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How To Forgive Abusive Parents

How do you deal with abusive parents who refuse to admit they abused you when you were a child?

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 ---Joseph on 4/8/10
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Joseph : How many of the bad things that you did as a child do you remember? Are your parents always recounting them to your hearing? Watch, all teachings are not godly. The good & not-so-good of your parents are gifts to you. Do you appreciate them often for the good things you received from them?
---Adetunji on 2/1/14

wow lidia, I have never experienced some of the things you have endured. you are a testimony in your community and you are right, we don't need money to help others but it does help. How do you know about my jewelry? I will send you a set if you give me your address in shira4368. I have made lots of jewelry and last Friday put it at a top notch beauty spa in my town. I also did a show in Austin, tx. lidia, you just got to know I think you are a super person. maybe God does have you there for a reason. I love you my sister in Christ. if we don't meet here, I will surely meet you in gloryland.
---shira4368 on 1/31/14

Hello,Family,you know what I think Sis.Shira4368, God knows all you had to put up with & I believe it' why you are so,blessed look at the beautifull jewelry you make to.God be the glory,I help alot of people in this city,other places.

Helped aids patients,homeless people, & with cancer.
Few mean women with aids, one came to see me fews yrs.back and thanked me for being hard on her, she went away happy. I know your condition,go out to the streets! watch me call the police.

My help free never took a dime from this people, maybe why God got me still here. God 'good to me. It takes alot out of you when you give of realize they may not appreciate it.

Love of Jesus!
---Lidia4796 on 1/31/14

My parents were great. Loving and believers. On the other hand I have had to be caregiver for two people. The first one hated me and yet I was the only one to do it. That was my mother in law. I took care of my sister for 4 yrs. when you take care of ungrateful people, it does something to you. The more I did it, the more they demanded. I have had to forgive many in my life but it still does something to you or at least it did me. It will make a person physically I'll.
---shira4368 on 1/31/14

I believe the way you deal with it is by forgiving. Which is a problem solved for the one who was abused. It does not help the abusers. It effects the abused, for he can go on with his life, and not carry a weight that can keep him from becoming the person God wants him to be.
Many abusers refuse to believe what they have done. Many feel they did the right thing. Others know they were wrong but cannot change the fact they did abuse. Their problem is with God.
But we are responsible for ourselves not others.
---Mark_V. on 1/31/14

Oh,before I forgot to say that yes' you MUST forgive even if they did you wrong, because it' required of every one who calls themself a christian

but truth is you will be able to see victory and be free from a hold of still being in bondage let them rest in peace,if they still living praise God,

you still have a chance to let them see the love of a Holy God who has help you rise above a terrible road block to love instead of carry the heavy weight of hate ,.
Love of Jesus! Ro.10:10 Heb.13:1
---Lidia4796 on 1/30/14

Hello,This is a good topic,because whether we want to admit or ignore sadly,it is happening everyday some where perhaps your family as it did in mine.anger/disfunction//alcohol,etc.. my dad left!
Miracle seem God put a few good people Christian bk grounded in the my life!
They' now gone on be with the Lord,but ,I never forgot the sacrifices they did for me, biblical example taught me & the Love of God they displayed when chastise me of my errant ways!
100,000 words could not express my gratitude for these people come in my young life..showed me the true love thru Christ Jesus! Eccl.7:19 Pro.31:30
Love of Jesus!
---Lidia4796 on 1/29/14

mike--I don't know of ANY Christians who give God the freedom He deserves to control their lives! A person who has been abused in childhood may find it harder trusting...
especially,"God the father."

So because of your objection I'll rephrase my advice:

Understand you are an ADULT. What happens in you life from here on, is largely determined by YOU. You parents DO NOT CONTROL you now. And you must not let reality or in imagination and memory...

YOU have to choose whether you want abuse to determine your future, or whether you want to determine it yourself. This must be a DELIBERATE choice, and you may have to make it over and over again!
(I'd suggest asking God for help).
---Donna66 on 4/12/10

Whatever they did to you, YOU are in control of your life now

if you control your life, doesn't that describe selfishness as christians would say?
and controlling your own life contradicts the principles of the bible?

Better yet, if you are a Christian, HE is in control.

I met plenty of dysfunctional christians where god is not in control of their lives. they continue to behave as if they are still in the dysfunctional abuse homes where they defend themselves from terror. and most of them are trying to look good for christ quoting verses to project they are mature, bible believing people. their relationship skills are based on performance & 'I am better than you are'
---mike on 4/12/10

If you have children of your own, you realize that the pefect parent does not exist. You may easily hurt your children without even realizing it.

