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Forgive A Cheating Spouse

Which one do you think is better and when is it applicable?
To forgive a cheating spouse or to go for divorce? What is the proof that the new spouse will never cheat? When is it advisable to forgive and carry-on with the marriage?

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 ---patie3447 on 9/25/09
     Helpful Blog Vote (18)

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MATTHEW 19,6 So then are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what GOD has joined together, Let not man not separate.

MATTHEW 18:21 Then Peter came to him and said, LORD how ofen shall I forgive him? Up to seven Times?
MATTHEW 18:22 JESUS said to him, I do not say to you,up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven,
---RICHARDC on 5/1/11

so catch cheating spouse or monitor the new you want to marry.
---stealth_genie on 4/28/11

Nice ad, Genie... BTW, in most states, what you are selling is, without a warrant, considered illegal wiretapping (interception of a communication).

You little ad does nothing to help Patie..
---NurseRobert on 4/28/11

Give a chance to the cheating spouse if he/she wants to reform. But there should be ways to monitor your spouse, whether if he/she don't repeatedly cheat on us. I will advice to spy on the mobile of cheating spouse. If he/she has reformed himself/herself, you will know it. I have tried it. The name of the spy software is stealth genie. All you need is to get access on cheating spouse's cell phone for once and that too for 40 or 45 seconds. Stealth genie offers all types of call taping and SMS recording, Geo location tracking and much more. It is free for short time. So catch cheating spouse or monitor the new you want to marry.
---stealth_genie on 4/28/11

Patie, always forgive. That is one of the thing we should feel inside of us for our own good. It does not mean you just forget about it. That is something not possible for the brain has recorded it already. But forgiveness is good for you as well as the person that hurt you.
A case in point is my brother. He was so bitter against my mom. She had him when she was only 14 years old, and so she left him with my grandmother. When he grew up he want to come and leave with my mom and she rejected him, since she already had my sister and I. Since then he has never forgiven her. She died already and his still very bitter. He will not move on because he was hurt. It has hurt his family and kids. More him. Forgive, for it is good for your soul.
---MarkV. on 10/7/09

Forgive without forgetting.

That is, you have to protect yourself from further hurt.

Focus on saving the marriage only if you believe the marriage can be saved AND if you wish to save it.

You can forgive him but no longer wish to be in that kind of relationship with him.

How can you best love God, others and your self in this situation?
---Jenny on 10/6/09

Would I forgive? YES. Would I let him still think he's "deceiving" me? NO. Would I trust him? NO. Not until he convinced me he has changed his behavior.

I would work on the marriage... Divorce would happen only if he insists on it and I have no choice.
---Donna66 on 10/3/09

Thanks to you all,
the discussion is very interesting
Ok so let me ask a little vote here

lets find out by votes by writing Yes or nay

will you want to give your spouse a second chance if you caught him cheating...that is even before he says anything at all?

I vote by saying "Yes" what about you?
"Yes?" or "Nay?"
---patie3447 on 10/3/09

Forgiveness does not mean that you go through life pretending that the offense never happened. To forgive means to cancel whatever debt might owed to you by the offender.
---ralph7477 on 9/30/09

To Whosoever Has An Ear To Hear?

Metushelah believes we can not 'Forgive' our spouse and remember no more that which was forgiven, while still put away & separate ourselves from them.

Non-Forgiveness has nothing to do with divorce.

If our spouse does not believe in Matt.5:31-32, God's one spiritual reason for divorce & wishes instead to depart from us, even though we've forgiven them we are to let them depart for Peace Sake. A Brother or a Sister is not under bondage in such cases. 1Cor.7:15

Metushelah, We're able to 'Forgive' while still getting a divorce, and anyone who has had the misfortune of being put in this situation, doesn't feel like they've had their cake & eaten it too!!
---ShawnM.T. on 9/30/09

You have to forgive in order to be forgiven.
Yes some thimes it is hard. My spouse was unfaithful to me with other prob's & forgivness was a must but still a separation came when she asked me to leave. Later she filed for the div then dropped it & then I proceeded to finish it. She having an flirty- flattery over friendly personality & it gets her into trouble. A few people has told me if I go back to her, she's liable to do the same again. So I stayed away & not have to put up with that happening again.
---Lawrence on 9/30/09

God does not except divorce and remarriage, if one does it, they are obviously not being led by the lord. God will forgive our sins but we have to acknowledge them first, (rom 5:8)"But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us". But if after we have seen the light, we will have no excuse for our sins or else we are already condemed (rom 6:15-16).
---metuschelah on 9/29/09

Part 1
The following persons are way off base/bible

shaw M.T. -"As God's Children we're to 'Always Forgive' and you can do this & still get a divorce". (Respond)To forgive means not to bring into rememberance anymore, if you go ahead with the divorce aren't you remembering the sin that he/she commited agains't you. Thus you haven't really forgiven him/her. (Heb 8:12) For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more. Stop trying to have your cake and eating it too. One foot in one foot out.
---metuschelah on 9/29/09

You can do both. You can forgive and file for divorce. They are not mutually exclusive.

