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Wifes Personal Attacks

My wife and I are not getting along at all! Anything I say to her at any given time she takes it as a personal attack. I am the one who really gets attacked in the end. What do I do?

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 ---Rodney on 6/7/09
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Is she afraid of not meeting your standards in some way? Women are bad about taking things personally. IMHO men are more likely to take comments at face value, but women, if insecure, see all kinds of (often non-existant) "meanings" under the surface.

It's a classic case of you say one thing...she hears something else. It's easy after awhile, for some men to "shut down" rather than cause a misunderstanding. And that can actually make things worse! Then she wonders why you are so quiet!

If she reacts to something you say, you might try gently asking, if it seems appropriate, "Here's what I meant...What did YOU think I was saying?" Perhaps you'll get a clue what her problem is.
---Donna66 on 8/21/09

will you seem to be getting attacked by her comments and knocked down will this is what you do you start first by being nice and listening to her,do what she wants you to do,start showing what she cares about and then send her a nice bouque of flowers also leave a love note bye some flowers and take her on a weekly date even if it is just out eating,that few minintes alone means alot.
---David on 8/18/09

Have you and your wife gone to Christian counseling to get to the root of the problem?
---Jim on 6/10/09

Is she a insecure person? Does she get mad at other people also or just you?
---Fran on 6/10/09

Does this happen when its PMS time or all the time? Maybe its just your timing and interaction?
---Ed on 6/9/09

If you do this: 1Corinthians 7:33, Ephesians 5:25-29, 31, 33, Colossians 3:19, 1Timothy 5:8, 1Peter 3:7, and she does this: 1Corinthians 11:3-10, 13, 15-16, 14:34-35, Ephesians 5:22-24, 33, Colossians 3:18, 1Timothy 2:11-14, Titus 2:5, 1Peter 3:1-2, 5-6, this resolves the situation.
p.s. 1) Don't blog, get counseling from a mature Christian, Galatians 6:1-10, and submit to God. 2) Read Romans 6:6-7, Ephesians 4:17-32, Colossians 3:1-17! 3) Pray. 4) Be kind. 5) All, get saved and trust in Jesus Christ.
---Glenn on 6/8/09

Now...What are you going to do? Is the relationship seriously worth it? If you think it is, try and find a way to make it work. But if it isn't worth it, you have to be willing to take that step and say, "I'm out of here."
And do not worry of being judged by your decision.
Now this is the hard part...If you take this step, and you do end up getting a divorce, know that you will go through hell before you see the light again. It will be emotionally, and physically the most tiring thing you've ever done in your entire life. There will be many months, possibly years as my father experienced, of trying to make your way back up again. But stay strong, and carry on.
---katherine on 6/8/09

Isn't it strange how many postings here are about how horrible husbands are....

And how few are about how men are mistreated by their wives?
---Cluny on 6/8/09

I used to be defensive like your wife. I needed serious therapy to find out what was underneath my defensiveness and anger. If your wife is willing, seek marital therapy, where she can start to examine her inappropriate reactions, and pray for her and love her unconditionally.
---Trish9863 on 6/7/09

Marital counseling.

Was this going on when yall were dating? If not, why is she so scared now? Did something happen, and now she is assuming that you are always going to be that way or that you mean everything you say in a mean way?

Find out what you did and apologize, and if you did nothing to start this behavior, find a good marital counselor.
---amand6348 on 6/7/09

I assume she doesn't react that way to everyone, only to you.

She has an intense emotional bond with you and likely has a "secret" from her past.

FOR INSTANCE, she MIGHT have had an abortion when she was young (teenagers sometimes make stupid mistakes) and she fears that you would not forgive her (YOU are as emotionally significant and close to her as the baby she could have had). Many women SINCERELY regret the mistakes of their youth,...and it's VERY unchristian of Christian society not to forgive them.

Whatever the real reason, it is because you are special to her. Show her you can be understanding (regardless of a secret)...without actually saying anything, let HER reveal her secret.
---more_excellent_way on 6/7/09

You follow the Lord. I know it's important to us guys to feel like our wife adores us. What you have to understand is that these things begin in spiritual places. At a spiritual level your wife won't get her mind off of her self long enough to see things the way they really are. The Devil has bound her and she is confused. The only logical solution then is to commit yourself to not respond in a manner that is reactionary to her injurious remarks. Respond in a kind and gentle manner, listening to her, dissecting her anger from what she's really trying to say, and then validating it so that she KNOWS you care for her. All in all keep your cool, if you're gonna lose it go chop wood or something constructive and talk to God while your doing it.
---Pharisee on 6/7/09

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