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Boyfriend Died Last Week

My boyfriend died last week. How do I heal and move on?

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 ---Zuzana on 11/10/10
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Grieve, "yes", but not to the point of losing your focus. My wife of 47 years had an experience like yours. She was engaged in 1956, only to have her intended die in 1958. She continued her collage work and got her BA and went on and got her RN and than graduated from the Midwifery program at Johns Hopkins Hospital. In 1961 we started dating. In 1963 we got married. We pioneered a medical work that had never been used before for evangelism. We were a perfect team - my graduate work was in business and her's medical and it took both talents to do what God wanted. Bottom line: God always sees the "big picture" and always knows best. None of what we did would have been possible had we not met & married.
---wivv on 12/22/10

Steven G 2: I'm not condemning you. To contemn you I would have to have the power to do so. I can only try to correct and tell you how wrong you are about the churches. Yes some are corrupt, but we knew that would happen to many who didn't follow the Word of God. It beginned right after Christ death to the Apostolic Church and has been happening again now. Yet His church has survived and the remnant has kept His Word from the beginning and His Word has survived till now, and will forever. I do not condmn you are even hate you but oppose your views.
---Mark_V. on 11/22/10

Steven G, I do not want to walk a mile in your shoes, I want to walk the rest of my life in Christ shoes. I wake up at 3 am to study, pray and to learn about God. I go visit patients who are sick and pray with them and for them. I do not get home at 9 pm, I go to sleep at 9pm so that I can wake up early to study. I don't persecute the Church of Christ, I try to help. My goal is to bring the gospel to as many as I can. and to correct people like you who persecute the Church. You don't point out which churches are bad, you call them all as of the enemy. There is many great teaching churches that you make no effort to talk about. While you are here to persecute the Church, I, on the otherhand, am here to help it.
---Mark_V. on 11/22/10

Mark_V: "Steven G, if you are talking about love, why don't you show it?"

Don't condenm me unless you have walked a mile in my shoes. I leave the house at 5:15am and don't come home until 9pm, except for an occassional home dinner, working and building the church.

Mark_V: "It seems to me that you do not love Christ Church... and you persecute His Church.That has been your goal since you came on line."

My goal is to bring to light false churches, the denominational, man-made churches each having their own rituals, traditions, ways of living, and interpretations of the bible. This is the end-time delusion prophesied in scripture where christians think they are christians, but are not.
---Steveng on 11/21/10

Mark_V: "...go to 1 Cor. 13. Memorize it and keep it in your heart. Now that is true love."

Memorize? True love? Hogwash! When are you going to stop studying and memorizing and start doing and meditating on the Word of God? Anyone fool can study and memorize scripture. It's another thing to start experiencing what you have learned. Christians were told to go out into the world and spread the gospel to help populate the Kingdom of God. Now, this is true love. We need this more today than ever before as Satan has a short time left to do his thing - and it's becoming harder to fight him. What do christians do today? They sit in their safe denominational churches as hearers only. The harvest is great, but the workers are very few.
---Steveng on 11/21/10

Steven G, if you are talking about love, why don't you show it? It seems to me that you do not love Christ Church. For Christ Church consist of brothers and sisters in Christ, and you persecute His Church. That has been your goal since you came on line. If you want to know true love, go to 1 Cor. 13. Memorize it and keep it in your heart. Now that is true love.
---Mark_V. on 11/20/10

Mark_V: "Steven G, there will never be a time when I stop studying and learning the Word of God, not while I am alive. I had my supernatural experience when I was saved."

Having an experience doesn't stop when one is saved, it's a life long experience, never ending. I'm talking about LOVE in which all the prophets and commandments of God hang upon. You study the bible having worldly understanding and can be very good at defining "love," but surely you don't not know HOW to do it (by your writings, I can tell).
---Steveng on 11/18/10

Donna66, of course I do. I walk in a state of forgiveness, I don't believe in holding grudges or hurts.

Religion says "I forgive you."

Relationship with Jesus says, "I walk in a state of forgiveness towards everyone."

So of course I forgive you, I never held anything against you, so this is easy for me to do.

