ChristiaNet MallWorld's Largest Christian MallChristian BlogsFree Bible QuizzesFree Ecards and Free Greeting CardsLoans, Debt, Business and Insurance Articles

Pastor Out With Females

What should I do? My married Pastor was going with some of the female members. I did not tell him or anyone else that I knew. I left the church. He was angry with me for leaving and now he has bad mouthed me to Pastors, where I was becoming a member. They tell me to go back to his church.

Join Our Christian Dating and Take The Dating & Marriage Quiz
 ---Iris_Brown on 6/8/12
     Helpful Blog Vote (2)

Reply to this BlogPost a New Blog

Trish, I agree. We all know what happens when you assume things. She should at least confront the pastor if nothing else just to make sure she has the facts straight before assuming she knows what was going on.
---Jed on 6/17/12

Jed: This is getting scary now, because I agree with you again. Because we have no clue what the pastor was doing with these women, it is Iris' responsibility to talk to him, or the leadership of the church.

At best, the pastor could be guilty of giving the appearance of evil. At worst, he could be committing adultery. Either way, Iris needs to put her big girl panties on, and talk with the pastor to clear the air. She should not have just run away and not clear the air.
---Trish on 6/17/12

Saint Eloy, Iris never said the pastor was committing adultery. And even if she did suspect that, the only way she could know for sure is if she was one of the women he committed adultery with. We don't know what she saw or heard that made her suspicious but it could have been totally misunderstood.
---Jed on 6/17/12

Brother Peter, you gave very good advice. What I find puzzling is that we still don't know what he did wrong. The pastor was going with some of the female members does not say doing what. He could have gone to a prayer meeting, or out to lunch to bring up subjects that concerns women activities etc. We don't know if he was committing adultery. Now if she saw them in sexual actions, then it is another thing. But Iris should have complained but she didn't, that we know. Bringing it up is gossiping. If she felt convicted for not saying anything, then she would be asking for advice on what to do concerning her guilt. We really don't know much. Thanks brother.
---Mark_V. on 6/17/12

Peter, Iris knew that the pastor was committing adultery with more than one female at her church, and it became distasteful to the point that she could no longer be led by the immoral leader, and so she rightly left to join a different church where this type of sin is not carried on. Iris did not confront her Pastor for whatever reason, perhaps she would feel awkward exposing his adultery, or other reasons. Nevertheless, she did right in leaving the church where the pastor needs to become Christian before he is qualified to lead anybody else. The problem with sinuous leaders is that it conveys a message to the congregants that it is quite acceptable behavior to live in sin.
---Eloy on 6/16/12

Iris, can you please give us the information as to what the pastor was doing that you find wrong? It would be better for those answering for many are already condemning the pastor and don't even know what he did wrong. You posted the blog but did not give any evidence other that he is married and was going with some females members. Going where? doing what? What did you see? or what did someone tell you?
---Mark_V. on 6/16/12

Eloy and Trish: I see that you are taking two sides on a question where doing either side is hard.

PLEASE do not get to be enemies.

If you give the way you feel in a quiet, peaceful way, with the best Biblical backup, you are much more likely to sort things out!
---Peter on 6/16/12

Eloy: You gave Iris unbiblical advice. The Bible says that the Pastor is to be above reproach. It also says we are to confront believers in the church who are known to be in sin. It also says that if the believer does not repent from their sin, then the one who does the confronting, should take other believers from the church with them to meet with the errant believer. Finally, it is Iris' responsibility to speak with the church's leadership regarding the pastor's behavior. The pastor should be removed from the pulpit. The leadership may not know about this pastor's behavior.

Next time, use the Bible when giving advice, and I won't tell people to ignore you.
---Trish on 6/15/12

Eloy: I understand your comments to Iris, that she should not bad-mouth the pastor. That is well understood

However, and perhaps we can discuss this without arguing, I have the following problem. Let us assume (which we do not know for sure) that the pastor is genuinely acting inappropriately.

Is it not the job of someone in the congregation to speak to him?

I would hate to have to be that person (meaning possibly Iris).

But someone ought to tell him something, don't you think?

Or do you feel that he is too far gone, and that she just keep herself pure?
---Peter on 6/15/12

Iris, pay no mind to trish, whom is manifested to be lost just like that pastor whom bad-mouths you to other Pastors. I just pray for her and the others whom clearly need Christ in their life. Scripture tells us that we children of Christ will be bad-mouthed by the antiChristians whom are not of God. And as the sinners have spoken against and mistreated Christ, so too we likewise from Christ will also be sinned against.
---Eloy on 6/15/12

Eloy: While it initially would have seemed at least 'simpler' to leave the church, it is possible that if the problem has followed her, Iris may be forced to face up to the pastor sometime.

Not because of pride - it appears she definitely did not WANT to confront him, but because in the end, circumstances may force her to.

