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Guys Say I Am Ugly And Fat

Hi my name Tracy and I am 33 I am a christian girl and every guy I try to date says I am to ugly or fat. What should I do?

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 ---Tracy on 6/29/12
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Tracy: Please try and read Psalms 139 often. You will find that God makes no mistakes in whatever HE allows and sustains. In v.14 you will find that you are wonderfully made. Continue to praise God for providing for you, sustaining you, protecting you & delivering you from forces that could have wasted you until your spouse comes begging.
---Adetunji on 12/1/12

People with low self-esteem and a seared conscience have a NEED to feel as though they are 'better than' you.

They resent you because they secretly wish they had a HIGH INTEGRITY like you and were more at peace with themselves (THEY have decided that you are better than them)...JEALOUSY.

They will develop a habit of putting you down, shaming/humiliating you, berating/abasing your character (ESPECIALLY when they HAVE AN AUDIENCE).

God teaches us in scripture to know better than to fall prey to these "fiery darts" (deceptions and schemes) of this world so that we can establish a TRUE identiy of being who we are (the creator's "forever"/eternity name is "I am who I am", Exodus 3:14).
---more_excellent_way on 11/28/12

1) Avoid those guys! (And, keep an eye on your wallet & car keys...)

2) Do a lot of research. Peter (below) is right -- some people naturally carry more weight than others, and fewer than 1 percent of people maintain any weight "loss" for more than four years. And, yoyo dieting -- "losing" and regaining weight -- not only makes people fatter in the long run, it also creates or exacerbates heart disease & diabetes. (Fat people who don't attempt weight "loss" are far healthier than dieters.)

Pray hard, work hard, play hard, get plenty of roughage, and DATE MEN WHO TREAT YOU LIKE A QUEEN!
---Kell_Brigan on 11/28/12

Tracy: My experience is that is more of a problem with what people want woman than anything else!

My wife (who for 3 months has been on a different continent, but that's a different matter) always said people told me she was called ugly, but I can NEVER understand why.... I could never know how anyone could say that. In the same way, I always feel she is about the right weight, she says male acquaintances said she should lose weight.

When you find the person God has for you, you will know

If you can SEE you should lose some weight, you can try, but some people are built for more weight than others

Don't get too worried about weight

The one God has for you (if God want's you to be with a man) will like you
---Peter on 10/20/12

1st and foremost you need to feel good about you feel about yourself,this reflects to other people too.
do some exercise and diet to loose extra pounds.Determination is the key to achieving success in whatever goal you have in life
---mj on 10/20/12

Just do the best with what you have!
---pat on 10/20/12

tracey, put yourself on a diet and loose the fat and then go to the beauty shop and have your hair done and buy some good makeup and fix yourself up and I can tell you, guys will go out with you. good luck
---shira4368 on 10/19/12

Hello,Tracy, Very glad to fill .you in young lady,let me tell you yes,when I was few years older than you,my self esteem was at floor level,first of all there is nothing that first yes,love. Our father God,but also,begin to love yourself, you are a beautifull human god made you so,you are not ugly,begin to love your self,if it bothers your health that weight than little by lill work on it,but some of us like me,we goin to be "a little more to love",be blessed. ELENA
---ELENA on 10/19/12

Brenda thank you. Its very kind of you to say that.
---Darlene_1 on 7/9/12

My advise to to find a man who finds you desireable ( keep in mind that the men whom you find desireable, may not find you desireable) and get to know him.

If he is a man who loves full figured women, you will be satisfied beyund you wildest dreams (O_~) (O_~)

the problem here is that usually the guy whom who would like to take an interest in you, may think that you are fat and ugly. The guy who is interested in you, and can see past you size you find to be______( fill in the blank)

Just as much as you want a guy to get to know you, you should also get to know the buy who is interested in you, whom you find to be _____!
---francis on 7/9/12

Get dressed in your best meet your best friend and go out for a lovely meal in a decent place, where you will find better company,they are obviously, wearing 3D glasses and satan as their guide.

God said we were wonderfully and fearfully made and wonderful are his works!

