Leave Laid Off Husband
I have been married for 23 years, my husband was laid off 4 years ago. Since then he has only worked sporadically. We barely get by. We have one child in college and another starting next year. I can't take the stress. I am contemplating leaving him. I never thought it would come to this. Advice?
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---jo on 3/17/11
Helpful Blog Vote (9)
\\We barely get by.\\
And if you left him, you'd both be instantly rich. Right?
---Cluny on 3/24/11|
Jo: Stay true to your wedding vows. Don't worry about your kids college funds - next to God, your husband should be your top priority. The kids will have time to recover - your marriage may not. God is well able to supply ALL your needs. Go with him on your knees before God, and with your Bible in hand, plead for Him to make good His promises to supply all your needs. Remember, it's called Holy Matrimony for a reason.
---jerry6593 on 3/19/11|
I know this has to be very frustrating for you. I suggest that you and your husband go to the doctor together and see if he is clinically depressed. Many men get their self-worth from being a good provider. Remember to praise him and build him up each day. I helped my husband by looking for jobs in the newspaper and online, women tend to be more patient when looking daily. Pray for him daily and just love him. Let him know how you are feeling and just be honest with him too.
---Ann on 3/18/11|
\\You have received many rebukes on this blog and not much love.\\
Love doesn't always mean agreement.
Does a teacher show love when giving a student 100 on a math paper full of errors?
---Cluny on 3/18/11|
You have received many rebukes on this blog and not much love. This may feel a little like what your husband feels. Many complaints and not much help.
Unless your husband is an unGodly man, he feels the responsibility for your family weighing on his shoulders. He wants to provide better for you.
The fact that you are actually getting by is encouraging. Being frugal is something you already know about but what you may not have considered is eliminating the expense of internet. Why pay for the internet luxury on a shoe string budget? And for that matter, cable/satelite TV is also a luxury.
My suggestion to you is for you and your husband to speak with your pastor or a counselor about your financial woes. Let them help you.
---Mark_Eaton on 3/18/11|
Jo: Does this mean that you are a fair-weather lover? What if his situation changes for the better after you leave him, will you start contemplating coming back? If you look very well, there will be some families who are struggling to get to your own "bad" level and they are not wearing frowns about. Resolve to stay and weather it out together.
---Adetunji on 3/18/11|
Dear Friend. I sympathize with you but you are married now. You do not have a legal or spiritual reason to leave this man. It is disheartening to be in a situation like this. It irritates the ___ out of you. How is he in other areas of his life? Has he been a good man otherwise? But do let me say this: you have managed to get one child in college and another planning to attend soon. Very good,indeed. Something is going right. Stick with that and pray that your husband will begin to work soon. If not, perhaps you can take a better job. Life can be so unfair,sometimes.
---Robyn on 3/18/11|
Men get depressed and suffer from burnout, too. Some are not as vocal about their feelings as women, but they do.
Consider also that it's particularly hard for a man to be in this position. On one hand, he is expected to be a strong leader and a breadwinner, but on the other he may feel tired, discouraged and ashamed about not meeting expectations.
I don't know your husband, but he could just need a break in order to keep him from experiencing a breakdown. Four years is a long time to be without stable employment, but he had 19 years of solid employment before that. This can't be an easy transition for him. Can you and your sons contribute more financially and allow your husband some time to regroup without making him feel bad?
---AlwaysOn on 3/18/11|
That's not a good reason, nor a biblical one to leave your husband. Till death do us part is what your vowels said, right?
Also, Billy Graham was dating a woman and she never thought he'd amount to anything so she left him. He met Ruth and married her and look how wonderful of a love they had for each other? What does work have to do with love? and committment? Jesus is your stress reliever. "For He Himself is your Peace." and Isaiah says,"Thou will keep in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee."
---Donna5535 on 3/18/11|
I don't think that would be a good idea. jobs are very hard to come by these days, and like one of the others said, at least he is trying..I think it would be way harder on you if you leave..you know its probably just has hard on him. Pray and ask God to send him work..have you tried helping him find a job?
---a_friend on 3/18/11|
the best way to increase net worth when income is down is to decrease the expenses.
reflect on the last 23 years. is this a man that has been working hard for an ever-demanding wife?
if you leave him, he might just become a blessed man.
---aka on 3/17/11|
The economy is bad for everyone and leaving won't make it better. Instead, work as hard as you can to help your household survive. While doing so, encourage your husband and show your children the power of a strong wife/mother. When times get tough, she doesn't bail...she rolls her sleeves up and gets busy.
Also, consider cutting back even further than (I'm sure) you already have. Unplug anything electric when not in use (those little LED lights means electricity's still running even after you hit the power button, so unplug!), downsize your living quarters, share a car, take public transportation, etc. Bottom line is to give up excess "stuff" before giving your marriage up.
---AlwaysOn on 3/17/11|
Do an online KJV bible search for "one another", "each other", "comfort", and "encourag". And while you're at it "love", "hate".
Besides, by leaving him you are going from the frying pan into the fire. How are you going to support you and your children even if you move in with your parents? Seek God.
---Steveng on 3/17/11|
STAY! Sure it's stressful, but your leaving will only be more stressful. It reads like he is at least trying - not sitting around watching TV or visiting bars, etc. Marriage is a team effort, maybe you should try and find some work, even if it's entry level or part-time. Most of your larger department stores and fast food outlets are always looking for workers. (No experience needed for most of them.) Most of the jobs are low paying, but at least it pays. Stick around and "pull the load together". Bet your kids would want you to stay. Ask them!
---wivv on 3/17/11|
For richer or poorer? Are you aware that there are many people who can't find work, especially your husband's age?
Are you working? If not, why not?
---Trish on 3/17/11|
Oh, boo hoo. It's all about you, isn't it?
Your husband can't find a job and you can't take the stress. And how do you suppose HE feels?
Just what do you think the words, "For richer or poorer" in the usual wedding vows mean?
---Cluny on 3/17/11|
My advice is for better or worse. Not kick him while hes down.
God Bless, Paul
---paul on 3/17/11|
Jo ... I don't know how old your husband is, but having been married for 23 years, he will be no spring chicken. And it will be hard for him to find a job.
Have you yourself sought a job?
---alan8566_of_uk on 3/17/11|