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I Suddenly Lost My Son

I really don't have a question except I would like to become a part of the grief blog as I lost my son suddenly January 26, 2009. Do you know how to get over the grief?

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 ---Fonda on 3/29/09
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I lost my sweet 10 yr. old grandson, Jimmy, almost 3 years ago. The only answer I have is that you don't ever get over the grief. It will get easier to live with in time. But the love lives on forever. Try to find a group of The Compassionate Friends. I go monthly & the support is wonderful. And every day, I ask God to please give Jimmy a hug from Grandma. I can't hug him, but there's nothing that God can't do. I pray for your comfort.
---Marilyn on 6/26/09

I am so sorry for your loss and for the magnitude of your pain right now. I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel and hard it must be. In biblical times, the grieving period was usually a year when people would wear sackcloth and ashes so that others would know that they were struggling with the hurt.
---cathy on 6/25/09

I think that you should get a support network, and not hold things in, and when this support network of people doesn't know the right things to say, or some of the things they say make your pain even worse, you need to go to God. To make things easier, just Lean completely on him. You can have friends, etc. but yeah, God will always be there. Also read books about grief. You can identify with some of the stories listed in there.
---amand6348 on 5/18/09

Sorry for placing my post 2 on this blog. It was a mistake on my part. I wanted to answer here and stayed in the same blog when answering on another blog. My mistake, blessings to those who are struggling due to a loss in the family.
---MarkV. on 5/8/09

Calvin's teachings 2: Jesus in Matthew 12:16-21, reminds the ones He healed by quoting Isaiah the prophet, "Behold "My servant" whom I have chosen, My Beloved" in whom My soul is weel pleased! I will put MY Spirit upon Him, And He will declare justice to the Gentiles. He will not quarrel nor cry out. Nor will anyone hear His voice in the streets. A bruised reed He will not break, And smoking flax He will not quench. Till He sends forth justice to victory, And in His name Gentiles will trust." Here Jesus is quoting Isaiah 42:1-3 Matthew under the inspiration from the Holy Spirit, said that Isaiah 42:1-3 was being "fulfill" by God's Servant, "Jesus Christ"
---MarkV. on 5/8/09

Fonda, I am deeply sorry for your loss. Also for those other who have lost a son or daughter. I cannot in my own heart know how it feels. I did lose my wife sometime back and know how hard that was. A son or daughter or even grandchild has to be a lot harder. I believe the example Mark E gave is a very good one. Everyone deals with death different. Some, it takes a long time. Even others a lifetime to be at peace. I pray for you and your family, Blessings to all who have lost a very close love one.
---MarkV. on 5/8/09

No one knows the pain, until you have experienced it. I lost my granddaughter. She was under my care when it happened. There will always be the guilt, thinking that maybe I could have done something different, or what did I do wrong. There is nothing that can bring back the loved one, but the ones left behind should be loved and cared for. I was lucky to have my husband say things to me like,"You did your best, but it was Gods Timing for her" or "We live for Jesus and we die for Jesus". Such kind words and understanding helped me to get thru that. And all I want to tell, those that have lost their children, it was all at Gods timing and you did your best for him or her. May God's peace be with you.
---Eleanor on 5/7/09

When I lost someone close to me, I recall that a little whiskey was good for the shock to everyone initially, and then lots of cups of tea. When making the tea concentrate on the fact that you are simply making a cup of tea, and it is going to cheer everyone up, and it works. The little things in life can still bring a certain amount of 'sameness' and familiarity back. After enough time passes the big black cloud also goes away. Bereavement makes you a stronger person. Just take it moment by moment and don't expect to wake up suddenly over it. You have to accept that you will never get 'over it'. Also, keep thinking of him, and turn these memories into happy times. I still do this after twenty years.
---frances008 on 5/6/09

I dont know about getting over the grief-I think its about getting through each day as it presents itself and somehow trusting that God can do for you what you cannot do on your own, which is the daily coping with each of the emotions as they arise..peace will come ,dont
give up on God. A good book to read is CS Lewis.A Grief Observed..His journal to God regarding the loss of his wife. I hope this helps. prayerfully, D
---dianne on 5/6/09

My heart goes out to you. Time is the great healer. Time and prayer.

