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Wife Working Thru Her Affairs

I love my wife (Only through Christ.) She cheated after 6 months of marriage and again a year later. 2 years later she left me. She says she wants to work on her issues first, but has yet to take that step. She avoids any reason to see me. What can I do besides pray to show love? It's been 1 year.

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 ---Jimmy_James on 12/1/10
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Wivv, When I found about the affair, she told me that it happen because she was unhappy. My response to her was "Why didn't you tell me you were unhappy" She said, "You knew I was unhappy" I do not have any anger issues at all, but if anyone could have read my brain at that very second, I would be in Jail right now.
I learned later, communication does not happen in her family, everything is swept under the rug, and covered with lies. The problem is, how do you know when someone tells a lie? This whole story could be a lie. She says that she does not know why she lies (I know, she is afraid what others think about her) She says she wants to get help. But not today, to busy, maybe next month. Months have become years.
---Jimmy_James on 12/5/10

No point in closing the barn door once the cattle have escaped, but was just wondering, did you have any type of pre-marital counseling? Based on what you state in your question, it might be best to move on. She may be back, but I doubt it - from a practical point, of course the Lord can turn the situation around. What would really be helpful, is knowing her side of the situation. For any person to cheat only 6 months after marriage is little unusual. Did she give a reason for it? To state, "She avoids any reason to see me." is a harsh attitude for her to take - do you know why?
---wivv on 12/4/10

Right now take this time to get the relationship you need from God allow him to show you how to be that person that does attract her to wanting to do right
---bariq on 12/4/10

Jimmy you need to swallow your pride and move on with your life. If you have done all you can do, please stop tripping on your ego. There are other apples in the baskets who would love to have a good man. Sometimes the grass is really greener on the other side. You seem as though you are the one with the problem. You don't want to let go. We all lose something, at some point, in our lives. Give up the ghost. You will feel like, look like and you will be a new man. God bless you.
---Robyn on 12/3/10


If she looses a man, make sure she looses the best man she could ever loose.

Be good to her and fill the gap in her that she is searching for through various sources. God Bless, Paul
---paul on 12/3/10

When my granpa was young, he was a professional con-artist, forger, and drug dealer. He went to Jail 3 times before the Judge threw the book at him. All hope was lost. But in prison he got saved, later became a pastor, and 30 years later I was born. Prayers were answered.
I'm still praying for my wife. Although it looks slim. If she wants to file, I will sign, but till then I will just pray pray & obey. I just don't know how to act when we meet. Its hard to have a normal conversation with someone who is doing nothing by telling lies to your face. She is coming over Friday to drop somethings off, and I just want to be loving. After she leaves I want her to be thinking. "He still actually loves me" But how?
---Jimmy_James on 12/2/10


Id love to help you all I can but I'm not familiar with the pen pal option.
I don't see a link that relates so maybe we can converse additionally on this matter. God Bless, Paul
---paul on 12/2/10

Matthew 5:32,19:9(sexual immorality) and I Corin 7:15(abandonment by an unbeliever) are two clear grounds for divorce according to the bible. But divorce should be a last resort. God desires that we stay within our marriages. If possible. God is capable of changing any person and renewing marriages.
Forgiveness is certainly in order but depends on what the non -cheating spouse is willing to put up with, how many times this has happened etc... I think the non- cheating spouse should draw the line (at some point) if the cheating does not stop. The other spouse can leave and seek divorce. God does not want us to stay in abusive and unhealthy relationships. Cheating is very hurtful,ugly and abusive.
---Robyn on 12/2/10

Dear Jimmy,

Speaking as a Christian, your wife is now in the state of adultery. And hopefully, the good Lord convicts her of this sin (we all sin against the Lord too in other ways) and bring her back to you in repentance. Should she repent and ask for your forgiveness, you must forgive her.

However, if she does not feel this way, you have the right to ask for a divorce.

I encourage you to seek for the Lord's guidance through prayer and spend some time meditating on Matthew 19:1-10.

May the Lord show mercy and grace to both you and your wife.
---christan on 12/2/10

i am very sorry, but also encouraged because you understand that God's love and our love is nothing alike and we depend on His version.

that said, there is only one reconciliation to you that is to Him.

just because you forgive does not mean that you need to establish proper boundaries. if no kids, divorce the man-made marriage, stay still (like Robyn said), and keep your eyes on the Lord.

while she is 'deals' with her own issues, you now have a chance to serve. it won't take long to see what's next.

she cheated (repeatedly...probably more than you know) and left. what more do you need?
---aka on 12/2/10

(Romans 8:28)
"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

Many folks tend to forget (Romans 8:28) during times of trouble, so I post it as a reminder.

But Who is that God shall love, and why does he love them?
(John 14:21)
"He that has my commandments, and keeps them, he it is that loves me: and he that loves me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him."
---David on 12/2/10

Thanks everyone,

Hi Robyn - Your probably 100% right. But where do you draw the line in forgiveness? Mat 19:7-8 and 2 Cor 12:8-9 weigh very heavy on me.

Hi Paul - I would appreciate your assistance. My PenPal is Jimmy7697
---Jimmy_James on 12/2/10

Im truly grieved to hear of this and you are in my prayers. You see we must view our wives as Christ views us. "Love your wife as Christ loved the Church and gave himself for it".

How you feel is how Christ feels every time you or I do contrary to His will.

So you must ask yourself how Christ deals with us, ie long suffering, kind, gracious, forbearing, patient, etc.
So you see if there is a sin here let it not be yours, do all you can and then stand on faith, hope and principles.

There is a lot to be said about reconciliation and if you would like I will broach that with you.
For I am a Biblical counselor and would love to help you through Christ all I can.
God Bless, Paul
---paul on 12/1/10

You need to work through your issues also. Especially if you love your wife only through Christ. If you insist on being with her, demand she get herself together within a certain length of time(set by you). Your wife is full of bull. We all have issues. She needs to come home and let you, help her with her issues. But I doubt if this will help much. Sounds like she is a cheater who enjoys doing what she does. She avoids you because she is probably seeing another man. Tear her little playhouse down and make her play your game. If you don't do this she will continue to play you for years to come. Who has time for this? Call her bluff. If she does not play according to your rules. Move on.You can pray while making a new life for yourself.
---Robyn on 12/1/10

Jimmy you are on my prayer list. Prayer is the most you can do so keep doing it.
God may move but he is not likely to supercede her will. She may break your heart again by hardening her heart first against God and then you.
Don't bet your life on a road to Damascus experience bringing her back to you, instead have faith only in God's sovreignty
---larry on 12/1/10

You can let the dead bury their own dead and follow Christ, or you can pine away for something that's not yours and will never be...notice I didn't say you had no right to it, just that it's not been given to you.

If it was important for her to save her marriage she'd be after it like the next paycheck or sale item at the mall, but she's not, instead she's making excuses and buying time. Her actions have proven her motive is questionable at best, stop being available and start filling your time with something positive.
---Pharisee on 12/1/10

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That's all at this point.

Meditate on the Prodigal Son. How long did the Father await his return?
---Cluny on 12/1/10

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