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Wife Left Adultery Pastor

If the wife of a pastor has left him because of his adultery should she inform church members (or someone higher in the church than he is) of the reason she left when she knows that all he is saying is "my wife has left me"?

If she should speak out who should she turn to in the church?

Moderator - Go to the Elders / Board.

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 ---Rita_H on 11/13/12
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To Cluny
"\Mary, thank you for your comment. I am so glad that someone, at last, has said that.
---Rita_H on 11/15/12\\
In other words, you don't want to take responsibility for your own behavior, but want to be able to rationalize and think that someone else agrees with you."

Could you explain what you meant by "your own behaviour". To what behaviour do you refer here?

Do you read only the post prior to your own??
---Rita_H on 11/28/12

My personal view, for which I will be criticized I am sure, is that NO woman ever should be pressured into staying with a man who has cheated on her. The bible allows for divorce for adultery and I think that very few Christian men would be happy to be told that they must stay with a wife who cheated on them.

If there can be reconciliation that would be good but adultery is the ultimate betrayal of a spouse and something that many could not live with.

It has nothing to do with not forgiving - it is the forgetting which is near impossible for many.
---andreea on 11/22/12

Hi Cluny, sorry if I offended you but I do know what it's like to be cheated on so I can relate to the victims in those cases. It is a breaking of the marriage vows and the ultimate betrayal, as I said and I stand by it. God bless, Mary
---Mary on 11/21/12

Thankyou so very RitaH. Well, always been a person true since the lord really got hold of me. I can not be phony, I am a very simple person and I had many years serve in the legal system & served well. I had a hard life, marriages well, not good but I really miss #2 ha! ha! Listen me, I paid my dues. I am not the way I used to be and I try to be. A person kind and peace loving. Not perfect. Everyone has a past and.if they are really saved and love the lord, the past God wipes it out, it. Under the blood.amen thankyou! Very happy to know. Excited get me good recipes. Ok. We keep in touch
soon god bless get my computer.hugs + smiles. ELENA
---ELENA on 11/17/12

Rita_H..Many times the questions need clarified. It is also helpful to know if we are discussing a question that is being asked by the person who is actually going through the problem. It helps to know if the people involved are Christians. Please do not take responses personal as that is not the way they are intended. Also, since you are not living in the USA, you may not understand some responses. We Americans tend to get straight to the point and at time say things in a joking manner. Personally I don't like to sugar-coat the truth. Jesus didn't do that either.
---KarenD on 11/17/12

Yes Elena, I am very encouraged by some here, including yourself. However,I am also disheartened because I feel that some use this site to almost bully people into revealing more than they wish to do.

People should just answer and not ask "Why did you ask this?" or "Are you the person in the question?" 'Answering with a question is not right. We can all add our own details after asking a short question, if we choose to do so. No-one should virtually demand more.

Looking forward to pen pals.<><
---Rita_H on 11/17/12

Hello, again sis.RitaH. hope you are being encouraged. I have my moments and I keep busy try to tidy up a bit and my music and write keep my mind ocuppied. I am sorry made you sad. Yes. I thank God everyday for every minute every hour. I just sent a text to some christian new here to mich. I am serving god one minute at a time. Smiles. Now don't forget. When I get my cpr want you to be my pen pal smiles. Love agape. ELENA
---ELENA on 11/16/12

To RitaH. yes,Rita it really sent me into "tail spin " he marry me,knew I had my past he say no big deal.
No I was not a christian. I.found out he pastor of 2 I.marry him. I was young woman. He get lady pregnant, she married.her husband call me and tell me! I got very ill behind hear this he my husband bring.her to see me in intensive care. I went.into a coma. Later she go another hospital deliver healthy boy. Sad all around. She drop dead in her kitchen.4 mos. Later.I just couldn't understand at my age, he let me go for.older/ married.women.

---ELENA on 11/15/12

Thankyou RitaH. Knowing all I know now maybe I should have stay single. one person on here said something so true but beautifull.
A brother said you got to die to yourself so you can love and share put just your own self aside. It true.
You are one flesh! .
---ELENA on 11/15/12

\\Mary, thank you for your comment. I am so glad that someone, at last, has said that.
---Rita_H on 11/15/12\\

In other words, you don't want to take responsibility for your own behavior, but want to be able to rationalize and think that someone else agrees with you.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 11/15/12

Hi Elena, I am so deeply sorry about your son, honey. :( Truly sorry, He uses you though--we can see God in the way you're dealing with everything, hang in there sister, God bless, love and hugs, Mary
---Mary on 11/15/12

Mary, thank you for your comment. I am so glad that someone, at last, has said that.
---Rita_H on 11/15/12

Elena, I have just seen your post from 11.14.12. What you say has made me weep. That is just so heartbreaking.