What made me feel a little better is that I made a quilt out of some of my son's clothing. His hign school graduation gown, some of his blue jeans, a favorite shirt he always wore and I even had some of his baby clothes that I saved (he was 19 when he died).

But you are so right: all the 'firsts' can be so hard. Certain dates are still hard for me even though my son went to heaven over 10 years ago. It still hurts.
God bless you, you're in my prayers.
---sue on 5/1/09

Find a GriefShare group and attend. It worked miracles for me. It is a christian based program to deal with deep grief. You can find it easily on the web.

Our group was very intimate (8 people). We all cared for each other very deeply and a strong bond formed. Each member had lost a family member. For us, there was a great diversity. I had lost my son Noah to lung cancer, another man had lost his wife to suicide, a couple of mothers and fathers, a sibling, and a granddaughter.

The group lasted 10 weeks with one meeting a week. Each session was very difficult, many tears were shed, but by the end of the sessions healing had occurred.
---Mark_Eaton on 5/1/09

Bless you Robyn and Fonda I have experienced just a little of what you both have been through.
My nephew, my eldest sister's son commited suicide on April 17th. This is an extremely hard time for her and her husband and the whole family.

Their oldest son died at 39 years old of a massive heart attack just 3 years ago.

God bless you both and your families. May you find healing for your heartache by staying close to our Lord Jesus Christ, the divine healer.
---NV_Barbara on 5/1/09

I am so sorry for your terrible loss. Words are useless. I don't know how long you enjoyed having your son with you, but we humans have to believe that everyone who is not evil, goes to an eternal home where they lack nothing, are inexpressibly happy and do not wish to return to this earth.
---frances008 on 4/30/09

It has been 9 months since losing my dear son. I am doing much better but still has a ways to go. I think of him constantly,especially at night. I look at his picture,obituary,things that I probably need to put away but cannot,just yet. My thoughts are of him all of the time. Getting through the first of everything. The first Christmas, without him, Easter, Thanksgiving etc... are the hardest hurdles to climb. But I am making it, little by little. and you will,too, Fonda. Just keep taking one day at a time and lots of prayer and fond memories of your precious son will see you through. Peace to you
---Robyn on 4/30/09

I'm sorry for your loss. Praying is a powerful event. I'm sure your son is watching over his mother (you) from heaven. You already have two angels watching over you: goodness and mercy. When I pray, I'm thankful for everything that Jesus has given me. There is so much to be thankful for, even during this economic collapse. I'm afraid to pray because my prayers are answered. When you pray, know in your heart that you have a direct link to God. This link is faster than a satellite hook-up, faster than email, faster than the U.S. Postal Service and faster than the speed of light (186K Miles Per Second). When the words leave your mouth, the Lord listens.
---sam7489 on 4/19/09

Beautifully put MIC!

No matter what I may be going through, I always find it spiritually helpful to concentrate on praying for others.

It seems that God really ministers to us when we remember to pray for other's needs first.

My prayers for healing and growth goes to each of you who have lost a loved one.
---NV_Barbara on 4/5/09

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sue ((((hugggss))) many painful things happen in life, it's just so sad.

I just told the Lord that I spend more time crying for brokenhearted people such as myself and others than I do rejoicing and full of the Joy of the Lord.

What did Jesus say about those who mourn? Then in Matthew Ch. 24 he talked about sorrow turning into Joy, right? When does that happen? When we get to heaven? I really want off this planet - I can't stand the sorrowful things that happen to people. Losing sons and daughters and parents and children, etc., is awful, excruciating painful and very very sorrowful (((huggss to all of you))))).
---donna8365 on 4/3/09

The only thing that helped me when my 19 yr. old son died suddenly was prayer. There was so many people praying for me! And it must have helped because I survived without going crazy.
Also, I know you dont believe this now, but time does make it easier to deal with. The pain will never go away but there will come a time when you'll be able to think of your son and not cry.
God bless you and you're in my prayers.
---sue on 4/2/09

Saying "I'm sorry for your loss" to someone who has lost a loved one (especially a parent) is a social curtesy.IMHO.any amount of words will not ease the pain of separation.The only words of consolation is Prayer ''Dear Lord give this my friend the understanding to bear Her loss with complete trust in you who is the author and giver and taker of Life. I entreat you to bring H/herto the light of your presence and look with favour on my untimely depature of My Dearest son.Give me patience and fortitude, enshroud me in your loving care as I recover from the enivetable ordeal which we all must Face .This I ask in the name of Your son Jesus who lives and reigns with You in unity with the Holy spirit One God for ever and ever AMEN
---MIC on 4/2/09

((((((Robyn))))))) I am so sorry to hear you lost your son. OH the devastating pain that must be.

