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How To Tell Wife Of STD

I cheated on my wife about three months ago, think I may have an STD, but I'm out of the country. Should I tell her over the computer or wait until I get home.

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 ---N_Sanders on 4/21/11
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wel thats why they call you atheist you dont' believe lol
---andy3996 on 6/18/11

Again...don't come home!Please. I will not be responsible for what I do. This is down right dirty and shameful. You cheated and caught a disease,too! No way do I want to even look at this man. Not for a long while.If ever---again.This post makes me sick to my stomach. I feel for the lady who will have to deal with this.
---Robyn on 5/24/11

How about texting?

Or maybe just a little note inside a card sent overnight express, "Saying, I love you and BTW I may have picked up something on a trip a few months ago. Maybe you should see a doctor.Love, me.


Say hi to your Mom.

Does a Christian really need advice on how to handle such a situation?

Personally I do not believe in nor have ever practiced adultery. But everyonehas their beliefs and morals.
---atheist on 5/24/11

Elder--- I was and am in agreement with you. But I was assuming he could not get home right away.(as in military sevice) If there is any danger that she's been exposed, he cannot delay in letting her know (so she can get medical treatment.) Face to face would be the ideal way to do this.
---Donna66 on 5/16/11


I will be very blunt but I hope you will not take it as if I am condemning you. Step up and be a man. You committed adultery and would ever dare to tell her over the computer. That is cowardice. You were brave enough to commit this act but are not brave enough to face the consequences of it. She is your wife and she has the right to see your face when you tell her this!

Many people have fallen into this sin but you shouldn't even have to ask this question.
---willa5568 on 5/16/11

Donna you missed my point. I said, "Tell her face to face." (face to face acountability. E-mails, phone calls and letters are impersonal and cruel. Hasn't enough been done to this woman already?)
Hey, this guy got infected face to face. It is time for him to be there for his wife. Plus, I never said wait. He needs to go home and tell her unless his job is more important than his wife also.
There is no doubt in my mind that this guy is able to do just what he wants to do.
---Elder on 5/13/11

I think that it all boils down to one thing, following the lusts of the flesh and not of the spirit. You have to remain faithful to your partner Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage.
Hebrews 13:4)
God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. (Hebrews 13:4)However if you come to the throne of the most high with repentence from your heart, he is forever merciful and can forgive you provided it is not a repetition or a sequence of unfaithfulness. On the other hand, as a result of your sinful behaviour you have now perhaps contracted an STD and on top of that you have put your wife at risk.
---rita on 5/10/11

A number of STDs can be transmitted from one person to another with out sexual contact this is why it is so important to notify the partner with out delay if there is any possibility of the wife being infected. She need treatment but she can possibility pass it on to other if she is a blood donor, if she comes into contact with some one with an open wound and there is any exchange of body fluids. This is a critical Public Health Issue. Consult articles on PUBMED and information form the Center for Disease Control. She could infect other family members simply by kissing them if there is any exchange of body fluids, and they become infected and carriers as well.
---Blogger9211 on 5/8/11

Elder-- You missed one important sentence of my post. I said:
"If there is ANY chance you got the STD before leaving home just TELL HER"...(so she can get medical attention).
Some STDs don't produce symptoms right away. Or symptoms can be overlooked at first as inconsequential.
We don't know that he cheated on her ONLY after he left the country. He may have been cheating on her for some time, thinking he was getting away with it.

If he is sure he acquired the disease after leaving home, he should wait until he can tell her face to face.
---Donna66 on 5/7/11


Why would one need to have relations with a spouse who has HIV or another incurable STD? One could live together as husband and wife without having relations. Many couples do so, for various reasons - menopause, ED, lack of libido, other medical conditions, etc. Also, in cultures where contraception is unknown, unavailable, or forbidden, couples abstain to avoid bringing too many children into the world, while being unable to feed them.
---StrongAxe on 5/7/11

Since "N.Sanders" has not returned to add more detail, I suspect that he has not even returned to read the answers, nor is interested, and perhaps he does not even exist.
---alan8566_of_uk on 4/27/11

Rhonda how easy you and some others misread and react to statements. Go back and you will see that I said don't be such a coward by giving this information over the phone. Why can't he tell her face to face? Yea, give him an easy way out so he doesn't have to deal with her reaction.
Suppose he does call and drops this bomb. His wife will know he really didn't care enough to be faithful and now wants her to carry this on her own. Maybe she will kill herself. You don't know! The phone call could be murder to her.
Now do you have a clue?
Donna my answer is the same... face to face acountability. E-mails, phone calls and letters are impersonal and cruel. Hasn't enough been done to this woman already?
---Elder on 4/27/11

//tell her that you have something important to explain to her when you get home//...
and let her wonder and worry every day until you do!

