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Daughter Mean To Mother

At doctor's for flu shot, saw waiting elderly woman with woman who called her "mother." When the mother asked questions daughter was sharp. Mother appeared partially deaf, early dementia. Leaving, I felt guilty for not saying a kind word to the Mother. Was butt-out the Christian thing to do?

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 ---Geraldine on 10/25/10
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Geraline-- You are right about the Good Samaritan. I should have been more accurate in mentioning him.

Look through the blogs here. Question after question asks about some distressing situation, but with only a very few details revealed. However, people jump to conclusions right and left. They think they understand things perfectly and have a perfect "Christian/compassionate" solution.

There is enough imagination on some blogs to write several best-selling novels! Ha.
---Donna on 10/30/10

Geraldine let me help you with another point.In response to your last comment. The man who stopped to help the guy was a Samaritan. Hence the phrase the Good Samaritan. This man did something that was unheard of back in that day. They used a "caste" system where people were looked down upon if they were of a certain race etc..A lot of that today but God has no respect of person,color or race. We should extend love to all people, if we have truly been born again. But we do not have to go around looking for situations to prove we are saved. We should mind our own business,first. If someone is in danger we can extend aid but we should think safety, at all times. We live in cruel times now.
---Robyn on 10/30/10

Yes. We don't even know if there WAS a problem. All we have is the interpetation of the witness. Some mothers and daughters habitually respond to each other this way, and have for many years. It's not a problem, just a HABIT.
---Donna66 on 10/30/10

Your comments have helped me feel better. I certainly agree that we need solid information before "butting in." One point in passing: some of you appear to think the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:27-37, my favorite scripture) was the man lying in the ditch bleeding. I thought the bleeding man was a non-Samaritan, and the Good Samaritan stopped to help a person not of his own faith, which was Jesus' lesson.If the women I saw in the doctor's office had been of another race, or in Muslim dress, even more confusion for me.
---Geraldine on 10/29/10

Steveng: Before trying to put me or anyone down for our response. Please go back and read my entire comment. Then think about what I said. I am a Christian not a fool..ok! God does not leave His people ignorant. We are to use wisdom, at all times. Also. If you read the blog question correctly. You can clearly see Geraldine did not have all of the facts together. I never go off half-cocked. In order for me to approach this lady about her mother. I would have definitely had to have had all the facts. I am not going to blow my life over something i could have possibly misunderstood. I rather be a live Christian than a dead one, for now. Death is coming soon enough for us all.
---Robyn on 10/29/10

Another view: No where in the bible does it say we have to do this kind of thing. This is something people have made up to make themselves look like better christians. If the young woman was kicking and beating the old woman I would have intervened. I would have used my cell phone to call the police for help! Or sought help there at the dr's office. I have to think about my safety as well. As I suggest we all do.Even though I know how to fight, protect myself...etc.. I have husband,son ,family, friends to live for also. I don't have a desire to be a martyr or a hero. Especially a dead hero! I can do more good for someone---alive!! Wake up some of those humps in the cemetaries around your town. They will tell you what I am saying, is true.
---Robyn on 10/29/10

catherine -- Good grief! I never said don't smile. A Christian should find it easy to smile and should share those smiles readily.

But after the smile....obey what?
---Donna66 on 10/29/10

catherine -- Good grief! I never said don't smile. A Christian should find it easy to smile and should share those smiles readily.

But after the smile....obey what?
---Donna66 on 10/29/10

catherine: "Now, you tell me what's there to smile about? "

The soon to come Kingdom of God. That's something to smile about. Isn't that what the gospel is all about?
---Steveng on 10/29/10

No! Too many Christians are passive. We are not called into passivity. First, you pray, and obey. CHRISTIANS, it is okay to smile, but not make it a life-style. The world is going to hell in a hand-basket. Now, you tell me what's there to smile about?
---catherine on 10/29/10

Steveng -- The good Samaritan was obviously in need...with bloody wounds. Christian compassion would reach out to meet that need.

In this case we don't KNOW if anybody was in NEED. If there was a need, WHO had it? What IS it? And ARE we able to help? (aside from prayer).

Raw compassion (without judgement) can, as often as not, be hurtful rather than helpful. Jesus had compassion on people, but He did not always rush in to help. Sometimes He let people work things out for themselves. Sometimes people would rather handle things their own way.
---Donna66 on 10/28/10

Robyn: "Butt out was the thing to do."

