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Your Experience With Divorce

Is anyone willing to share his or her experience about divorce?

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 ---rose on 5/30/10
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Well, Rose, what can be said about divorce other than it stinks. Let me be the first to say that opposites attract........divorce attorneys.

I will tell you this: 90% of all men and women don't have what it takes to be married. I say this, in part, because studies have shown that after 10 years of marriage only 10% of married couples claim to be happily married.

Studies also show that 60% of men AND women cheat on their marital partners.

Studies have shown that 25% of fathers are rearing at least one child that is not his biologically.

Studies revealed that 80% of all cases of infidelity occur within the workplace and with so many women in the workforce these days, it's not hard to see why there is so much divorce.
---Higgins on 6/12/10

Thanks for the welcome Eloy. Yes I aggree with what you said about those blogging.
---Haz27 on 6/10/10

Haz27, Welcome to ChristiaNet. There are alot of different kinds of people whom come to this site, some are real born-again Christians like myself, and some are not saved but are looking for answers, and others are living in deep sin which you will notice by their blasphemies against us Christians and Christ. I find the bad-mouthers boring, whom continually produce the same carnal fruits, and I pray that they will become saved so that they too will know the fulness of God as we Christians do. I recall how Saint Paul was a renouned sinner who persecuted the church and Christ, before he became a saint of Christ. So I believe that Christ is able to save even the most hardened sinner.
---Eloy on 6/9/10

Trav, you've called me many names for your defense, to cover your false teachings. You say I'm Juda's then you call me a coward, for no reason at all.
---MarkV. on 6/8/10

Cover? You're running again....slow down let scripture catch you.
Psalm 120:3
What shall be given unto thee? or what shall be done unto thee, thou false tongue?
You put me in remembrance of certain apostles by your posts. No reason? I've watched you kiss many/us on the cheek and then try to gather snuggle buddies to a mocking. Dig a pit and fall in yourself.
False teaching? I asked to compare witnesses and you ran....this is cowardice,not wisdom.
Psalm 119:104
Through thy precepts I get understanding: therefore I hate every false way.
---Trav on 6/8/10

MarkV. Sorry if I upset you but I had noticed the tone of your comments to others who you didn't aggree with and that is why I assumed you were accusing me of an ingenuine salvation. By the way I am new to this blog having only found it this week. If you read my comments you should find that I am not another person who you have argued with on this blog. And, being a Christian I have no need to lie. But you are always welcome to discuss scripture with me again.
---Haz27 on 6/8/10

My advice to any marriage threatened with breakdown is to avoid marriage counsellors. Firstly, Isa9:6 tells us that God is our counsellor and thats the best counsel we can get. And secondly, my experience and also based on what psycologists say, counsellors cause a lot of damage and its better to keep away from them. As Christians God is our counsellor and His word will help you to overcome lifes trials. Just try it out and see for yourself.
---Haz27 on 6/8/10

Trav, you've called me many names for your defense, to cover your false teachings. You say I'm Juda's then you call me a coward, for no reason at all. You cannot answer Scripture so you resort to name calling. You are no different then many here who testify they are born of the Spirit but from within only evil comes out. " For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, fornication, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickness, deceit, licentiousness, envy, slander, pride foolishness. All these evil thing come from within, and they defile a man"
Yet you, call the burning and slaughter of innocent Jews in the ovens a righteous thing. I speak from the Word of God when I answer you, and He is my Witness.
---MarkV. on 6/8/10

Haz7, I do not know why you would say what you did. I never suggested if you didn't believe me you lack genuine salvation. You made up words I never said. I'm sorry to discuss anything with you. I will move on with other blogs. It is no use discussing things when the other person begans accusing someone else right from the start. You sound like someone who has already talk to me with a different name before and wanted to get something out. That happens all the time when someone doesn't agree. I leave you peace.
---MarkV. on 6/8/10

Trav, Eloy does not seek light, "he has told us he is the light that Jesus saw on the Cross." ---MarkV. on 6/7/10

Eloy is a meat eater. You're not. You are contrary to scripture and prophets in scripture.

