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Alcoholic Husband Divorced Me

Where is the justice? My alcoholic husband betrayed me and divorced me after nine years. And the scriptures allows him (the unbeliever) to walk away from our marriage without penalty. Therefore, I am the one who is severely traumatized emotionally.

Moderator - If you are asking if you can remarry, you can.

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 ---Rhonda on 5/7/11
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wow I've been posting for 4 years now and in one day I see two other "Rhonda's" in one post lol!!!

to the Rhonda who said the scriptures are for the believer not the unbelievers you sound just like the brainwashed messed up May 21st crowd expecting to be whisked away in Tminus 4 days are simply deceived in your "belief"

to the Rhonda who posted ...Holy Scriptures do not allow your husband to walk away without penalty although his penalty may not be in this life person is without sin ...don't allow the sins of your now exhusband to put you into the sin of anger counseling and rejoice you can rebuild your life
---Rhonda on 5/17/11

mrs. p, i wasn't lying. Iwas asking a question, but i posted on the other question...

//Tell me what you want a prayer for //

I want a prayer for Rhonda, Haz27, John, francis, me, and others that persecute you so.

Jesus must have had a reason for suggesting: "But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.

You will see if you follow wise counsel. It is not a command, although, so you do not have to do it.

There is no trick from the Lord Jesus only blessing.
---aka on 5/17/11

akypoo: Why on earth do you keep making false accusations about me? Do you have some kind of problem?

I don't believe you want a prayer since you are not being sincere but trying to trap me.

You say I would not help a blind man depending on why he is blind or not? That is an evil lie that comes from the Devil.

Why are you asking for my prayers? What is it that you need that you are asking me here on a public blog to pray for you about? Why would you ask someone to pray for you when it is obvious that you don't like them or care what they think?

Tell me what you want a prayer for and I will submit your request to God on your behalf.
---poopsey on 5/17/11

Rhonda: Do you even read what you post? Your comment reeks of self-righteousness and lacks in compassion for this woman who feels like she wasted her life on someone even though she probably should have left years ago. Maybe she thought he would change and was waiting.

You state "You have no understanding of the Word of God" And you do Rhonda?

You state "Was this man even saved? Are you?" Rhonda didn't you read the post? It is obvious that he is not saved and she is.

How someone can be as cold as you is beyond me. This is like kicking someone when they are down. Why tear someone down who is already hurting and probably at their limit?
---poopsey on 5/17/11


I am very glad for your understanding on these matters.


What do you mean by, "Is it unjust to expect others to play by their own rules?"

Which rules may those be?
---Nana on 5/16/11

mrs. p,

so, your decision to pray for me depends on me?

you see a blind man struggling and depending why he is blind, you will help or not?

when somebody in obvious desperate need asks you a direct question, should you give them a direct answer?

you are outspoken, by your own admission, will you pray for me, yes or no?
---aka on 5/16/11

akypoo: Oh, it's you again! You state "i asked for your reconsideration, you forgiveness, your prayers...and you say no to all."

I never said no. I just don't think you are being sincere since you want to continue arguing and being insulting. If you are sincere then fine.

I don't ignore my husband. He gives suggestions and I am free to accept or reject. The more I talk to other people the more I realize how great my husband really is. I'll have to tell him that again. Last time I did his eyes lit up like little stars.
---poopsey on 5/16/11

Rhonda. God bless your heart. You sound so confused and angry. First of all. You need to learn there is no justice in this world.So don't expect it. This should make you feel better about your situation, right away. What did you expect from an alcoholic?Then you blame the scriptures,God etc..I see why you are traumatized. You have no understanding of the Word of God,yourself or what you were up against.You were a wreck waiting to happen. Was this man even saved? Are you? Marriages fail everyday. Yours was one of them. The scriptures are for the believers,not the unbeliever.
---Rhonda on 5/16/11

mrs. p,

that's not what happened and the Lord knows.

i asked for your reconsideration, you forgiveness, your prayers...and you say no to all.

if i am everything that you say, why do you refuse to pray for me as Jesus said? why do you continue to ignore your husband and leave it alone? why do you keep addressing me when you said that you won't?
---aka on 5/16/11

"But I don't claim to be bound by Sola Scriptura."
We all can see that. I just wonder why someone would want something that they are going to reject anyway. Maybe you can explain that.
---Elder on 5/16/11

\\Cluny, Nana did give you your required BCV which you seldom do.\\

But I don't claim to be bound by Sola Scriptura.

