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I Support My Husband

My husband worked twice since being married! I support us both. We live in his dad's apartment dining room, don't have a car, and he barely bathes. It's been a month since we tied the knot. We're both Christian. I tried talking to him this morning but we fought. What should I do?

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 ---Jee on 1/13/11
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I sympathize with you in the kindest way. Many of the responders are asking questions that require a hidden answer and by this I mean, they show you all the good doing the dating phase and this is what my husband did. I din't know that he takes baths in the sink, walks outside with no shoes and returns to the house proping his feet on the sofa as if this is sanitary. He doesn't flush the toilet and on top of all that he refuses to pay any household bills besides the mortgage. This man makes three times the money I do and his only answer is SUBMIT. I refused to put up with this, so now we're separtated. Pray and make good choices by letting god be your guide.
---Kay on 1/21/11

"What should I do?" ~Jee

Love your husband unconditionally. Encourage him, pray for him, be patient with him and fulfill your duties to him as a wife. Continue to go to work every day and do not complain or argue. Remember why it is that you love this man and why you committed to loving him forever. Speak highly of him to others and when you need to address an issue with him, do so respectfully. Afterwards, do not nag him, but go to the Father with a thankful heart and ask for positive change. Keep a kind attitude and make your home as pleasant and peaceful as possible.
---AlwaysOn on 1/17/11

Jee...Did you think this man would suddenly have a house for you, have a car to drive and smell better if you married him? Let me guess! You lived with him before you got married and thought he would change if you married him!!!
---KarenD on 1/16/11

If he means to live as a Christian, we can work with this. Jesus says to bring a wrong person to witnesses, if necessary, then to the church leadership, if needed > Matthew 18:15-20. But this means leaders who are Bible qualified > 1 Peter 5:3, 1 Timothy 3:1-10. And he needs your example > 1 Peter 3:1-4. "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of

a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7)

So, what he is doing is sin. Yelling at you is abuse . . . a crime in a number of states. Fighting is anti-Christ and anti-love > Philippians 2:14-16. Love has us "submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21) Be his helpmate to help him with this.
---Bill_willa6989 on 1/16/11

Jee: Is he ABLE to find work? Has he decided not to work, or does he not find work?

The way you write it, it sounds like he does not want to, but please verifiy that before I make other comments
---James on 1/15/11


1Jn 4:16 So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love...

If God is love and God is light, God is not blind. therefore, love is not blind. lust is blind.

...and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.
---aka on 1/14/11

You say he fought with you. Fighting can be work. So, he can work, but I'm concerned he used his energy that way, instead of another way.

How well did you get to know him before you married him? If you want to stay with him, it might be good to get to know him so you can understand him better so you can help him, if God has made you his helpmate. With God, you can help him, and possibly there are things that God will show only to you since you are his wife. How about 1 Peter 3:1-4?
---Bill_willa6989 on 1/14/11

2 Thessalonians 3:10 For even when we were with you,this we commanded you,that if any would not work,neither should he eat. Don't continue to support him,move out quickly,before you are stuck with his debt and bills and can't get out. Establish your own home,its better to go through life alone than to be a slave to a man who is filthy and won't work. Trish suggested he may be mentally ill,even so,leave and let him get help and before you even think of taking him back be certain he is changed,get the information from his counselor not him. Pray very hard for God to help you and lead you. Pray for him,he doesn't show true Christian husband colors.
---Darlene_1 on 1/14/11

You have a generous enough Father in Law to let You both hang out like that :)
count Your blessing!!!!!
---kevin5443 on 1/14/11

Irrespective of that Cluny, it's the Lord's words. there's lots of things that happen in scripture that are against God's word, what we allow to set our way is not what's been done, but what's best.
---Pharisee on 1/14/11

\\The Bible say a man shall leave Mother and Father..\\

But Isaac didn't leave his father. In fact, Rebecca was brought to HIM while he was still living in his mother's tents.

In fact, if you read the Bible carefully, you'll see that generally only the WOMEN left their homes. Their husbands were still living in their fathers' clans.
---Cluny on 1/14/11

Why did you marry him - he just didn't develop the habit of not working or bathing since you got married. If you don't know the answers, you might ask him - but in private. (Make it a set appointment so neither of you is caught off guard as to what the conversation is about.) Another thing you need to do is get to a Christian Marriage Counselor, go by yourself if he won't go. Since transportation may be a problem for you, see if your pastor will come to the house if you can't get to a Marriage Counselor.
---wivv on 1/14/11

He sounds depressed and needs a physical and possible referral for psychiatric evaluation. You may need some therapy to find out what you were thinking when you married this man in the first place.
---Trish9863 on 1/14/11

Well Jee, I guess you married an under achiever, what do you really expect ChristiaNet bloggers to do about it. So go home to you mommy and daddy and see if the will take you back.
---Blogger9211 on 1/14/11

//And didn't you notice his hygiene, transportation, living arrangements, and career aspirations before you married him?//

---John on 1/14/11

And didn't you notice his hygiene, transportation, living arrangements, and career aspirations before you married him?

If not, why not?

And just how did you meet his paragon anyway?
---Cluny on 1/13/11

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Go back to your parents till he gets serious.

The Bible say a man shall leave Mother and Father...I take that to not include you. This may be the only leverage you have, but you've got to motivate him somehow.
---Pharisee on 1/13/11

Jee: I feel for you and the pit you have found yourself in. Your marriage has started on a very bad,bad note. I cannot imagine a christian man exhibiting this kind of behaviour. Are you sure this man is born again? Is he familiar with the Word of God and what is required of him as a husband? Seems he has hoodwinked you and all the force of his lies is bursting through the dam. You have a long hard road ahead of you,my dear.
---Robyn on 1/13/11

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