God does not lie Xxx

Get them some new glasses as a gift from a beautiful friend Xxx
---Carla on 7/8/12

Don't waste another minute of your time with them. Any man who would be that cruel is not worth the effort to get to know. If you have a weight problem work on it for yourself and no one else. Somebody out there finds you attractive. You just have not met them yet.
---pg1 on 7/6/12

//Hi my name Tracy and I am 33 I am a Christian girl and every guy I try to date says I am to ugly or fat. What should I do?

Join an athletic club and work out. If possible, have a proctor who will give you guidance. In this way, you build up your self confidence.
---e.lee7537 on 7/5/12

if i want an attractive woman both physically, emotionally, and spiritually i have to be attractive both physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
some encouragement my friend has lost 50 lbs now and her entire attitude has changed.
---Scott1 on 7/5/12

The one thing to focus on is Tracy and her relationship with Christ. One thing I focus on is His love for all of us.

Tracy, I wrote a poem a few years ago. "Sometimes I Wonder." I am not going to give all the but the one I feel in my heart that reflects you.

When I wrote this, in my head I was thinking that if Christ could not see these things in me, my true heart how can the world. Let the Lord be your rock. Press into Him and He and only He can bring you PEACE, JOY and true HAPPINESSBlessings to you sweet one.
---Brenda on 7/5/12

kathr4453 and Darlene 1, amen to both of you. words of wisdom, as well as aka.

Be blessed and encouraged Tracy, you may not feel loved in the secular world at the moment or all the time, but you are loved here.

---Brenda on 7/5/12

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Kathr4453 Amen. The first thing a woman has to win is her battle with her own self image. You're right Tracy didn't say she was both and I hadn't noticed it until you pointed it out,she used ugly or fat.
---Darlene_1 on 7/5/12

Darlene1 I agree with that. Interestingly Tracy never said "I AM FAT AND UGLY".

But even large people can be neat, And Neat too as in KOOL, clean, and I know have tremendous personalities.

Unfortuantely many good looking people are conceited, VAIN, High Maintenance, always looking in the mirror, and are always I fat...does my hair look ok, check out my bunns of steel, and so on.

Tracy is not a girl, but a WOMAN.

Now we need to Hear her ROAR
---kathr4453 on 7/5/12

Kathr4453 ha ha,maybe it is. Maybe its the overflow jobs. No I'm kidding too. Yes I know and agree it looks like reality says different but maybe its reality that the world isn't full of all really attractive people and they must hire someone. I have noticed that good looking people get more attention than average people in group situations,unless they have outstanding,interesting personalities. I don't know the truth of all of it but I do know people respond to neat,clean,well kept people with a good personality.
---Darlene_1 on 7/5/12

Research has shown that in the workplace,school,and the majority of places it is the good looking people who get chosen first.///

Is that the reason for the high unemployment rate? ...the supply and demand of non-ugly fat people is almost nill?

Only joking Darlene1...but again the answer to that is ITS THE WORLD doing the hiring..worldly non christian people.

However, reality says otherwise. I've seen some heavy/large/ or whatever you want to call it people working for great companies....even healthcare companies.

And I know a guy who is very overweight along with his wife who just this past year got a job in Washington DC...a fabulous job at that!

---kathr4453 on 7/5/12

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It states in the Bible that Jesus was not as easy on the eyes, yet He had many followers. People loved Him. They did not follow or love Him based on how He looked but for who He was.

Be all that God intended you to be and He will send "Mr. Right, for you" to you.

Blessing sweet one, and keep your focus on Jesus, YOU are His Favorite.

---brend4498 on 7/4/12

Totally awesome Brend4498

And guess what, WE are His bride, looking forward one day to that marriage feast, someone who we have never even SEEN with our own eyes, yet WE LOVE Him, Love Him with all our heart, mind and soul.

YOURS is the greatest post here so far...God Bless!
---kathr4453 on 7/5/12

Jed, I believe scripture tells us the lust of the eyes and lust of the flesh and the pride of life is of the devil.

You're talking about LUST, not love.

Love is not what makes ME feel good, but the complete opposite.

Your description is a worldly one at that.

For many years it was families who matched marriages. Many of those matches were made when they were still children.

The freedom to choose a mate we have in our country is a rather modern one. And we seethe divorce rate is astounding.

