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Cheating Lying Abusive Husband

I have been married for 3 years. During that time my husband has repeatedly cheated on me, hit me and lied to me. I love him and I don't believe in divorce. I am starting to get more depressed. I forgive him and try to hold on but every time something happens it gets harder. I don't know what to do.

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 ---Melissa on 3/18/09
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jimmy and karen evans for Marriage today is a great place to start
he is not submitting to God so you should not follow/submit
---shirley_ann on 12/7/13

I still love him. Why? I think closer to ink he can do better with his life me to share. But I guess now he doesn't want me. He has a lesb.. friend
---Robbin on 4/1/11

Your very life is in danger either from his hands, or from HIV/AIDS. The bible is very clear about adultery being grounds for divorce. I have always wondered if wives who put up with this are committing a sin by condoning & encouraging this behavior by staying with these men. Any children in this environment are being harmed, are learning to be a victim or an abuser & the bible says, "And whosoever shall offend one of these little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea".
---Hope5979 on 12/16/10

Your marriage is quite new but how can two walk together accept they agree. Obviously, your husband is a covenant breaker who is with Jeazebel. I'm married for 20yrs Abrused! Get out now while young. God has better for you
---SHA on 12/11/10

This is like Im reading my own words, my husband has done the same thing to me, Im trying to live by the word of God and not divorce him and Ive been praying and asking God what to do and He keeps telling me to wait, and I feel you should do the same, not saying you should stay there with him Im currently living at my dads Ive been here for almost a month because of a fight we had where the police had to be called Im trusting and believing God is going to work out my marriage there is nothing impossible for Him so keep the faith find a safe place to go and try bible based counseling, we have our 2nd session coming up and Im praying that he'll show Good luck if you want to talk more e-mail me
---Melissa on 5/16/09

you say you dont believe in divorce! so do you believe it is right for you to live in misery? do you think that you should be used and abused? do you think its ok for your man to lie and cheat and hurt you mentally and physically?
does he think about you when he is in another womans arms kissing her holding her making love to her, no your the last thing on his mind. If he truely loved you his mind his heart his soul would be with you and the thought of laying with another would not be a passing thought never mind an action he repeats over and over. Your worth more, be more he's not worthy of any womans love specially not yours. Leave him before he hurts you bad.
---Michelle on 5/15/09

Physical abuse puts you in danger and his infidelity could mean STDs for him or you. Seek assistance from a womens center for abuse. They can help you. Of course you love him, but love is not a reason to put up with abuse. He needs to change and you sticking around is not going to facilitate the changes that need to take place. Separate for your own safety.
---Vicki on 5/14/09

Since he is physically abusive and cheats on you, you really ought to get a separation and maybe a divorce. He probably will not change, and things will get worse. I married a man like that and I always expected God to change him. No matter how much I prayed, He did not change him. One day I might have to leave mine. I would have long ago if I had had any place to go. Mine controlled me more than some people realized. Like taking things off of the car so I could not go anywhere. Even wheels. Like absolutely refusing to let me work. Calling me all the time he was at work to find out where I was. The longer I stayed with him the more children he made me have. Better get out while you can is my advice.
---betty on 3/23/09

It looks like he's doing that stuff on purpose. (duh) And the obedient Christian church has Jesus Christ's directive to confront such a person with witnesses, and if he refuses, then take him to the obedient church leaders, before the Christian church, and the leaders effectively determine how to put an end to this. But whoever pronounced you, I would say, could be a quack minister . . . certainly not the one to go to. Jesus knows His sheep, His pastors know their sheep > they're not going to put you with someone you don't belong with. Take your own responsibility for the fact that you got yourself together with him, and get wise to why, for your own good.
---Bill_bila5659 on 3/23/09

Your best avenue of advice is to get some Christian marriage counseling - with or without your husband. Just make sure its a licensed Marriage Counselor and not just some well meaning friends, or even a pastor unless he is a licensed marriage counselor. This sort of situation takes a qualified marriage counselor. In the meantime, get seperated. If he's hitting you, it will only get worse if you stay. Do not return until AFTER marriage counseling, that both of you must take. If he refuses marriage counseling, you have no choice but to stay seperated. Once seperated, pray for him but stay away from him. (This is the time for tough love.)
---wivv on 3/20/09