Butt out? Shame on your people who would even think of such a thing. Butt out? Where would cristianity be if all christians butted out? This is the reason why true christianity is on the endangered list of churches. The harvest is huge, but the workers are very, very, very few.

Again... what a cold-hearted response.

What would happen if someone came up to the "Good Samaritan" said "butt out, it's none of your concern?" Or the non-christians of the world say to the peacemakers, "butt out."

Where is the love, the compassion, the comfort christians are to spread?

---Steveng on 10/28/10

Butt out was the thing to do. But you could have said something kind to the mother and possibly, the daughter,too.That would have been appropriate.Christians can't save the entire world. Daughter sounds like someone who is very angry among other issues. Sometimes people need hugs.Or a kind word.Daughter needs to be taught. Mistreating our parents carry a high penalty with it. God himself will intervene, if she does not change that situation.
---Robyn on 10/27/10

What about saying a kind word to the daughter? She sounds like she was the one who needed a sympathetic word...and maybe a friendly word would help her relax and be more patient with mom. (Mom may easily not hear or understand you)

BTW, not everybody responds positively to a stranger inserting themselves into a situation by saying "Jesus loves you". Many simply regard such a stranger with suspicion.
---Donna66 on 10/26/10

You could say something general to the receptionists that would allow everyone to hear.
e.g. Thanks, I appreciate everything you guys do because one day someone will have to take care of me. Have a great day?
---larry on 10/26/10

Cluny: "If things were as you surmised, it's entirely possible that a soft-spoken kind word would not have registered with her.

Forget about it."

Forget about it? What a cold-hearted response. This is definately not a christian attitude to take. Even three little words "Jesus loves you" and a pat on the shoulder (NLP) would have turned around that person's day, planting the seed to a better day no matter what the circumstances.

What would happen if the "Good Samaritan" said "forget about it?" Or the peacemakers of the world say "forget about it."

You have nothing to lose and a life to gain if you to try, eh?
---Steveng on 10/26/10

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Probably, yes. You do not know the circumstances. Please don't jump to conclusions. If you speak in a normal tone, an elderly hard-of hearing-person may tell you to "speak up!" I know from experience with my own elderly parents, it is very difficult to convey gentleness while shouting.

They ,too, may speak loudly due to their hearing loss. I'll never forget the time my elderly father watched a woman being wheeled into a crowded waiting room.. He looked at me, but announced to the whole room, "If I ever get like that just shoot me". I signaled to him,"shhhh". "Why?", he shouted, "nobody can hear me."
I prayed the woman was as hard of hearing as he...and that the others were forgiving.
---Donna66 on 10/26/10

Try taking care of anyone with dementia 24/7 and see if you don't get "sharp" once in awhile!
---KarenD on 10/26/10

Geraldine, I've come across that in a doctors waiting room and I found that I didn't have enough time to talk to the mother or the daughter to get to know her heart.

So last week when it happened, I spoke to her caregiver because the daughter took her mother into the back to see the doctor.

The caregiver shared that she (the mother) is very obnoxious, but she's learned that's her. I told her I found her funny but that's because I'm not with her 24 hours a day. She was a pip!!!

"A soft answer turns away wrath" is a good scripture to live by these days.
---Donna5535 on 10/26/10

People can seem sharp when they are raising their voices so an elderly person can hear them. People also in frustration with elderly people can be mean. Possibly, you could have talked with the daughter, first, and felt her out and talked about how her mother is, then speak with the mother, and be an example of how to relate.

"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)

Elderly hearing loss begins with high pitched sounds like "s" and "p" etc. So, speaking in a low voice can help, close to the ear.
---Bill on 10/25/10

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Charity requires us to assume the best motives for the actions of others, especially someone we see once and only casually, however puzzling those actions may be.

It could be that the daughter must speak in a tone you consider sharp so the mother can understand it.

It could also be that the daughter or mother was having a bad day.

If things were as you surmised, it's entirely possible that a soft-spoken kind word would not have registered with her.

Forget about it.
---Cluny on 10/25/10

Not really, but neither was butt in I suppose. I look at it this way, a kind word wouldn't have hurt anyone, and maybe helped the Mother know that you care for her. In that sense yes it's indeed a Christian thing to do.

My opinion is that you should never hold back something like that, sometimes we have this illusion that good works are our idea, when in all honesty the scripture shows that they are "prepared" for us that we should "walk in them."
---peter on 10/25/10

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