destitute of resources to provide a replacement if the church is one of His.
---tommy3007 on 3/11/09

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first u are not born again until the resurrection. second i would be worried about a hole lot of other things besides what the public thinks. one being have u been hearing the true gospel, by your statement born again probably not instead you have been being deceived.
---john on 3/10/09

SusieB: A born again person can sin and stay sinning by willfully ignoring the prompting of the Spirit. My husband was born again. He had a solid walk with the Lord. Toward the end of our marriage, he stopped doing certain things to feed his Spirit. He stopped attending church and left me and filed for divorce. I am certain that he is born again. I am also certain that he was not sensitive to the prompting of the Holy Spirit.

Read Romans 7. Was Paul born again? Did he not wrestle with sin?
---Trish9863 on 3/10/09

Trish...Please tell me how a born again preacher can commit adultery for four years? If Jesus said that we would be a new creation, how would that new creation sin for four years constantly? I stand by what I said. No one who is walking a daily walk with Jesus will continue in an adulterous affair for one day, let alone four years.
---SusieB on 3/10/09

It is good that he is repentant. However a brief sabbatical may be in order so that he can process his behavior and reevaluate his commitment to the pastorate. Affairs are a serious and grievous offense to the church body. One does not just walk away from a four year affair. Why did he confess ? Was he on the verge of being exposed? All of these things factor into the authenticity of his confession and sorrow. To allow him to go on like nothing happened is setting him and the church up for a repeat performance.
---pg1 on 3/10/09

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No matter how great a man one is, anyone can stumble. David went as far as murder. And Lot was no better off. For all come short of the glory of God. But when someone who is leader of a church stumbles like he did, he has to step down. Most that have fallen, have gone in front of the pulpit and confessed their sin to the congregation. I don't think that is necessary. People will find out anyway.
You cannot fear for God. God has ways of bringing the elect forward. So don't worry that the church might fall completely. As Ralph said, many times, it is the best thing for everyone since many times the church has no power.
David A, I really like your explanations.
---MarkV. on 3/10/09

I agree with every voice that has said to listen to God to decide what to do or even let the congregation decide. As for going public, if you do that, trusting in God, you will be rewarded for your trust. The notion that the congregation may not be able to handle it is none of your biz. If you are afraid you can't find another position this is not going to work out either way for you anyway because you are seeking to lead and have little faith (remember the teacher is held to the higher standard). Making superficial calls on things like this does not help people to learn to listen to God and that has to be our highest order of business in everything. Likewise encouraging someone to not forgive is not a wise move EVER.

---DavidA on 3/9/09

SusieB: Born Again people can and do sin, including pastors who commit adultery. How on earth can you claim to know what is or was in a man's heart? You are a mere mortal, who is highly judgmental.
---Trish9863 on 3/9/09

Ralph: Believe it or not, I agree with you on this one. Forgiveness does not negate negative consequences.

I know of a pastor who fell from grace years ago, and lost his pastorate as a result of adultery. His wife stayed with him, and he repented and they managed to restore their marriage. He no longer serves the Lord in a church ministry, but does grief counseling for a local funeral home.

When my son got married, his bride begged her parents to have this former pastor perform their wedding ceremony, because he had married her parents and he was like an uncle to her. They had their wedding at a neutral site, BUT none of their friends from their church came to the wedding out of spite toward this man.
---Trish9863 on 3/9/09

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This is another example of a preacher in the pulpit who has never been born again.
---SusieB on 3/9/09

Forgiveness, or lack of forgiveness, has nothing to do with whether a man is fit or qualified to pastor a church.

Too many people think that if they ask for forgiveness, it automatically entitles them to get a "do-over". Everybody is expected to pretend the past never happened and everything should continue as it always has. This type of thinking is not biblical.