Isaiah 28:9
Whom shall he teach knowledge? and whom shall he make to understand doctrine? them that are weaned from the milk, and drawn from the breasts.

Who could judge the light comment, if he brings light, perhaps he is one of the lights. Sounds metaphoric to me.
A statement either fulfilled or not fulfilled. It is on him regardless. What is it to you? Nothing. You sound jealous.
---Trav on 6/8/10

MarkV. Nobody denies the reality of sin, but it's application to Christians is where we disaggree. You assume much to suggest that if I dont aggree with you then I lack genuine salvation. Clearly 1John1 is declaring message to those in darkness so that they too can have fellowship with God. 1John2:3-6 look at who is the "liar" in 1John2:22.."but he that denies Jesus is the Christ". And what is His commandment? 1John3:23"believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ". Here's a test for you, what do you understand of Hebrews10:26?
---Haz27 on 6/7/10

Haz27, I judge righteous judgment as commanded. My right hand offended me, thus I cut it off and cast it from me that I may enter into life. I bind her on earth and she is also binded in heaven. And there is no forgiveness for her until she repents, and I do not honor any evil person.
---Eloy on 6/8/10

Haz7, John to counter false teachers who denied the existance or importance of sin, John affirms its reality. This affirmation of sins reality constituted the second test of true fellowship (vv. 1-4 for test one and 2:3-6 for test three). Those who deny the reality of sin demonstrate their lack of genuine salvation. The "we" in vv.68,10 is not in reference to genuine Christians but a general reference to anyone claiming fellowship, but denying sin. The "We" in vv.7,9 and 2:1,2 is specific reference to genuine Christians.
---MarkV. on 6/7/10

MarkV. 1John1:8 is not referring to Christians. Read it from beginning. E.G verse 3 "declare we unto you, that you also may have fellowship with us". The gospel is being declared to those in darkness. If you take verse 8 as referring to Christians then this contradicts 1John3:6-9 "whosoever abides in Him sins not:....", "He that commits sin is of the devil...", "whosoever is born of God does not commit sin".
---Haz27 on 6/7/10

Trav, People have freewill and freedom of choice to obey, or else disobey. Me doing Christ's works does not include forcing any person to remain in the family, just as people freely choose to leave God and go serve sin: that person's own choice to depart and fornicate is not God's choice, but is solely the foolish person's free choice to go sin and brings destruction and God's judgment upon themself for their own disobedience. When a person accepts temptation and chooses to leave their sanctification in order to serve sin, for whatever feeble reason they conceive to do so, then their choice is their own choice, and one sinner destroys much good.
---Eloy on 6/7/10

Eloy. it sounds like your wife did the wrong thing in wrecking your marriage and sadly the court system's gender bias encourages their destructive selfish behaviour. But remember Eph6:10-18 that satan is the source of such trials and we have the armour of God to help us. Similar to what Joseph found (Gen50:20), what your wife meant for evil, God means for good. Seems like your wife has been deceived by satan and needs your prayer and forgiveness(Mark11:23-25). Pray that she will be blessed in turning to God's counsel, as God has called you to bless so that you also shall inherit blessing (1Peter3:8,9).
---Haz27 on 6/7/10

Trav, Eloy does not seek light, "he has told us he is the light that Jesus saw on the Cross." If he is already the light, how could he be seeking the light? Another light? How many lights are there? So again you jump the gun because you just want to make me look bad, which is ok since every time you say something you are wrong. including this time.
---MarkV. on 6/7/10

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Eloy, if you do the works for Christ why didn't you do them when you had your family? This way you would have not lost them.
And let me say that since you do not recognize me as a brother, then you belong to a different family then mine. ---MarkV. on 6/7/10

1 Corinthians 7:14....and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean, but now are they holy

Eloy seeks light. I've seen him search...
John 3:20
For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved.

