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Christian Husband Cheated

My husband cheated on me for the past 4 years on and off with the same women he does not want to leave me he says he will change and be a better christian. Do I believe him? Please help as I don't know what to do.

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 ---Monica on 1/15/10
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Read Dobson's book "Tough Love". Don't read Wheat's book "Saving Your Marraige by Yourself".
---Janet on 1/30/10

You are in a mess. Number 1 it is doubtful if we really change except through the Holy Spirit. My Christian husband cheated on me with same woman for 4-6 years. I think they still talk on phone ocassionally. Number 2 most men are unwilling to be put into a situation where weakness shows, i.e., someone else telling them what to do. Tell me the difference between the wife telling or the girlfriend telling? My husband didn't want a divorce either. I think it was for financial reasons. I accepted him back and it was the hardest effort I have ever made. It took at least 2 years. I'm far from perfect, but once you decide to stay together, you cannot broach the subject ever again. Truly, you must forgive the way Christ forgives. It's hard.
---bobbie on 1/21/10

Dear Monica,

My heart breaks for you. To be betrayed by the person who pledged honesty and love to you is a difficult thing to live with.

Please get counseling. Both of you need it, no matter if you choose to stay together or not. Even with all the people who care about you on this blog trying to help, your family or your church family, you need more.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Best wishes and love,
---Deb on 1/21/10

"when you sin and you ask God for forgiveness, does He tell you, "You need to prove yourself," before He forgives you?
You're quoting this verse out of context."

Cluny, your reply shows two things.
1. You don't understand the Bible is of one interpretation but many applications.
2. You don't read whole statement. You missed what I said about forgivness. Maybe on purpose.
Ask the questioner whose advice helped the most. Do it without pride.
By the way God proves us every day. This proving is testing. You should know that.
This man will be tested again with other women. You can defend his acitivies if you want but the victim of this personal marriage attack will be the one who suffers.
---Elder on 1/19/10

\\The Bible says, "Let a man prove himself." He needs to prove himself. \\

Tell me, when you sin and you ask God for forgiveness, does He tell you, "You need to prove yourself," before He forgives you?

You're quoting this verse out of context.

It's talking about not ordaining a neophyte, not reconciliation between a husband and wife.
---Cluny on 1/19/10

Does this guy want to "change" because he got caught?
The Bible says, "Let a man prove himself." He needs to prove himself.
This does not mean you don't forgive him. It means, for the time, your relationship with him has changed because he allowed it to.
You are not required to "continue on" as before. You need to be wise. Allow time to see what bugs/criters he is carrying. Because of his activity you could end up suffering and sick for the rest of your life. Just because he laid with the dogs doesn't mean you have to scrach his fleas.
Be careful, sure and wise in this matter. Remind him that he brought this into your home.
Forgive, yes. Return quickly to the old relationship, NO!
---Elder on 1/19/10

This is not about forgiveness or unforgiveness. Will you be able to trust someone who cheated on you for four years?
---amand6348 on 1/18/10

In the Book of Timothy it says "IF the UNBELIEVER depart, let him depart" That we are not of bondage but calls his saints to peace....This scripture lead me OUT of bondage to an unfaithful husband. I dont know if you fear divorce due to "faith" or due to you feel in your heart God is calling you to stick with him. Only you alone can find the right answer through prayer and Gods Word, HE showed me and I know HE will you....Luv & Prayers sis.
---Lisa on 1/17/10

Well how much psychological torture will you stand? a good licensed marriage counselor should be your next step. also consider counseling if he will not go. In the Bible a unfathful partner is definitely grounds for divorce and certain demonations will let your brain turn to mush. I have been cheated on by my ex who in turn was ordered by a court to have her examined, and she filed the divorce papers, got pregnant had a kid, and wanted me out of her life. in the end I heard she took her own life. And I got remarried. and been happy now 9 years, I went on with my life and went back to college got a degree, and my attempts on going back was always oppossed by my ex, and some negative people. and I prayed about this, and today I am much happier.
---Mark on 1/17/10

Why do people keep advising this poor woman to just "forgive" her husband and stay with him? I mean, he has admitted he has cheated on her many times!
---Mary on 1/17/10

Monica, There are a lot of judges posting here.

If he confessed this to you then you will need to forgive him and work on your marriage. Preferably with a good Christian advisor you BOTH trust.

If however he was caught and did not confess on his own (or out of his heart) then you need to evaluate your marriage and perhaps consider divorce. WHY? because in that instance statistcally speaking the person will usually continue to be unfaithful at some future date. They simply got caught. Those are the sad facts of this scenario. If you decide to stay in this case you will need to monitor things very closely. This in itself is not a marriage, but maybe if the trust returns it could be.
---PASTOR_JIM on 1/17/10

Bill ... He's shown good leadership so far hasn't he?
If Monica follows his leadership, she too will join the cheating game.

And do you really think that Ephesians gives the "head" the right to betray his wife?
---alan8566_of_uk on 1/16/10

Leave the loser--you have biblical grounds honey, obviously the man cannot stay faithful and you don't need the abuse any longer dear!
---Mary on 1/16/10

I'd say you can test him, to see how he does. Forgive and give him a chance. But if he said all that *after* he got caught . . . still, a person who has done wrong can really mean to change. But the way you two have been relating could have contributed to him doing that. So, I'd say you need to change how you two have been relating. And I would not use this problem as an excuse to try to get control over him. He is supposed to be your "head" (Ephesians 5:22-33). So, I think he needs to take leadership in doing what will have you two learning to relate better with each other, spend more time together. And how about your children? They need to see your example of this, so they can learn how to love in marriage.
---Bill_bila5659 on 1/16/10

Women or woman?
How many times has he promised to change?
"Do I believe him?" Well, do you?
Is he really a Christian?
---alan8566_of_uk on 1/16/10

"My husband cheated on me for the past 4 years on and off... he says he will change....Do I believe him?"

Monica, reverse the scenario, what would you have him do?
"Whatever you [would] want men [your husband as concerning this particular situation] to do to you, do also to them [him], for this is the Law and the Prophets." Mat.7:12
---joseph on 1/16/10

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Were positions swapped, would YOU want your wronged husband to believe you as you begged his forgiveness and promised to change?

YOur answer to this will tell you what you should do.
---Cluny on 1/16/10

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