Behavior comes with consequences. That is biblical. Forgiveness simply means that the offender no longer owes restitution to the offended for his transgression.
---ralph7477 on 3/9/09

To truly repent doesn't just mean to say that I'm sorry. IT MEANS TO TURN AND GO THE RIGHT DIRECTION.If you can forgive him it will save your marriage. That will mean that he will have to earn your trust all over again.
Concentrate on healing your relationship first. TRUE REPENTANCE IS. I was wrong,Im sorry,please forgive me, how can I make things write. This must be said to everybody that has been affected by this circumstance. Only then can healing begin.
---Glen on 3/7/09

"Confess [your] faults one to another..Repent" This I would trust he has done.
The confession of his error shows humility, remorse and I would think, a change of mind. Conviction from within will lead, by the grace of our Father, to corresponding a reformation.
He is seeking forgiveness. Forgive, just as your heavenly Father, for Christ sake, has forgiven you. None of us can say we have never sinned, and none of us deserve or has merited forgiveness. Fortunately, the Father is merciful, and He desires mercy rather than sacrifice.
Should he step down? That is for the congregation to decide.
He should "give diligence to make [his] calling and election sure:" through the submission of his will to our Father's will.
---josef on 3/8/09

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I agree with Ralph 4 years is not a simple insignificant "oversight"

He should step down ...unfit to lead ...going public is for whom?

...repentance is TO God forgiveness is required of those whom personally affected ...this does not "erase" irresponsibility ...perfection is not possible in flesh all including leaders take corrective actions continually SWIFTLY against sin ...mocking The Eternal, families, his flock by LIVING in sin for EXTENDED periods of time identifies one who has a job called Pastor not one who is striving to walk with Christ

it is unreasonable expecting that leaders of spiritual church can continue in their role now knowing 4 LONG years he CHOSE to live a lie and preach lies
---Rhonda on 3/7/09

Don't you see that we are all filthy rags compared to God? You compare one offense to the other and say this one is unforgivable and this one is not as if you know the measure of Gods grace. Tell us where you learned this?
Have you not read that Jesus told Paul to "suffer it be so for my strength is made known in your weakness". Aren't you at all afraid of insulting the power of the living God by you yourself saying what he is willing to wipe clean? Stop reasoning by precepts and appearances and learn to listen to the spirit of God.
---DavidA on 3/6/09

DavidA...You are so right. Why is it that we expect more from a minister than we do ourselves? Ministers are not the only ones who are tempted by lust. And they are not the only ones who are having adulterous relationships for years at a time with members of the congregation. The woman in the congregation is as much to blame as the pastor. However, there are millions of Christians all over the world today who are tempted by lust, but who desire to walk with the Lord in HIS righteousness and we do not let those temptations sway us. Forgiveness is something that we all need to exercise more. However, forgiveness does not mean that we destroy the reputation of a church body by allowing the man to pastor.
---SusieB on 3/6/09

I find it untenable to espouse a philosophy of unforgiveness and to project it even on christ who told us to forgive each other 70 times 7 times. If it were prepared for all of us who accept christ to walk perfectly from that day forward, Daniel would not have predicted that the saints would stumble and be purified. This man did a terrible thing yes. He sinned against his own body (he and his wife are one body), he lead another woman into hypocrisy, he said to God, your blessings are not enough for me, I will take some for myself. These are all terrible things. But the forgiveness in christ in greater. It overcomes all manner of death. (cont)...
---DavidA on 3/6/09

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To accept a part in christ is to be willing to *serve* and to lay down anything at any time. Amen? I pray this man has a heart to serve and that he really does feel like he is unfit to serve. I pray the same for the man who has yet to stumble. Knowing your weakness does not make you less fit to serve. It makes you more fit. No we can't remain in our weakness, that also is a slap to God but we can't find the source of our true strength either unless we know our weaknesses. If you don't think you could stumble at any minute, you already have. Did not the master tell us to pray like this "lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil"? Wouldn't you rather he said "make us strong so that we can resist all evil"?
---DavidA on 3/6/09