1 John 2:9
He that saith he is in the light, and hateth his brother, is in darkness even until now.
Eloy is correct, in that you have to be brother qualified.
---Trav on 6/7/10

Eloy, if you do the works for Christ why didn't you do them when you had your family? This way you would have not lost them. Jesus sustains all that are His, what happen to your powers? No Eloy, you think you do the works of Christ but you don't. And let me say that since you do not recognize me as a brother, then you belong to a different family then mine. I thought you were from the same family even though you have some weird believes. How do you know your name is written on the book of Life? Have you seen the book? If you belong to it, and you believe you can lose salvation, then it must have been taken off. For you just admitted you belong to a different family.
---MarkV. on 6/7/10

MarkV, do what? I do the works of Christ, and my name is written in heaven: I know the members of my family, but of your own choice you yourself are none of my body.
---Eloy on 6/5/10

alan, Jesus says: "I am glorified in them that are mine, and they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. A good tree cannot bring forward bad fruit, neither a corrupt tree bring forward good fruit. Enough that the disciple be as one's Master, and the servant as one's Lord. And where I am, there will also my servant be, and that one will Father of me honor, and our dwelling in that one we will make. You all will be baptized with the Holy Ghost. And these signs will follow them that believe: In my Name they will cast out devils, and will speak with new tongues, and will get rid of serpents, and if took what lethal it will not harm them, they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover."
---Eloy on 6/5/10

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It is unfortunate that sinners constantly take verses out of context and twist them to support their sin. I John 1:6-10 is one passage, all based upon verse 6 which subject is completely about hypocrites who walk in darkness. But if you extract one verse or even a piece of a verse and isolate this snippet away from its full context, then you have falsehood and an unholy doctrine from the pit. Again, the sheep is not the goat, nor is the tare the wheat. lit.Gk: "IF we say that we have fellowship with, BUT WE WAlK WITH THE DARKNESS, WE LIE INDEED NOT DOING THE TRUTH." I John 1:6. Emphasis mine.
---Eloy on 6/5/10

It is unfortunate that sinners constantly take verses out of context and twist them to support their sin. I John 1:6-10 is one passage, all based upon verse 6 which subject is completely about hypocrites who walk in darkness. But if you extract one verse or even a piece of a verse and isolate this snippet away from its full context, then you have falsehood and an unholy doctrine from the pit. Again, the sheep is not the goat, nor is the tare the wheat. lit.Gk: "IF we say that we have fellowship with him, BUT WE WAlK WITH THE DARKNESS, WE LIE INDEED NOT DOING THE TRUTH." I John 1:6. Emphasis mine.
---Eloy on 6/5/10

Eloy, you should take your own advice. If you can say the words why can you not do it? You have no answer for the Truth, what else is new.
---MarkV. on 6/4/10

Eloy ... It is clear that when the writer says "we" he includes himself.

There is none sinless except Jesus
---alan8566_of_uk on 6/4/10

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MarkV, The truth is always the best to do: Learn it, accept it, and obey it.
---Eloy on 6/4/10

Eloy, was that the best you could do? More of the same stuff when you cannot answer. You read the Scripture, you knew it was for believers, and yet you reject the Truth, because if you accept it as Truth your whole life of talking how great you are will fall down, and you will be expose for teaching false doctrine. And you have to much pride to surrender to the Truth of God's Word so you bring your condemnations to others just as you still do to your former wife. You could be a big help for the Lord if you only allow the Spirit to reveal to your heart the Truth of Scripture, so that you can get down from the Throne of God.
---MarkV. on 6/4/10

MarkV, until you get saved you will continue to believe whatsoever you desire, and you will continue to wrest the scriptures and blaspheme.
---Eloy on 6/4/10

Eloy, the verse I quoted from 1 John is talking about believers. Just read who is talking. It is John, he is a believer and when he talks in this passages he says "We" those are believers.