I never got over what I suffered as a child until I realized that I still kept expecting MY parents to be super-human...just because they were MY parents.
No. They BLEW it (in some ways) but I can now give them credit for the things they did right.

Whatever they did to you, YOU are in control of your life now. (Better yet, if you are a Christian, HE is in control. God is your father and he is everything your own you own parents weren't). Don't let the past ruin your life now through unforgiveness. God will help you forgive if you ask Him.
---Donna66 on 4/10/10

The best way to flow in forgiveness is to receive God's forgiveness for you already provided in Christ and ready for an open heart and hand. Forgiveness is a good choice but it is better when it flows from true intimacy with God. The Word says to forgive as God in Christ has forgiven us. You can't put the car before the horse and try to forgive apart from knowing intimately His forgiveness for you in Christ.
---Linda on 4/9/10

as a person, exercise your free will to choose & with wisdom

here are some advice
1 don't obey 'prosperity gospel' to succeed
sharpen your skills to prosper not tithe
2 don't run another mile for your brethren or others bec. it will teach them laziness
3 self confidence is not a sin, you have to speak up for yourself when there are lies.
self is sin when you 'look down on others' aka arrogance.
4 people who are simple have the most to offer acceptance. stay away who are trying to be somebody they are not.
5 don't obey some fool's orders bec. nobody will bail you when you get in trouble
---jim on 4/9/10

after you forgive your abusive parents, what do you do then? abuse produces dysfunctional relationships where one person has difficulty coping & cannot FUNCTION in the real world. that is why many have a hard time in forgiving.

joseph start with you. accept & love yourself bec. you are a PERSON. sort out the lies & truth. not all the blame shame guilt falls on you. many exploit & pervert the truth so somebody is a fall guy.
find people who accepts you as who you are & leave those who are insecure & focus that you CAN function in the real world.
---mike on 4/9/10

Joseph, I went through the same thing you did.

You CHOOSE to forgive them. Then pray and ask Father God to begin to heal the wounds that they have caused you. Let God deal with them.

You do your part (choose to forgive them by saying, Father in the name of Jesus, I choose to forgive my parents who abused me as a child, I release all hurt, resentment and bitterness towards them I may have, and I ask you to crush it beneath your feet in Jesus name. Father I ask you to begin to heal me of the deep wounds their abuse has caused me). You will need to pray like this every day. Healing takes time.
Then let God do His part in healing you.
He will deal with your parents. The scriptures say, "The Lord loves Justice."
---Donna5535 on 4/9/10

Don't "make them admit they abused you". They probably never will. In fact, depending on the circumstances, they may not consider what they did "abuse". Even if they recognize they hurt you, "asking them to admit it" will not help you forgive (it may make it easier to hold a grudge).
When you really forgive them you will not insist they "admit" anything.

One helpful thing is to look at the way your parents were raised. Do you remember your grandparents? If not, just do a little investigation into the child-rearing practices of your grandparents generation.
people often unconsciously raise their children the way they were raised. So often, those who hurt you were hurt the same way growing up.
---Donna66 on 4/9/10

They are in denial! I forgave mine before I was saved. It just came upon me one day when I saw how helpless my stepfather had become. It took years of suffering in this. Now, He was no threat to me anymore. However, when you are saved, which in my case was years and years later, after I forgave him, and only a year after my mother past away, she was not saved, I fine that if it were not for Jesus I would stay angry all the time. Wait on God He will change you. No effort on your part in this thing of forgiving other people, my friends. I pray that my stepfather will be saved.
---catherine on 4/9/10

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Wow! This is a tough one as I'm currently dealing with this one. Inspite of their denial we must forgive them, because our healing starts there. God has shown me that it is very hard for some people, to deal with past hurt/pain they have caused others. He must prepare their hearts to accept the reality that it did happen and he forgives them. Once this takes place he in his time will open the door for reconciliation.

---shary on 4/9/10

How? By recognizing that the past can not be changed and dwelling on it serves no constructive purpose. Forget those things which are behind you and move on. Reach forward towards the goal that has been sat before you, choosing sincere love and unconditional forgiveness as your highest aim. Honor your parents as the vessels the Father choose to manifest your life. A life that has given you the opportunity and privilege of receiving His divine invitation to salvation, as well as to embrace true and eternal life in and with Him.

Posted by the original joseph:oD))
From this day forward, I concede the name joseph to "the other joseph":o) Enjoy.
---joseph on 4/8/10

All you can do is to start with your DESIRE to forgive.

You also need to search your heart and make sure there are no false memories there. It does happen.
---Cluny on 4/9/10

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