Is it unjust to expect others to play by their own rules?

Christ is risen!
---Cluny on 5/15/11

akypoo: I don't want to chase you around since you are making me tired. Just behave yourself.

How this started was that I noticed that some of you misogynistic type men were being insulting to women who posted blog questions that were hurting in some way in their marriages. I confronted that and I got attacked for it. Not surprising really.

You and your cronies said a lot of things about me that are not true so maybe you need to relax and take that hot bath and read some Harlequin Romance novels. Maybe you need a little more romance to make you feel better.
---poopsey on 5/16/11

mrs. p,

yes, i was once terribly lost.

your have a husband that gives you good Godly counsel.

if you want to chase me around to defame me, that is your choice.

remember, where this started. it could have remained a mole hill.
---aka on 5/15/11

aka: You obviously have your own problems so you shouldn't be judging and attacking me.

Look in your own backyard before you try to sweep someone else's stoop.
---poopsey on 5/15/11

Nana your response is timely, correct and a very good post. Your understanding of I Cor 5:11 is commendable.
Fornication covers all sexual sins to include abuse of a mate.
Cluny, Nana did give you your required BCV which you seldom do.
Since we all agree that God forgives murder do you think it would have been better if this woman had murdered her husband. Then, with him being dead, there would be no debate whether she could remarry or not, huh.
Divorce accomplishes this same purpose but the offender is still alive to maybe repent someday.
Christ is not only Risen but He is also Just.
---Elder on 5/15/11

\\To me, you could had left him long ago and perhaps remarry..\\

Nana, where does the Bible say that a woman can divorce her husband for alcoholism and marry another?

Please give book, chapter, and verse.

Christ is risen!
---Cluny on 5/14/11

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Matthew 20:13 "But he answered one of them, and said, Friend, I do thee no wrong: didst not thou agree with me for a penny?"

1Cor.5:11 "But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner, with such an one no not to eat."
More than a brother a couple are one flesh...

People are not married to a piece of paper but to each other and , if the letter is an abuser, kill rather the letter. Even secular laws do not favor abuse, christians should even less.
To me, you could had left him long ago and perhaps remarry... May you find Peace and Understanding in all this.
---Nana on 5/10/11

//From experience, I know it's difficult to get out of the "victim"mindset.// -christina

From experience, I agree.

It was not until I realized that I was the flip side of the same coin.

I was a victim of my own culpability and not anyone else. I was the author of my own destruction.

//Renewing our minds with the washing of the Word, allowing God to expose the lies to do so, takes time and healing//

Lies that I let myself and convincing myself I was the victim.

Even though, I have no known addictions, I realize that I was addicted to self-destruction.

good post, christina..
---aka on 5/10/11

" \\But, sometimes people that live with alcoholics have co-dependent or martyr issues and want to be rewarded or compensated for putting up with an alcoholic.\\

This is my point that I was trying to get Robyn to see.

Christ is risen!
---Cluny on 5/9/11"

From experience, I know it's difficult to get out of the "victim"mindset. Renewing our minds with the washing of the Word, allowing God to expose the lies to do so, takes time and healing
---christina on 5/9/11

I didn't realize at the time, that what I really wanted was revenge, which is of course the Lord's, but God had a better plan, and His mercy triumphs over judgment. .
That being said, though there may have been no apparent penalties, the consequences, I'm sure are immense. He is possibly in extreme inner turmoil for 1 thing. My ex had numerous accidents, lost jobs, lost home/family, slept in cars, dumpsters, park benches, arrests, lost license, jail time, health issues, including hep C, tons of legal messes. The list goes on and on. There most definitely ARE penalties.
---christina on 5/9/11

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\\But, sometimes people that live with alcoholics have co-dependent or martyr issues and want to be rewarded or compensated for putting up with an alcoholic.\\

This is my point that I was trying to get Robyn to see.