1 John 1:8 "If "we" say we have no sin, "we" deceive ourselves, and the Truth if not in "us."

1 John 10, "If "we" say that "we"have not sinned, "we" make Him a liar, and His word is not in "us"
I don't know what you are reading but not the same Bible. Simple passages, no metaphors are similes.
---MarkV. on 6/3/10

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My experience with divorce is that I don't ever want to go through another one.
---KarenD on 6/3/10

The verse is speaking about sinners who lie saying they are righteous when they are sinning instead of being righteous. Again, the verse you miscontext is talking about hypocrites who are walking in darkness, but say they are not, and is not saying all are walking in darkness. lit.Gk: "If we say that we have fellowship with him, but we walk with the darkness, we lie indeed not doing the truth." I John 1:6.
---Eloy on 6/3/10

MarkV, The scripture is comparing sinner Jew with sinner nonJew and is not blasphemingly saying. lit.Gk: "seeing there is not a difference, as each sinned, indeed whoever lacking glory of God." Romans 3:22,23. "Little children, let no person deceive you: whoever that does righteousness is righteous, even as he is righteous. Whoever that commits sin is of the devil.Every good tree brings forward good fruit, but a corrupt tree brings forward bad fruit. A good tree cannot bring forward bad fruit, neither a corrupt tree bring forward good fruit." I John 3:7,8+ Mat.7:17,18.
---Eloy on 6/3/10

Eloy, if you believe all that you said, then you should repent and come right with God. Your righteous judgment is yours only. It is how you see things and does not come from God. You are human and still fail. All come short of the glory of God and that means you too. It does not say, "All come short of the glory of God except for Eloy" You call God a liar by denying you sin when hate is very evident in your answers. You claim you are not a sinner so you don't even have an Advocate. "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the Truth is not in us"
You are deceiving yourself and there is no Truth in you. The very Word of God.
---MarkV. on 6/3/10

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MarkV, This is righteous judgment: forgive all who repent, and do not acquit the guilty: for no sinner is forgiven without repentance. The innocent have no need of forgiveness, but the guilty: I am a saint from Christ, I am not a sinner from Christ. I do not commit adultery and I am not a wedlock-breaker, I am not a home-wrecker, I do not kidnap children nor extort money from the innocent parent, I do not blaspheme nor bear false-witness nor condemn the innocent. The Almighty Holy Spirit dwells in me, and whatsoever I bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatsoever I unbind on earth will be unbinded in heaven, and I am the righteousness from Christ. Are you righteous? then indeed I bless you: are you sinuous? then woe be upon you.
---Eloy on 6/3/10

I have been married twice,both committed adultery.
---tom2 on 6/2/10

Eloy, I was not speaking about your wife, I was speaking about you. If you do not forgive her, how do you expect to be forgiven? God is taking care of her, and will deal with her as He pleases. You are in control of your life, and God can use you in many ways, but you have to come clean with God. You should repent and ask for forgiveness, not to your wife but to God for holding such hatred for another. You might speak as if you are God, but in reality you are nothing but a sinner yourself. Who has failed many times, so you said yourself when you said you were born again a second time since your first time you said you lost it. You might have lost it this time too since you have not learn to forgive. You do not want to be held accountable.
---MarkV. on 6/2/10

MarkV, You speak falsehood, for scripture is very clear: Repentance is required to obtain forgiveness, for no forgiveness can be granted as long as the wicked remain wicked: not until the wicked person ceases from their wickedness and turns to the Lord will they receive God's forgiveness, until then they abide in his wrath.
---Eloy on 6/2/10

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Eloy, you do not wrest judgment, you give judgment. By your answer, you do not care whether God will save your wife or not. You have sentenced her already. Your heart is bitter and hateful because you have not forgiven her. It is not affecting her life, it is affecting you. And everything you say about the Lord will have no value until you are right with God. You have a lot to give, do not waste it in bitterness. God loves you just as much as He loves her and your children. Let God do the sentencing and move forward with your life. You are still stuck in your pain. I pray for you Eloy, that God may do great things through you, and release you from your pain and hateful attitude.
---MarkV. on 6/2/10

MarkV, I do not wrest judgemnt, I judge righteous judgment as commanded: Wrath abides upon the wicked, and godspeed is for the just.
---Eloy on 6/2/10

The wicked condemn themself by their own wickedness they commit against the innocent. I judge righteous judgment: I rightly condemn the guilty as guilty, and rightly praise the innocent as innocent: I do not condemn the innocent, nor do I acquit the guilty.
---Eloy on 6/2/10

