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Unmarried Girls Having Kids

Many unmarried girls are having children outside of marriage. I was told that I would make a good father to one of these children. People at church told me that the kid needs a father. The fact that I don't have any feelings for the mother doesn't matter. Please give me some advice.

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 ---Sag on 5/23/09
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Sag: you need your head examined for even thinking about this. You need to rise up and tell these evil busy-bodies to mind their own business. Who in their right minds(men) would want to take up with these sk????. These sd////know what they are doing. They are looking for a paycheck from the government and child support offices. They are not looking for marriage. Don't be a fool caught in their badly-laid traps. Use your head and run from them, fast as you can.Don't desire or want anything from them. Read the book of Proverbs for wisdom. Wait and find a nice young lady,who you can love and want to be with. Not coerced and made a fool out of! These church people need to get on their knees and repent for even saying something like this to you!
---Robyn on 6/26/10

These children do have fathers.
the church needs to make every effort to get the fathers in the live sof the children, not to get yound christain men to be fathers or to marry these women.

1 Timothy 5:11 But the younger widows refuse: for when they have begun to wax wanton against Christ, they will marry,
---francis on 5/17/10

Christine --- //But for anyone to conceive a child has been Chosen by the Holy Spirit for one reason or another as life is not possible without God.//

So are you saying that morality doesn't matter? (Mary participated in nothing that could cause pregnancy)

If you are a "loose" woman, any pregnancy you may have is foreordained by God? Just think of how you are serving God, helping Him fulfill His will, by being promiscuous!

I do understand your argument. I've heard it before. It is given after the fact of an unwed or unwanted pregnancy.
But logically, what you say doesn't make sense... if you believe in the sanctity of marriage and family.
---Donna66 on 5/13/10

Mary the Mother of God was also unmarried to any man when She concieved Our Loving Lord Jesus Christ by the power of The Holy Spirit. She married a wonderful God fearing and obedient Humble gent St.Joseph. Some may argue that Mary is The Spouse of The Holy Spirit. But for anyone to concieve a child has been Chosen by the Holy Spirit for one reason or another as life is not possible without God. Even in the womb God has the say so in who where and when.
---Christinme on 5/11/10

Should we make an attempt to eliminate fornication? Yes! Should we help these children? Yes! Should these women look for the best Church / social service net? No! Should foolish rebellious people give fleshly advice (that they probably wouldn't follow themselves)? No!
However, If you love someone, the emotions will follow. To carnally minded people, love is a sentiment (the emotional realm), or it's confused with lust. Matthew 22:35-40, Mark 12:28-34, John 13:34-35, 15:12, Romans 13:8, 1Corinthians 13:1-13, Ephesians 3:17-19, 5:2, 1John 3:16.
Katherine: Is "somewhat of a Christian" like being somewhat pregnant, or somewhat dead? Please read Matthew 18:11, Acts 4:12, Romans 5:8, 10:9-10, 1Timothy 2:4-6, Hebrew 7:25.
---Glenn on 6/9/09

lol...I'm sorry. I do believe in God and I am somewhat of a Christian, but I also live in the Netherlands where people NEVER seem to get married! They have partnerships where they live with the person they love, have children, whole lives together, and never marry! So you see for me, unmarried girls having children outside of marriages are quite normal. And again, like I have said in many of my answers on this web site, what do you choose to do? What do you want to do? Seriously, do you want to be the father of some of these children or not? It's that simple. I know it really doesn't seem like it, but trust that god is helping you out. Are you ok with not loving the mother?
---katherine on 6/8/09

If you don't have any feelings for her, don't marry her. Become a mentor to the kid.

People just want you to do what they want you to do. Everyone has their own agenda in mind. Focus on what you think God's agenda is for you.
---amand6348 on 6/7/09

mmmmm,, Frances and I agree on something! It's a miracle!
---NurseRobert on 5/28/09

Marry someone, any person, who would make a suitable life partner for you, regardless of whether or not there are any children from previous relationships. Feel free to do what God is telling you to do. Don't be put off by the child being there, but don't marry for the sake of the child. Do all in obedience to God. I see nothing wrong with marrying out of pity as long as you bear in mind (and don't mind) that the female may also be marrying you out of pity. Don't go into it feeling like you are the hero. You should both feel equally worthy of one another.
---frances008 on 5/26/09

That's great, if that's what you want to do, be a father figure to a small child. Every child needs a male and a female influence somehow. That's just the way God set the family unit up. If you begin doing this though, know that you are making a long term commitment to the child. Don't start something you're not willing to finish. Better that you never entered the child's life at all than pop in and out or start a relationship with them and opt out a little later. Pray about it. It's a commitment.
---Vicki on 5/26/09

Thanks to everyone for their answers.

I am concerned about children who are being born out-of-wedlock. In the USA, it is about 40% of all children. Similar figures for other parts of the world. That is a very difficult beginning for a child that often manifests itself later on. Maybe Satan was just preying upon my concerns and making me feel guilty. May God provide some way for these children to be helped.

I have had others at my church tell me that I'm "gullible". That means: fleeceable, naive, and easily deceived or tricked. Perhaps this question was just another one of those "tests" to see just how "gullible" I am. Well, I'm now on the road to being spiritually stronger in this area.
---Sag on 5/26/09

deb's dead on. Disaster.

