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I Dumped A Married Man

I met a guy from church he asked me out, we started dating very frequently, he never tried to kiss or anything else, he was very respectful. He confessed he's married and has 3 children. I dumped him. Is it adultery if there was no fornication and I was conpletetly ignorant to his real status?

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 ---Maryah on 3/8/10
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there is no sin in something done in ignorance. But considering you do now know you should ask Gods forgiveness. Concerning adultery there is one thing that determines if it is in this case. Did you lust after him, or better said did you think about sexual things with him. If that is so, then it is adultery. I have been told though that women think very different than men along these lines, hopefully that is the case with you. If not ask Gods forgiveness because you have already shown repentance by ending the relationship.

Also be patient about a man, God will send him and you will know.

Gods love to you sister
---willa5568 on 5/14/11

Well for my understanding..if you well in as a woman or man you shouldnt be going out with any person in your church..and she also mention that they basically just met..for that reason if you trust God she shouldve pray and ask God if that was the right person for her and obviosly she she was not that into church and God like she make it seem..for that reason is that this things happen..when you a christian you have to live your life by God rules...if he was a married man and went ahead and asked her out that show the type of character this guy had.didnt respect his wife and kids...neither God..and you shouldve known better...
---abbiiee on 5/13/11

There is no sin on your part. You didn't know that he was married. Many man are not happy with what they have so they go out looking for another to make themselves happy. They hurt others around them when they do that. Their families and the person they have lied to. Deceiving someone can really hurt. I'm glad you finally found out.
---mary on 3/16/10

Pray to God and ask him to forgive you for coveting another womans husband. I know you explained you didn't know he was married, but non-the less there had to have been some form of attraction that you had towards him in order to date him. So you did desire another womans husband. God is love and will forgive you. Believe me, I do understand where you are coming from, had something similar happen with me. At the time, I was convicted by God that I had coveted anothers womans husband although I did not know he was married. I asked God to forgive me and he did. Gods love to you.
---Apple on 3/15/10

LESLIE ...Please come back and answer our questions.

We are puzzled as to how we are ALL in adultery!
---alan8566_of_uk on 3/14/10


Your below referenced comment is unacceptable,

////"You all must be in adultery, or sexual sins yourself, you find a way to argue it...."

Do you always make accusatory comments when one has a different interpretation than you?

Scary stuff!
---chris on 3/14/10

Leslei, thank for your comment, though harsh. BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW IT WAS LUST? DO YOU KNOW THAT? If so, yes you are correct. But consider whether you know that (if so, tell us HOW you know) - we mean lust, not liking! Do not make strong accusations before you are sure of the facts
---peter3594 on 3/13/10

Yes, it was still adultery.
---Betty on 3/10/10

No, it wasn't.
---NurseRobert on 3/12/10

I have always been a harsh critic of Christians who are afraid to speak Judgement when needed, Christians who are more Politically Correct. Unlike Paul was with Peter.

Now we have a clear case of unrighteous Judgement given by some on this blog.
Casting stones and stumbling blocks on the righteous.

Maryah did NOT commit Adultery by any standards in scripture, including The Sermon on the Mount given by the Lord.

HOWEVER, This unrighteous Judgement is very sinful!!!
---John on 3/12/10

Kathr ... The answer to your question is NO.

But I addressed my question to Leslie, who had said that Maryah, had committed adultery because she had been out with a married man, even though she did not know she was married, and even though she had no sexual relationship or feeling about him.

If thta is him/her view, he/she would say I would have been committing adultery with my wife's married cousin, and I was challenging him/her on this.

I wonder if she/he will answer?
---alan8566_of_uk on 3/11/10

Does that make me an adulterer?

I await your judgment
---alan8566_of_uk on 3/10/10

alan8566, did you LUST after your cousin? Did you have ulterior motives?
---kathr4453 on 3/11/10

Leslie ... My late wife's cousin helped me nurse her in her last days, and then for a few days stayed in my house to help look after things.

Then last week, she stayed again, so she could see my daughter and my new granddaughter.

We have a great friendship, as I do with her husband, and with her children, but he was not here on either occasion.

My "relationship" with that lady is closer than Maryah to her male friend, since we have exchanged cheek to cheek kisses and embraced (as cousins)

Does that make me an adulterer?

I await your judgment
---alan8566_of_uk on 3/10/10

You people that say "adultery" are apparently not reading this: she DUMPED him when she found out he was married!
---Mary on 3/10/10

John, Peter3594, & Alan of UK - You are ALL WRONG and NOT lined up with the Bible. I gave the scripture in my last post of Matthew 5:27-28 of lust = adultery. Again, it does NOT matter whether she knew he was married or that she was not sexual in any way with him. The Bible is clear, she was in a relationship with a man that was married, who was NOT her husband. According to the Bible it IS adultery. If you do not think so, you are arguing with God and calling Him a liar. You all must be in adultery, or sexual sins yourself, and the Bible is contradicting you and your lifestyle, so you find a way to argue it, so you can continue in your sins.
---Leslie on 3/10/10

Yes, it was still adultery.
---Betty on 3/10/10


You surely take the scripture too far? John points out the weakness

I a widower am "seeing" (dating? .. I don't know) a widow. I hope it may perhaps develop into a relationship that could lead to marriage.

Does that mean we are committing adultery?

Am I "looking on her with lust?" Is the desire to hold hands with her, or even the holding of hands, "looking on her with lust?"

Maryah's story does not indicate to me that she was lusting.