You do not have any way of knowing if he will cheat again.

You have to pray and seek the Lord for wisdom and guidance on this. Are you in a mentoring relationship with a mature Christian woman? Have you and he sought marital therapy?

Why are you even thinking about remarriage at this time? That should be the furthest thing from your mind.
---Trish9863 on 9/28/09

Actually, Kelly... Scripture says if you cannot forgive another, then God will not forgive you. Not forgiving your wife for adultery will be held against you at the day of the Judgement, unfortunately.

It is also said that once you are forgiven, you must try to never commit that sin again. Doing the same thing effortlessly after being forgiven is mocking God. If she has another affair, then you do have viable grounds for dismissing her.
---Katherine on 9/27/09

God would have to you reconcile if you can. However, if you cannot, this is the only area where God gives grounds for divorce.
---Kelly on 9/27/09

Jerry, are you the same Jerry I answer? I am so sorry to hear about your wife and so young with cancer. I am so glad that you forgave her. Let me say that I went through something similar. Yes, there was much pain, and when she left I blamed her for crushing my dream. I was selfish only thinking of me. I never took the time to think about her dreams. I learned I failed as a husband. She was wrong for leaving, but I was responsible in many ways. All people fail. This had a great purpose for me and for her because both of us came to the Lord. I forgave her and she finally came home a year later. We lived so happy for 8 years, until she died at a hospital during a physical test, when they ruptured her artery. A person needs no proof to forgive.
---MarkV. on 9/27/09

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i will tell you because i have been there i was told ,by her that she had had an affair words cannot express how crushed i was. Christ stepped in and made me look at my own thoughts.. he showed me that .a true christian is just a saved sinner just like her. i married her before god in sickness and in health for better or worse till death do us part... don't miss understand me i'm not special , i suffered allot of pain, but pain lessened with time.... she became such a fine christian , two years later she found out that she had cancer all through her body. one year latter at thirty one years old she went to be with the lord. you see 1 Corinthians chapter 7 says you never know if your relationship with god just might change their mind.
---jerry on 9/26/09

Patie many stay in relationships with a spouse who habitually commits adultery equating forgiveness with staying married and sold by religion that they are a "better person" for doing can forgive their cheating spouse and divorce

simple minded ignorance that "grass isn't always greener" stems from hatred subscribed to by many "christian" religions promoting the idea to keep the "devil you know" mentality because you may get worse next time

many adulterers became so skilled at lying with their secret life apart from their spouse "being remorseful" adds to their act is not the same as a remorseful spouse
---Rhonda on 9/26/09

thanks for writing

I am not married....just worried about the spate of divorce and re-marriage and divorce

what happened to forgivesness and a little selflessness and putting ourselves in the others shoes? everyone will want to be pardoned and taken back why can't we do same for we ever banish family members that easily?

i believe christians should be ready to forgive their spouses if they show remorse

cos no one knows what the next spouse will do

I'm asking your views because this is my view

i wonder if someone thinks along the same lines?
---patie3447 on 9/26/09

The answer is not "one or the other."
Whether to divorce or not is one question, and whether to forgive is another question.
Whether to stay together or separate for a time is another question.
The question of whether to forgive or not is an easy answer, but harder to do. Whatever happens, one needs to forgive. Forgive your enemies, bless those who hate you, so whatever happens, one needs to forgive. I would work on forgiving first, remembering Christ died for us while we were yet sinners.
Even if one separates or divorces, he/she will still need to forgive the other partner.
---Rod4Him on 9/26/09

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Do you love him?

It sounds from this and another question you asked as if you don't.

But surely whether youi go on with the marriage depends partly on whether you wish to.

You will never have proof before first, seond or even third marriage that your spouse will never cheat.

Don't wed in haste, get to know the other, and make sure you love and trust each other.
---alan8566_of_uk on 9/26/09

To Whosoever Has An Ear To Hear?

As God's Children we're to 'Always Forgive' and you can do this & still get a divorce.

Forgiveness have nothing to do with whether or not to get a divorce. There is only one spiritual reason to put away & separate yourself from your spouse.

Now, If your spouse does not believe in God's one spiritual reason for divorce(Matt.5:31-32) and wishs to depart from you, then for peace sake let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. 1Cor.7:15

Look upon the fruits of other to get a sense of what might or might not be done by them but you'll never have 100% proof of what they will or will not do, because only God can see their Heart.
---Shawn.M.T. on 9/25/09

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