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My Wife Had Affair With Pastor

How do I move on with my life after my wife had an affair with my brother, my best friend and the pastor of my church? I lost everything the first time around when she divorced me and the second time around when I found out.

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 ---Scott on 10/17/10
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my heart is filled with grief for your misfortune.. =[

i pray god watch over you and free you from this pain.. please hang in there. the time will come when God wipes away all our tears
---hung4483 on 11/15/10

You married this woman twice! Shame on you. You helped her do you in. Poor fellow. As for your brother and her, they will get what's coming to them. I would not want to be around when the pendulum swings their way. Its not going to be a pretty sight. Pick up the pieces of your life and move on,by faith. This woman has wrecked you and your brothers relationship, yours and hers, and quite possibly, made a mess at the church,too. Wow! My heart is sad for you.
---Robyn on 11/8/10

If you have not lost
you've lost nothing.

If you have the True God,
you gain the Power of
the Father, the Word, and the Holy Spirit,
and, thus, gain everything.

Don't forget about forgiveness while you let God build good boundaries. Patience. Right now, while you cannot see, wait on Him to lead.
---aka on 10/18/10

Well my friend and brother in the Lord. Look on the bright side. You only have 487 more times to forgive her. Im not saying that it will be easy but these are the kinds of challenges that make us who we are. You can't move on until you get this settled in your heart and mind. So I reccomend going around it for now and in time you will be able to make some sence of it all. Its like driving down the highway of life and the car in front of you is just crawling along. You can't move on until you get around this slow poke. No sence in getting upset. Just get around them. The safe way and then you can move on. Kindness in this will give you great strength.
---Joseph on 10/18/10

Forgiving--or even wanting to forgive--does not make the pain go away automatically.

The original poster will move on when he's ready. Give him time.
---Cluny on 10/18/10

You have to forgive & move on. though if she did what you claim she did,that was wrong on her part & your brothers. You donot have to forgive her face to face, but release it to God. this is what my recovery counselor told me in cetain cases with forgiveness.You should move forward with your life & focus on serving God.
---Candice on 10/18/10

I know how bad it hurts. But you have to remind yourself she is the one who sinned and she will pay the consequences for that sin. She disgraced herself and is responsible for her actions. You unfortunately are the victim and are also feeling the pain. I'd encourage you to read the book "Why" by Anne Graham Lotz. It may give you some insight into GOD's reasoning for allowing sin to happen and effect others. You are free and she is not.
---Frank on 10/17/10

move on through forgiveness

many believe they forgave but cannot move on ...forgiving once expecting that would solve everything

forgive your former wife and brother every day ask God to help you forgive won't be easy but here is what I know ...when you harbor unforgiveness it surfaces in other areas of your life - you become irritable intense critical etc sometimes unforgiveness of any one individual can turn to hatred for others

nobody is perfect in this life

HER weakness caused you immense pain but if you can hold on to understanding any one of your weaknesses can cause others pain you will see the cycle grow in understanding of yourself and others - don't give your power away to overcome

best wishes
---Rhonda on 10/17/10

While it will be tough going, about all you can do at this point is to move on. Only time will help you to reduce the pain of the past. For your own well being, you have to forgive your wife and if given the opportunity, encourage her to seek professional help.
---wivv on 10/17/10

I can relate to some of what you're going through. My wife had affairs with a few of my friends and then left me to move in with someone else. When she left, she accused my dad of sexually molesting my son, and had Social Services investigate it, it was a mess.

One thing that helped me was reading the book of Hosea, who was married to a harlot.

The other thing was to be comforted by my church family
---James_L on 10/17/10

Scott, I can't tell you how badly I feel for you. Take it from someone who's been there, the best thing you can do is take up anything else to fill your time and mind and not go walkin all through this while it's fresh. That will make ya crazy, and I've been there's not good.

Move on with your life in the knowledge that YOU are not the one with something wrong with them. Anybody that needs the attention of a man so badly as to steal it and ruin another person in the process has a lot more to move on from then you.

Moving on remember how selective God was when choosing soldiers for Gideon, remember how God chose the least likely of all Jesse's sons, and remember when you lay down with dawgs ya get up scratchin flea bites.
---peter on 10/17/10

And you also have to see that you deserve better than her. She doesnt deserve a faithful man if she cant remain faithful herself.

My first wife was the same way. It took me 2 years after the divorce before I began dating again. Now almost 10 years later I can see she is still the same person. Im glad that I went thru the pain of those 2 years so that I didnt have to suffer thru any more of the cheating over the past 10 years.

In time youll feel the same way, brother. I know it doesnt seem like it now. My heart goes out to you. God has something better planned for you. Im sure of it.
---JackB on 10/17/10

I'm sorry to hear that she hurt you so deeply, but you're well rid of her.

Give yourself a chance to grieve your loss--which is what you're doing, as surely as if she had died.

And be easy on yourself. Of COURSE you're hurting. These are normal feelings that God put there. NOBODY expects you to be superman but YOU.
---Cluny on 10/17/10

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