I am not perpetuating the lie that Christians cannot walk in the perfection of christ. I am attacking the idea that the way to get there is through this false image that we are to be led to christ by human super-heroes. We can't turn our inherently rotten nature over to christ if we keep pretending it doesn't exist. Expose it and let the master kill it. Don't think he is killing us. He is giving us new life in its place. It doesn't sound like fun but it won't feel like death either. These points when we come to face our weakness and overcome are huge victory. Its not a one shot thing but happens through-out our walk. He gives us what we can handle, one day at a time, our daily bread and he harvests the fruit when its ripe.
---DavidA on 3/6/09

Judges 3:31 And after him was Shamgar the son of Anath, which slew of the Philistines six hundred men with an ox goad: and he also delivered Israel.
Judges 5:6 In the days of Shamgar the son of Anath, in the days of Jael, the highways were unoccupied, and the travellers walked through byways.

We can find all sorts of reasons (in our culture) we think make sense for raising up mighty men. Take a lesson from Shamgar. The streets will never be safe this way.
---DavidA on 3/6/09

A stumble? Talk about a mischaracterization. A four year long adulterous affair is not a stumble. Nor is it a "mistake" or an "error in judgement". These are convenient little catch phrases that people like to invoke nowadays in an effort to minimize the fact that they made a willful, conscious decision to engage in ongoing behavior.

The man has no business leading a Christian congregation. That he most likely has been taking a paycheck from the same congregation for ostensibly "full time Christian service" only adds insult to injury.
---ralph7477 on 3/6/09

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I can understand how someone could fall. I don't understand of someone falling, if they are truly saved. I don't understand why he wouldn't want to step down. In any-case he should step down.
---catherine on 3/6/09

Celebrate the victory now and forever! I wish I were there, I would hug him and give him a big kiss and then encourage him to be strong and completely open with every single person. Seriously.The prodigal son has come home! Can you imagine how he must have been torturing himself with this hypocrisy inside him? God does not require leaders that are stumble-proof. Peter stumbled immediately after he got his new name and he stumbled many times after that and was always restored *AND MADE STRONGER*. We know about Peter's mistakes and we are stronger too. But please repent from seeking professional help, the men who reduce the kingdom of God to marketing and image, they scheme and plot and lift up mans arm of strength to slap God in the face.
---DavidA on 3/5/09

First he needs to make sure he repented from his heart first. Then he should confess to the church, then step down for awhile. If God truly forgave him and you along with the church can forgive him then God will know when it is time for him to come back to Pastor at that church. But the Lord will always provide, even when your husband steps down, someone called by God will step up. And maybe your husband can be the assistant Pastor. But no matter what happens, he should confess all of this to the church, regardless what they say or feel about him. God will always love him, and still be with him, as with you. Bless you both.
---Rebecca_D on 3/5/09

"How is a church supposed to flourish while being led by a man who is so demonstrably untrustworthy and consumed with self?"

A church does not work by the strength of its leaders it works by the strength of God. Don't perpetuate hypocrisy by projecting a false image that church leaders are expected to never stumble and don't perpetuate it by pretending you can cover it up. Peter stumbled moments after Jesus gave him his new name, that wasn't the last time he stumbled and we have all been strengthened by knowing about it. Humble leaders that know they are capable of stumbling are the very ones that run the risk of relying on God for their strength.

Handle this openly and the blessings will be multiplied.
---DavidA on 3/5/09

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One victory has already been won. He has confessed. Don't miss how awesome that is. Celebrate that. Give him a huge hug and a kiss. Really. The prodigal son has come home. He must feel so much better being free of that hypocrisy that was eating him up. As for leadership the entire congregation should pray for clear spiritual guidance and expect to get it and the elders should encourage the process and not try to carry this burden solely on their backs. Don't settle for an answer from a professional or words from a blogger like me. BTW don't discard the possibility that this man may *now* be the most qualified person in the congregation to serve its members but also don't assume that if he isn't God can't or won't provide a replacement.
---DavidA on 3/5/09

Sue...I'm sorry, but if you didn't know that he was committing adultery for four years, you can never know that it is over or that he isn't committing adultery with a new woman. These may sound like harsh words, but you are coming across as rather naive. Nobody can be absolutely certain about anyone else. And, sometimes you can't even be certain about yourself.
---SusieB on 3/5/09

To think that this can be "contained within the core group" is foolishness. Do you think the other woman is going to keep her mouth shut? Really?