If there is ANY chance you got the STD before leaving home just TELL HER, Put it in a letter or email if you find it easier. The important thing is she needs to know for her OWN well-being. And you have to take the consequences no matter how you break the news.
---Donna66 on 4/26/11

You may tell her that you have something important to explain to her when you get home

exactly how is the man a coward by WAITING

how clueless most people are!!!

MANY STD's have zero symptoms and to complicate that if they go untreated can cause irreversible damage

to WAIT is irresponsible and waiting usually is simply procrastination which then turns into NEVER telling as more time goes by

a COWARD is one who does not ACT immediately letting his wife know so she can take action on her health which he has NOW compromised

she may very well "get back" at him another time ...however most who don't tell do so because they selfishly SELL themselves that LIE
---Rhonda on 4/26/11

You need to confess your sin to the Lord and then to your wife. Do it even if you do not have a STD. You need to be accountable to someone!
If you tell her over the phone you may very well drive her to commit the same sin just to "get back" at you. Don't be such a coward. You have done enough already. You may tell her that you have something important to explain to her when you get home. (By the way, you didn't get this STD over the phone....) Accept the result of your "manly good times." I suspect that this is not your first offence.
What ever she does you must be ready to forgive her as it is you who started this mess.
By the way are you still having a "good time?" Sin destroys!! Learn something!
---Elder on 4/25/11

Being a christian is one thing but being a fool,is another.
---Robyn on 4/23/11

I think that many people -- in the church, here on ChristiaNet, in the World's governments, etc. haven't learned this yet. Even after numerous: Wars, National Disasters, Economic Cycles, Sexual Immoralities, etc.

It will NEVER cease to amaze me just how patient GOD is with us. HE gives both Christian, and Worldly, folks more time to hopefully learn what they should learn. But never seem to do. Someday, GOD's patience will come to an end. Ouch!!!

I believe that we need to be Loving towards others, but Responsible before GOD too.

We need to work so that HIS Light overcomes the Darkness!

---Sag on 4/25/11

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Donna is right. Reconciliation and forgiveness are the ideal, and they are what we, as believers, are to strive for. Unfortunately, if a person has repeated affairs, or is unrepentant, then, divorce is a last resort. I do live in the real world, and am divorced myself. Neither of us had affairs, praise God.

As for the guy with the STD. Get diagnosed. If you have had relations with your wife after exposure, call her immediately and tell her to get tested. If you contracted the disease after your last time with your wife, seek Spiritual counsel as to how to tell your wife about your transgressions.
---Trish on 4/24/11

Look Donna.You need to grow up and mature in Christ. Yes we are to forgive but there is no where in the bible we are to just lie down and let someone deliberately wipe their feet on us! Being a christian is one thing but being a fool,is another. Christians have to be aware of these type things. You need to learn how to protect yourself from the devil. From what you are saying is:just lay there and take whatever this mad man brings home to you. Diseases and all! No way. I am a christian but not a fool. You need wisdom---real quick.I will not live in bondage to this evil man.
---Robyn on 4/23/11

N. Sanders, Tell her when you get home. (And this depends on WHEN you're able to get back home.) If you just tell her by phone, or e-mail, she will, afterwards still be left alone with her thoughts and feelings which could blow themselves out of proportion. If you understand what I mean. You need to be there to work this out with her. "Little" sins bring BIG consequences. Trust me, I know from personal experience. It's never worth it. ESP. if you're a Christian. Christians are held more accountable before GOD, because we have His Presence. But, she must know from you.
---Gordon on 4/22/11

please don't come home.

Cheating is one thing but bringing home a disease!

I will not condone or symphatize with you on this.

You deserve whatever you get from this lady.

---Robyn on 4/21/11

You said it quite well. My friend went through this when he had an affair.

He and His wife were both Christians, but she divorced him because of HEALTH concerns. The wife didn't want to die and leave their 2 children orphans.

Yes, the Bible does say that we need to Forgive. However, GOD gave us brains so that we can THINK, and use Common Sense, in SERIOUS situations, like this one.

If you are married, would be willing to continue living -- and having sexual relations too -- with an HIV+ spouse?
---Sag on 4/22/11

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\\God will not forgive her if she doesn't forgive him. It's in the Gospel of Matthew and John and I think Luke also. So are you going to disagree with God's word?
---Donna5535 on 4/21/11\\

I was just making sure you didn't, Donna.

You have on so many other things.
---Cluny on 4/21/11

Well, you can notify her doctor, right away, even if you are not ready to face her, yourself.