KarenD, you will believe whatever you desire, and there are many more fathers whose children are kidnapped.
---Eloy on 6/2/10

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Rose, I am one of those men who only had selfishness for motives when I divorced 3 times. I did not know the Lord as my Saviour, though I knew "about" Him, and I didn't care about the impact my decisions had on other people. By God's grace and forgiveness, I have turned from my wickedness and today share the love and mercy of God with others in order to provide possible repair of relationships. I regret the damage I did in my first marriages, and have sought forgiveness from those I hurt. My wife I am married to now has been my wife for 14 years, and though I struggle sometimes with my attitude today, I turn to God for answers instead of the divorce courts.
---tommy3007 on 6/2/10

rose, what is it exactly that you want to know? My divorce was in 2001 and I have healed from it and put it behind me. I will never re-marry nor do I date because I am His Beloved and He is mine. I have taken Jesus as my Husband and walk with Him everyday of my life. "Christ is my life" now and I am loving Jesus more and more each day.

What do you want to know? You asked a very broad question and an experience with divorce (at least mine) can't be shared in 85 words or less. Give us specific questions on things you want to know about, maybe I can help you, maybe others will have answers for you. (((huggss)))).
---Donna5535 on 6/1/10

My wife of 12 years left me after a "Christian" counselor told her that:

My 60+ hour work weeks were "probably" the cause of my ex-wife's depression and her feelings of abandonment. I suspect that she had an extra-marital affair too. I don't have any proof of that other than that my children resent their mother.

I don't have custody of my children and I'm too poor to pay any alimony or child support. She got everything in the divorce and went on a spending spree. My ex now has to work MORE than 60+ hours a week to support herself and the kids.

Divorce RUINS families! Everyone: men, women, and children is affected.
---Augie on 6/1/10

Eloy, you sound like you are God bringing judgment on only woman. What ever happen to loving your neighbor? Whatever happen to forgive and you shall be forgiven? You still hold rage for you wife even after so many years. And find Scripture to condemn her and all others. If you loved her would you not wish the best in her life and not seek self rewards? Seems to me you wish spiritual death for your ex-wife who left you because you were hurt. Suppose that God in time will bring her to repentance and salvation for a purpose you do not know? And that through her many others will come to Christ? Where is your judgment then? Will you not care what God's purpose is?
Didn't you also fail? You can never be free until you forgive.
---MarkV. on 6/1/10

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Eloy....I don't believe you are the original Eloy. Perhaps you are very bitter towards your ex-wife. There are many fathers who have custody of their children.
---KarenD on 6/1/10

Jacob, yes a man can betray his wife like women betray their husbands. But when the faithful spouse seeks recourse through the courts, and the victim is the father, the father automatically loses everything based solely on the grounds of being male, and the woman automatically wins based solely on the grounds of being the beautiful female: and thereby all seeking justice lose, being the father, the children, all the family relatives of the man, and the land, for judgment is failed in the streets: for God will not bless sin but instead he curses sin, and so the land is filled up and polluted with adulteries and kidnappings and illegitimate children.
---Eloy on 5/31/10

I meant exactly what I posted "adulteress", and not "adulterous", for I highlight the woman whose feet do not abide in her house, but instead she breaks wedlock to the destruction of the home and the children and the father and his homeland has also become become guilty and the enemy of righteousness.
---Eloy on 6/1/10

Aka, very good advice. Never reconcile with an abuser when he says he has change. They all say they will never do it again. And never in a day, week or a month, because if you get together again, the problem will still be there. The Spirit needs time to work in the lives of ours. And when He changes someone you will see the evidence.
---MarkV. on 5/31/10

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Remember, the children are affected by divorce, too.
I still carried guilt feelings for years.
---Cluny on 5/30/10

This is interesting...and has a spritual link of sorts. GOD was divorced, the children suffered as well.

Jeremiah 3:8
And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce, yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also.
As much as you dig Cluny, I'd have thought you would explore this subject.
---Trav on 5/31/10

Hard Hearts #2 -

Yes, God hates divorce, but He hates it not because it is not necessary. It is very necessary because of the hard-hearted and not the broken-hearted.