God knows our need of Him more than we realise that we need Him and He brings us through the most appalling circumstances.
---Rita_H on 11/15/12

Hello,Mary you know I have to say you are husband went and got with a.membrr of the church and me and her were pregnant same time. Our baby born one day after, the baby my husband fathered! With her...and my son died. Her son lived. It changed me. Forever. Many suffering. It past but just agree. It sure didn't help at all. ELENA
---ELENA on 11/14/12

\\Also I'm sure the Bible says in the case of adultery, you can divorce.
---Mary on 11/14/12\\

in other words, you don't really know, Mary.

While some mss of the Gospels give this escape clause, not all do.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 11/14/12

I completely disagree that a person, man or woman, should have to stay with a cheating spouse. It is the ultimate betrayal and breaking of the wedding vows on the part of the cheater. Also I'm sure the Bible says in the case of adultery, you can divorce.
---Mary on 11/14/12

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I have only just noticed that sometimes I have typed my name Rita H and sometimes Ritah H. That is an error on my part and the latter is incorrect. I injured my wrist a little while ago and now both typing and writing give me problems but I usually notice my errors before I click submit. Some have slipped through - my apologies. Hope I haven't confused anyone.
---Rita_H on 11/14/12

Our Apostle Paul says, "Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife." (1 Corinthians 7:10-11)

If he lies to God's own people, this could mean he is lying to the Holy Spirit, like Ananias and Sapphira did (Acts 5:1-11).

If you have qualified Christian leaders available in your church setting (1 Timothy 3:1-10), they can take this up with him. If these are not obedient people, then you are free of this, I would say, going by 1 Corinthians 5:12-13, and make sure you are with leaders and others who do obey.
---willie_c: on 11/14/12

Two people here suggest I could be gossipping. Incorrect. It could only be gossip if I named names (I didn't) and as no-one here knows anyone else it cannot be gossip.

ALSO, my question here says "should SHE inform church members (or someone higher in the church than he is". Please note: The word was 'she' not 'I'.

Also there are several possibilities as to why I could have such information. The minister's wife could be my mother, my mother-in-law, my daughter, my daughter-in-law, my sister or sister-in-law. In any of those cases other family members would know about it.

Whoever it is, my question asked what should 'she' do and only one person gave the correct advice. It was the moderator of C.N.
---Ritah_H on 11/14/12

Cluny...I agree. There are times a couple could separate. But, I don't believe adultery is one of those times. They need to deal with it and get it over with. I have seen several men who admitted that their marriage was happy still get involved with other women out of their ego being too big.
---KarenD on 11/13/12

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---Rita_H on 11/13/12

\\She should not have left! God hates divorce!!!
---KarenD on 11/13/12\\

However, a temporary separation might be useful to get him to hit bottom, and give them space to work out their issues and try to re-establish their marriage.

Believe me, NO spouse (of either sex) strays who is 100% happy at home.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 11/13/12

I agree with all of the previous posts. Unless you are the wronged wife, you're gossiping. Regardless, the wife should have confronted her husband, then go to the board, before leaving. If her husband was repentant, she should work on reconciliation in marital therapy.
---Trish on 11/13/12

Rita_H...Is your husband this pastor? This is the third question you have posted about problems with a pastor or church. To answer the question, the Biblical way the wife should handle this is to first go to her husband. If he refuses to STOP committing adultery then she should take it to the church board (if there is one). If the board does nothing, it should be taken to the pastor's overseer in the denomination. She should not have left! God hates divorce!!!
---KarenD on 11/13/12

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agree with moderator. Can I ask why you are asking this question. Is this going on in your church or is this a theoretical exercise?
---Scott1 on 11/13/12

Rita_H, why are you asking this question?

Are you the wronged wife, or are you speaking of someone else?

If the second, then you are merely spreading gossip here, and violating confidences given you.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 11/13/12

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