And then you might communicate with her about what she is able to do, at this point about you and her. And if you are "imperfect" enough to betray your own wife, you might have married someone who is somehow like you. You may have more in common than you think . . . considering she had the character to connect with you all the way into a marriage.

So, are you interested in getting into a really loving relationship, or getting ready to??? Invest in what is possible with God, please, and you will see what happens (c:
---Bill_willa6989 on 4/21/11

//Donna, will God forgive her if she doesn't forgive her husband?
---Cluny on 4/21/11//

Cluny, is this a trick question? In the Gospel of Matthew it says, well wait, in the Our Father, it says, "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." Meaning if you forgive, you will be forgiven, if you don't forgive, you won't be forgiven.
In Matthew, Jesus said if you don't forgive, you will be given over to the tormentors.

God will not forgive her if she doesn't forgive him. It's in the Gospel of Matthew and John and I think Luke also. So are you going to disagree with God's word?
---Donna5535 on 4/21/11

Its amazing how many so-called self-proclaimed christians would immediately divorce spouse ...something that COMPLETELY CONTRADICTS Holy Scripture and any ability to forgive and work through a partnership

a partnership where one spouse cheats is ALWAYS an indicator there is a BREAKDOWN in the marriage - sadly many point finger at cheating spouse and declare they are innocent which is a LIE

as for an STD ...tell your wife IMMEDIATELY do not WAIT many simple STD's have long-term consequences in HEALTH that could be avoided if treated promptly ...not letting spouse know about an STD if it has no symptoms you may be putting spouse at significant health issues
---Rhonda on 4/21/11

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Honey I have to be honest. If you were my spouse I would rather you get yourself checked and tested over there in that country, or in the country where we live, but please don't come home.I am just not that understanding.I would eventually forgive, I have to, but I would never forget the shame and humiliation you put me through.I would be highly upset and ready to literally kill you. I would not want to see you face to face because I would not be responsible for what I might do. You were very stupid and very insensitive toward your spouse. Cheating is one thing but bringing home a disease! You've got to be kidding. I will not condone or symphatize with you on this. You deserve whatever you get from this lady.
---Robyn on 4/21/11

\\if you have an STD and that you cheated on her and BEG her to forgive you. I hope she does.
---Donna5535 on 4/21/11\\

Donna, will God forgive her if she doesn't forgive her husband?
---Cluny on 4/21/11

I would wait to do it in person, communication can be difficult on the phone or internet, and this is a very delicate topic.
---wiseman on 4/21/11

Are you having symptoms of having an STD? I would go and get blood work done immediately. While I admire your courage to come here and tell us you committed adultery, I can't imagine getting an email from my husband saying, "Honey, I cheated on you 3 months ago and may have contacted an STD, will you forgive me?"

Do it in person. Get home as quickly as you can, go see a doctor, get the blood work done and then tell her EVERYTHING - if you have an STD and that you cheated on her and BEG her to forgive you. I hope she does.
---Donna5535 on 4/21/11

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First make sure about yourself, which means get tested.

NEXT, if you KNOW you have an STD, then tell your wife ASAP, even if this means over the computer, or preferably the phone. Normally such a sensitive issue should be discussed face to face, but in this case time is of the essence.

Tell her, as part of your message, that your MAIN concern is for her health and safety.

If you are negative, don't say ANYTHING until you see her in person.
---Cluny on 4/21/11

Telling your wife is the last thing you should do. Its not a matter of if you tell your bride but when.
FIRST confess to God, secondly HEAR God and refrain from doing anything else in your own wisdom. Let your wife know of your fast and temporary abstinence while you are seeking the Lord's face.
Get the test and results. Pray again, seek advice from a brother of greater maturity in Christ THEN bring your wife into the conversation.
Get Godly wisdom on the content of your conversation with your wife including time and location. You still have to confess, but what if you don't have an STD or discover your wife has also been unfaithful? Don't make it worse by continuing to reason and work it out in your own wisdom.
---larry on 4/21/11

Have you had relations with your wife since your cheating? If so, you need to follow Blogger's advice.

But first, you should get yourself tested
---alan8566_of_uk on 4/21/11

First: check and make sure you have a STD. Second: if you do have a any form of STD, tell her, BUT in person. Even if you don't have STD, you need to inform her of you adultery, but again, in person. (If you have had relations with her since you may have contacted STD, if you confirm you have it, tell her right away so she can be examined, but call her, don't do it by computer. 3. If you are a Christian, you need to repent, ask God for forgiveness, and ask your wife for forgiveness too.
---wivv on 4/21/11

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See needs to be informed as soon as possible so she an seek medical treatment as soon as possible to see if she has contracted an STD and if so start a treatment plan with out delay. This takes an precedence over your marriage as it is a public health issue.
---Blogger9211 on 4/21/11

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