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Wife Gets Herself Pregnant

I have been unable to get my wife pregnant, and she has been mad about it. Just a few days ago, she went to visit her parents (in Asia) and I just got an email saying she will get herself pregnant via a sperm bank, basically whether I want that or not. What should I do?

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 ---Jeff on 2/3/11
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getting sperm from a bank against the consent of the husband is equal to adultery. you've ghot a good run, but bassically and generally these postorder marriages are not to be trusted. even when you found them on a christian site.
---andy3996 on 8/10/11

---John on 8/9/11


A child gets inherited genetic diseases from both parents. Here, she's trading the diseases of the father for those of the donors. She's playing Russian Roulette either way, just using a different weapon.

She can't expose her husband to genetic diseases, since genes are passed from parents to children, not the other way around. She MAY be exposing he husband to sexually transmitted diseases of the donor (such as HIV), but this is unlikely since sperm banks typically check for these beforehand.

I DO agree with you that it's wrong for the woman to do this without her husband's permission. However, there are biblical precedents for legitimate uses of surrogates when one parent is infertile (i.e. Abraham and Jacob).
---StrongAxe on 8/4/11

Thank you, all of you, for your comments

Personally, I have my doubt that she WILL actually do anything, for she has been saying far more than she has been doing

But I am deeply concerned about all this, and I want to thank all of you for being so supportive!
---Jeff on 2/11/11

Donna5535 -- The inference was in your mind. I meant nothing personal. I was talking about names not persons. I'm sorry you took it wrong. What do you want me to do?
---Donna66 on 2/9/11

Sag--I'm sorry. I probably made Jeff feel "guilty" all over again by bringing up the child for which he is in no way resposible.
I could have striken that part of the post when I realized how it sounded, but it was too late. (In my own heart I was thinking, poor child, being the center of such turmoil which he/she can in no way understand).

But it's Jeff's wife, not necessaruly Jeff, who should consider this.

IF Jeff decides to part ways with his wife, as I think he's justified in doing...Yes, as you say, he can have a DNA study done to dispute parenthood. It may take some time and I believe the test is rather expensive. Until then he will be expected to support the child.
---Donna66 on 2/9/11

Donna66, I'll quote Jesus so you don't think I made up, exaggerated the repent in sackcloth and ashes theory: Jesus said in Matthew 11:21 - Woe unto thee, Chorazin! woe unto thee, Bethsaida! for if the mighty works, which were done in you, had been done in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes.

Jesus said it again in Luke 10:13 - Woe unto thee, Chorazin! woe unto thee, Bethsaida! for if the mighty works had been done in Tyre and Sidon, which have been done in you, they had a great while ago repented, sitting in sackcloth and ashes.

Donna66, I forgive you, but this is the second time you inferred you didn't want to be mistaken for me...admit it please, thank you very much.
---Donna5535 on 2/9/11

Either way you will probably end up supporting the child.
---Donna66 on 2/8/11

Thanks to modern science, DNA testing can be used to "prove" who is the biological father.

If the "child" turns out to NOT be his, then he has no legal obligation to support it.

If I were married, I'd consider this "betrayal of marital trust" to be grounds for separation or divorce.

In either case, I'd ask the judge for a legal judgment that the WIFE is responsible for her poor, innocent, "child".

She can try going back to the sperm bank, find out who the biological father is, and ask him to support her "child". Good Luck!
---Sag on 2/9/11

sorry girls, I am not going to feed this feud between 2 donnas. I am just sorry I ever responded to the blog.
---shira3877 on 2/8/11

Donna5535-- I was NOT offended, but I could easily become so, if you keep this up. I've never intended anything to hurt you. If you can't accept my apology... I guess you'll just have to take it up with the Lord. I don't do sack cloth and ashes. I believe in grace.
---Donna66 on 2/8/11

Jeff, I'm sorry you feel "guilty". And I'm sorry that, for some reason, you and your wife apparently could not see eye to eye before she left. I agree, there is no reason to be unfaithful..that's not what God would choose for you.

You just need to decide whether you can forgive your wife and welcome this child as your own OR if your wife's betrayal is too much to live with. (I say "betrayal" because she didn't consult you). Either way you will probably end up supporting the child... who is innocent of any wrongdoing.