My heart truly goes out to you. I have the deepest heartfelt compassion for you.

I found that crying helped me alot when I was devastated, distraught and numb inside, not wanting to live, etc., I remember writing in my journal that I cried so hard tonight, the bones in my face hurt. I cried for 3 years straight.

If you need someone to talk to, I am here for you. You can email me here at donna8365 and I will give you my AOL email and we can correspond. I find that talking about it really does help. ((((hugggsss))))) I'm so very sorry.
---donna8365 on 4/1/09

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I,too,lost my young son(24 yrs) 8 months ago. I am still devastated but doing much better. He was hit by a car. This is all we really know. A drunk driver,deliberately? We just don't know much. There is no easy way to get over the grief. A lot of God(prayer),crying helps, someone to talk to who understands(counseling) is ok,too. Time is a great healer .I am still grieving but time has allowed me to get some relief from the crying and the feeling of loss inside of me.
Since I have also recently suffered this loss, I am still learning how to handle my grief.
My faith in God has helped me tremendously. But I still hurt and have bad days sometimes. Crying spells are less frequent.
I hope I have helped some. God bless you beloved
---Robyn on 3/31/09

**It's a process of shedding tears because the grief is so very painful.**

In a speech about 9/11, Queen Elizabeth put it beautifully: "Grief is the price we pay for love."

** Wow! This is a tough one. Jesus, you want to help me? "Give yourself some time. You must move on".**

Once more, catherine speaks in herself.
---katavasia on 3/31/09

Please accept my deepest condolences on the loss of your son. I was the first person my mother spoke with when each of my brothers died very suddenly within the past two years. It is not something you ever really get over. You journey through grief, which has several stages. I would encourage you to seek out a Grief Support Group. Many churches offer those and seminars on grieving. Ask your pastor for some ideas on how to access such support.
---Trish9863 on 3/30/09

A whole lot of time and a whole lot of God. The good news is that you don't have to go through grief alone, for God will be with you always. He said he would never leave nor forsake you. He will be there in the midnight hour, he is someone you can truly call a friend.
---Rebecca_D on 3/30/09

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You don't get over grief, you go through it.

It's a process of shedding tears because the grief is so very painful.

Let me say how sorry I am to hear that you lost your son. How old was he? What did he die from?

It took me 3 years to come to a place of acceptance when I became devastated, distraught and numb inside over something that painfully happened to me.

Crying was my friend. Talking to God about how I felt was the next thing I did and one day I finally asked God to Heal the Pain because I couldn't go on feeling like this and He was gracious and Healed me.

Take time to grieve, don't try to get over it so quickly - it's a grieving process.
---donna8365 on 3/30/09

It took me nearly two years to get over the sudden death of my father, which is about average.

I can imagine how long it would take to recover from the sudden death of one's own child.

Give yourself time. These feelings, which God put there, are normal.
---katavasia on 3/30/09

Wow! This is a tough one. Jesus, you want to help me? "Give yourself some time. You must move on".
---catherine on 3/30/09

In 2000 we lost our son of 34 to a heart attack. grieving over lost of a love one takes time but with God, it is much easier then to those that don't know him. The best way we found to deal with it. There is support groups. What we done was talk about the memories that he had left behind. Not the bad thing but the great things. We will keep you lefted up before God.
---Janice on 3/29/09

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"Blessed [are] they that mourn: for they shall be comforted." The Father knows your grief, trust in the His mercy and rejoice in His salvation. Praise His name with a song, and magnify Him with thanksgiving. Knowing that just as you have sown in tears, you shall one day reap in joy. For the Father will swallow up death in victory, and the Lord GOD will wipe away the tears from all faces, and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, nor pain: for the forementioned things will have passed away. Yes, you have sorrow now for the temporary lost of your son, but know that he is in the Father's hands and that you will see him again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy at that time, no man will take from you.
---Josef on 3/30/09

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