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Wife's Affair With Youth Pastor

My wife of 10 years had an affair with the youth pastor of the church. I am so broken hearted that I feel like I can never trust her again. This happened over six months ago and the affair lasted 6 months. There are kids involved, but she makes me sick, I can hardly look at her. Am I wrong if I leave?

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 ---Joe_Gibbs on 12/7/10
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You have the right to leave if you choose but forgive her and live your life don't allow this to make you bitter
just remember sin has a payday.
---Louise on 12/11/10

Joe, when a woman commits adultery, the husband has nothing to do with it. She chose to "connect" with someone else other than you and to break wedlock all by her self, and you had zero to do with her sin. She needs to be 100% totally responsible, or else you need to repect yourself enough to leave her: for by letting her adultery to continue you are condoning her sin, and you are sending a message to your children that it is ok, and also she may bring sexuallly transmitted diseases into your your home and marriage bed. If she repented than she should seriously recommit her self to you and understand that she may already be infected with venereal diseases or aids. All sin has consequences, so both should get tested.
---Eloy on 12/8/10

Thanks Pharisee & Trina! I need support right now. I do want to forgive her and believe that she won't do it again. And yes, I do look in the mirror and I don't like what I see. I have 0 pride and feel like i'm the failure. I know that usually when a womens strays its because the man wasn't doing something right, but its not for lack of trying and "frankly" she has somewhat soured my spirit. I think I have been hurt so many times that my heart has started to harden. On top of all of this the guy totally took advantage of her just for her body "a fling" for him. She actually thought he loved her. She chose a dirt bag like that over me and the kids. Maybe i'm the one thats insecure?
---Joe on 12/8/10

...continued I wish that I could explain more of the whole issue. I cannot because it may hurt people because others who know may stubble on to this blog. The situation is actually quit unique, as I suppose many are, and of course deals with all of the normal betrayel, lies, ect. I do feel trapped though, like i have to stay because of the kids. I can't be certain yet, but thats my big hang-up. I just don't want old smutty face to win another battle!!!!!
---Joe on 12/8/10

You are worried that there's a hole in her heart that she seeks affirmation for, to me that looks like your cue to build her up. You probably can't do enough to make that work, but there may be some change that you need to make from within. Could it be at all possible that you don't appreciate her the way you should? Bear in mind (roar) I'm not excusing her way of coping, but it couldn't hurt for you to take a long look at the guy in the mirror and see if maybe you've been too critical or maybe not supportive enough. Trust is making the decision, and you can trust this, that if you do restore her she'll never live down the shame. Grace is beautiful, it's what we'd all want in her situation. You should do what you'd want your children to be.
---Pharisee on 12/8/10

Yes, she has repented. I believe though, that there is a good chance of this happening again. She has very insecure and has low confidence in herself. Its funny, she always worried about me straying or worried about other women. I never gave her any reason, I don't look, flirt, or basically even talk to other women, all so I would not even be temped. I trusted her and was secure enough in myself that I would not worry about her cheating. She was always the sentimental one. The one that acted like cheating in anyway was the farthest from her. When she told me, I could not have been more surprised, ecspecially with who. I know I don't sound very strong in faith right now, but it has sooooo worn me down. I am thankful for all of the post.
---Joe on 12/8/10

Forgivness is key and it doesnt come easy. You are within the grounds for divorce, but trust me when I say fighting for your marriage would be in yours and everyones best interest. Divorce is so painful, even when you have the right to do so. Seek counsel from a good pastor, and trust Jesus to give you wisdom. It totally sucks to have a broken heart. But the ministry and character it builds is unbelieveable if you let God touch, heal, and restore. God Bless you brother.
---Trina on 12/8/10

Joe, I she has honestly repented to you and asked you for forgiveness, then you should forgive her. But if she has not honestly repented to you nor asked for your forgiveness, then you should not forgive her, and you are right to cut her off as the diseased branch. The golden rule is to do and to say exactly that what you want the other person to do and to say to you, in other words, if you were in her place and you committed the adultery against your wife, then how shoud your spouse respond to you?
---Eloy on 12/8/10


The devil influences, people act. God Bless, Paul
---Paul on 12/8/10

Did she confess this or did she get caught?

Two different animals.
---John on 12/7/10

if your wife had an affair with someone it a disgrace thing she ha done but who knows it not her fault it the work of the devil and she needs a prayer of forgivmess. Because what she has done is abmination.
---mariam on 12/8/10

Yes, she has repented, but I don't know that I believe her. She is a very good lier. Over the years, she has did things to really hurt me. Almost, like she is my enemy, but should be far from it. I know that I am flawed and i let her know it. The whole trust thing is killing my spirit. I trusted the guy that she cheated with too. They both decieved me. Its humiliating. We had to leave the church and our family is already affected. This story is unique and its almost like the devil knew exactly what would shred my heart!
---Joe_Gibbs on 12/8/10

Pray,utter your sense of loss and mourning, ask Jesus to heal you.
Forgive, forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. You won't forget, you'll let go. Evaluate your life. How would your family be affected if you separate? if you stay? I've been in your shoes.It's been five years. I though it impossible, I was convinced I would never heal and trust again, but I did.The evil one destroys everything beautiful the Lord gives us. Marriage is on top of his list.What's really at stake??? Your marriage? Mine? An institution established by God, the concepts of marriage/family.
Fight for the family God has given you, He will give you the courage and wisdom to endure and overcome. Trust, He who began His work in you is able to complete it.
---Nely_Rivera on 12/8/10

Joe You're not wrong if you leave, this is the only injustice Jesus didn't suffer, therefore he makes provision for the marital infidelity we uniquely face.

You're not wrong for leaving Joe, but don't harden your heart. If she wants to reconcile simply separate for now and keep the door open. In the Spirit of God YOU CAN overcome this. People will tell you that you can't stay for the children, but honestly they'll be most impacted, love covers a multitude of sin...will you cover your wife's?
Weather you stay or not you have to forgive, start there God will finish the job because it's his will to do so.
---Pharisee on 12/7/10

Has she repented ? If she has, to God and you, you have an obligation to forgive her.

You do have the right to leave for adultery but with kids involved I highly urge you to work it out, your kids need you full time all the time and let God do the healing, He can do all things.

Never make a perminant decission based on temporary circumsanstances. God Bless, Paul
---paul on 12/7/10

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