The reasons is many marriages are based on shallowness.

Our modern times and ads/commercials/etc have sold you a lie, young girls BELIEVING IT leading to bulimia, anorexia and all sorts of issues.
---kathr4453 on 7/4/12

aka OK sounds like you have a very "good looking" family lucky y'all. My Dad looked very much like Tyrone Power the Movie Actor,before your time,and Mom was a Cutie with blond hair and dimples,so I always notice looks. I didn't write what I did off the top of my head. Research has shown that in the workplace,school,and the majority of places it is the good looking people who get chosen first. Of course there are always exceptions to the rule. I can see where you are coming from because women's "looks" didn't bring to you what was needed to be a wife and lasting marriage. Ben Franklin said a man should choose older women because they are grateful. Probably they try harder to make the other happy,sounds reasonable I guess.
---Darlene_1 on 7/4/12

1Ti_4:8 For bodily exercise profiteth little: but godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come.

tracy, the fruit of the spirit is about the spirit. SELF is not of the spirit. to get accurate picture of yourself, spend time with others that need you and appreciate you and not your wallet.
---aka on 7/4/12

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Tracy, find you some fat and ugly guys and date them.
Let us know how it all went, ok?
---Nana on 7/4/12

Hi Tracy

My heart hurts for you. My prayer for you is a God gifted gentleman who will love you the way Christ loves. It states in the Bible that Jesus was not as easy on the eyes, yet He had many followers. People loved Him. They did not follow or love Him based on how He looked but for who He was.

Be all that God intended you to be and He will send "Mr. Right, for you" to you.

Blessing sweet one, and keep your focus on Jesus, YOU are His Favorite.

---brend4498 on 7/4/12

trish, again, i was addressing 'christians' not just you. is not a doctor a professional.

darlene, i have equally good news for you. i have six brothers. we are all good looking men that have had our share of good looking gfs. two of my brothers married let's say out of that circle. they both are tall women that carry some weight. my two brothers are still married to those same women and they are happy. the rest of us are 2x and they were all "good looking". they all remarried, but still struggle with the non-christian wives.

i was the one divorced 2x. i reaped what i sowed. in my 40s, i still struggle with giving credence to skin.
---aka on 7/4/12

Kathr, it's interesting that you would consider the way God designed men as shallow and dogs. It is God that gave men the desire for a beautiful and physically appealing woman. This does not make men dogs. It is a desire that God instilled inside of men to have a woman that is pleasing to look at. Most women want a man that is pleasing to look at also. To state otherwise is silliness. You need to get off your high horse and snap back to reality. It is not unholy to be sexually attracted to a good looking person. God designed it that way.
---Jed on 7/4/12

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Aka2: My first two posts on this thread mentioned exercise, and a complete physical. I suggested exercise because of its overall benefit to a person, not just the physical. Exercise helps release endorphins, which are feel good chemicals everybody's brain makes.

Plus, regular exercise, regardless of weight loss, helps build a person's sense of self. Personal exercise goals, even if it is to just increase the amount or speed of a walk, really help a person with a lot of other mental health issues.

Like I said, my first two posts say nothing about therapy. And, if you read a lot of my recommendations, they are usually to attend a Bible study, and get a mentor to hold you accountable to your walk with the Lord. PERIOD
---Trish on 7/4/12

When I was teaching, a second grader came up to me and said, "Teacher, Donnie called me a piece of poopoo." I asked him, "Well, are you?"

He said, "Of course not."

I replied, "Then he must be talking about someone else, so you don't have to listen to him." He smiled.

Tracy, if you are not ugly and fat, obviously these stupid men are talking about another woman, and you don't have to listen to them.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 7/4/12

aka: Read my very first post in reply to the OP. I did not mention therapy in that one. I suggested that she get a complete physical, and ask her doctor if she is indeed overweight, or obese.

However, I have worked as a therapist, know that MOST of the people that are MORBIDLY OBESE are eating disordered.

I have yet to meet a person who had an eating disorder who did not need some sort of professional help, even if it was only to see a psychiatrist.