The twinge of hurt I felt, I casted it upon the Lord and told Him I hurt a little bit, but it's all gone now, thanks be unto God Our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ and His Holy Spirit who operates in us daily.

P.S. I guess this is what Paul meant when he said, "I die daily."
---Donna5535 on 11/18/10

Zuzanna, it's hard for anyone outside of what you are feeling to give you the exact answer that you are looking for. I sure hope that someone has helped you. All of us are different when we lose someone, so we answer differently. Some will tell you to look ahead and others will tell you to just be you and time will lesson your pain. Just know that we are all with you and pray that your pain will not last long. Memories will always remain with us till we die. They never go away.
---Mark_V. on 11/18/10

Donna5535 -- It was not good judgement of me to use caps for emphasis, (it wasn't meant as shouting or any kind of insult). Just something instead of usual voice inflections to make sure the meaning is clear.
I truly not intend to hurt you. Can you forgive me?
---Donna66 on 11/17/10

John, very true. I believe the reason we suffer now when someone is lost is really "selfish." I do not mean it in a bad way, but really "we" will miss them. "We" will not be able to see them again for a long time. "We" Love them and still remember all the good times. That is a normal behavior from so many. "I" use to go to the cementary everyday for the first year because "I" missed my wife so much. I knew she was not there anymore but "I" wanted to keep the relationship going somehow. It was all about "me."
God is interested in the after life. We are interested it the now.
---Mark_V. on 11/17/10


One of things I mention when a Brother or Sister in Christ passes away is... it's only temporary for us, that although we'll miss them now, in a few years we'll see them again.
---John on 11/16/10

Steven G, there will never be a time when I stop studying and learning the Word of God, not while I am alive. I had my supernatural experience when I was saved. I now like to learn all that God has for me to learn. Sorry I never please you, probably the reason you said you try to shame me when I answer others. I cannot make everyone happy. All I can do is give them the Truth that I learned from God. If they don't like it, they have that right.
---Mark_V. on 11/17/10

Mark_V: "The word is revealed to us everyday we do study our Bibles."

When will it be time to stop studying and start experiencing?
---Steveng on 11/16/10

Mark V, I appreciate your feedback, thank you very much. I have always admired your responses and liked them and when I read them, I make sure I'm concentrating on what you are saying.

I am not a scholar like some of you are here on this board, that's why I come here, to learn from others.

I wouldn't have been offended at Donna66's comment except that she put in CAPS the word NOT and then even. "but the ideas are often NOT even similar."

As if she wanted to emphasize the importance of our responses NOT even being close to similar. But I did the right thing and responded in humility and with kindness even though I told the Lord that hurt.
---Donna5535 on 11/16/10

John, I still believe, even though Cluny rejects your answer, that what you said was the right thing to say. You wanted her to take her focus off her friend and put it on someone that God might have for her in the future. All Christains should do that. For we look ahead for what Christ has in store for us. We are always looking to the future, even after death. To concentrate on what has happen only holds us back to the future. Sure the friend meant alot to her, but he is gone, and she is left with more life. For anything she does is already ordained by God. He has seen her every move, and all those that she will take in the future. Every day we take a breath and continue, we effect someone in life.
---Mark_V. on 11/16/10

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Donna5535, I had read some time back that you were not very knowledgable about certain things and that you were learning. You are doing fine. And you are one of the first to admit that you are still learning and weak in some areas. I'm also learning everyday I read the Bible. No one knows everything. No one is at the same stage in knowledge. The word is revealed to us everyday we do study our Bibles. God has a time for each of us. I too like many of your answers, and Donna66 also. She is ahead of me in some areas and I'm ahead of her in others. No one is the same, blessing to both of you Donna's.
---Mark_V. on 11/16/10

2 Corinthians 1:7

You are allotted a certain amount of suffering in this world, whether it's suffering for youself or the common suffering related to being human. People you love die, but in the end you must come to grips with your own mortality.

Do not let suffering overcome you or totally overshadow the joys of life for the God of Abraham, Isaaac, and Jacob is with you in your deepest need, carrying you through the hard times safely to the other side.

May God bless you with peace of mind, joy of spirit, good health, and many great friends to share them with and know that victory is yours when you continue to believe.
---Steveng on 11/15/10

How do you know that God's perfect plan for this person included marriage?

