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Tolerating Each Other In Marriage

Will be celebrating long married anniversary soon. Do not feel motivated to do anything special. We are in the just tolerating stage now. No real marriage. Now what?

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 ---Anon on 6/18/11
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Definitely there is a lot of hurt and pain in there. If there is still any hope and desire in your heart to want to save your marriage then do something undeserving for you spouse this anniversary.A Surprise can set a spark no matter how little it is. Most importantly pray about it and talk to someone you can trust about it. Love is tough, it is sometimes giving to another not necessarily because you feel good about it. God loved us already even when we didn't care. It shall be well with your marriage. you are not alone.
---adeba5968 on 10/30/11

When there is hate in a home, you can feel it. That is not a place where someone can grow spritually. Why don't you change tactics. Tell your husband you are praying for his salvation. It will come believe it or not. A friend of mine had the same situation. She prayed for her husband everyday. He did get saved several years before he passed away. He was a changed man. My friend told me all the bad times was worth her husband going to heaven. What a good testimony
---shira4368 on 10/29/11

What will you do? you cannot remarry so you have to obey the word stop focusing on this soul, focus on your own... what did christ say to do? Love your enemies the same as he loved you. Forgive , repent, only when you stop looking at him will you see you...

What did you do with the soul God gave you... he is your babe in christ treat him with respect not gender specific in terms of what he should be, but what you can love him into being, it works and after the hard work comes the peace....

Pray for your hearing, learning and obedience then you can pray for him.
---Carla on 10/29/11

"Hating him more and more everyday."
---Anon on 10/26/

I suggest Anon that your husband sees your hatred for him. Why do you blame your husband so much when you're sabotaging your marriage yourself.

Trish had good advice and worth reposting here below:
"Stop focusing on your husband, and start focusing on Jesus and God's Word."

---Haz27 on 10/28/11

Anon: Do you attend a Ladies Bible study? Do you have a Christian mentor? If the answer to either is "No" then you are not nurturing your Spiritual life, and focusing on Christ.

Developing a life outside of your husband will help you find relief from his verbal barrages.

If you refuse to seek Bible study and mentoring, then I have trouble feeling pity for you.

Do not minimize the power of prayer. If you were to seek the prayer support of the women in a Bible study, you would be amazed at what God could do in and through you.
---Trish on 10/27/11

Prayer is fine and good. I am christian. But things are getting out of hand each day. He uses my faith against me and seems to believe he can do anything to me he wants to do. He feels I will stay with him,pray and be a good little wife. While he disrespects me and pretty much dares me to challenge him. It takes a woman of steel to deal with this kind of treatment. I usually do pray and forgive him for his evil deeds.But this does not solve anything. I am tired.
---Anon on 10/27/11


Your post will be added to the thousands of Hens that post everyday on a sight that was suppose to glorify G-d.

But oh well. It is always good to hear from Hens. Very degrading to woman who have to hear this and pray that no one generalizes and believe all woman are Hens.

But then you Hens don't care, since it all about Y-O-U!!!
and your VAINITY!!!
---John on 10/27/11

Stop focusing on your husband, and start focusing on Jesus and God's Word. Start attending a Ladies Bible Study, and dig inot the Word. Also, ask a mature Christian woman to mentor you. Share your marital struggles with her, and ask her to pray with you for your husband and your marriage. Ask her to teach you what the Bible says about how to be a Godly woman, glorifying the Lord. Also, start serving the Lord at church, or by doing volunteer work in the community. Finally, pray. Pray for your husband's spiritual life, and for you to be able to live under the control of the Holy Spirit.
---Trish9863 on 10/26/11

Still tolerating this god forsaken marriage. He makes excuses now for things he use to take for granted. Does not even try to make moves. I am not motivated to do anything.Does not want any parts of him anymore. Hating him more and more everyday.
---Anon on 10/26/11

Your asking for us to fire the man your doing so without anyone help


Okay, there must be loads of issues you both need to work at.

He's rude but he's not far wrong. Stop antagonising him and go back to why you married the man in the first place, then work in reverse order using the bible as a guide.

You do read the bible don't you, judging from your answers you dont.

start with The New Testament it's long but it gets juciy in the middle and heals by the time you get to Revelations,

I PROMISE YOU if you sick with the word, It works It will work out for you Read, Re read and then Read,

Then Enjoy it's benefits.... in the mean time live and let live.
---Carla on 9/30/11

Still tolerating. No romance. No change.
Birthday in 4 days. Would love to be in the company of a man on this day. If I tell him this he will tear the house up, threaten me,cuss me. When I mention this to him,he opens the door to the house and tell the neighbors I need a man to _______ me. You get the picture.
I don't want to go to prison.
---Anon on 9/24/11

Anon, you both could go out to a restaurant for dinner and have a good meal, and perhaps see a movie afterward.
---Eloy on 9/21/11

Trav, your hope in falsehood is vain. ---Eloy on 9/20/11

Ironically,you make my point. Thanks.
Isaiah 9:8
The Lord sent a word into Jacob, and it hath lighted upon Israel.