The reason I share my experience is to show that I empathize. Empathy goes a long way in helping people.
---Trish on 7/4/12

Tracy: It is what God knows about you that really matters. Try & give God the freehand to choose a spouse for you.
---Adetunji on 7/4/12

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Darline, your answers are very good. I also do not believe a person should go hunting for a spouse but to be depended upon God to put in place a person for you. Of course His not going to get you out of bed and suddenly change your looks. You have to do something.
As long as we live in this body, we will always look at what a person presents to you. The first thing I would check would be how much the other person desplay's the love of Christ, If that person is not disturb hearing about the Lord, to me, that person deserves my full attention, Second, looks, mean a whole lot. third, personality. If they are negative all the time, that is a turn off. Forth, once knowing the other person, how they live and how they dress is very important.
---Mark_V. on 7/4/12

Tracy? Am I to understand you are a Christian who wants to date other CHRISTIAN men, and these Christian men say to you you are ugly and fat?

First, what is your definition of a Christian? Is it Jed? If Jed and men like Jed is your definition of a Christian, then there's a problem. True Christian men do not talk like that to a woman. Even if you were a big as a houseboat, no CHRISTIAN man would say that to you.

Or are you trying to date guys who are not Christians?
---kathr4453 on 7/4/12

Jed, you're wrong. I know how shallow men are in their thinking. Not to brag, but I would be considered a beautiful woman, tall thin, and my experience has been that men are DOGS. Do they want to get to KNOW you first before they can't keep their hands off you...yea right... It's all about the man's appetite RIGHT.

Well, that was a major TURN OFF for me...You know why? Pretty girls don't like fighting off animals who have the brains to match, that's all. Oh and these wacko's also sit in church pughs too!

Tracy, If you are a Christian, you will just need to turn it over to the Lord.

I agree with Aka,as Christians, our Spirits are what attracts us to one another IN THE LORD!
---kathr4453 on 7/4/12

And Tracy, here is the sad side of many beautiful women who married some shallow guy who used her to fulfill himself. As these women get older, that beauty fades away, and either these shallow men look for younger prettier woman, or their wives knowing they were only married for their looks, get plastic surgery, botox, implants you name it...just to keep and satisfy their looser men.

God forbid any have an accident and lose a leg, or get breast cancer in the prime of their beauty.

Find a man who wants a VIRTUOUS woman....YOU CAN BE THAT WOMAN!
---kathr4453 on 7/4/12

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Tracy, Adorned with Christ,abiding in Him, in the Word,one is transformed
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles, wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, IT SHOULD BE THAT OF YOUR INNER SELF, the UNFADING BEAUTY of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is OF GREAT WORTH IN GODS SIGHT. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves". All are not beautiful as the world sees, but are adorned as (they) put trust in God.
I agree aka it is not by our work that one is changed, but in the Spirit, not focused on externals, changes come about without striving: HIS fruit. God bless you Tracy.
---Chria9396 on 7/4/12

aka I have news for you even Christian men like to look at good looking women. A woman doesn't have to be beautiful but she needs to take care of herself and present the best package she can. Men don't see a woman in a Spiritual way first he sees her,the person she shows the world. A woman has to attract a man first,then get to know him and he to know her. Respecting the Spiritual side of who she is comes with time.
---Darlene_1 on 7/3/12


You heavy hitting "christians" are talking about diets, professional, weight coaches, hair cuts, clothes al.

none of these things are going to fill this woman with her hurt. in fact, you are adding to it.

tracy, to keep it simple, good portions of the fruit of the spirit will more than suffice. as self-control kicks in, your weight will take care of itself. as you lose the spiritual weight that is on you these will be added: love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, gentleness, peace, and temperance will also be added.

a man of God will surely see that beauty despite what Jed says.
---aka on 7/3/12

Kathr, truly spoken like a woman who will never understand a man's desires. Good looking men do not marry fat ugly women, unless there is something wrong with themselves that makes them desperate enough to settle for that. Every man (and most women) want to marry as physically appealing person as possible. But often times people will let their appearance go in a secure relationship, after they have already won the love of their spouse. At that point it is love that is keeping the relationship and attraction for eachother going, not physical appeal. When you have been married that long you share things that are far more important that physical attraction. But new couples don't share those bonds and all they have is the physical attraction.
---Jed on 7/3/12