Did He tell you?

I doubt it.
---Cluny on 11/15/10

That cheap shot was even below your own dubious standards.

PLEASE... Let her bury her boyfriend and rest.

Try a more appropiate blog to attack me on.
---JOhn on 11/15/10

Please don't be offended. I didn't mean to imply anything negative about your answers. On the contrary, They show that you are a woman full of faith and they bless many, I'm sure.
But sometimes you and I take different viewpoints (possibly not even disagreeing) but I don't want people to be confused and think we are one person.
---Donna66 on 11/15/10

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---JOHN on 11/10/10\\

How do you know that God's perfect plan for this person included marriage?

Did He tell you?

I doubt it.
---Cluny on 11/15/10

Donna66, of course the ideas are NOT even similar. That's because you're much smarter than me and you know much more than I do.

I, on the other hand, have a simple child-like faith and isn't as deep as yours, but I have been crying out for more of HIM.

I like to learn off of people like you. You are smart, intellecutal and I have a deep respect for you. You are wonderful at explaining things. I love your responses.

I'm just not as smart as you are, so my responses come from the heart and based on parts of the Word of God that I've studied. I haven't stuided all of it, thus I've got a child-like faith.
---Donna5535 on 11/15/10

Sister Donna66, yes, it was meant for her. I'm trying to put the number when I answer because of what you said, the ideas sometimes are not the same, but forgot this time. That is why I mention marriage, because she was talking about that. Sorry, blessings.
---Mark_V. on 11/15/10

MarkV -- I take it your post is addressed to Dona5535, not Donna66. The name may be the same, but the ideas are often NOT even similar.
---Donna66 on 11/14/10

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First,I want to thank everyone who gave me advice. That touched my heart in a very special way, thank you everyone.

Second, my heart goes out to alan of uk and ---Zuzana who's boyfriend died last week.

alan, I am going to be praying for you that God would send you a Godly woman after His own heart and one that sends sparks up your

Zuzana, if you need someone to talk to and walk with you during this time, email me here at Donna5535. I can give you my other email account when you email me here. (((Huggss)))) I am praying for you Zuzana.
---Donna5535 on 11/12/10

Donna, I try not to give advice in matters of marriage because really we do not know all the facts of someone who is separated or devorced. What I do know is that if you feel your conscious telling you not to marry while he is alive, do not go against conscience because the Spirit speaks to our conscious and it is the reason we feel to do something or another. Sometimes the conscious is wrong, and the Spirit is not speaking to it, but we are to not go against conscious. Your words sound as you though you feel it's wrong to find a husband, or better said, allow yourself to fall in love with someone else, follow your conscious. Even if it's wrong. You will know for if God has someone for your life it will happen.
---Mark_V. on 11/12/10

//i am very sorry for your loss.

May the Spirit comfort you and strengthen you.
---aka on 11/11/10///


---char on 11/11/10

Zuzana--people mean to be helpful, but I know the "he's just your boyfriend not your husband" response doesn't lessen the pain.
The people here don't begin to know what kind of relationship you had or for how long.
You will recover. It doesn't matter whether it takes weeks or months. Just be thankful for the time you had together. And know that the Lord has better plans for you.

Keep yourself busy. This is a good time to try something new...learn a new skill, join a new group. If you aren't active in a church, look for one. Ask Jesus to help you through this painful time.
---Donna66 on 11/11/10

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Donna ... I thought I had!!! I hoped too soon, and it hurt when I realised it was not to be.

There are many godly women ... but it does need there to be the spark on both sides!
---alan8566_of_UK on 11/11/10

donna ... Has your ex not committed adultery? Those 4 girlfriends ... even if they were after your divorce.

Could you not remarry?
---alan8566_of_UK on 11/11/10

i am very sorry for your loss.

May the Spirit comfort you and strengthen you.
---aka on 11/11/10

Donna unless you choose not to remarry, you have a right to do so biblically. abuse is not ok from any spouse. God can find you someone new. What if he does, are you going to turn this person down because you're stuck on some old law God gave to Israel only? He's already moved on you said more then once. He didnot make us to be alone, but have a spouse, companion, & someday that new one can be around the corner for you I hope.
---candice on 11/11/10

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Thanks MarkV. You have always been a inspiration to me. I may have said that before, but hey! why not say it again!
Your post was better put than mine.

