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Will Not Forget The Past

What to do when the person you loves doesn't trust you because of your past. You have changed and want to be together but they have a hard time believing what you say?

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 ---Tee on 12/22/10
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The key word "Say"

Say is meaningless

Your actions will speak louder than words. If YOU really love this person you will know that wounds take time to heal..

what you say mean nothing.
what you DO is everything.

"p.s. It not greener on the other side. The grass need to get mowed there too.
---vivian on 1/27/11

If you are not married to him/her drop them like a hot potato. You are going to continue going round in circles with this person. It is going to wreak havoc with your emotions eventually. Find someone who believes you and wants a real relationship. And can love you as you love them.
---robyn on 12/28/10

Much of the problem with marriages that end in divorce are because they were brought together by the spirit of man, the lust of the flesh, dating site and such.
They are not a case of "what God has joined together."
The thought of allowing the Spirit of God to unite the right pair is rejected even by those professing to be Christians.
But, I have seen couples brought together by the Spirit and NONE of them ended in divorce.
Those who claim to be Christians need to get back to marrying whom the Lord says and not their lust.
It works every time when the Lord does it.
---Frank on 12/27/10

//We have no control over what someone else thinks, feels and does.

And over half of the church today is divorced and re-married.

In older times, women's place was more defined to be the one raising the children, keeping the house, cooking, etc. but in modern times, these roles are not too well defined and women have far more independence than ever before, capable of earning their own living and not being dependence upon their husbands.

And people change over time in how they think and act. Religious affiliation has little to do with keeping a marriag together. I have even seen missionaries and pastors get divorced.
---leej on 12/26/10

I think Cluny has the right answer. One thing I found out when my wife and I split up, that I could not make her think like me, feel what I felt, or see what I saw. We have no control over what someone else thinks, feels and does. That is one reason why our dependence is on God. He alone can change people and does every second of the day. If they have not forgiven, they might never. Best thing is to move on, and if he wants to come and enjoy the ride with you, then he will change his mind. It might take a long time, but in the mean time you are moving forward and not living in the past.
---Mark_V. on 12/25/10

trust is not implied-it is it takes time to regain the trust that has been lost.if you have invested enough time and the person you love doesnt still trust you-then i think -its time to move on and stop the the very foundation of any relationship is trust
---mj on 12/25/10

Congragulations on your changes. A relationship is based on a lot, but one is "trust". The relationship would not be healthy for you or him. I wish you luck and happiness.
---Keeping_Faith on 12/24/10

so, assuming that you have totally healed, you expect the other to be totally healed.

it doesn't sound like total healing on your part.

heed the others wound and don't count the cost to you even if it means your 'love' relationship. accept the damage that you caused and be a friend.
---aka on 12/24/10

If the past has repeated itself, it's harder to forget. What the past was has some bearing. Forgiveness is one thing, but keeping the marraige might be another.
---mike on 12/23/10

If you have truly changed they should be able to see the difference in you.
---tonne on 12/23/10

I agree with Cluny on this one. If you are not married, perhaps you should move on. If you get involved with someone who constantly brings up your past it could turn abusive because they are already doing this to degrade and make you feel inferior to them. Let me assure you, they too have a past, probably as bad, if not worse than yours, maybe just different things or things you might not know about. They are using this to control you. If your not married to this person, don't get too deep in this abusive relationship. If you are married, get a christian counselor, but don't let this person make you feel inferior to them.
---Jed on 12/22/10

Very little! The "ball" is now in that person's "court" and there is not much you can do but wait it out, plus show by your actions, you have changed and this takes time. Time will tell if you are sincere. You could try Christian counseling, but it will still take time.
---wivv on 12/22/10

time,and then more time,trust is earned.
---tom2 on 12/22/10

You can't control what someone else does, especially his/her reactions to your own past actions.

Assuming you're not married, maybe the thing to do is to simply let the relationship end and both of you move on.
---Cluny on 12/22/10

I know how painful it is to want to discuss the future with someone and the only thing you get from them along the lines of input is a history lesson and a fresh baked batch of negativity based on their fears. It's discouraging even down right hurtful, but you can start to be a person of surprises instead.

Try this, instead of announcing a plan just enact it.

The best thing you can do is just start doing. Then you'll get yelled at for that too, but at least this person won't be able to say you can't or you won't, and you'll start to heal together the way you wanted to anyway.
---Pharisee on 12/22/10

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