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Marrying Non-Christians Advice

I am about to get engaged to a non-Christian who is wholly supportive of my faith & encourages me to go to church & agrees with raising our children as Christians. Are there any other Christians who have married non-Christians who can give me some advice?

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 ---Caryn on 9/18/09
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Caryn will have made her own decision about this as several years have passed since she asked. However, for any others in this situation NOW I would say "Be ye not unequally yoked with unbelievers"

I know several unequally yoked marriages and in ALL cases the unbeliever said that it would make no different and that the believer would be free to continue worshipping God. This is rarely the case after marriage. Children are not allowed to attend Sunday School, Christian youth projects etc. and there is no family worship, bible reading etc.It is wise to wait for God to bring us a mate. Even 'some' Christian marriages break down but it's more likely to happen when one of the couple does not believe.
---Rita_H on 2/24/14

I and God's Kingdom have suffered the years I lost, yoked to someone going a different direction.
If you are considering getting engaged, you have already made your decision and your heart is deceived. The Bible says that the heart is deceitful and desperately wicked Who can Know IT? So you see our hearts trick us! and is desperate to do so! We don't know our hearts! But the Lord does! and He has said, not to mix animals under the same yoke or believers to unbelievers (How can an unbelieving spouse train up a child in the nurture and admonitions of the Lord as scripture commands?) Your girlfriend of boyfriend can't give what they don't have! It Nave! Scripture says, How can two go together unless they agree?
---Sue_Collins on 2/23/14

if my husband were alive, he would want you to know. When he joined the Air Force, he signed a New Testament that he was saved. That is what the chaplain told him. We were married for 50 yrs and the last 4 yrs he was saved. We had more bad times than good but the day he was saved, he threw away the alcohol and he got a clean mouth.... words. if I thought he would mind me giving his testimony, I wouldn't but his life is a true example of how salvation changes a person. His heart was harder than a brick and at times I thought he would never be saved. Ask me how I know God is real... I saw it.
---shira4368 on 2/23/14

I encourage you to not marry a non-believer. I was in the same situation you are in and I wish I would've waited for a believer. My husband and I have nothing in common, the closer I get to Jesus the more I am painfully aware of his lack of relationship with Christ. I worry of the influence that he will have on our children because you can't raise Christian children if you yourself are not a Christian. Then there's also the fact that he is not saved and it is not guaranteed he ever will be. Please save yourself the heartache and disappointment. Do not marry a non-believer.
---Michelle on 2/22/14

//look me up on facebook...(Gareth Charles Duncan)

i will, maybe one day. i am not an in-your-facebook fan.

---aka on 5/3/11

Hay Aka,Nana look me up on facebook we can maybe start a group, because this website is slow. (Gareth Charles Duncan)
---Gareth_Rodway on 4/30/11


This is a difficult format to properly communicate. When I first started blogging, i tried pt, 1, 2,... but it is too hard. therefore, i try my best to keep it short, which also has problems.

Since the divorce rate among christians is the same is the secular world, saying, "I am a christian" to another christian is not nearly enough.

we all have to realize that we have already yoked ourselves in other ways and these yokes must be removed before we get married or we have to remove the yokes while we are married. the latter can result in a divorce rate equal to non believers.
---aka on 4/30/11

Aka I'm sorry I get what your saying now.

Donna66,Robyn, In the end we always come in agreement with God. they don't want to marry the person Jesus says is there husband/wife and marry someone else because they don't like the way they look or there size, but they soon find out when they end up with a serpent in there bed.

God sees what we can't. Trusting in God to choose gets us true beauty from the eyes of the beholder, which is God.

Even if they look ugly on the outside the beauty will shine through, and the same will happen with the one we choose, the Ugly will shine through.

Thats in the case of believers because Jesus is supposed to be our all in all.
---Gareth_Rodway on 4/30/11

billyJ-- Who knows, there may be some fat, ugly Christian man with very few developed brain cells, who will fall head over heels in love with her. (0h, you don't think there are any Christian men who meet your unflattering description?)

Of course, there is the possibility (faint tho it is) that some ordinary Christian man will look at the heart, as God does, and see a beautiful Christian woman underneath.
---Donna66 on 4/29/11


I think you may have misread what I said in the first place. I was basically saying what it says in 2 Cor 6:14-16.

We can be "yoked" (married figuratively) to other things and we do not realize it.
---aka on 4/29/11

Nana just know that I wasn't trying to knock you down in any way, I love this website because I get to talk to interesting people like yourself, about real subjects that effect us everyday as believers in Christ.

I have wisdom to share as well as you and others to, and we learn from each other as Proverbs 27:17 KJV says

Iron sharpeneth iron, so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.

talking with you made us both go into the word, God is good.