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Tracy the first thing you need to do is to quit "trying" to date those guys. It sounds like you are after them and not them after you. Focus in changing yourself by going to someone who can teach you how to use makeup to enhance your best facial features and diminish your worst ones. Get your hairstyle cut to suit your features and even change the color if it is drab. The most important thing is to start a regular exercise program to tone your body as you diet to lose weight. If a Christian God will help you do it. You can't change your features but you can make them more appealing but you can change your size. Remember its all about how much food you intake and output by exercise to use up calories.
---Darlene_1 on 7/3/12

Jed: "No real self-respecting man wants to lay next to a fatty at night": need I say more? You may not have told her directly she doesn't deserve love but the attitude was there, in my opinion. I'd have been crushed if I was her by those words.
---Mary on 7/3/12

But if she's looking for a man that doesn't care about her looks, that simply isn't reality. All men care about looks. --No man is going to be fully satisfied with a woman who is not sexually appealing. She may find a man that is willing to settle, but is that what a woman really wants? Or do you want a man that is FULLY satisfied?
---Jed on 7/3/12

So Jed speaks for all men, or just yourself, and you think all men think just like you.

Wow, what an arrogant ego! Well many totally DIS-agree with you. Very good looking men for the most part are not married to beautiful women...

Obviously good looking men are not as vain and shallow as you...who need a beautiful woman to make up for your ugliness. Didn't you know that?
---kathr4453 on 7/3/12

Trish,we know going to a professional for something seems to be an everyday occurrence for you. see if they can help you think and read. you say we don,t know and then you go off on a tangent about eating disorders. shouldn't we wait to find out? Just when are you going to see that everything you post is about YOU?

it is obvious that she has some kind of weight issue. Portion control is essential to proper nutrition. everything does not need solved by a professional. sometimes things are personal that can be resolved through the spirit. remember Jesus Christ?
She is hurting more about what people think. not her weight. are you encouraging her not to find a different venue that breaks her dead end cycle and not serve others?
---aka on 7/3/12

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Mary, what are you talking about? I never said anything about fat or ugly people not deserving love. Hopefully, there are other people in her life that love her regardless of her looks. But if she's looking for a man that doesn't care about her looks, that simply isn't reality. All men care about looks. Excuse me for telling the TRUTH and not feeding her a pack of LIES in order to make her feel better. Apparently, I care about her finding a mate who whill be fully satisfied with her more than you do. No man is going to be fully satisfied with a woman who is not sexually appealing. She may find a man that is willing to settle, but is that what a woman really wants? Or do you want a man that is FULLY satisfied?
---Jed on 7/3/12

Shame on you for your attitude Jed. Everybody needs love, overweight people, skinny people, etc!
---Mary on 7/2/12

aka: We do not know yet if the OP is actually overweight. That is for her doctor to decide. If she is overweight, we don't know by how much. We also don't know for how long she has been overweight. Some people are obese from childhood. Some become obese as adults.

Many have an eating disorder, which requires professional help, and ongoing social support. What helped me was eating disorder treatment, attending Overeaters Anonymous meetings, and finally weight loss surgery. If I had not had the surgery, I would probably be dead by now. I had high cholesterol and was very close to becoming diabetic.

Obesity is a serious medical problem, and should be treated as such.
---Trish on 7/2/12

Go to a local homeless shelter to help. nobbody there will say that...unless they have no impulse control. Anyway, consider others and watch your portion size. the first three letters of diet is what? I lost 35lbs in the last 4 months without a diet, gym membership, or experts. they all cost money. self control is a fruit of the spirit and it is already paid for.
---aka on 7/2/12

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Yes, Trish's suggestion was actually better, Join a gym (and perhaps hire a personal trainer or find a partner to keep you motivated). Much better than Jenny Craig. Thanks Trish.
---Jed on 7/2/12

Go to your doctor and get a complete physical. Then, if he says you need to lose weight, instead of wasting your money on Jenny Craig, join a gym and attend Overeaters Anonymous meetings. They have a website. They are free to attend. The gym will help you get into life long fitness habits.
---Trish on 7/1/12

