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My Husband Lied About Kids

In the Bible it says that wives have to be submissive to their husbands, something I try very hard to achieve. But if a man doesn't want children, after telling his wife beforehand that he does, is the wife supposed to submit to him even though it causes her heartache? What should she do?

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 ---Isabelle on 5/12/10
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I think that the best thing you can do is to tell him how you feel. If you married him with the thought that he wanted to have children then , I feel that is like marring under false pretenses. This may release you from having to stay married. I know that you cannot find the perfect mate. There is no such thing as a perfect person. However the other thing I have to say is finally if talking to your husband dosn't work then maybe the tow of you should go talk to a pastor and find out how to handle this situation.
---Sarah on 5/16/10


You could also similarly say that since God knows (and plans) everything, there are no accidents of any kind. But if you do so, you take a perfectly valid word that has meanings that everyone understands, and render it useless, forcing them to use many other words when one will do.
---StrongAxe on 5/16/10

\\Our children were accidents--really\\

Not to God, Diane!
---Cluny on 5/15/10

After our third child was born, my husband wanted me to have a tubaligation. He wanted no more children. I refused, because I wanted more children, and I did not want the surgery, or to make myself sterile. I told him that if he desired no more children, he should get a vasectomy. (I could only use barrier methods of birth control for health reasons. They obviously did not work, given my three children.) He got the vasectomy, and because we had no medical insurance, it was done at Planned Parenthood for $10. God works in mysterious ways.
---Trish9863 on 5/15/10

Hi Mark Eaton,
The situations can not be compared. There is no indication that Jacob or Elkanah did not want children. Yes, she should leave the decision to God. She should wait for God to give her direction or change her husband's heart. I once knew a woman who went against her husband's wishes about children. Now she is a single mother.
---pg1 on 5/14/10

My husband and I had this same problem. Our children were accidents--really! If I knew then what I know now, I would have prayed more. I became so overwhelmed by his unhealed parts that I became weaker. I also fell into bitterness and regret. That old adage about pray to want to want to pray for your husband has a lot of truth! Try asking God to take care of and heal you--all the inner issues, too. Find a friend to pray with you. I didn't realize how much satan wanted to maul and destroy my marriage and me. Once I understood that, I prayed more on the offense. Once the kids came, he still was not ready for fatherhood. Tough all the way, but God heard prayers. I really do understand your pain and honestly will pray right now!
---Diane on 5/14/10

"What should she do?"
Since it is his choice not to have children, let him know that it is also his responsibility to prevent conception. Lay your cares at the Father's feet and leave them there. Make your desires known to Him, meet your responsibilities as a wife according to His Word, and trust Him with the results of that.
---josef on 5/13/10

My suggestion is to get thicker skin.

Perhaps your husband never understood how important this was to you. Perhaps he did not want kids but thought he did at the time. Most single men I know do not WANT children the way a woman does.

Also, unless I am mistaken the Lord opens and closes the womb (Gen 29:31, 1Sam 1:5) so if you are practicing birth control you are taking that decision away from God.

Pray about it. Discuss it with your husband. Tell him how important this is for you. Pray with your husband about it and leave the decision to God.
---Mark_Eaton on 5/13/10

God says He will give you the desires of your heart according to His riches in Heaven. Pray for God to give your Husband a desire to have a child or children, then wait on Him.
---a_friend on 5/12/10

You can alway say not tonight dear.
---Friendly_Blogger on 5/12/10

*If* you are saying he deliberately lied to you, in order to fool you into marrying him, he possibly is a betrayer who is a child of Satan who would betray trust, like this. And I'd say this needs to go to prayer until you are with God in His peace, including dealing with the fact about how come you could be fooled into falling in love with a betraying outright lier, and you were not able to tell the difference. Then take this up with a real pastor, to see what he says about you being able to fool yourself like this. And who pronounced you, without being able to tell the difference? But let the one without sin cast the first stone. It is *your* responsibility to make sure with God about who you trust. Philippians 1:9, John 10:1-30
---Bill_bila5659 on 5/12/10

Isabelle, my situation was similar to yours, and I prayed for many years that my husband's heart would be changed to want children, but sadly, it never was.

Continue to submit to him, and maybe your love towards him will melt his heart away.

Pray hard for him every day. Ask God to soften his heart towards having a child of his own, you never know, one day he may wake up and say to you he wants a child.

God won't go against his will, but God will work around a person's will through circumstances and by softening his heart.
---Donna5535 on 5/12/10

It also says for husbands to LOVE their wives in the next verse. Frankly, I think husbands are being shorted. I'd rather be loved than merely submitted to, myself.

You've not said how long you've been married.

Could your husband have some disease, such as diabetes, which he does not want to pass on to offspring?

You could have been defrauded into marrying him, which might be grounds for a divorce.

In the mean time, you can always pray for God to change his heart.
---Cluny on 5/12/10

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