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Attitude Toward Boys

I have a problem concerning my attitude toward boys. I'm a sociable person and I like people. But I can't stop flirting. I pray, ask God to change that and I hope you can give me some advice, please.

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 ---Nadya on 7/7/10
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He'll change it and you in time. You'll see.
---catherine on 11/7/10

I need to know how old you are first. You failed to put that in your post. If you are a 40 yr old woman/man. That is a real problem. If you are 17 that's something else, altogether.
---Robyn on 11/7/10

Well put it this way the easy the sin the worse the temptation. When you are a virgin the temptation to sin is rife also when reaching and hovering above or below puberty the body naturally erupts with hormones that causes you to want to find someone to relate to... men.

But this is going to be hard because if you go out there and get burned the scars will be deep, it is the aim of the devil to spoil you before you learn abstinence and obedience and that comes with patience and patience comes with many a trial and temptation.

You need a woman Christian leader to stay close to while you are going through this stage. perhaps your not going through puberty however understand this helps.
---Carla on 9/6/10

Do I dare, Jesus, give this testimony? For about four yesrs after I was saved, I had more freedoms than I had ever had in my life. So, I too went through a similar period such as yours. However, there was a war going on, and that war was Satan pulling me in one direction, and Jesus pulling me in another direction. God spake to me a couple of times, that my problem was I was still too much in the flesh. So, I knew that I really didn't want that, so, after a period of time, I suppose I just starting growing a little. Be sure that you want to change, that you really and truly want to change, and God will help you. He will not do it all.
---catherine on 9/5/10

Thanks be to God and Jesus(the greatest teacher). Thanks to the people behind this website for allowing us to share on it. Thanks to you Nadya for thanking me.
---Adetunji on 8/2/10

Thank you for explanation :) I'll read these verses.
---nadya on 8/1/10

Nadya: The word INVITE can also mean ask, request, call, bid. Being a servant or follower or brother or sister of the Lord Jesus Christ requires a continous decision-making to act according to HIS instruction. While King David chose to do the wrong thing with Uriah's wife and killed him, the Spirit of the Lord had departed from him. But when King David repented, the Holy Spirit came back to him. The same happens to all of us if we are facing temptation(s) and we do not call on the Lord Jesus for help. Read Psalms 18:3, 50:15, 116:all, Romans 10:13.
---Adetunji on 7/26/10

Jesus will not force HIMSELF on you, you have to invite HIM everyday to take total control of you, then HE will not allow the devil to ride you anymore.
---Adetunji on 7/21/10
Why should I INVITE Him everyday? He already lives inside me, doesn't Bible says about it? I should talk to Him, yes, daily, but not invite..
---nadya on 7/25/10

Nadya: We are like a vehicle. There are only 2 natures that we can exhibit based on the spirit that is driving us viz: Christ-like, or carnal/fleshy nature. The carnal or fleshy life is driven by the 1st Rebel against God called the devil. The devil will always drive you or anyone contrary to the will and pleasure of God. The ONLY way to stop the devil from driving you about is to have "Jesus Christ living in you", because Jesus is the most powerful one, HE has power over the devil. Jesus will not force HIMSELF on you, you have to invite HIM everyday to take total control of you, then HE will not allow the devil to ride you anymore.
---Adetunji on 7/21/10

nadya, it is good to hear from you. To feel God's presence is impossible for God is Spirit, but, if you abide in Jesus, the void will eventually be filled. It may be sudden, it may take a while depending on the remaining mountains that you have to move.

Hopefully, now you see that your initial repentance leads to a deeper understanding of sin. There is a need to turn from and overcome each obstacle that is revealed to you in your flesh.

Take care and God bless!
---aka.joseph on 7/19/10

Dear brothers and sisters in JC!
I really appreciate your advices. I think that I should avoid guys as hard as I can. Of course, I trust God and I want Him to lead me - not my desire to flirt. God, help me do it. Please, pray for me if you have a free minute... I feel I'm going to do something BIG. Like I'm going to break my nature.
There were some questions I'd like to answer now.
1. I am Lutheran and I go to the church, moreover, I help in youth service. That's why it's also so painful to see my weakness.
2. Why do I flirt? I think I want to get their attention. It's nice to feel it. Hope you understand.
Thank you again :) I thank God for you all,
---Nadya on 7/19/10

//I think what is sad is the she beleives that ot is somehow wrong to make contact with men. But it's not.//

I don't think she believes that it is wrong, but somehow it gets turned into flirting and she doe not know why. Unfortunately, there are many of us who this happens to. Becaase of this, we miss the real person in them and in ourselves.