Two words: JENNY CRAIG. That's right, you just need to buckle down and lose that weight, because no real self-respecting man wants to lay next to a fatty at night. Simply isn't going to happen. Now you might have a guy tell you that he doesn't care about your looks. He's lying. He's lying because he's so desperate himself that he'll take whatever he can get. It matter's to every man. Every man would rather go to bed with a super-model every night than an ugly fatty. Simple truth. No dude wants a fat ugly girlfriend or wife. Try the Jenny Craig thing, but do it for yourself too, you'll feel so much better about yourself too.
---Jed on 7/1/12

Love yourself enough to disregard their insecurities. I have found that growing in your love relationship with Jesus will protect you from the wolves who can't get past the flesh to see the heart.
---Linda on 6/30/12

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It reads like you are only trying to date "losers" A real Christian gentleman would not call you "fat" or "ugly". Maybe you are trying to hard and should back away from the dating scene for awhile and have someone that can really evaluate you from a objective view give you advice. (If you don't, you may start to believe what these "losers" are telling you.)
---wivv on 6/30/12

Tracy. Well, you may very well be overweight. As to you being ugly, i doubt that to be true. Human being a simple not " ugly."

If you have two eyes, two ears , one nose, twonostrils, one mouth, all in the same place as everyone else, then you are not ugly. You have the same feastures as everyone else

If you are overweight that is O.K. There are MANY MANY men who prefer, and seek out women who are overweight.

My advise to to find a man who finds you desireable ( keep in mind that the men whom you find desireable, may not find you desireable) and get to know him.

If he is a man who loves full figured women, you will be satisfied beyund you wildest dreams (O_-) (O_-)
---francis on 6/30/12

First, go to your doctor and get a complete physical. Ask your doctor about your weight. Make sure your cholesterol, triglycerides and glucose levels are all normal. Ask your doctor about the best kind of diet you should be on, if you need to lose weight.

Then, examine your activity level. Take up some sort of exercise program. Exercise has many benefits for the body, not just weight control.

Finally, figure out where you are meeting jerks who insult you. Are these Christians who are telling you you are too ugly or fat?
---Trish on 6/30/12

First discern whether they are speaking the truth or a lie. If your outward appearance is sloppy and dirty, then get clean and wear clean and neat clothing, you can also wear "light" cosmetics like mild-colored lip stick, eye shadow, pink fingernails, and light perfume. And if you are overweight, start changing your diet: cut back on sugary and fatting deserts, eat more veggies, and increase exercise like more daily walking and the excess pounds should slowly disappear. But if you are beautiful and a regular body weight, then tell your dates they are wrong and need to work on their social skills.
---Eloy on 6/30/12

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Hi, Tracy (c: I'm not sure a guy knows how to love if he can judge you by what you look like. Jesus loves you and wants you to be in His Bride church. So, if every guy you would like to date does not know how to love . . . may be you need to find out the difference between a really Christian guy and these ones who are attracting you. What is attracting you to ones like this? May be you need to get wise to these things. And, of course, we need to have self-control with food, but self-control helps us also so we can relate well in love, ourselves (1 Corinthians 16:14). So, God bless you, Tracy (c: bill
---willie_c: on 6/30/12

tracy, try to loose weight. most guys won't date a fat lady. I always look on the inside and not the outside. I have friends who are way way overweight. frankly you don't have to date any person who calls you ugly or fat. I am ugly and skinny and if someone don't like the way I look I tell them to take it up with my Heavenly Father. after all, He made me the way I am. tracy, get on a raw fruit and veggie diet. It is very healthy and not many calories. I make a smoothie out of broccoli, spinach, apple, strawberrys, blueberries, bananas and milk. It is delicious. Good luck you are on my prayer list.
---shira4368 on 6/30/12

Let me clarify something.

You lose weight because it's good for YOU and your health to do so, not to attract the men who are too short-sighted to look beyond surface appearances.

BTW--just because these losers say you're fat and ugly doesn't MEAN you're fat and ugly. You're God's unique creation, just as you are. That doesn't mean that God is through with you yet, though.

Remember, the Artist loves what He is making, because with every stroke of the brush, and every blow of the chisel, his work is EXACTLY what He wants it to be at that point.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 6/30/12

Lose weight and date other men who will appreciate you for you.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 6/29/12

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