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My ExHusband Wants Me

My ex husband and I were divorced last November after 14 years of marriage. I had an affair and we tried to work it out but memories and hurt feelings made him file. February 1st, he text me and said he wanted his family back and that he never stopped loving me. What do I do?

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 ---Tina on 2/16/11
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Being forgiven is one thing.

Seeking help so you don't commit the same mistakes again is another.
---Cluny on 2/20/11

Undoubtedly you and your ex had a lot of problems to begin with. This is why you had the affair. These problems are not going to go away on their own. Just texting someone and making that type statement is not going to be enough to make a marriage work again. You were divorced not separated. That is serious. What have you been doing since the divorce? Are you with the man you cheated with? Going back could create more problems for you and this man. You are saying he wants to get back with you. Do you want to go back with him? And why? You had him and you cheated! Why not just move on and leave the man alone---for good. Both of you seems to be confused,very immature and insecure people.
---Robyn on 2/18/11

Only if you are really ready to love him and stay true to him..Don't break his heart again!
---a_friend on 2/18/11

Amen to what Alan of UK says!
Have you talked in person since that text message? Can he now put the memories and hurt feelings aside? It sounds like he wants to...
but I think you need to start spending time together to make sure. Does he feel he can trust you? What does he need from you by way of reassurance? What can you do if you find yourself tempted again? Nothing destroys a marriage like lack of trust.
---Donna66 on 2/17/11

Try counseling first. Divorce cost a lot of money and time and you donot want to go through another one. If you two go through marriage counseling & are still ok with eachother & want to reconcile willingly then go for it, but because you are posting it here it sounds like you aren't for it all the way.
---Candice on 2/17/11

---JOEL_MITCHELL on 2/17/11

I would say guilt is not a reason to do something. Do what is right in order to please God.

If during fourteen years it developed that you got into an affair, you might take a look at what things developed in you to make you able to do that. Those things, I would say, took a while to develop. And if those things are still working in you, these can cause a lot of other trouble, too.

How about sharing with some real Jesus people, and see how their example and counsel help you? "nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)

Galatians 6:1 "It could be me."
---Bill_willa6989 on 2/17/11

Sounds good, but first, I'd go to a certified marriage counselor. While there talk in detail to your husband and make sure he's not going to bring up your affair anytime he gets angry with you or hold it over head as a controlling thing.
---wivv on 2/16/11

A text message is not sufficient for you to answer "Yes" or "No"

I think you need to meet and talk ... perhaps several times. Maybe there will be a dead feeling ... either for him or for you.

But maybe some of the old excitement will show through

Then would be the time to decide, with him, whether to go for marriage counselling, so that together you will be able to understand how to work the marriage in future, and make sure you both remain happy and secure in it.

14 years is a long time ... there is a big history there. IT would be great if you can report back to us later that you are, after thought and real commitment, back together
---alan8566_of_uk on 2/16/11

---mona on 2/16/11

God HATES divorce. How much more do you need to know?

The first step is REPENTANCE.
Repentance is necessary for restoration and short cuts around repentance won't work.
Repent to God let him restore you to himself and the by product will be the restoration toward each other. This will take time for your soul is saved but your body is still carnal.
Seek him first or you'll fail the second time around.
---larry on 2/16/11

Tina, this isn't an easy answer. We can't tell you what to do. Sounds like the both of you need marriage counselling.

What has healed his hurt feelings? Have they been healed? How do you know? How do you know he doesn't want to get back with you just to cheat on you? You really need to both go to marriage counselling for a long time.
---Donna5535 on 2/16/11

What would be best for the sake of your eternal salvation?

Or, to put it another way, what will best please God?

if you DO attempt a reconciliation, PLEASE both of you get Godly professional counseling before you reestablish your marriage.
---Cluny on 2/16/11

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