Kids first in many things, not all.
---Pharisee on 5/25/09

Well, Jesus is our Groom, Jesus wants every one of us to be in His Bride. So, for every Christian sister, Jesus has feelings so very personal and sensitive. So, how ever can this Jesus be in us guys and we do not have His feelings for *every* one of His sisters whom He desires to marry? Jesus in us makes us sweetly caring for *every* lady of Jesus, so we would be willing, for Jesus, to care for whomever He would like. Or, are we with the real Jesus? "Let brotherly love continue." (Hebrews 13:1) So, God's love makes us brother-sister intimate with every real lady of Jesus. Why are they saying you would be good for this specific "kid"? You never did say you are not this child's father.
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/25/09

The child has a dad and his dad has the responsibility of both the financial and physical care of his child, and will be held accountable for that. The child also has a Father, the Father of us all, who knows his need and will supply that need, if need be, through just one prayerful believing parent.
What you can be, for this child or any child, is a mentor, as a wise and trusted counselor, guide, teacher or simply an influential senior sponsor or supporter. Whether you have any "feeling" for the mother is irrelevant, as I am sure that you, as a mature "christian", loves her with the love of The Father.
---joseph on 5/24/09

Your question reads as if you known this woman, and that she has some connection with your church. If that's the case, it seem unlikely the it is a scam, as M E W fears.

Maybe, this is just some well-meaning, but ill-advised, people who thought "these are two people who need a spouse, and one child who needs a father"

But it would be wrong to marry out of pity, or for convenience.

If you do help as Wayne suggests, you need to make sure the girl does not read more into it than help, for it would hurt her if she thought you were "interested" in her.
---alan8566_of_uk on 5/25/09

You should only marry a woman that God chooses for you. You could help those children and any others that need help in other ways, including financially sometimes if need be. You ought to ask the Holy Spirit what He thinks of the matter & wait for an answer. Don't give up hearing from Him. If you don't have the Holy Spirit guiding your life, you should submit to Jesus Christ and ask for the Holy Spirit.
---Betty on 5/24/09

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Sag run yelling NO No,and don't look back. Shame on people trying to coerce you into such a perverse plot. That isn't a Christian thing to do to you and it isn't your problem to raise another man's child. Children raised in a loveless marriage are a lot worse off than those raised by a single parent. Children learn what they live,in that kind of marriage they will growup thinking that is normal,it isn't. People urging you to do that are looking for a paycheck to pay the bills. They sure don't care about what they would be doing to you. Find yourself another church where people don't meddle in others lives and try to manipulate someone with a false sense of reponsibility. Has she repented,you can't marry a nonbeliever anyway.
---Darlene_1 on 5/24/09

Mentoring, providing a good role model, being a friend...YES!

A pity-marriage...NO! That's a recipe for disaster.
---Deb on 5/24/09

Well, you'd want to be a good *husband*. But I think it's not about how you "would" be a good husband and father . . . like you would be in a category. It's about who God has chosen you for, and how He will make you one with the lady you belong with, and this with all your other Jesus Family people. Do you really well know these people who are making the suggestion? Are they ones who have proven themselves trustworthy, and ones who obviously have helped you become more real with God and in loving all people? "the husband is head of the wife" (in Ephesians 5:23) > is God having you relate as her "head" while she helps you get more with God, as your helpmate will?
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/24/09

Is the man who sired the child dead? If not, then the child already has a father.
---ralph7477 on 5/24/09

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While witnessing yesterday I had this interesting conversation. After asking a young lady if she was absolutely positively certain she'd go to heaven, she said, no probably not because I'm 18 years old not married and pregnant!!!

After explaining to her God still loved her and that his forgiveness was still available we prayed together for her salvation.

And her depression grew much less.
---mima on 5/24/09

have you considered being a mentor?Being a father is a lot of work,and requires alot of your time, aka A BIG COMMITMENT.In any event being a friend comes first.
---tom2 on 5/24/09

I'm 55 years old, and I NEVER EVER heard of any agency, company, or group that recruited people for marriage. LOVE is considered a prerequisite for marriage by every sane, decent, and legitimate person in the world. Because of that, no legitimate company or agency in America would go into the business of recruiting for marriage because there would not be enough repeat business for them to pay their own bills.

The people trying to convince you are probably involved in the illegal business of getting American citizens to marry illegal immigrants so that the girl can get a Green card in order to stay in this country (maybe it's a drug running scheme).
---more_excellent_way on 5/24/09

It's definitely a matchmaking scheme, but whether it's for smuggling, or because the girls need a husband to support their drug habit or help pay their credit cards, medical bills, etc., it's definitely not legitimate (the recruiters will probably get paid thousands of dollars).

ANYTHING that is ever asked to be kept SECRET is often illegitimate, sneaky and WRONG/bad in some way, shape or form.

Tell your pastor to mention FROM THE PULPIT that there are many new schemes/scams for the Christian to avoid (we should be wise as serpents) and to also phone other churches/pastors about this trend (if not, it will spread)...sound the alarm.
---more_excellent_way on 5/24/09

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Certainly it is not necessary for you to marry someone to help, to be a friend. Marriage is not simply about helping a person, it is a life-long commitment of love, not simply by one of the parties, but by both--that the two may be one flesh, establishing a home from which God's love may shine, and others see a revelation of God's purpose that mankind become one with Him. Certainly the Lord will give you wisdom, but you need not even think that the only way you can help a child is to marry their mother! You can do many things to help lighten the load, to share with a child, to be a role model, and help the child in development of right principles--to appreciate the good and shun the evil.
---Wayne8738 on 5/23/09

Have you prayed about these suggestions? What do you think about the whole thing? It sounds like people are trying to do some matchmaking for this young mom.

If you have no feelings for the woman, then just pray about it, and go your merry way. If the Lord is in it, you will see Him clearly at work.
---Trish9863 on 5/23/09

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