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Husband Has Depression

My husband is depressed on antidepressants. Says I should divorce him, doesn't care about me, but then asks me to "service" him, get him food, make his phone calls, get him things etc. He refuses to go to councelling, so that is not an option. I feel I am in bondage. Should I let him go.

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 ---Living4him on 7/10/12
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Phil: The husband in this situation is not on drugs, like illegal street drugs. He's supposed to be on medication, carefully monitored and prescribed by a psychiatrist to help with his serious mental illness, depression. You make it sound like he is an addict abusing drugs.

I'm glad you saw that your first statements in that previous post were unwarranted.
---Trish on 7/16/12

Trish on 7/14/12 "There is something seriously wrong with you."

Your accusation is warranted. Hence the need of God my Saviour.

Opening up my statement was from a worldly perspective, not of faith. I spoke as a fool.

Our sufferings, being yoked to the imfirm in the faith, a drug influenced spouse in this case, is no cause for divorce.

However, separation is not prohibited in Paul's docrines to us. 1C 7:11-16

We are called to peace in Christ Jesus. Should violence come to play, departure is necessary.
---Phil on 7/15/12

Peter: I am so sorry your wife left you and then committed suicide. Please, do not blame yourself. She probably was not on her medications. That is common with some bipolar patients. They feel better, so they stop taking their meds, and then don't get help when they get sicker.

I will pray for you to have some peace about all of this.
---Trish on 7/15/12

I did not mean in this post that I would ever consider divorce. He is the one that mentions it frequently. When I said should I let him go, was in refference to him going to another state. He said I could stay where we are and come home weekends. He is just so unstable in his decisions.
---living4him on 7/15/12

Is Living4him here and can she answer any questions?

My ex wife left me, then divorced me although I tried legal matters to stop her, as she was in serious depression, and two days after the divorce was finalized, drove her car into the river and died.

She was bipolar, sleeping most of the time, eating and hiding under the bed the rest of the time.

I know I was not strong enough to deal with it, so I am as much to blame as she is
---Peter on 7/15/12

Phil: You must not have the book of 1 Corinthians in your Bible. Or, you haven't read it yet. Christians are not supposed to divorce.

The husband here is sick and needs help. I find it hard to believe you know Christ as your Savior and call sick people losers. There is something seriously wrong with you.
---Trish on 7/14/12

If this life was all there were for us, then the answer would be easy. Hit the road Jack. No point in wasting time with a loser.

We believers are part of the new creation. 2C 5:17 Therefore if any man [be] in Christ, [he is] a new creature (ktisis=creation).

He is working in us to will and do of His pleasure. We are offering divine service as yielded and justified vessels.

Covenant breaking is serious. God refuses to do it. He will not forget Israel nor His promises to them. It cost Him His Son's life. Our personal crosses cannot compare to Calvary.

The rewards for faithfulness cannot be known now, it will be at His Dais to know for sure what the reward will be.
---Phil on 7/14/12

More: I am not a mental case, nor am I a professional patient. I have something you totally lack, and that is empathy. I am a licensed social worker, and I have had family members with bipolar disorder like I do. Nobody suffering from clinical depression is a mental case. They need help, medication and therapy. With the right combination of medications and psychotherapy a person can be very stable and high functioning.

Psychiatric hospitals are not called "mental asylums." You keep using negative terms when you refer to the hospitals and the patients. You are the one with a bias about mental health care.
---Trish on 7/12/12

Might there be a possibility that you will ever understand that there are other words such as "BIOLOGICAL", "EMOTIONAL", "NUTRITIONAL", and even "PSYCHOLOGICAL"? (instead of dooming a person to a "mental asylum"). Both humanity and God would be pleased if you would be more GENTLE.

Try to notice your bias of being a "professional" "patient".

Apparently, you feel perfectly comfortable thinking of yourself as a "mental case" (...okay!...your choice), but it's wrong to encourage others to do likewise (is that the kind of "BEDSIDE MANNER" you learned?).
---more_exellent_way on 7/12/12

Father, Abba, I come to you in behalf of this woman and her husband. I ask you to comfort their hearts and strengthen their feeble knees. I ask you to give wisdom and guidance. Show your daughter what she is to do and what she is not to do. Deliver your son from this depression consuming him. We give you all praise and glory for what you are doing in this marriage and in their hearts. You have not forgotten them nor left them to figure this out on their own. ALL YOUR THOUGHTS TOWARD THEM ARE GOOD. Wrap them in your healing love and cause them to receive your grace for this situation. Deliver them out of all their afflictions, according to your promise. In Jesus Name--Amen and Amen--Truly the promises of God are Yes and Amen!
---Alice on 7/12/12

Moreexcellent, you have no clue what you are talking about. The wife has already posted that the husband has been this way for 30 years, and has already been hospitalized. It's ignorant people like you that give mental illness a stigma. Referring to hospitals as 'booby hatches' instead of the correct word.

I know what I am talking about, because I am one of those professionals you denigrate. I am also a patient. Research shows that I am right. I base my input on scientific evidence based on research. You obviously base your input on misinformation and the idea that people cause their depressions.
---Trish on 7/12/12

\\I feel I am in bondage. \\

Did you think that marriage was supposed to be liberating?