Any ways Nana, stay bless and I pray we can talk again more God willing.
---Gareth_Rodway on 4/29/11


You are correct in what I said and I am clear in what Paul said (not the Lord, as he states) and that he end the letter with "after my judgment: and I think also that I have the Spirit of God."
Do you have it? Good for you!

Romans 5:6-8 "For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die. But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."

There is so much divorce! Perhaps people are too busy looking for a reason and
justification for loving before loving.

Correct again that I need to learn more: 1 Cor 8:2.
---Nana on 4/29/11

Nana Study to shew thyself approved unto God.

If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

Key word (brother) the scripture is not talking about someone saved taking up someone unsaved, but two people who are already married.

In Corin people were just turning to Christ and if there partner didn't believe they put them away, Paul address this in his epistle to them.

You said

"if the unbeliever is pleased to live with the believer, let them marry"

You show that you need to study more to gain understanding.

1 Corinthians 13 Paul was teaching them how to live so they could make heaven.

God bless Nana

---Gareth_Rodway on 4/29/11

(ANOTHER TWO PARTER) I was on about this quotation of 1Corinthians 7:14-16 If you wasn't going to quote it I apologist to you for suggesting you may, but do you get what I was saying about 2 Corinthians 6:14-16 Aka KJV & NLT


Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God, as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
---Gareth_Rodway on 4/29/11


Dont team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil[a]? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? And what union can there be between Gods temple and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God said:I will live in them and walk among them.
I will be their God,and they will be my people.
---Gareth_Rodway on 4/29/11

"It is talking about people who are already married and one turns to Christ and sanctifies the other, doesn't work if your already with Christ then take up a unbeliever to marry."
---Gareth_Rodway on 4/28/11

Well, it seems to me that according to 1 Cor 7:12-13, if the unbeliever is pleased to live with the believer, let them marry.
This speaks of a believer in a peaceful environment which allows him to observe his faith.
1Cor.13:13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three, but the greatest of these is charity.
Charity goes a long way.
None of us were born with a stamp on the forehead reading 'Christian'.
---Nana on 4/29/11

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//But before you say what I think you will say//

What was I going to say?
---aka on 4/28/11

aka What are you talking about.

1 Corinthians 15:33-34

Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.

Awake to righteousness, and sin not, for some have not the knowledge of God: I speak this to your shame.
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers:
Meaning NLT
Don't team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?
Anything not lead by God will fail, not my will, but thine, be done.
(Out of space this will take two posts)
---Gareth_Rodway on 4/28/11

It's like the matrix and he's the woman in the red dress, Satan can use him at any time he maybe normal now but (e.g) he can turn him into an agent.
Yes it talks about company but also refers to who we marry.
But before you say what I think you will say
1Corinthians 7:14
It is talking about people who are already married and one turns to Christ and sanctifies the other, doesn't work if your already with Christ then take up a unbeliever to marry.
---Gareth_Rodway on 4/28/11

//Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers//

I hope everybody understands getting married is only a small subset of being 'unequally yoked'.

We have little idea how we unequally yoke ourselves everyday that do not include marriage.
---aka on 4/28/11

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Yes do stop it is not Gods will that you marry. 2 Corinthians 6:14

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

Stop now before you make a big mistake.

James 4:4

Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.
---Gareth_Rodway on 4/27/11

yes, STOP.

Why go head first against God's will knowing you'll be miserable.
Even from a selfish point of view it doesn't make sense.
Why choose to be both rebellious and miserable?
How can the two of you become one when you don't have anything that is important in common?
---larry on 4/25/11

billyJ: Everything God has made is beautiful. All people are beautiful in their own way. Does not matter the skin color or other characteristics.Fat,thin, short,tall. There is someone out there for everyone. It is not the outward appearance that matters. It is what we know and what we do with that knowledge. Your dream girl could be 400 pounds! don't miss her because she is not 125 pounds.
---Robyn on 4/25/11

When a woman is fat, ugly and has very few developed brain cells, choices for a mate is very limited. The best they can do is to marry a non-Christian and hope to led them to Christ.
---billyJ on 4/25/11

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Did you end up marrying this man?

I went against Gods will and I married a non christian. I am paying dearly for it now. Trust all of us who have been through this, if you haven't married him, please don't.

Feel free to write any time. I wish you the best and hope things are going well for you.