I know I got with the people I did because I did not check with God and make sure about what He wants. I was not about first pleasing God. We have people who get with evil spouses because these people were not Christians, perhaps were with church folks who did not make sure with God about pronouncing them. "Even" pastors will pronounce people, just to keep things going in their churches. If we have gotten with evil and cruel spouses, we need to look at our own ways witch made us make such a choice, and get wise to ourselves so we don't just go on to some other way to hurt ourselves. Only God can correct us and guide us right. If he's so dangerous, getting away from danger is very simple.
---Bill_bila5659 on 3/20/09

Melissa you don't believe in divorce? you do believe in divorce what you are really saying is you don't believe you deserve happiness is not black and blue marks with one spouse professing love while the other one mistreats and uses ...there is no real love when it is not reciprocated you are holding onto him for fear of being alone

a spouse who has cheated has broken his marriage vows are now free to divorce and if you choose find someone who will honor love and cherish you

or understand that forgiving does not mean you must stay and continue to be abused the very least honor and respect YOURSELF by divorcing him and rebuilding your self worth ...your pastor should have support groups
---Rhonda on 3/19/09

my thoughts go out for you in this situation. i have been a victim of martial abuse x 2. 6 yrs. in both marriages. my 1st husband had numerous affairs. my 2nd husband had x affairs within our marriage, mentally, verbally, and sexually abused me. i pray everday for 15 years for god to send me a christian husband who will look beyond the abuse i suffered and love me for who i am. i have 2 boys by my 2nd husband. father,nor step father. i do not know how to pray for god to answer my prayers that i have long desired for. can someone give me advice on this concern?
---clarice on 3/19/09

i Lived with a narcissistic man for for six years. It was like living in hell. I also loved him very much. God could,t stand to see me hurt emotionally or any other way, so I wound up getting a divorce. It was very painful, it damaged my self esteem and my sense of worth. No father wants to see his child suffer in such a manner. You need to get away from him, for your own well being and for your peace of mind. How can you serve God to your full capacity when you are in such a toxic marriage.

I will pray for you.
---KATHIE on 3/19/09

Melissa, cheating, hitting you and lying to you is not what God wants for your life.

Pray and ask God to deliver you out of the situation. Pour your heart out to God and tell Him, Lord I am being cheated on and it hurts, and when he hits me Lord, I'm devastated. Please Father God, in the name of Jesus, will you please show me what to do? Should I leave Lord? or should I go?

When I prayed like that in 1999, the Lord actually arranged for the police to come and take my husband out. Domestic Violence alone is a crime and cheating is SIN, and you have both legal and moral grounds to leave. I bet he won't leave, so you might have to. I'll be praying for you too.
---donna8365 on 3/19/09

I have been in the same situation for 10 years. Today I found him having dinner with 2 women. We must have the self-respect & dignity for ourselves to pull ourselves out of such a dysfuntional mess. We are God's daughters. Just think about how our Heavenly Father is crying as He is looking at the lives we are leading. He did not create us to be abused, and cheated on. We must get out. I packed up his clothes and left them outside. I told him to go to his mothers home and that I was filing for a divorce.
---Lori on 3/19/09

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lets see, he CHEATS,LIES,AND SMACKS YOU AROUND. what do you need? a certified letter from God?why are you still with him?
---tom2 on 3/18/09

You say you love him ... is that out of duty, or do you really love him with your heart?

It seems he has already broken the marriage bond by his adultery.

You say he lies ... you obviously are aware of some of his lies ... what about all those you don't know about? Lies are a betrayal of his marriage as much as his adultery.

If he hits you repeatedly, you are in danger.

It is both spiritual and physical folly to stay with him unless he shows he can and will and does reform his behaviour
---alan8566_of_UK on 3/18/09

It doesn't matter how long you've been married to a person or love them, nobody should be treated like a doormat and/or a punching bag. You deserve better. No where in God's word did he say, Okay men since you are head of the household you can treat your wife anyway you wish. And just because the wife is suppose to be submissive to her husband, that doesn't mean she has to stay and let him abuse her in anyway, shape or form. That is wrong. And by you staying with him, you are letting him to do this. Stand up for yourself, give him a choice either get help or you'll leave. A little bit of tough love only helps when one sticks with it. I've been there, and I don't regret divorcing my ex.
---Rebecca_D on 3/18/09

Contact a domestic violence shelter for counseling and learn what your options are. Get out, and seek safety and shelter, no matter what.
---Trish9863 on 3/18/09

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