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Lazy Drunken Wife Beater

My father was a lazy drunken wife beating child abuser Now we are adults and he denies it ever happened and mom become abusive to us when we confront him about and denied it ever happened herself and calls us bad sons? How would you deal with this situation?

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 ---Joseph on 4/22/10
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Hello,Some old bloggs,I like
why? the issue remains,my birth mom & the one who raise both were in denial. birth mom ashamed admit to folks,I'm her daughter,so,she hurt me never want me.

Mom,she was worse,beat me, FOR just ANY thing.
In denial too!
It made me hard,too....the Lord quit being so.hard & angry.Jesus wants us to be lovable and forgiving ,the past Forgiveness Scriptures!
You can not keep LIVING in the past.It took me long time to really get it in action,not just words.
Christ died for the ungodly.
Christ gave his life so we might be free become His...I love Jesus.
Thankyou Lord for done and still do.for of Jesus!
---Elena9555 on 5/18/14

Only professional help will deal with this problem. If the father denies it and the mother is denying your father ever did it, there is little you can do. The best thing for you to do is move on - remembering this is the first day of the rest of your life. Just don't be guilty of following your father's footsteps.
---wivv on 5/2/10

Joseph, forgiving someone for hurting you does NOT require that you continue to leave yourself in a position where that person (or those persons, in this case) can continue to hurt you again and again.
---Cluny on 4/26/10

Thank you all for your kind and wise advice.
I am have taken concilling and am firm with mom and let her know it is not aceptable.Her attitude towards me has changed a lot
I do not speak with dad.He likes to say mean and cruel things to upset you then sit there and laugh They are in their seventies
I do not ever expect an apology however I have let mom know I will not return home until one is forth coming
I am a missionary in China so it might be a long time before I go home
---Joseph on 4/25/10

Quit expecting them to acknowledge their wrong doing. It is a waste of emotional energy. You've confronted them...the ball is in their court now. But I don't expect them to ever return the ball.

Nothing will change the past. What you must must deal with is the present and the future. You can ruin the rest of your life if you continue to dwell on this.
Accept that they are sinners.
Commit it to God. Put it behind you.
---Donna66 on 4/24/10

The key word in your question is WAS. Hopefully what was is no more. Don't let the old activities destroy you. Determine to forgive and go from there. Live for tomorrow and not yesterday.
Forgiveness is much more important for you and your well being than the offender. Practice it. Build your parents and don't remind them of a past they want to forget.
Create a relationship with them now. You will survive better for it. You will have no regrets later.
---Elder on 4/24/10

There are so many dysfunctional families today, and notice how the poster says that "alcohol" is abused by the father. I grew up in a similar type family, and it is so telling how that alcohol is a major driving catlyst today in the promotion of woe and destruction in so many lives.
---Eloy on 4/24/10

I can always count on you, Cluny, to come back to me with simple DISAGREEMENT instead of also provide an alternate explanation (because your only real intention is to OPPOSE).

The uncivilized people of ancient societies had to be TOLD that they should be more compassionate and humane to ALL of their aging "relatives" (not just their "PARENTS") did notice the two different words, didn't you?.

For CIVILIZED Christians in a world of financial hardships, caretaking for "ALL RELATIVES" is an unreasonable mandate and is ABUSIVE of the children. The Lord speaks of "PARENTS" ONLY and that the parents have a duty to their child.
---more_excellent_way on 4/23/10

\\The Lord loves justice and it's up to God how he wants to deal with these people. YOU release them by forgiving them, leave the rest up to God, okay? \\

Well put, Donna!
---Cluny on 4/23/10

Joseph, I had to deal with this same situation. Trying to get everyone who abused me as a child to say they were sorry, but NOT ONE OF THEM EVER DID.