Take care.... Ann
---Ann on 4/20/11

The Bible said be equally yoked. I married a person who was not a Christian and who only went to church because I went to church. There was no one to read the Bible and pray with me daily. When two people become married they become one in the sight of God. I feel so alone now and I am trying to get the courage and strength to leave my husband. Please seek God and good Counsel before you make such a life changing commitment.
---Joyce_McAllister on 1/31/11

I believe that God wants us to shine our light in different ways and I believe whole heartedly that God brought me and my husband together. He is a non-believer, it is hard and something I would say avoid if you can. The thing that God said to me when I started to question, was what is marriage? I started to go through what marriage realising that although we had not been through the marriage ceremony at the time, we were in God's eyes married. It is not easy, promises were made and not kepto, but I believe that God will speak to each person individually. God knows the person you are thinking about marrying, he will guide you just listen, make sure you don't ignore anything that is said and speak to God everyday you are unsure about it.
---Believer on 1/10/11

I married a non Christian an it was a Big Mistake. I love him dearly but the mistake is that he has no Christian values when it comes to raising our only child. Our Child is suffering for my mistake. My husband of no morals sees nothing wrong with choices our child is making as teen for my husband is of the world and believes like it. BIG MISTAKE TO MARRY AN NON CHRISTIAN.BIG MISTAKE. YOUR CHILDREN AND YOU WILL SUFFER. IT IS LIGHT AND DARKNESS IN THE SAME HOME AND A CONSTANT BATTLE. SAVE YOUR SELF AND YOUR CHILDREN HEART ACHE DO NOT DO IT. MARRY SOMEONE WHO REALLY LOVES JESUS.
---Teresa_C. on 12/31/10

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Very nice, Shira3877. "We are to never give up on someone because you never know who I MIGHT saved", is what God said to me around eight years ago. However, praying for someone that you care about, is not a guarantee that he or she will be saved. If he or she is not saved then you will have to carry his or her demise with you for the rest of your life. Still, God is the chooser in who will spend eternity with Him. Satan, sometimes has such an influence in and on a lost soul, till it may be too late. One reason why I hate him so much. Have a good day.
---catherine on 10/20/10

Don't do it TRUST GOD!!!!!!
---Carla on 10/20/10

I married a non-believer. There were many very hard times and I prayed for him for 35years. He got saved Feb 25, 2004. We are not to be unequally yoked but back then I didn't pay attention to my Dad or Mom. I did pay the price.
---shira3877 on 10/20/10

It will be a Big, Big, mistake is what you are about to embark upon. What goes God have in common with Satan? What does light have in common with darkness....What will you two talk about? A nightmare of a life, Will be your's.
---catherine on 10/20/10

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My advice I offer you is, Get him saved. Talk to him and present Jesus Christ to him, and ask him if he wants to become a Christian like you are. Hopefully he will say "Yes", then you can take his hand in prayer and lead him in a sinner's prayer to confess his life is without Christ, and then he can ask Jesus Christ to come into his heart and into his life and to save him and make him born-again.
---Eloy on 10/20/10

I married a non-Christian and when we were engaged and we came to the same agreement: that he would fully support me raising our kids in the Christian faith. He has kept his promise and does not complain about me taking the kids to church and praying with them. But even though he says he is fully supportive, we are missing out on the special blessings that a believing couple would have, such as sitting next to each other in church and worshiping God together, praying together when we are going through difficult times, attending marriage retreats and other couples functions in the church, praying for guidance in raising our children, having someone to pray for me when I am struggling. Some things to consider...
---Katie on 10/19/10

Trust me, there are many many people who will promise anything to get the spouse they want. After they are married, things will change.

You don't just want endorsement of your faith, since we are all called to serve, you want a ministry partner.

I have always been told by my Christian elders to ask if my ministry will be stronger or weaker by getting married. If the answer is weaker, it is a no go even if the other person is a Christian.

Of course, maybe you are not serving yet anyway. If not, someday as you mature in the faith you will be.
---obewan on 9/25/09

DONT'T DO IT- trust me
---metuschelah on 9/23/09

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The bible says "be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers, what do the two have in common?" 1 Cor. 16-15. The bible clearly states that it is against the will of God to marry a person who has not accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior. If you do, you will be out of God's will and plan for your life. You will experience misery, it never fails. And be aware of your boyfriend pretending to become a Christian, this is another trick of satan. This happened to me and now I am divorced, lonely and cannot remarry because there was no adultery committed we were just unequally yoked. Please do not allow innocent kids to suffer. God has something way better in store!
---Marie on 9/22/09

Don't do it. Yo should be marrying someone of your same faith. I got married 5 years ago to a catholic woman and been married since. She's got 2 kids of her own and she wants them to grow catholic. Me on the other side have given myslef complete to Gods will and now my marriage is a mess. It will get very sticky even so you love this person. But in the end, it heads towards alot of conflict.
---Eric_Zuniga on 9/21/09

"I don't know what your going to do especially if your emotionally involved," Carla sympathizes. I think of how ones can have a spouse die, say never again, but then they do fall in love. So . . . emotionally . . . it can "happen" more than once (o: I have fallen for one, two, three, four . . . . And I'm getting the drift I need to be deeper, in God's love, see what happens in God's peace ruling me. And enjoy loving all the different ladies who are dear to Jesus as His bride. Not to put all my emotional eggs into one basket? Unsaved women around my age (I'm 62, now) have charmed me crazy enough . . . but it's not Jesus' beautifully wonderful love. Emotions do not need you to really get to know someone.
---Bill_bila5659 on 9/20/09

I'm married to a guy right now who believes in God, but isn't sure if he should be worshipping Jesus.

