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Sleeping In Different Bedrooms

I have been married for about 1 1/2 years and we are now in a spot where we sleep in different bedrooms, we fight all the time, and can't agree on how to raise the 2 kids. I don't want to divorce, never. What do I do?

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 ---tina on 10/22/10
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Tina: what do you argue ABOUT? Is it a special problem, general differences, or something else?

All couples argie -I have spent some nights in a different room from my wife to allow things to 'cool down', but before trying to sort out a solution, please try to work out WHY there is this tension

---peter3594 on 11/13/10

have been married for about 1 1/2 years and we are now in a spot where we sleep in different bedrooms, we fight all the time, and can't agree on how to raise the 2 kids. I don't want to divorce, never. What do i do?

Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
---francis on 11/12/10

If you two truly do love one another and the good Lord did indeed put you two together then everything will be alright. Just AGREE to disagree, shut up, apologize and start anew. Is anything worse than what you are going through now? Remember the Bible says...Do not let the sun go down on your wrath. You are suppose to make up before the sun goes down. We ALWAYS DO! Under NO circumstances should you hold a grudge with your spouse. You only get FURTHER AND FURTHER away from each other. God bless and keep you both and your children. The most important thing above all is PRAY!! PRAY TOGETHER!! THEN PRAY TOGETHER WITH YOUR PRECIOUS CHILDREN!!! Be an example for them.
---judy6696 on 11/12/10

Be slow to speak in your anger. Put his needs before your own. Spend time in prayer and reading the Word daily to strengthen your walk with the Lord. The Holy Spirit has a wonderful way of working things out, but he starts with our own hearts. Pray for your husband daily. Do not allow your mind to dwell on your husband's faults, but rather remind yourself those things you love about him. Build him up with your words. And climb into bed with him tonight! ,)
---katie on 10/25/10

You don't say whether the two children are from the teo of you, or from previos relationships.

If they are young babes, and from your marriage, they will becauseing quite a lot of tension, and it's impotant that you both agree what's needed. Hubby should recognise that probably you have them alone for a significat proportion of the day, so what you need is importnt ... but so are his needs for some peace and quiet, and some time with them, and some space to be with you.

Try to get back inot his bed quickly!
---alan8566_of_uk on 10/22/10

Amen to that, Pharisee
---JackB on 10/22/10

Both of you need to grow-up. You may not want a divorce, however, your spouse will probably file. Someone has to give in, which takes a lot of growth. If you don't have God to help, you should find some kind of help. How sad it is, because, my God is a great counselor.
---catherine on 10/22/10

Although she said she didn't want a divorce, that does not mean she cannot ask for counsel. Tina, I am sorry you must endure those who feel like you deserve what you get. Mercy triumphs over judgment and God's mercies are new every morning! Look over those who have yet to discover this. They cannot give away what they have not received. Can you pray and ask the Holy Spirit to show you just one good thing about your husband? After doing so, could you maybe take that one good thing and thank God for it...more than once? He will teach you how to bring that out of your spouse for His glory. Pride is the problem here.....walls on both sides keeping the love of God from flowing freely. Be last as a servant and first in the kingdom.
---Linda on 10/22/10

This is garbage that makes people not want to be Christian, How many were ousted from churches by a people of GRACE? How do you know they're not twins, or children from other partners, or adopted?

While I agree state sanctioned marriage is proper, we need to stop condemning cohabitation, why? Because people added something to marriage, God never did! So cohabitation is still marriage if it weren't for the technicality of the states involvement that WE insist upon adding. At the founding of this nation cohabitation WAS marriage and today there is no law against it! This is not some horrible sin as so many imagine and most "Christians" have greater sins hidden in their hearts, Drop your stones and go home to your own business.
---Pharisee on 10/22/10

You already answered your own question. You never want a divorce. So shut up! And live with whatever is going on! We do have choices in this world,madam. You can leave this relationship with your two kids and never look back. That would rid you of this problem,immediately! If you are a Christian you can pray and seek the Lord on this. But you will still have to choose to live with this man or not. You are not tired or fed up with this relationship. If you were, you would not be wasting time,asking for help on this blogsite. When we (humans) are fed up with something, guess what? We always know exactly what we need to do.
---Robyn on 10/22/10

Is there a typo here? Married about 1 1/2 years and have two children. Something doesn't compute.
---KarenD on 10/22/10

You say you can't agree on raising the two children,I must wonder if the reason you are in different bedrooms is because of your sleeping with the two children and that is one thing you don't agree on. If that is the case and neither child is sick and needs extra care,then you need to put them in a room of their own and get back into your husbands room. Children don't need a smother mother,one who hovers over them,they need to grow up and thats part of it. You and your husband need to discuss parenting methods and go to a professional and learn what is best for the children. If it is anger keeping you apart the Bible says be angry and sin not,let not the Sun go down upon your wrath. There has to be give and take on both sides in a marriage.
---Darlene_1 on 10/22/10

I'm not Jesus but I know communication. Start with you, MAKE SURE that you do not speak with the heat of your emotions. That will cause you to speak out unfairly and the other person will feel attacked. That's when fight or flight kicks in and fighting starts.

Self control is your own responsibility regardless of what kind of rubbish is being hurled your way. You can deal in fact and still be cold as ice, make sure this is not you either. In short be true to the deepest cries of your heart, the ones you'll sacrifice in the heated moments. They brought you together and are the most powerful emotions you have in this. If they've morphed into anger or resentment you need to confess it to God every time it surfaces as a sin and banish it.
---Peter on 10/22/10

The two biggest problems with our marriages are the same two problems in our walk with God.

Pride, and humility.

Usually pride causes unforgiveness. You and your husband must not be forgiving each other if you are sleeping in separate rooms. Your unforgiveness will eventually turn into bitterness and one of you will want to leave.

A lack of humility causes rebellion. Rebellion in a marriage manifests itself by a person being disagreeable, being contrary, wanting their own way. Putting these both together is a toxic mix.

You and your husband need to realize that it takes 100% commitment to stay together. You must give 100% of your efforts to your spouse and 0% to yourself.
---Mark_Eaton on 10/22/10

tina, I went to three marriage counsellors to try and save my marriage and they could NOT do what the Holy Spirit did for me.

My husband was not willing to even admit he had any issues, it's was all my fault according to him and the marriage counsellors were of no use, never intervened and never stopped him from blaming me 100%, thus I'm posting anonomous.

My advice to you is: GO to the Lord God Allmighty and pray and let God know your heart. Ask Father God to soften your husband's heart. Keep praying and seeking the Lord. "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness and ALL these things shall be added unto you."

I'll be praying for you too tina.
---anon on 10/22/10

Well you have had some form of communication as two children are the result of it. You say you are not looking for a divorce. I would recommend some professional licensed Marriage counseling.

Contact a local clergy association for Christian Marriage counseling in you geographic area, look for one 25 - 50 miles from where you currently attend church, insure they are trained, certified and licensed.

I do not recommend clergy from your church even if professionally qualified, you need a degree of anonymity and people you have gone to clergy in their home church have found them selves being the object of unfaltering sermon illistrations.

If it happens 50 miles away most of the people you know won't hear about it.
---Blogger9211 on 10/22/10

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Go to a good marriage counsellor.
---Cluny on 10/22/10

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