(BTW - it is good to have conversaion with you. Thank you.)
---aka.joseph on 7/13/10

aka J Why should it be sick that when she smiles and chats, it is sick for them to smile & chat too?

Would it be sick if they even thought, "she's chattinbg to me, I wonder whether she would like to meet again"?

I think what is sad is the she beleives that ot is somehow wrong to make contact with men. But it's not.

HGow did you meet your spouse?
---alan8566_of_uk on 7/13/10

Nadya, do you belong to a church? Can you attend a women's Bible study and get to know other women? There you can develop relationships, friendships, with other women and find a mentor. A mentor can guide you in your spiritual growth, and help you sort out your feelings. I believe you are confused and don't know how to relate to men in general and a mentor can guide you in this very thing. There you can discuss your motivation, and examine yourself. Here, you are going to get mixed messages.
---Trish9863 on 7/13/10

Alan, the whole context was "When I see a nice smart guy, I begin to smile to him, try to talk to him, etc. Usually they react too. That's sickness!"

She was saying what starts out innocent, then a reaction. They react with what? innocent chatting or something "sick".

Those are her words. Alan.
---aka.joseph on 7/12/10

aka J You say .... "Alan ... Nadya said 'flirting' and did not say 'smiling' and 'chatting'"

Not correct aka. read her posts

Nadya said "I begin to smile to him, try to talk to him, etc"

I am glad that you now agree with me that "Of course, there is nothing wrong with smiling and innocent chatting"
---alan8566_of_uk on 7/12/10

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char and bonna,

thank you for responding to nadya's question. a young woman wanting to grow needs a woman to support and teach.

alan, 90$ of communication is non-verbal. We are communicating via a medium that can only deliver 10% of the truth that we are trying to communicate at its best. Therefore, we have to key in on words and phrases that each of us use.

Nadya said 'flirting' and did not say 'smiling' and 'chatting'. She indicated something that is wrong...not me. Of course, there is nothing wrong with smiling and innocent chatting.
---aka.joseph on 7/11/10

i must commend you for being sincerely troubled by it.
I suppose the next thing might be to ask yourself, why you desire the flirting. To satisfy your self-esteem or for more carnal satisfaction? If the habit is so strong that you can't easily shake it off, then try to avoid cute guys or even avoid guys in general.
I was like that too. I couldn't help but act a certain way in front of guys, even though i might not be interested in them. So for months i had been praying and trying my best to avoid them. Also, for me, I had flirted with them because I wanted to feel that i am better than other girls who can't get their attention. So a large part for me was to trust God to take care of me even when I am not gaining reputation for myself.
---bonna8465 on 7/9/10

You have confess you have a problem with your attitude toward boys-What is this attitude? How do you view them?
How do you view yourself? questions for you-personally.

If you think you need to adjust your behavior-then you do.
So let's see...
Flirting with a married man-not good.
Flirting with a friends boyfriend-not good.
See where I'm going with this?
What message of yourself do you see yourself conveying?-is it a good and respectable one?
Be aware of your surroundings-not just physically-but mental state-not all men out there are gentlemen.Ask God for HIS strenght and to continue to open your eyes to the View He has for your as the daughter he loves.

God bless you-for asking the question-lady in the making.
---char on 7/9/10

aka J ... I don't intend to make you out to be anything. I think we are probably both misunderstanding what the other is sayting.

I am just trying to say that it is not wrong for anyone, be it male or female, to smile and chat to another person that they happen to like.

If they can't do that, they will be silent all day long!

Do you really think that a girl smiling at a boy, and then talking to him, leads to sin?

To my mind, being told she cannot, would build up all sorts of dandgerous inhibitions and lack of confidence.
---alan8566_of_uk on 7/9/10

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I can't appease you with anything I say. I am not like some others who go on arguing about misconstrued words.

If I spoke to someone who understands my POV, then good. You can make me out how you want. That is what was done to Jesus. Whatever you think of me is fine and as Cluny says to others, keep blessing me with your pity.

God forgives me and through the redemption of His Son and the purification of His Spirit, I am being healed.

May God bless you and keep you.
---aka.joseph on 7/9/10

aka J ... You seem to be saying that now she is 23, she should be able to resiust the teenage temptation to smile and chat to men.

Well, I am well out of my teenage years, and I still smile and chat to ladies if I like them.