Why do you think the Bible in 1 Cor speaks of being "bound" to a spouse?

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 7/12/12

The secret to correct diagnosis/evaluation/opinion is understanding "CAUSE and EFFECT".

Depression is a SYMPTOM (THE EFFECT), but the CAUSE is almost always an "EMOTIONAL" disturbance.

SOMETIMES (unusual if not rare), it can have a BIOLOGICAL/NUTRITIONAL "cause" (minerals, vitamins, enzymes, etc.).

Don't be so reckless as to prepare human beings for the 'booby hatch' (if you disagree, explain it to God).
---more_excellent_way on 7/11/12

Thank you for all the comments and advise. Maybe I should have mentioned that he has been like this for the last 30 years. He was even hospitalized once, has had therapy, said he doesnt need it and goes off and on his meds. He now wants to move out of state and start a business. He hardly works where we are so I cannot go along with it. He says he is going anyway and spends hours looking at new homes in the state he wants to move to.
---Living4Him on 7/11/12

Do you call the words about cherishing and loving him "in sickness and in health" that you said on your wedding day?

This is now the time for cherishing him in sickness.

It could be that your husband is just on the wrong medicine. Not every antidepressant (or combination) is for every case. There could also be an untreated medical condition (diabetes is an example) that is making his depression worse.

Right now, your husband needs you--but you also need to take care of yourself. If you need conseling or support, don't be afraid to ask for it.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 7/11/12

Nobody ever said the husband is insane or psychotic. Mental illness does not just mean psychotic. You speak out of pure ignorance.

Some depression is caused by a chemical deficiency in the brain, and that needs to be corrected. Good nutrition will not help all depression.

There should not be a stigma for being told that one has a mental illness. I have one, and I am happy to say that I am stable. The professionals I see, a psychiatrist and psychologist are extremely caring. I worked for four years in a psychiatric hospital where 99% of the "professionals" were extremely caring and helped the patients get stablized and ready to transition to going home and working with doctors on an outpatient basis.
---Trish on 7/11/12

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Most people these days are anxious to agree with professionals (PRIDE and validation). Professionals just want money and don't actually CARE like they used to (especially in this economy). The word MENTAL" refers to "psychotic"/insane, etc. (how would you like to be called that?....holy MERCY for the unfortunate, please).

If it is a BIOLOGICAL disorder because of a NUTRITIONAL deficiency, then say that. PLEASE use your wording carefully before you label the man INSANE, PSYCHO, etc. (for God's sake and the husband's also).
---more_excellent_way on 7/11/12

More-excellent-way: Some depressions are most certainly a mental illness, and do require antidepressants and therapy. Some are situational, but many people do suffer from clinical depression requiring antidepressants and therapy. What makes it a mental illness is that the brain chemistry is not what it should be, due to a lack of certain feel good chemicals in the brain.

Same goes for bipolar disorder, and people that suffer from hypomania.
---Trish on 7/11/12

Are you Living4him or Living4Him?

If the latter, do not leave him, but you need to establish some boundaries.

he has a live in maid "service". why should he say that he cares about you, when he can show the opposite a still get you to ...? it works for him.
---aka on 7/11/12

The drugs may cause additional problems.

Sunlight is good for depression.

Research large dosage Niacin (Vitamin B3) for depression.

---jerry6593 on 7/11/12

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Do not divorce him. That is his depression talking. One is to ask if you can join him the next time he talks to the doctor who is writing his prescription for antidepressants. In there, ask the doctor if your husband needs therapy. Don't tell them what you think, ask for the doctor's professional opinion.

Second, contact NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Just Google them. On their site, you can find local support for you and your family, especially your husband.

Third, and most important, PRAY for your husband. If you aren't sure how to pray for him, get yourself a copy of Stormie O'Martians's book, "The Power of a Praying Wife." It is a powerful book on praying for your hubby.
---Trish on 7/11/12

Depression is NOT a mental illness (it's not a MYSTERY PHENOMENON), it's an identity crisis. Doctors/professionals just want to make money.

Something very tragic happened. Before the tragedy, his world was INTACT and HAPPY/calm/serene (his "identity" was "INTACT"/complete).

After the tragedy, his world and identity fell apart. He is now demoralized and alienated from the world of happiness he once had and has lost that identity (his identity used to be "complete").....That medication is deadly dangerous (people have died from it, do your own research).

I was suicidally depressed for 51 years (I know what I'm talking about).
---more_excellent_way on 7/11/12

Should I let him go.
---Living4him on 7/10/12

Ofcourse not. Your husband has a mental illness whcih causes him to exercise poor judgement

If you can get him to take a walk, or a light run that does help.

If you can get him to see his value to you as a man that can help

if you keep " servicing" him that can help

Depressing is a very difficult thing to deal with

most people who are depressed look constantly for the mail to arrive.

Send him a loving letter in the mail
---francis on 7/10/12

What he says . . . what God says . . . God bless you (c: God is able. It is good to do whatever helps him or can help him, enjoy loving him, God is trusting you with him, and with God you can do good. And you have us, now, also, to pray with you > you are not alone!
---willie_c: on 7/10/12

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