Isaiah 44:23
Sing, O ye heavens, for the LORD hath done it: shout, ye lower parts of the earth: break forth into singing, ye mountains, O forest, and every tree therein: for the LORD hath redeemed Jacob, and glorified himself in Israel.
Isaiah 43:1
But now thus saith the LORD that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name, thou art mine.
---Trav on 9/21/11

Trav, your hope in falsehood is vain. Repent and get saved, then you too can join the redeemed and share The Light.
---Eloy on 9/20/11

I hope nobody ever comes to the "light" you offer.

The biggest calamity I could ever imagine is if the church would ever embrace your bastardization of Christianity
---James_L on 9/10/11

Proverbs 25:11
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.
---Trav on 9/20/11

Is man basically polygamous?. Is marriage in Africa/ME and the West the same?. Do Men practice Polygamy in different ways, the men in Africa/ME marry several wives at once, but those in the West marry several wives, but only one at a time.
No relationship can be "teary eyed" for ever. We all just have to work at it. Do you even like yourself the way you did when you were younger. Put God first in your choice of mate and you will love your partner no matter what. Always look on the bright side. Have a sense of humour about life and enjoy it no matter what.
Remember, that woman/man you are excited about, someone is already tired of them. You will too someday. Pray together and the Good Lord will heal your marriage.
---Emmanuel on 9/19/11

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Anon: Based on your most recent response, I repeat my earlier suggestion, to which I add: Talk with him, share your feelings, and inquire what he you can do to make his life and your relationship better. You said before that fixes were only temporary. Change takes time and you may have to continue motivating the change for a spell. But also keep working on what you can do outside of your relationship with him to bring more happiness and fulfillment to yourself.
---Rocky on 9/12/11

Husband is not a practicing christian. But knows the Gospel of Jesus Christ and what he must do. Set in his ways but has a teachable spirit on some things so there is some help for him. He use to be the cats meow but getting older, losing confidence. No spunk etc..
I am still tolerating. Hate change. Don't want affair.
---Anon on 9/12/11

Anon - How spiritual is your husband? Does he attend church regularly? From your previous comment I would assume not, but don't want to assume as the best course of action depends on what he is like.
---Rocky on 9/12/11

Anon, Take your spouses hand and bow yourselves and pray up to Jesus asking him to heal your marriage, revive your love for each other, and to change your indifference and tolerating one another into cherishing and loving one another.
---Eloy on 9/10/11

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ANON for what's it worth i hope you had a good celebration anyhow.
WOW DID WE drift of subject here
---andy3996 on 9/10/11

Apparently, I've been reading Philippians 2:10-11 from a corrupt bible. It undoubtedly is supposed to read:

"So that at the name of Eloy every knee shall bow, in heaven and on earth, and every tongue shall confess that Eloy is Lord, to the glory of God the Father"

Eloy, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. And if you're not, I am ashamed for you. I hope nobody ever comes to the "light" you offer.

The biggest calamity I could ever imagine is if the church would ever embrace your bastardization of Christianity
---James_L on 9/10/11

Eloy - "The idea" obviously referred to the previous sentence where multiple scriptures again proved you wrong. You also were wrong and could provide no reference before wherein you said I sinned and you are wrong again. When you are proven wrong you won't admit it but jump to a new bogus attack to deflect attention from your error, and in doing so only make another error. Mat 18:4, Romans 14:10-13
---Rocky on 9/10/11

eloy - futhermore, had I been refering to John 7:24, it does contain an idea - it may also be a commandment but it does contain ideas. A commandment can be an idea. So you are wrong even at a very basic level of understanding English. Mat 18:4, Romans 14:10-13
---Rocky on 9/10/11

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Eloy I will challenge your interpretations of Gods word when the Spirit moves me and do not require your permission. Your presuming to judge sin in others again proves the error of your ways. Mat 18:4, Romans 14:10-13 I ask again let us get back to the topic of this thread.
---Rocky on 9/10/11

rocky, there is no idea in Jn.7:24, but a Commandment. Please do not address me until that time that you are ready to receive my words, for your diissings only reveal your NonChristian fruit and your defiant obstinance which is not righteous and is sin.
---Eloy on 9/10/11