This makes it difficult for us to be spiritually together sometimes. I know that supposedly we worship the same God, but it just doesn't feel that way sometimes.

He asked Jesus in his heart years ago, but now he is so unsure and he keeps flip-flopping.
---amand6348 on 9/19/09

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I am a Christian married to a non-christian.I was in a backslidden state when I married my husband. I came back to Christ and repented of my sins and he did not.This happened about 18 after we were married. So to speak. He did eventually say the Sinners Prayer but that was it. He does not attend church or even try to grow in Christ. He is not a bad husband but he certainly gets ticked off if I try to bring up anything spiritual to him. He says he prays in the morning. He prays over meals and that's about it.
I hate to say this but he calls me names and speaks against Christians,preachers and anyone connected to Christ.Are you willing to live with this? Please consider what is being said to you now before it is too late,beloved. God bless you.
---Robyn on 9/19/09

It's one of the worse things you could do, you are not compatible and it's a mugs game to marry just to find out, he can leave you but you will have to remain unmarried, 1Corinthians 7 It's just not worth the heart ache and pain.

You should have known this incompatibility before you dated him, if you both were unsaved and you got saved when you were engaged to be married then you have work it out scripturally you never imagine whats to come and if you could you wouldn't marry.

The union is no go. I don't know what your going to do especially if your emotionally involved.You either believe or you don't but make sure you know for sure more often than not it's going to bring instability and heartache and apostacy!
---Carla3939 on 9/19/09

I just talked to a young lady today at the fair who has just gotten a divorce over this very thing. In the beginning all was fine they were to raise any children as Christians. With the birth of the first child things began to change and she had no choice but to terminate the marriage. Avoid heartache do not be(unequally YOKED together)
---mima on 9/18/09

Caryn...Are you just asking this question to stir up strife? Would you seriously consider marrying a man who does not believe that Jesus died for him? How can you say that he is wholly supportive of your faith when he does not believe it? What do you think will happen after the children are born when he wants to teach them what he believes (or doesn't believe)? Any little flaw that you see in him now will become HUGE after the wedding. If you think he will not complain about your going to church after the wedding, you are wrong.
---SusieB on 9/18/09

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God has given everyone a free will. We do not have to believe in or receive salvation or any parts of Christianity. That is your choice. You can proceed to do whatever you would like to do with your life. But do be prepared to deal with the consequences of disobeying God and depending on your own understanding and will. This unchristian man wil prove to be a bone in your side and definitely a stumbling block to you and your faith in God. This man does not even love your Savior,Jesus Christ nor the Father! How can you claim to be a Christian and tolerate that!
I question your motives--highly! He is clear on where he stands. He hates Jesus and you are going along with it.
---Robyn on 9/18/09

Caryn, No one here should condemn you, but, we certainly should warn you of the implications, since Scripture is so specific about believers not being unequally yoked (2 Corithians6:14-17). This passage says we shouldn't even have "fellowship" with unbelievers, since we have no common ground. As has already been said, "to marry an unbeliever is to spit in the face of God." Don't think that you will be able to "convert" this person through marriage as this will "likely" not be the case. You are only asking for trouble if you go through with this.
---tommy3007 on 9/18/09

Caryn, you can be sure that on this venue most people will condemn you for even thinking about marrying a nonchristian.
---mugwump on 9/18/09

No, I haven't married a non-Christian. And to marry a person who is not interested in first being pleasing to God . . . would be to spit in God's face. Why would I marry her who is so intelligent and sweet and nice, but not interested in first being pleasing to God? I guess I would be interested in how I can use her for pleasure. And the feelings can be so convincing. But the fifty-percent plus divorce rate in America shows me how "love" feelings can be a pathological lie > "even" Christians are fooled into marring ones they don't belong with. But Jesus' *sheep* hear His voice > John 10:1-30 > so why marry someone if Jesus' voice is not guiding you to? Jesus can be trusted.
---Bill_bila5659 on 9/18/09

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Why are you marrying a non-Christian despite the clear precepts of the Bible against marrying one?
---Cluny on 9/18/09

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