Have you ever been deceived in anything? Is it a sin to be deceived?
---alan8566_of_uk on 3/10/10

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Leslie, you quote from the Sermon on the Mount, if you look with lust at someone, which is true. But are you sure that Maryah did that? If it was that half of what you wrote (look lusfully) it would also be sinful if the man was not married, wouldn't it. let's just remember we do not know whether that was lust (on Maryah's part).
---peter3594 on 3/10/10

Jesus said that if anyone looks with lust or is with another who is not their spouse, they are in adultery.
---Leslie on 3/9/10

Please show us this verse and explain how it applies to this post.

Since Maryah did not know this man was marry and since she did not have any relationship with him on a physical level. But was truly seeking a possible husband. How then do you call her an adultress.

Because if what you say was true, then NONE of us could ever get married ever.

There are however, numerous verses concerning those who place an unholy yoke/burden around Holy people and place a stumbling block before them. Using the judgement of men, not God.

Do you wish to see those verses???
---John on 3/9/10

Jesus said that if anyone looks with lust or is with another who is not their spouse, they are in adultery. It does not matter that she knew or not or that he lied to her or even if she was sexual with him or not, she is still in adultery according to Jesus, because she was with him as a boyfriend. Look at the women at the well, Jesus showed her that she was in adultery by saying that she was correct in saying that she did not have a husband, she had several, and the one she was with at the time was not even her husband. Matthew 5:27-28, John 4:17-18. If you argue with this, then you argue with God.
---Leslie on 3/9/10

Shouldn't worry about it, Its SORTED!
---Carla on 3/9/10

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Yes, we can be led by the Holy Spirit. And the Holy Spirit will lead us according to all that He knows about a person. So, I'd say the Holy Spirit did not lead you to date this man. So, if you were not relating in obedience with the Holy Spirit, you were cheating on Jesus our Groom, and this would be adultery. You possibly still, then, are able to find a betrayer to be attractive. You "might" look at yourself and see what it is that you value, so that you could be attracted to a man who would betray his own wife and kids. Whatever he could use to attract you is what Satan can use as bait to trick you, in the future.
---Bill_bila5659 on 3/9/10

Leslie ... "You are WRONG and call God a liar"

I've called God a liar?

Please clarify!
---alan8566_of_uk on 3/9/10

Leslie, in your comment to Alan of UK, you comment that the being 'with' a married man causes it to be adultery. I am not sure, but could you tell me where that is in Jesus' statements? We are not told that she (Maryah) looked lustfully at the married man, so I take it that you take it from some other comment of Jesus. could you tell me which statement that is?
---peter3594 on 3/9/10

Just to keep it simple: if you don't believe (and receive) that word, it is still true but you won't give attention to what you don't believe and therefore won't live in the benefit of it. If you do believe (and receive) that Word, you do give heed to it and can walk in the truth of it. I could give example after example after example from my own personal journey with God, but space does not permit it. Actually, I believe I have over the years and little by little given testimony, but it never changed your mind because you don't understand the power that God wraps within the testimony. I am not out to change your mind. I will simply give the word. Look it up for yourself and let God be true and every man be found a liar.
---Linda on 3/8/10

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I agree with Alan. In this case the woman did not have an intimate physical relationship with the man therefore she isn't guilty of adultry or fornication. She responded just as she should have and got rid of that liar.
---Darlene_1 on 3/8/10

Not on your part. You're fine.

However, he did commit adultery as described by Jesus. He also lied and decieve you and his wife and kids.

He needs to repent of this.
---John on 3/8/10

Alan of UK - You are WRONG and call God a liar. She was with a married man, thus according to what Jesus said has committed adultery and MUST repent.
---Leslie on 3/8/10

Leslie's comment reads as if he thinks Maryah herself was married.

Since she was not, she would then only be committing adultery by having a relationship with a married man.

But she did not know he was married, and did not have a relationship with him anyway.

So no adultery!

I'm not clear about Linda's comment ... Do you mean that a Christian can never be deceived, because the Holy Spirit will warn him? Linda, does the Holy Spirit cause you to know all things?
---alan8566_of_uk on 3/8/10

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Yes it is Adultery. 1st if you are married and are dating someone else (even without the sexual stuff) Jesus says you are in adultery. 2nd if you look with lust at someone Jesus says you are in adultery. Repent of this and tell him to do the same.
---Leslie on 3/8/10

If you did not know he was married, not adultery, and anything wrong was done whle you did not know - and sime what you did was aceceptable if he was not married, and you did not know he was married - maybe next time you should try to check out if there is anything 'hidden'?
---peter3594 on 3/8/10

it was not adultery on your part..his part may be..Just thank God that you found out in time.
---a_friend on 3/8/10

I believe adultery is the actual act of sexual intercourse, but some on this site may think differently.

Since "he never tried to kiss or anything else," I would say you didn't commit adultery, but there are scholars on this site who will have more in-depth knowledge of this for you.
---Donna on 3/8/10

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You can be considered innocent if you did not know he was married. However, I do want to mention that the Holy Spirit knew, and He is the unction we have that causes us to know all things. Unfortunately, most people don't understand that He is here to protect us from such deception, whether it be related to doctrine or practical matters. Go in peace, but trust that unction from the Holy One and let the peace of God rule in your heart. If you don't believe you are in a place where you are ready to live in that benefit, then I would ask for counsel from those who are given authority to watch over your soul. In the multitude of counselors, there is safety.
---Linda on 3/8/10

Your story reminds me of a friend of mine. Same thing happened to her. The whole time, her mother was doing all kinds of background checks on the man because she wasn't at peace. Friend didn't listen, guy was married (and now in jail), and now she has to deal with filing papers to get her name off the record as being married to him. Not to mention the heartache she dealt with when she found out.
---Linda on 3/8/10

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