However, His pattern is always with reconciliation in mind. (don't tune me out yet). God reconciles to us and we reconcile to Him. I cannot reconcile to my abuser until both people reconciles to Him. Never reconcile to a man/woman who promises change. Only reconcile if the reconciliation is evidenced with fruit of the Spirit.
---aka.joseph on 5/31/10

Cluny: in that case, it's fine! I just didn't want adultery to placed just on one gender!
---Jacob on 5/31/10

There's now many devorces as we all know. But what everyone forgets is that devorces happen because one or both failed. We already understand that we all fail. Only God never fails. And when a person leaves, whether man or woman, it is because they failed. It should not surprise us since we are humans that fail. Yet when someone devorces, all you hear is hate. Hate because one of the two failed. Hate for their future, hate that never leaves. Everyone fails, some worse then others. Our children fail many times, fail on what we expected of them. We should know that no one is without sin. We all fail and instead of loving the other and wishing them well, we as Christains continue to hate speak about them to others. Knowing full well we fail too.
---MarkV. on 5/31/10

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Part 2: It is also understood that by many devorces many have been hurt. The kids more likely will have more guilt. The very reason we cannot hate the spouse who left. All it does is bring more guilt and hate the son or daughter. They see your hate and use that in their own lives. Some times devorce is the only way out of an abusive relationship. Some spouses are just terrible. Man more the woman are abusive. Yet when a woman leaves the man becomes enrage because he cannot except the fact that the wife will love someone else over them. Their pride hurts when they know another man will be with their ex-wifes. They thought they own her.
---MarkV. on 5/31/10

\\Eloy: 'Adulteress spouses'

Why the women only? Do men not do the same?
---Jacob on 5/31/10\\

I think he's trying to say "adulterous".
---Cluny on 5/31/10

Eloy: 'Adulteress spouses'

Why the women only? Do men not do the same?
---Jacob on 5/31/10

Adulteress spouses together with a godless system continually destroy fathers with their children in cursed America.
---Eloy on 5/31/10

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Hard Hearts #1 - (posted in another blog also)

What I am about to say, I pray is not taken as a license to sin but an attempt to provide sanity where insanity abounds.

Is it the hard heart of the mercilessly beaten and neglected? is it the hard heart of those who have been cheated on? Is it the hard hearts of the women who husbands spend their life savings on gambling or won't lift one finger to help when he cannot find work? Is it the hard heart of a man whose wife will never be happy with anything he does or establishes? Was it God's hard heart that divorced Israel?

No, it is the broken-hearted who has to suffer their spouses who refuse to treat others with dignity and decency for years, decades, and centuries...
---aka.joseph on 5/31/10

My spouse was in whacko-mode at the time asked me to leave, & her being unfaithful to me earlier. Puting me in jail for 1 night because of what SHE Started. She sure is sorry now.
She started the div & didn't go through with it, so I finished it. Sep & div this yr is 7 or 8 yr's.
My daughters seem to resent their mother the way she is. Pointing her finger, brow-beating etc (she denies doing such) your going to hell for what your doing. She Is to blind to see that she has 3 fingers pointing back at her from the same hand.
---Lawrence on 5/31/10

Elder: Thank you. My reasons for keeping things private are that this is not the proper venue to discuss certain details that I would prefer not be bashed by some who like to do that. I am healing well from my divorce, and growing through it. That is something I never thought would happen. God is good, all the time, and I am experiencing that.
---Trish9863 on 5/31/10

Trish, I understand keeping certain things private but I hope you don't feel lesser than others because of a divorce. If you do stop it because you are not. Sometimes divorce is the spiritual thing to do.
---Elder on 5/30/10

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I will gladly discuss my divorce privately with you. My name is Trish9863, and you can post me in the penpals section. I will gladly answer your questions there, not here in public.
---Trish9863 on 5/30/10

Remember, the children are affected by divorce, too.

When my parents split up when I was 11, for over a decade I blamed myself for it.

Even when I was old enough to know better, I still carried guilt feelings for years.
---Cluny on 5/30/10

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