Christ is risen!
---Cluny on 5/9/11

Paer 1. Rhonda: " Where is the justice?" I too was married to an alcoholic, crack addict. The pain throughout that 15 year relationship was immense, and to see your children's pain, and feel hopelessness was so difficult. I prayed for years for our relationship, for God to deliver him, and so much more. He had his choices, and continued in his ways, and things only got worse. Throughout, and after separation/divorce I wondered where's the justice? I knew God would deal with my ex as He saw fit, but I wanted justice, and wanted it now. So much was clouded by my pain. Years have gone by, and my ex has had years of sobriety now, and what's amazing to me, is how God has had mercy on him. It's really a beautiful thing.
---christina on 5/9/11

part 3
As for your pain/anguish, I will pray for you, and hope others here will do the same. Keep turning to the Lord, tell Him all that you feel and think, He already knows, even the ugliest things within, but desires your coming to Him. He is our Healer, our Comforter, and He is able. More of Him is the best solution I know of. He can turn our mourning into dancing, restore the land which the locust has eaten, weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. May God bless you.
---christina on 5/9/11

Cluny: You are somewhat insensitive.

But, sometimes people that live with alcoholics have co-dependent or martyr issues and want to be rewarded or compensated for putting up with an alcoholic.

So by the alcoholic leaving, the badge of martyr has been taken away. I'm sure she is feeling she has put up with him for nothing since he has left. And wanting him to pay for or to be punished for her choice to be a martyr is part of this.

I know because my mom did this since my dad was an alcoholic. The only difference being my dad never left her but died instead. The reward she received is bitterness and estrangement from her family. She still reminisces about her bad marriage even though he's been dead for over 20 years.
---poopsey on 5/9/11

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Rhonda, one of the reasons you feel a lot of pain is because you gave him so many breaks with his habit, and even that was not good enough and he left anyway. You feel taken advantage of, cheated after all you put up with. But you have the power within you, to let it get to you or not. This all is in you through Christ. Look at it as a great thing, you do not have to put up with his drunkness, who knows maybe if he had stayed something terrible would have happened to you. Only God knows why this things happen. Maybe to protect you or your family. Move forward by forgiving him in your heart, so that you do not carry a load of hate but wait for what God has for you in the years to come, trusting that God has got your back.
---Mark_V. on 5/9/11

Let me paraphrase what you're saying to see if I understand you properly.

You are traumatized emotionally because you are no longer forced to live with an alcoholic husband who left you, but was not punished for his leaving you.

Do I understand you properly?
---Cluny on 5/8/11

Rhonda, I feel your pain. I know that divorce is very traumatic to the faithful and to the innocent spouse, so cry your hurt and your loss up to Jesus, for he is faithful and he cares for you and he will help you to heal. No longer be concerned about your ex's happiness, for he has chosen alcohol and sin for his life, rather than you and God. Please concern yourself with healing and with getting closer to Jesus, for there are great blessings in store for the faithful. As the branch is cut off from the tree of righteousness, he like a branch will be exposed to corruption and will wither and die.
---Eloy on 5/8/11

"Watch for telltale signs this time." Elder's advice is a critical point. Also wait at least one year before considering dating.
---Moderator on 5/8/11

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Rhonda, he didn't walk away without penalty. He is the one who can not remarry without committing adultery. He will be punished if he does. It is you who was released and are not under bondage. You are free to remarry and seek happiness with a real loving husband. Watch for telltale signs this time.
Do not blame God for this.
---Elder on 5/8/11

Sorry to hear of your dilemma. Sometimes there is no justice this side of heaven. He will have to answer up for what he has done some day and if he is an unbeliever then no amount of fun in this life will make up for the eternal torment he will go through in the lake of fire.

These things happen to a lot of people and you are not alone.

I'm sure God will send you a true and faithful man to make up for all the trouble you are going through right now.
---poopsey on 5/8/11

Where is the justice?

There is only One who is just. Therefore, you know the origins.

I hope now you will take the lessons for what they are meant for?

The basic lesson gives us while we are still here is responsibility and to not use "christianity" as a billy club.
---aka on 5/7/11


He's not walking away without penalty.

1Corinthians 7:12-16 says that an unbelieving husband is sanctified in the believing wife.

Some translations say that he is holy in the believer.

What it means is that your husband was set aside (by God) for divine favor on account of you, the believer.

If he chose to leave, then he has succesfully removed himself from God's providence, blessing, protection, etc.

It is not without consequence that he dragged a believer through a divorce.

You are not enslaved to him anymore, though. You are free.
---James_L on 5/7/11

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Rhonda: Ditto the moderator. Sounds like you were unequally yoked. (2 Cor. 6:14)
---Leon on 5/7/11

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