Eloy Matthew 7:1 is not the only NT reference about judging others see also Luke 6:37, Romans 2:1, Roman 14:3-4, Romans 14:13, James 4:11-12. The idea very clear. In John 7:24, Jesus was reproving a group of Jews judging him incorrectly under the law, He told them to judge righteously. How is that a commandment to you to go out of your way to judge others? And you still have not provided the support for your prior claim of my sin. It is a good example of unrighteous judgment perhaps one of the reasons we should not be judging others. But I see that does not stop you from judging me again, accusing me of another sin. Lets get this thread back on topic.
---Rocky on 9/10/11

Eloy, again you twist what Jesus said concerning John 7:24. You misapply that passage and say that believers are to judge with righteous judgment. Jesus was not talking to believers, he was talking to those who had just accused Jesus of having a demon for the things He was doing(v.20) They were speaking lies of Him. If they were going to accuse Him, it should be righteously.
You took that passage to give you a right so you could judge others as you do so many times who do not agree with you interprations, just as those in that passage who accused Jesus. You accuse others unrighteously.
---Mark_V. on 9/10/11

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Rocky, please ignore eloy. He has himself on a pedistal even on other blogs. As he plainly stated, he is without sin because he is a christian.
---shira3877 on 9/9/11

rocky, certainly, you sinuously misapplied my Lord's words in Mt.7:1, which reads, lit.Gk: "Misjudge not, that you all be not misjudged.". opposing my righteous judgment where I rightly instructed the poster to repent because the poster's heart was not right. Just as my Lord Commands in Jn.7:24, lit.Gk: "Judge righteous judgment."
---Eloy on 9/9/11

Jesus Commands us: "Judge righteous judgement."John 7:24. Always and at all times. But sinners delight in blasphemy and delight to misapply scripture as Mt.7:1 in order to blaspheme the saints and the righteous born-again Christians whom are Judging rightly as commanded: and thereby these sinners have condemned themselves for their foolish mockery, for righteous judgment will not be mocked for God is not mocked. Every sinuous tongue that dares to wag against the righteous will be condemned.
---Eloy on 9/10/11

Eloy, I am sorry, I did not realize that simply quoting scripture, without any comment or editorializng, was a sin. Would you please point me to a citation for my edification that condemns my sin?
Likewise for my editification, would you point me to the citation that commands YOU to judge righteous judgement? And perhaps you can explain how you are given the wisdom to tell what is in a persons heart and judge righreous judgement from a few short sentences from a person opening up about a personal problem to ask for help? Do you know all the actions of both parties that lead to this situation? And even if you did know, is there some codicil to Matthew 7:1 that I am not aware of that makes it not apply in such situations? Matthew 18:4
---Rocky on 9/9/11

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Jesus commands us not to judge at all.

Matthew 7:1

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 9/9/11

Rocky, please look in the mirror before misusing the scripture for your sin. The anonymous poster says that they are in a long marriage, the marriage anniversary is approaching, they both have chosen to be in a "tolerating stage" and have "no real marriage". So my answer is correct as I am commanded to judge righteous judgment.
---Eloy on 9/9/11

Eloy, I just gave you a "+1 good answer" on another thread, but here my response is Matthew 7:1.
---Rocky on 9/9/11

NOTE: All your post are: HIM!HIM! HIM! HIM! HIM! HIM......
You need to not only read Rhonda's post, BUTT...STUDY IT!!!!!!!

Then buy a mirror!

You're not a potted plant being kicked around.

IT'S WE!!!!!!!!!

When you're finish looking at yourself in the mirror invite him over to the mirror and you'll soon SEE it's "WE"
---John on 9/9/11

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Repent, for your heart is not right.
---Eloy on 9/8/11

Anon, it may be very difficult while in pain, but that very pain may draws one to their knees. I implore you to seek the Lord with ALL your heart. Stay before Him in prayer, cry out all you think/feel, He' shows us our own hearts and actions which need to be laid down at the cross, FORGIVE, seek Him to be filled with His love for your husband. Seek God to love Him and to love your husband. Stay in that place with Him, or go back as much as possible. remain in the vine. I am fairly certain that any of us can grow in love for another, seek to do that, empowered by God. May God bless you and your marriage, you know it is His desire.
---chris9396 on 9/8/11

\\He plays the dozen and threatens me. He puts me down and cusses me and my son(30 yr old) when he is upset.\\

What do you mean by "plays the dozen"?

Did you ever stop to think there might be a medical reason, such as clinical depression, for his behavior?