So here's what I did. I prayed to God and released them over to the Lord. Then I told God I forgive them Lord, but the pain of what they did to me is still there. Then I asked God to heal me. I prayed about this alot because I cried alot over it. Even though they didn't apologize to me when I brought it up to them, I told all of them I forgive them. They still remain in their bitterness. The Lord loves justice and it's up to God how he wants to deal with these people. YOU release them by forgiving them, leave the rest up to God, okay? I am Praying for you Joseph.
---Donna5535 on 4/23/10

The situation is not likely to improve. Both of your parents are in a denial mode and it is unlikely that that will change in the near future.

You are the one [and possibly your brothers] that are up set by your parents action.

If you get along well with your brothers do thing with them, and avoid activities with your parents.

You can still honor them on Mothers and Fathers Day with a card or gift, but keep personal interaction to a minimum.
---Friendly_Blogger on 4/23/10

\\1 Timothy 5:8
"If any one does not provide for his relatives".......UNJUST.\\

Why did you not quote the entire passage in context, MEW?

Could it be that the ENTIRE verse disagrees with what you're saying?

8But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
---Cluny on 4/23/10

Cluny is right. Denial is much more comfortable for both of them, because being honest about their behavior, his abuse, and her not protecting you boys, requires courage and faith, which they obviously lack.

Pray for both of them. Pray that their eyes be made whole, so they can see the truth. Love them as best you can, given their denial. They will be honest when they feel it is safe for them to be so.
---Trish9863 on 4/23/10

My advice is to let it go, and forgive,and pray for them. They are probably very ashamed of their past. Please just love them anyway and maybe someday they will ask for forgivness.
---a_friend on 4/23/10

For all their denial of the unpleasant abuse, it still does not change the truth and fact that they did indeed abuse you boys. I know how people deny the truth, and how they want to pretend like they did nothing wrong and try to project their own blameworthy faults onto others. When your mom irresponds to you sons, she is like "the pot calling the kettle black". For a parent can be swiftly condemned to hell, just as equally as a child. If anyone wants respect, they must first must give it in order to rightly receive it. It is up to you persoanlly how you handle your parents denial and misjudgment of you. I would pray to Jesus about it. And I have learned not to accept any crap from any body, and I will never honor an evil person.
---Eloy on 4/23/10

you have alot to forgive,I would suggest you seek Gods help in doing so for your own good first,before you seek an admission of guilt from him,you may never get one,and thats fine,it,s far better that you forgive,then believe it or not there wont be a situation any longer.
---tom2 on 4/23/10

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It is not at all uncommon for child abusers of any kind (sexual or otherwise) and their enablers (in this case, your mother) to live in denial about it.

It's painful and terrible, but if you want to be able to have a relationship with your parents, it's apparently going to have to be on their terms. THEY are the only ones who can face up to their own responsibiliity in this matter.
---Cluny on 4/22/10

You are not bad sons, you are only dealing with a bad situation. If you really were bad sons, you would have beat your father to a pulp.

Your mother knows she's guilty, but is deathly afraid of admitting it because she knows her justified penalty. You must show her that you are as forgiving as Jesus, then she will have GREAT LOVE for GOOD SONS and no longer be abusive.

And always remember...

The old uncivilized pagan societies made the children provide for the parents....

1 Timothy 5:8
"If any one does not provide for his relatives".......UNJUST.

....but Christians do not have that burden.....

2 Corinthians 12:14
"but parents for their children".
---more_excellent_way on 4/22/10

The reason your mother can't admit your father was bad is because she never had the nerve to fight back,not even for her abused children,and if she admits he was,she knows she is just as bad or worse. She should have protected you from the abuse. Now they support each other's lies,he didn't do it,because they are both guilty. If she says you are bad sons its a lie,tell her no Mom you and Dad are the ones who lie and you are the ones who are bad,even worse now,because you won't take the responsibility for what you both did or what you didn't do rescue us from that abuse. You were the abusers,we were the victims,you can't change facts or history. Forgive them,Pray,ask God to heal you children and save your parents souls.
---Darlene_1 on 4/22/10

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