I think you will need to pray hard about your choice and take time to decide.
---Donna66 on 2/8/11

Eloy as usual is correct. The woman has sinned but against God. Her husband is a tertiary issue for the moment.
Like Abraham and Sarah there are elements of unbelief and impatience with God. She took God's matters into her own hands which always ends in personal disaster. She must confess with a contrite heart first to God and only then can she repair her relationship with you.
Sin has horrible consequences and I am sorry for you brother.
---larry on 2/9/11

Donna66 - shira3877 explains it the best, so I'll just copy her response and remind you what she said: "donna, it seems you were very offended to even mention that especially when no other donna was on the blog. I will try to be more mindful in the future."
---shira3877 on 2/6/11

shira 3877, you are right on - Donna66 was offended. She doesn't want to be confused with me because I've got a child-like faith and she has a very high intellectual like faith.
---Donna5535 on 2/8/11

Donna66: 'Whether the questioner takes his wife back or leaves her, is his personal'

Donna, that was the most helpful comment I have seen here - thanks so much

I also feel some guilt for NOT being able to have children..... I had some suspicions earlier, but did not go out to make sure before marrying

But I am not sure - I do not think I have any right to leave her (no fornication), but I am not happy with the situation
---Jeff on 2/8/11

Donna5535-- I'm sorry I've somehow given you this impression of me. You couldn't have taken that from anything I've said here.

You have expressed this feeling before...and I've apologized before for unintentionally making you feel bad. Do we have to go over this again?
---Donna66 on 2/8/11

I have never gotten the impression that donna66 thinks her intelligence far exceeds others on CN. She gives her opinion.
---shira3877 on 2/8/11

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Donna66 likes to point out the fact that she is much smarter than I am. I have child-like faith, she has high-level intellectual knowledge and her responses are much greater and in-depth than mine...and this blog proves the pride she takes in her responses. Thus she doesn't want to be associated with me due to my child-like responses. I thought Jesus said, Unless you enter the Kindgom as a child, you have no life in yourself.
---Donna5535 on 2/8/11

that is fine donna66. I have already forgotten about it. I will try to do better in the future.
---shira3877 on 2/8/11

try to look at things from her perspective, and try to be more supportive and understanding
---lincolin on 2/8/11

Shira3877.--No, honestly, I wasn't offended. But the post may have sounded that way because it was brief and to the point. Sorry, I didn't mean for it to come across as it did.
---Donna66 on 2/7/11

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A woman choosing to be artificially inseminated by someone elses seed, without any regard to her head, or her married partner, is sin. Why would any woman want to have some total strangers seed planted inside of her? She could be inviting all manner of inherited and genetic diseases into her body and life, and then spreading these to her innocent husband. I would strongly suggest against this foreign pregnancy, and instead a safer way would be fertility treatments or adoption.
---eloy7794 on 2/7/11

lol lol get pregnant from a sperm bank LOL LOL.

I bet you dollars to donuts that she knows exactly who made the deposit.

I bet she is not even pregnant by an Asian, my bet and suspision like yours, is she was pregnant BEFORE she left.

when she comes back, call CHEATERS
---FRANCIS on 2/7/11

I would say pray and be decided about if you want your wife, and therefore you are going to love her no matter what. We cheat on Jesus our Groom, by having affairs with Satan in his arguing and complaining (Philippians 2:14), not to mention unforgiveness (Mark 11:25). But Jesus does not dump us, does He???

So, make sure you decide who you really love or not. And act on this love with her. With prayer in love you will find out what to do. If you want her, love the child if one comes home. Love adopts > we have "the Spirit of adoption" (in Romans 8:15). It won't be the child's fault (c:
---Bill_willa6989 on 2/7/11

\\... a woman taking in another man and his seed in any fashion is adultery.\\

Depends on the state.
---Cluny on 2/6/11

i am talking about the difference between the spiritual state and the physical state. in no physical state is talking bad about your brother murder, but it is to some in another state.

//BTW--Nowhere here have I said that a woman doing this over her husband's objections is a good thing.//---Cluny on 2/6/11

never said you did. read what i actually say and quit being so defensive. you could use a different tone when giving and receiving.
---aka on 2/7/11

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Your spouse is a very ignorant woman.She is only ruining her life and yours and nothing good can come from this. She is being stubborn, headstrong and prideful. She had better let well enough along. She may get more than what she bargained for. Having kids these days is a huge gamble.
Let her know you are not in agreement with what she is doing. You will not support this baby and her. if she does this, you will move out and leave her to deal with this situation. Be ready to act on this, if she is still blind enough to carry out this stunt.
---Robyn on 2/6/11

donna, it seems you were very offended to even mention that especially when no other donna was on the blog. I will try to be more mindful in the future.
---shira3877 on 2/6/11

Cluny---No, it's not about Hope5979, but it does
matter what she "feels" (the blog invites expression of feelings). She feels that the wife's actions are equal to adultery. The law does not say this. But our feelings are not subject to the law, only our actions.