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 9/8/11

Have you considered marriage counseling?

How about finding your own adventure and excitement without him? Help on projects at church? Do charity work and help others? Get a new and exciting hobby or find new activities? Maybe becoming more fulfilled on your own may help the marriage - and even if it doesn't it will help you.
---Rocky on 9/8/11

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Still tolerating but getting fed up everyday. Have tried to get along with this man but nothing sticks for long. Thirty- one (31) yr anniversary passed in June. Get along ok for a few days then back to the arguing and near blows. He plays the dozen and threatens me. He puts me down and cusses me and my son(30 yr old) when he is upset. We could have hurt him by now. But for the grace of God.
---Anon on 9/8/11

Anon, ghet of your lazy but and start working on that marriage. you want romance to sweep you away? be romantic
you want to live adventurist dream, be the adventure.
my biggest thrill is when i can make my spouse happy. and however in the beginning i thought that shehad to make me happy now i realise, that the only way to have an exiting marriage is to try make it. so of your lazy but and go do that or buy that or experiance that thing your spouse always dreamed of, toghether.
---andy3996 on 6/24/11

Time for you to pay some special attention to your spouse. Take a short vacation together, go out to dinner at spouse's favorite place, but above all else PRAY TOGETHER!!!!!
---KarenD on 6/20/11

Every marriage has its ups and downs, its rough spots. We need to sit down with our spouses and talk, and find out what might be wrong. That's the first step. Perhaps it's not something too serious and you can resolve it easily. God be with you. We'll pray. :-)
---John.usa on 6/19/11

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Cluny said: "Did you expect to be always as excited about each other as you were the day before your wedding?"

Good point.

The early honeymoon stage of a relationship is when the brain produces endorphins creating the intense passions/emotions for each other. These endorphins soon stop being produced.

Many today foolishly think this chemical high is love.

---Haz27 on 6/19/11

how sad that you believe there is a stage of marriage called "just tolerating"

marriage is work

it is a partnership where BOTH must contribute

BOTH partners contributed to this decay

after more than 20 years of marriage my husband and I are still in love looking forward to building the next 20 years we associate with many couples who express this passion for their marriage

take the step and get counseling so you can rebuild and enjoy the life you committed to share
---Rhonda on 6/19/11

"Husbands love your wives"
Paul said this in (Ephesians 5:25) and it is the best advise ever given to a husband.
What does Paul mean?
Love is an action, it is not just a word.
If a husband follows this one rule, they will have the wife they always wanted, because when a women feels loved, they will love you back.
But...if they do not feel loved, the love in the marriage will die.

Proof of this?
Get your wife an unexpected gift at an unexpected time,(Flowers, jewlery, make her dinner, etc..) and then notice how she acts towards you for the next few days.
If there is any love left in your marriage, this may get the fire burning again.
---David on 6/19/11

With Jesus, you won't be just tolerating.
It takes time to become a good old peach >
first there's that cute little buddy so fuzzy, then the green teen,
and in our middle years we can be
oh-so colorful in all that peachlight coming down all around us,
and yet, we still can get a little bit bitter and sour deep-down inside,
because we need to go through some heat of the summer,
before we can reach a ripe old age.
But then is when we can get sweeter and sweeter
and even more and more juicy,
because we made that commitment to
learn how to love:
"'Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me,
for I am gentle and lowly in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.'" (Matthew 11:29)
---Bill_willa6989 on 6/19/11

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You need to go back and read Scripture about marriage. There is NO PLACE for "just tolerating" marriage. The husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church, and the woman is to be submitted( voluntarily) to the husband as unto the Lord. Repent and return.
---tommy3007 on 6/19/11

It's not a matter of tolerating, but of being content. Let your conversation be without covetousness, and be content with such things as ye have.

Other verses for mediation:
1 Timothy 6
Psalm 23:1
Philippians 4:11-13
Proverbs 17:1
Luke 12:21
Matthew 6:19-21
Proverbs 15:16-17
Proverbs 30:8-9
Proverbs 22:1
Habakkuk 3:17-19

Do an online KJV bible search for "one another," "each other," "comfort," and "encourag" to keep you love growing, to live a godly life.

Praying each of you peace of mind, joy of spirit, good health and many great friends to share them with in Jesus' name, Amen.
---Steveng on 6/18/11

You've not said how long you've been married.

Did you expect to be always as excited about each other as you were the day before your wedding?

Glory to Jesus Christ.
---Cluny on 6/18/11

//We are in the just tolerating stage now//

wait until the next stage. you won't like the arena of separation and divorce.
---aka on 6/18/11

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