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Kick 26 Year Old Out

I have a 26 year old still at home and not working. His father and I divorced when he was 16. I remarried 7 years ago and my husband and I are at our wits end about what to do!! I think I need to kick him out, but I'm not sure.

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 ---suek57 on 4/25/11
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I went through the same thing and so did my friend. We both handled it different ways. She did tough love and gave him a deadline to be moved out. Me I couldn't do that. We use to fight all the time and I could see the stress I put on him. My heart couldn't do it. God told me to "love him", so when I started doing just that we got along so much better. Then God handled it and he got a girlfriend and moved out. I know that wasn't Godly because they didn't marry but that is Gods postion to correct him. Mine just to love him. I am so glad I did too because he left on good terms and good feelings for each other...and that made it all worth it. Let God judge and correct we are only commissioned to love.
---Patricia on 7/25/11

Some time ago, I posted about a similar situation that I had. I agreed to share an apartment with a Bible school graduate who wanted to be a Pastor.

The apartment manager told me that I was foolish to trust another Jim Bakker. I explained that I just wanted to HELP my friend who had trouble repaying his student loans.

A psychologist later told me that I was being TOO HELPFUL and ENABLING my friend's poor financial behavior. Hmmm. Sometimes, we need to take a step back and recognize that ENABLING.

Instead, set limits, and expectations, for being more financially responsible. My friend didn't want to do that and we parted ways. I don't know if he ever became a Pastor.
---Sag on 4/27/11

If he's not able to find work, he should at least be able to contribute around the house - he obviously has enough time on his hands to be doing cooking, cleaning, washing dishes, laundry, yard work. If he's physically unable to do these things, he should be able to prove it to a doctor and get on disability. If he's able to work but unwilling, it may be necessary to treat him like a child (for example, no TV until you do all your chores) until he gets with the program.
---StrongAxe on 4/26/11

Give him a deadline, extend it if you have to, just get a fire lit under him and give him that chance first, he is after all your son.

Decide upfront how much you are willing to bend, people tend to do as little as is required. Kicking someone out is extreme, it's incredibly hard to bounce back from being homeless, exhaust every other option at your command first, I'd demand he be gone and looking for work from at least 10 am to 2 pm everyday. If you really want him accountable have him produce a list of applications he put in daily and check some of them. 1 Application an hour is reasonable so he should be getting himself out there 5 times a day if from 10-2. Sadly when people act like babies your forced to treat them like one.
---pharisee on 4/25/11

nothing wrong with adult children living at home who CONTRIBUTE even if just household chores while unemployed ...too bad sheeple of USA BOUGHT the lie to have kids and kick 'em out when they reach magical government appointed adult age of 18

how about for STARTERS what responsibilities etc did your now adult child have during high school years ...or were you a helicopter parent who did everything for them including making their bed instilling ZERO discipline where your teenager HAD no responsibilities outside or inside house - no goals or aspirations were ever set ...USUALLY the case with clueless parents who can't figure out why adult children don't INSTANTLY become responsible when it was NEVER TAUGHT
---Rhonda on 4/25/11

suek57, imagine these positions reversed.

What if your son were at his wit's end?

What would you want HIM to do?
---Cluny on 4/25/11

You are a little late - you should have "kicked" him out years ago. He is probably playing on your emotions because of the divorce. (He's trying to give you a guilt complex.) It will now take a large dose of, "tough love". You should have a family meeting, include him, and fix an exact date of his departure - and neither you or you ex should wavier on this. You need to ask him why he's not working or moving out of the house. The only exception to this advice would be if he's physically or mentally handicapped or in some sort of study situation.
---wivv on 4/25/11

Has your son recently lost a job? Has he always held a job and given money toward the running of the house? Has he ever been on his own? You need to give a few more details. The picture is not clear enough for good assumptions to be made.
At 26 he should be out and on his own. is he using drugs and staying up all night? How has he treated you and stepdad in the past?is his real dad in his life? Are you, he and the stepdad, and father,for that matter, christians? Be gentle,whatever you do. Talk to him and let him know he has your support and stepdad. Your son is young and he is still growing and learning. I hope you are able to help him get back on his feet.
---Robyn on 4/25/11

Pray and ask the Lord for wisdom in dealing with your grown son. Could he be depressed and need mental health attention? My son was at one point.

It is your responsibility to bring this matter to the Lord, and ask God for His divine wisdom in how you deal with your son.
---Trish on 4/25/11

I would suggest dealing with your 26 year old son like he is an adult.

If I had a person living with me, I would ask them for money for rent and food. I would also ask them to keep their space clean and to keep the noise down to a minimum.

If any of these items are not fulfilled, you have options such as calling the police, having the person evicted, or suing the person for money.

It will only take one visit from the police or sheriff for your son to know you mean business. I know this may sound harsh but your lack of parenting sounds like it has left you with only bad options.
---Mark_Eaton on 4/25/11

People today are creating social ivalids by keeping their sons and daughters for free ,after they finish school, and living off the parents!
How will they ever learn to fend for themselves in this dog-eat-dog world?
learn all about "tough love" and do it!
---1st_cliff on 4/25/11

I have 3 grandsons living,and feeding them 19,20,and 22 years old. hers my plan In 5 months iam gonna store everything,turn off the utilities and hit the road,for oh say 2 years.
---tom2 on 4/25/11

Why are you at your wits' end, instead of knowing what to do? I'd think you both know what is going on, more or less.

I suppose you could talk with and agree with your husband, then talk with your son and let him know what you have decided or at least that you are evaluating if you are going to kick him out. Then he can consider this, maybe get ready and do what is right for himself.

And . . . of course . . . are you capable of trusting God and doing what He has you do?
---Bill_willa6989 on 4/25/11

their is by far not enough info to go on to begin to answer such a complex question.
---paul on 4/25/11

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