I can only sympathise and relate her experience with some of mine own. (Like all of us can). I (we) do not know her or her boyfriend personally to empathise with her exact pains. We all lost love ones so that is what we can relate with.

Her question was "How do I heal and Move on? I gave my best advice using a blog format. As Markv said, it would be better to talk as a personal friend with advice.

I see lots of the posters giving just that. Helping her with suggestions for the future and what pitfalls to avoid. I still remember your tragedies MarkV.
---John on 11/11/10

I hope that my wife (the next one) is alive and kicking. I just wish she would hurry up and kick her way into my life.
---alan8566_of_UK on 11/10/10

alan, I thought I read sometime back that you had met a special person. Was that you or someone else?

I cannot remarry because my ex-husband, whom I divorced for domestic violence reasons is still alive and kicking and I heard he's been through four girlfriends, living in sin. I wish to stay holy before the Lord and Jesus does fine as my husband.

alan, how old you are? I'm sure there are Godly women out there and one special one for you!
---Donna5535 on 11/11/10

John ... The questioner has had barely a week to grieve over the loss of the most important human in her life.

I'm sorry though that I judged your post unhelpful.

But I don't understand what political point you have identified in my post?
---alan8566_of_UK on 11/11/10

A grieving process for a spouse normally runs 24 - 36 mounts if the person does not have a serious mental health issue.

You were not married to your boy friend so I would suspect it will be considerably less time. You will eventually meet some one else and move on with your life, the wost thing you can do is continue to dwell on it and become clinically depressed.

You basically have to attrite him and move on with your life.
---Blogger9211 on 11/11/10

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Zuzana, so sorry for your lost. Time does heals, more so when your faith is in Christ, thank Him for giving you life to continue your path without your friend.

John, I read your answer and I really thought it was very good advice. I believe hearing it in person would sound much better. It follow's what Candice said, which is very true. We know he was not going to be her husband. That is a fact. And if God wills, there is a guy out there waiting to be her husband, and he doesn't know that the pieces are coming together. Though she might have had dreams of maybe marriage, and now won't happen, she is sad for not continuing the relationship with him. But God is way beyong that. He sees all the paths we will take in its completion.
---Mark_V. on 11/11/10


My post was NOT addressed to you. So how can you judge if it was helpful or not. And why on earth would you take and exploit this post for self gratification and political points.

This is a personal post for someone grieving, please don't make it into something ugly.

She doesn't need it!!!
---John on 11/10/10

I am soooo very sorry honey.
---Mary on 11/10/10

John ... that is not very helpful, and is in fact could be quite hurtfull to someone who is recenlty bereaved (and it is bereavement ot lose a boyfriend)

Now, I was widowed 8 years ago, I hope that my wife (the next one) is alive and kicking. I just wish she would hurry up and kick her way into my life.
---alan8566_of_UK on 11/10/10

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Your boyfriend died (I'm very sorry)


---JOHN on 11/10/10

please take time to heal & recover, & know that God has your true husband waiting for you when you are ready to move on. I say this because if this boyfriend was meant to be your husband then he wouldn't have passed on. How did he die? naturally, heart attack, other factors? DO NOT rush into another relationship, put God first & heal yourself.
---candice on 11/10/10

I am truly sorry to hear your boyfriend died last week. My heartfelt sympathy and condolences goes out to you.

You will need to go through a grieving process...cry it out. Take as much time as you need to cry and talk to others about him and how you loved him and how he made you happy, etc.,

My friend has been grieving over the loss of her fiance since Aug 2007...he died 2 weeks before their Sept 200y wedding and it kills her. She still cries ALL the time and is numb inside. Take as much time you need to cry this out and ask God to heal your brokenheart.
---Donna5535 on 11/10/10

As Queen Elizabeth said, grief is the price we pay for love.

Give yourself time to grieve. You didn't expect to be over it in just a week, did you?

And remember that every loved one who goes before us means we're one step closer to heaven ourselves.
---Cluny on 11/10/10

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