Whether the questioner takes his wife back or leaves her, is his personal decision...not a legal decision. The law will no doubt rule he must support the child either way.
---Donna66 on 2/6/11

\\legally, irreconcilable differences are enough. a woman taking in another man and his seed in any fashion is adultery.\\

Depends on the state.
---Cluny on 2/6/11

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Part 2--

aka, you might want to look up the definition of adultery in both a general and legal dictionary. AID is not among the definitions.

BTW--Nowhere here have I said that a woman doing this over her husband's objections is a good thing.
---Cluny on 2/6/11

I did forget to mention in my last post that if I were you & my wife came back pregnant, I would definitely demand proof of the procedure. Otherwise, I would assume she actually did commit adultery. I pray that God's will may be done in this situation. Is adoption an option?
---Hope5979 on 2/6/11

But it's NOT you, Hope, and what you "feel" doesn't matter, especially since courts have ruled that AID is NOT adultery.
---Cluny on 2/5/11

the courts have also ruled that partial birth abortions in a certain time frame are legal, does this make it NOT murder?

legally, irreconcilable differences are enough. a woman taking in another man and his seed in any fashion is adultery.

jeff, heed the wounds and do not count the cost. i do not know what that means to you specifically, but it works.
---aka on 2/5/11

Shira3877 --- No biggy! And no offense, I hope! Just thinking its a good (helpful)habit to get into...saves confusion for those who may not have followed the whole thread. I try to do it myself.
---Donna66 on 2/5/11

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Donna, there was not another donna on this blog so why would I address one specifically? You were who was on here.
---shira3877 on 2/5/11

But it's NOT you, Hope, and what you "feel" doesn't matter, especially since courts have ruled that AID is NOT adultery.
---Cluny on 2/5/11

If it were me, I would feel this almost equal to adultery. If you don't divorce her now, won't you be forced to financially support this child?
---Hope5979 on 2/4/11

Please, to avoid confusion, use *Donna5535* when she is the one to whom you are speaking.
---Donna66 on 2/4/11

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Donna, I do really appreciate you but I think God would not like what this woman is doing. This is something you don't even need to pray about, just use common sense. GET RID OF HER.
---shira3877 on 2/4/11

Jeff, how did you meet your wife in the first place? it appears to me that the beginning of your marriage was not completely correct in the first place did you, excuse me for being rude, ghet your wife through an specialised agency?
my suggestion is that you tell your wife that if she ghets back pregnant she shouldn't come home at all. if she's serious with you she will submit to your demand.
---andy3996 on 2/4/11

my question would be why did she go to asia to get a donor? I wouldn't buy that one for a second. If she was on the up and up, she would go together with you (if you approved) in your own home town. I think I would tell her to stay in asia.
---shira3877 on 2/3/11

How does she know it's your fault and not hers? There are other solutions, rather than a sperm bank. Maybe she just wants to be sure the baby looks Asian. There may also be some cultural problems in this matter too, for example, maybe her parents are putting pressure on her. But, it could also mean your marriage is not as sound as it should be, and she has to FALSE idea that a baby can solve it. I wouldn't permit it, but I would look into other solutions.
---wivv on 2/3/11

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Family planning issues -- among others -- SHOULD involve both INPUT and a DECISION that is acceptable to BOTH the husband AND the wife.

In this case, your wife left you out of an important decision. If it were me, I would feel betrayed. The Bible does require us to forgive, but the hurt is often still there.

I would seek out counseling. It isn't your fault that you couldn't get your wife pregnant. She slapped you, and God, in the face!

I think that you have grounds for divorce. The sperm donor can pick up the costs of raising your wife's child.
---Augie on 2/3/11

Jeff, pray to God about it..ask Father God, Lord what should I do? Your wife apparently didn't think to go to God with her prayer request for a baby, huh? Every barren woman in the bible who prayed and asked God for a child, God blessed not only with one child, but with MANY children. Our faith must please God. Sounds like your wife may be weak in that area, sorry about that.
---Donna5535 on 2/3/11

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