Then what? Once the gossip starts and the word gets round and your church people start getting the "facts" (no doubt distorted by then) there will be much more hurt than if he just came clean now.

This is not a "private" matter. An affair is a public matter - and one that has gone on for 4 years at that! You can be sure there are those in the world, if not your chruch who know and are already mocking the body of Christ because of his poor testimony.
---bruce5656 on 3/5/09

If he is repentant, he should be willing to lose the church if God asks it.

The church is the Lord's and the Lord is able to care for His church. "Hurting the church" could be a good excuse for not leaving. But the church has already been hurt.

He should leave the verdict in the hands of the "core members" he confessed to. They may decide to dimiss him or keep him.
I know of cases where a church decided "stay" and also where they insisted "go" They, also, will decide how "public" the situation is to become.

But as an injured party, the decision (hopefully reached prayerfully) should be the churches'.
---Donna66 on 3/5/09

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Go public? You must be kidding. The whole town already knows about your husband's infidelity since he told a few people already. This kind of thing spreads like wildfire. You seem more concerned about a non-biblically ran church than you do your husband's infidelity. That organization is less important for your consideration now than your marriage. What are you going to do about your husband's adultery? How uninvolved in your marriage are you that your husband could have had this affair for four years without you knowing it?
---SusieB on 3/5/09

Thank you Bill -- He is both my husband and pastor. We are praying fervently! We are clinging to each other for support and our relationship, in many ways, is better than ever. We got some expert advice saying that young Christians and our many visitors will not likely understand the grace of God in this situation and, that if we believe it can be contained within the core group, we can do so. But I'm worried that I'm simply hiding our shame because it's what I want instead of what God wants. My husband has worked diligently during the entire affair and now that it is over (and it definitely is) should he be stopped from working to prove he's repentant?
---Sue on 3/5/09

Of course he should step down even if the leadership can't muster up the nerve to fire him. Nobody is indispensable. How is a church supposed to flourish while being led by a man who is so demonstrably untrustworthy and consumed with self?

Your little church is not a perpetual entity that must remain unchanged at any cost. There are many other places that your people could attend if the church should be harmed to the point of folding up. Sometimes I think that would be the best thing to happen to a lot of churches.
---ralph7477 on 3/5/09

I believe he should confess to the church leadership and leave it up to them what to do. The Lord will raise up the person to fill the pulpit, should it become necessary to step down.
---Trish9863 on 3/5/09

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Sue:-To err is human, but to forgive is divine,The ultimate goal of a christian is to achiece Heaven.You say he bared all.He was pennitent.In the RCC We Have recourse to confession.I canot speak or know what he would do But I know Jesus loves a repentant sinner.I came to heal the sick.People will talk, tongues waggle.But it is true, that is human nature. Matt18:21-22. Has the answer.
---MIC on 3/5/09

How do you think the church should act if you were in his shoes, Susie?

Let that be your guide.

Let me say that is a problem with independent churches.
---katavasia on 3/5/09

In case you are here, Sue (ones can leave these questions but not know how to get back to read our answers . . . it could be good to have a notification link service for guests who post blogs) > Sue . . . are you saying he is your pastor and husband? IF so, you are his helper to pray with him personally and discover how God has you two take care of this. The first thing is to make sure you really give yourselves to the LORD. And do this, better and better. "What to do about" is not first. I'd say you might know this, but.... And become of one accord with the ones you know you can trust, and I'd say pray together and move with unanimous consensus, however God takes you. We offer you to God (o: God bless you (o:
---Bill_bila5659 on 3/5/09

I believe he should confess to the church leadership and leave it up to them what to do. The Lord will raise up the person to fill the pulpit, should it become necessary to step down.
---Trish9863 on 3/5/09

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