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How To Be Around Grandson

Have not been around 9 year old grandson in over 5 years. Don't know how to respond just yet. Afraid to get too close. Any Thoughts?

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 ---Robyn on 8/2/10
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Cluny: Let this be known. I am not complaining. I am simply blogging as are others here. We all are dealing with something in our lives. I feel bloggers should not be made to feel stupid about their questions. This is a new thing for me to do,also. I am usually very private and low-key about my personal problems. But the wonder of the internet has made it possible for people to risk sharing their personal problems with others(who may care) But I don't want to be labeled as a whiner or complainer.That is very far from the truth. I am sure others feel the same. I am here as a minister, lay counselor,friend, encourager,for Christ sake.
---Robyn on 8/31/10

Yes, be yourself. Give your grandson some room, too.
---catherine on 8/30/10

You say you want to "do your DUTY" (you're not letting yourself LOVE him).

Children establish their identity (who they are) as being the result of two parents. Your grandson does not have that (according to his subconscious, he is a "NOBODY" that, TECHNICALLY, never should have been born). This is the way I grew up, the divorce was only the final nail in the coffin, but my identity crisis began as soon as they started constantly arguing years earlier.

Welcome your grandson to this life and show him that he has every right to be here (LOVE him). Right now, he cannot completely identify with reality, he has no identity ("I"/SELF does not exist)...God is "I am who I am" (Exodus 3:14).
---more_excellent_way on 8/5/10

Robyn....Sometimes being a grandparent brings heartache.
---KarenD on 8/3/10

My son has died but was around child in earlier years. Child was not around when father was killed. This same child was not in my life between 3-9 years old. Due to the bad behaviour of the mom. The mom and dad were never married. Child has suddenly come into my life after all these years. I don't want to move too quickly. I don't know what the mom may do from day to day. I will be a a grandmom to this boy. As much as I can. I will do the right and godly thing,regardless.
Thanks for all comments.........
---Robyn on 8/3/10

Robyn,don't do your duty,keep that child because you really love him. Love suffers long and is kind. There's no reason you must suffer,enjoy him,get kiddie games you can play together and really give yourself and him a chance to get to know oneanother without begruding your time. I was going to start Graduate School to become a Psychologist but once I had my grandson here in our town,he was in Idaho,I knew the greatest good I could do was not counsling sick people but being a loving grandmother. I didn't go on to College and I have never been sorry. When he and the younger sister started school I had the blessing to pick them up and bring them to my house. I did that until my Grandson was 16 years old and could drive. Thank you God.
---Darlene_1 on 8/3/10

If both parents are negligent, you can say this does not concern you, I suppose. Or, you can consider that God is trusting you with this child, to give him upbringing that you are able to give him. Even if he is with you, only at times, this can show him what is good so he knows better than to accept however his parents are not doing things right with him. But he does need to grow up to learn how to deal with the real world, so being with you but also with his parents can give him an opportunity to learn how to deal with what is right and what is wrong with people. And make sure you make him wise to however you, too, can be wrong, so he can learn from your honesty and how you do better and better as his example: 1 Peter 5:3.
---Bill_bila5659 on 8/3/10

Robyn, I was referring to the complaint about the mother of your grandson dropping him off and not getting in touch. That could be considered child abandonment, and she could lose custody of him.

Where is your son during all of this? Does he participate in his son's upbringing at all? I think you should make him step up and help raise his son, maybe even file for custody, given the mother's disappearing acts.

As for you, try to develop common interests with your grandson. I would take him to ball games, and museums, and hiking in the woods, and plan to do those things with my granchildren when they are old enough.
---Trish9863 on 8/2/10

Let me see if I understand you right.

The grandson that your children were always dropping off for you to take care of without notice is the same grandson you've not seen in five years.,

Is this right? Do we understand you correctly?
---Cluny on 8/2/10

#!--I was not complaing about anything.And I am the same Robyn. I only asked anyone did they have thoughts on this subject. I did not say I disliked my grandchild. The moderator(s) here at christianet used their own words for my topic.
This is the same grandchild I am talking about. My son and this girl never married. Now she is coming around after 5 years has passed. I was around this grandchild for a while. I want to keep everything in perspective but still do my duty as a grandmother. Yet, I refuse to be bound and used like a tool.
---Robyn on 8/2/10

Robyn, is this a different grandson than the one you complained about being left for several days without warning? I am confused by this.
---Trish9863 on 8/2/10

She must be a different Robyn, it's a common name :)
---Mary on 8/2/10

I'd say, see how you are, together, and go with how the relating develops. And be a good example (1 Peter 5:3) of how to be in "the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (in 1 Peter 3:4) Be humble, instead of showing your'e so great and important. Getting him all excited is not the same as him becoming a truly happy person. And how ready and able he is to get "close" has to do with how he really is and how you really are in God's love or not. You can spoil him and he might praise you for the rest of your life - - while he becomes deeply miserable and unstable and is just worshiping you. So, pray and see how God has you discovering your way. God bless you (c:
---Bill_bila5659 on 8/2/10

Robyn, you just complained on another blog that YOU started that your DIL was always dropping off your 9 year old grandson over for days at a time with no warning.

Which is it?

You've not seen your grandson in 5 years?

Or he's frequently dropped over for multi-night stayovers with no warning?

It can't possibly be both.
---Cluny on 8/2/10

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