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Belong Together In Marriage

How do you and your Christian people where you are handle making sure about who belongs together in marriage?

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 ---Bill_bila5659 on 9/5/10
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Donna, I'd say you understood very well what I was saying, and what I need to do . . . including to "fall" (c:
---Bill_bila5659 on 9/11/10

Bill, I had to read and re-read your post a few times to grasp what you are REALLY saying.

Fall out of agreement with the pride of not seeking help from other men and women at your church. CHOOSE to fall out of agreement with it. Independence should not make our character, our character should be shaped by the Word, by the Spirit and by Jesus and God Himself. We are not conformed to this world, but rather to His image. Meditate on scriptures that tell you, "I am the righteousness of God through Christ Jesus." God, I can do nothing without you. I am lost without you. I need you Lord Jesus, please help me. Those would be prayers I'd pray for starters if I were in your shoes.
---Donna5535 on 9/8/10

I keep falling for a lady who is adorable, "all about God", but . . . independent so she can't let people help her. Her church family can feel I am "all about God". But I have been a sneaky independent guy, making sure I'm always helping and counseling others, not really welcoming others to effect me and help me. And this is not *humble*, not "submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21) People who are about independence can fool ourselves, so we automatically can not get with a humble person, and then in marriage we are fighting and complaining. Independence makes our character so we automatically fool ourselves together with someone else who is not humble.
---Bill_bila5659 on 9/8/10

Where in the Bible does it say that the "clergy" are to marry people?
---Rod4Him on 9/7/10

In determining what makes a valid marriage, one must distinguish between God's, church officials', and human governments' requirements.

God establishes the principle of and the authority of both church officials and human governments. Both church officials and human governments have a responsibility to exercise their role, authority, and responsibility righteously according to Gods will.

Biblical marriage is between male and female who become one flesh, thus forming a couple, a partnership in all things. They form a total commitment in mind, heart, spirit, and body to living in repentant submission to God as Christian husband and wife in all areas of life. This should be the basic test.
---Chaur8839 on 9/7/10

I think it is wrong for the Pastor or any of the Leaders of the congregation to try to influence who should marry whom.

Clearly if they feel that the couple are not suited, they may make their feeling known, but they should make them as individuals and friends, not in their capacity or position in the church.

There is a lot af danger in "shepherding" arrangements, under which all decisions made by ordinary members have to be approved by the leadership.
---alan8566_of_uk on 9/7/10


Many churches have a "six month rule". It takes time to see the "true character" of a person.

I think that there are some "good" things about the Assemblies Of God (AOG) and some things that could use change. That is true about every church and every person.

I will never forget the time where an AOG girl married a guy from an Episcopalian church. The girl's parents, and their family, REFUSED to attend the wedding. A little extreme? I don't think that there was any "living in sin" or anything.

It just seems that non-AOG people get "branded" for being raised in other churches. Well, God gave us to parents from those other churches.

---Sag on 9/7/10

sag...It is true that Assemblies of God pastors and leaders are very careful when a new person comes into their church. They have seen too often people who are supposed to be in recovery come in and lead their flock back into the world. I've seen it first hand many times where men who say they are straight and clean come into a church and meet a woman in the church. Soon afterwards, they are living together and both back doing the things of the world. My husband requires that any new people coming to the church must attend at least six months before they can be in any kind of leadership position.
---KarenD on 9/7/10

So, I'm asking how can we be really sure and help each other with this?
---Bill_bila5659 on 9/6/10

Bill, I asked God, Is he the one or should I wait for another? Pray and ask Father God if this person is HIS WILL for your life...don't ask if it's God's choice, ask if it's God's WILL.

So often we think God picks and chooses our mates and He can, but who really has asked Him to do that lately? Not many.

Pray and fast until you get more than one confirmation that this person is truly being sent to you by God.
---Donna5535 on 9/7/10

God should be the only matchmaker ,arranger when it comes ot marriages, not churches. However both believing in God as a basis is a good start. better to be with a christian, then with a non-believer. Denominations aren't nessesary & can actually burden people if they thin kthey have to be matched with the same group.My husband is a former luthern & I was a former Church of christ when we met. We both have God as our foundation.
---Candice on 9/6/10

Cluny, I don't mean people controlling who marries who, but I have seen that who gets married can be effected by how they are relating with others who are their trusted brothers and sisters in Jesus. So, when someone is acting to fool someone into a wrong marriage, this faker may "need" to fool the pastor and others who are trusted people in the someone's life.

And still, ones can be fooled. We're not perfect, that's part of the picture. A unified church can all be right, in the same way, but all can be mistaken together . . . like happened with Peter and the other Jews, in Galatians 2:11-13. But I think we can be reliable in making such choices. So, I'm asking how can we be really sure and help each other with this?
---Bill_bila5659 on 9/6/10

I've met several women who were divorced from their husbands. These guys were what many of us might think very highly about: Pastors, Church Leaders, Missionaries, etc. Several different denominations.

Some people have these mis-perceptions: A person has an important position in the church, they attended a certain school, have their OWN ministry, etc.

I guess it all comes down to personal responsibility. Marriage counselors can be helpful in trying to match up people's gifts with others. However, we still have the responsibility to seek out GOD in important matters like Marriage. Where "Love Is Blind", GOD is "All Knowing".
---Sag on 9/6/10

I once tried going to an Assemblies of God (AOG) Church.

People who were "raised" in the church, or "attended" one of the AOG colleges, are the "sanctified" people. They must marry someone from an AOG church or they are "blacklisted". Yes, I DID see that.

Then you have the "fallen", or "in recovery", folks like me. We're supposed to be "open and available" for marriage to: single mothers, divorcees, etc. But, NOT any of the "sanctified" people. Seems like the AOG "forces" those marriages as the Pastor sees fit.

Now, I'm back in the Catholic church. I don't agree with the AOG "forced marriage" style that I observed.
---Sag on 9/6/10

Can you clarify what you mean, please?

I don't know of any church where other members arrange marriages or have input into who marries whom, if this is what you're asking about.
---Cluny on 9/5/10

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