You seem to think that chatting to ladies is sinful, but that is in your mind. Does you mind immediately think of seduction when you meet a lady?

And to suggest a woman or girl smiling at a man is an invitation to seduce shows a grave weakness in your own personal morality.

If so, I pity your weakness.
---alan8566_of_uk on 7/9/10

//It's natural!!//

Alan, one more thing.

1Co 2:14 But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.

If she was a teen, I would not have said what I said. The fact is that she is 23 and obviously struggling with something. She appears to want to rise above the natural thing to do for a teenager.
---aka.joseph on 7/8/10

//...can you explain what you mean?//

I am able (can) to explain, but only if it is for Nadya's benefit or clarification that may help you. However, I am too tired to argue and the explanation might be longer than it is worth to you or me.
---aka.joseph on 7/8/10

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alan, if you notice, i did say boys from 12-200, and that is opposed to men 12-200. I don't consider age a good division of all males. Males who have overcome their flesh age no matter are men.

As a matter of fact, I did struggle with that for about 30 years until I met the real Jesus. When I was eight, my older brothers would bring home Pl***oy magazines and my parents would allow all of us to look at them. For 30 years that is all I saw.

You see, Alan, I am a sinner, and Jesus Christ is the only One who forgives me as I am and does not promote Himself at my expense.

If Cluny, Trish, you, or me has said something that speaks to Nadya (or anyone else), great. We can only offer something from our own experience.
---aka.joseph on 7/8/10

\\Stay away from Jezebel groups. That is what you are trying to not become.
---aka.joseph on 7/8/10\\

I have no idea what you mean by a "Jezebel group", joseph.

Do you have any notion yourself?

If so, can you explain what you mean?
---Cluny on 7/8/10

If you like someone, why not smile and chat to them? It's natural!!

I expect that sometime in the past someone has told you that it is wrong to talk to boys, and show your interest, that "boys are only interested in one thing"

aka joseph seems to say the same thing.

What on earth aka J is wrong with young folk chatting to each other? Maybe, though, you are one of those who unable to be friendly without lusting?
---alan8566_of_uk on 7/8/10

...the, when you start growing in the Spirit, you will be able to handle youself in a different manner. So, no matter how the many boys are, you will start to recognize men that have overcome their flesh (and yours).

Nancy Leigh Demoss (Revive Our Hearts) and June Hunt (Hope for the Heart) are very good nationally syndicated woman-to-woman teachers. They teach about Godly and effective relationships.

You can also seek out local woman's group such as Celebrate Recovery. Stay away from Jezebel groups. That is what you are trying to not become.
---aka.joseph on 7/8/10

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I can tell you that boys (12-200) are going to react to a simple smile as a come on especially if you are attractive. Whether you meet them in a church or bar, the reaction will be the same only the reaction time will be different.

I think I know what you mean by "can't stop flirting". You have learned one way of communicating that leads you down a path that you do not like but know no other way.

Unfortunately girls are taught to be "cute" to get what they want. I am glad that you caught that now, and it really bothers you.

Ask Jesus to replace these habits with the fruit of the Spirit (Galations), and He will. It may take time depending on your level of sincerity and cooperation...
---aka.joseph on 7/8/10

I think it doesn't matter how they react on me but it's about MY wrong thoughts and actions... Christians shouldn't flirt. Am I right?
---Nadya on 7/8/10

\\I begin to smile to him, try to talk to him, etc. Usually they react too. That's sickness! \\

You're not making clear just how guys "react" to you. Do they simply smile and talk back?

What's so sick about that?

Or do you think that they say or do things improper or ungentlemanly? This would be rudeness, perhaps, but hardly sickness.

||Something is wrong with my Christian life, I think... Or my private life... How to be friendly but humble?||

In light of your words here, it sounds like you're suffering from scrupulousity. You're not reponsible for the actions of other people.
---Cluny on 7/8/10

I'm 23. I accepted Jesus when I was 13. When I see a nice smart guy, I begin to smile to him, try to talk to him, etc. Usually they react too. That's sickness! Something is wrong with my Christian life, I think... Or my private life... How to be friendly but humble?
---Nadya on 7/8/10

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You haven't said how old you are.

Also, there's a fine line between good social skills and flirting. (This is a theme of MIKADO, btw.) Maybe if you told us exactly what you're doing.

It could be that you are being harder on yourself than circumstances warrant.
---Cluny on 7/7/10

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