In that case, she may be forced to

In that case, it is not a case of her slandering anyone - someone else brought the case to her, and she can reply
---Peter on 6/15/12

Ro12:18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
---trey on 6/15/12

Iris: Please ignore Eloy. You have a responsibility to that church to confront the pastor about what you know. Read Jame 1 to see why. Then, you must go to the church leadership and discuss what you know. You can still leave the church, but you must confront and rebuke the pastor and discuss what you know with the leadership of the church. The fact that you did not address this issue before you left that church created the problem with the pastor talking to the other pastors.
---Trish on 6/15/12

Iris_Brown, Pride goes before a fall. So when the blind lead the blind, both will fall into the ditch. It is a good thing that you left the sinner's church. Psalm 1:1 reads that you are blessed for not sitting there anymore, and you will not be partakers of their plagues.
---Eloy on 6/15/12

Saint Eloy, don't judge other people because they sin differently than you do. You need to repent and get saved. First step is to admit and confess your sin.
---Jed on 6/14/12

markv, I have zero care that you choose to agree with sin, and refuse to repent from it.
---Eloy on 6/14/12

Read These Insightful Articles About Christian Divorce

Iris: If you can be absolutely certain, then you can actually confront the pastor on that. I understand it is not pleasant.

But there you also have a more ingrained problem - who were the female members who were willing to go out with him?

This may also be a case where either more is going on that you know - or less

Unfortunately, it may fall to you to bring the matter up to him. In any case, if another pastor tells you to go back to the church, it is not right to tell the other pastor until you have confronted to first one!
---Peter on 6/14/12

Eloy, I totally agree with Jed. Before you condemn the pastor to hell, like you do so many of us, you should wait first to find out if he did anything wrong or not. Iris has not mentioned what he did wrong. She first said she didn't tell him or anyone else what she knew. So no facts have come out yet. She only mentioned that he was mad at her for leaving. What he did with the members has not been said. At least wait for the evidence. I would sure hate to see you as a juror in any trial.
Oh, forgive me, you mentioned you were at one time "the light Jesus saw while on the Cross." So you must know already he is guilty.
---Mark_V. on 6/14/12

Iris, I would not go back to that church where the Pastor is living in sin. Find another godly church, there should be one in your area somewhere where the Pastor is honorable rather than a disgrace to God and man.
---Eloy on 6/14/12

Eloy, you are certainly the one who needs to get right with God, for the one who you blaspheme on a daily basis in these blogs likewise gives you every breath that you breath. The first step to salvation is the confession of your sin. You have said time and time again that you are without sin. So I guess your first step is to admit that you are a sinner, then go from there. Also, I feel you could greatly benefit from the use of psychotropic medications and some intense in-patient therapy at a behavior hospital. I'm afraid out-patient treatment just won't be enough to remedy your dilusions.
---Jed on 6/13/12

Read These Insightful Articles About Christian Marriage

Markv, what you say is very true. In my case I am 73 years old and my pastor is 32, with 3 children. I can't see him calling someone at 2am so there wouldn't be gossip. Guess the gossipers can use a little common sense. I love my pastor and his wife and 3 very behaved sweet children.
---Shira4368 on 6/13/12

jed, Always and at all times! You get right with God now, for the breath that you breathe belongs to him whom gave it to you.
---Eloy on 6/13/12

Iris, one of the reasons why many pastors takes his wife with him to meet another sister is because the pastors are held to a high standard, and is an example to others just as we are too. When they go alone, many will begin gossiping, even if nothing wrong is going on. It is better not to leave a door open for the enemy. Many times if a sister needs help, the pastors will sent other sisters in their place. It is all not to give room to the devil. What was going on with that Pastor? You never said. If he was doing wrong, he would not have got angry at you. Because if he did, he would worried you would tell the real story and expose what he did.
---Mark_V. on 6/13/12

Saint Eloy, preach it brother! Show them how a true perfect saint acts!
---Jed on 6/12/12

Post Your Online Prayer Requests

Because a man leads a church does not mean that that man is a saved Christian. For we know them by their fruits that they bear: people who commit adultery against their spouse, and bad-mouth Christians, are not true Pastors, but instead they are unsaved sinners yet in need of salvation.
---Eloy on 6/12/12

My pastor came to er where I had been carried Sunday night. His sister saw the emt's at my house and called my pastor. At 2am my pastor brought me home. Wonder what someone would have thought had they seen him at my house at 2am. He came in and checked my house because I had forgotten to turn my alarm on. Thank God for my sweet pastor.
---Shira4368 on 6/12/12

Iris...You are a gossip. Stop it!!!!!
---KarenD on 6/9/12

You handled this one all wrong. You need to follow the Biblical guidelines regarding this. You need to confront the Pastor. If he continues the behavior, you need to go to the church leadership and have them go with you to the Pastor. It is clearly outlined in the Bible. The church leadership needs to know what their Pastor is doing. He should not be a Pastor if he is cheating on his wife. You can still leave the church, but you should not keep the secret.
---Trish on 6/9/12

Read These Insightful Articles About Debt Consolidation

Iris Brown, you did not mention if the female members of the congregation the pastor was seeing were married or not nor what these visitations initialed.

It also might be good to pick a new church of a different denomination or location where your pastor may not be a member of the same pastors organizations as your former pastor.
---Blogger9211 on 6/9/12

How do you mean "going with"?

And if this were with several of the women in his flock, they may well not have been dates, especially if they were in public places above reproach.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 6/9/12

If you told those pastors and they told you to go back, but without dealing with the cheating pastor . . . they all possibly are wrong.

And you could be able to connect with wrong pastors, if you have gone from one to others. This can happen in marriage, too, how ones marry wrong people, then get with someone else who is wrong.

So, I have done this. I needed to offer myself to God for correction so then I could connect with true leaders and real women.

Jesus' sheep know His voice > John 10:1-30. He will take you to leaders He trusts, so He will expect you to trust them, too > Hebrews 13:17.
---willie_c: on 6/8/12

Copyright© 2017 ChristiaNet®. All Rights Reserved.