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Losing My Marriage

I'm losing my marriage, I think my husband is cheating and I have no one to talk to. Please help.

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 ---Ellen on 6/15/13
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Ellen, you posted the blog about a month ago, can you tell us how things are going now? Just wondering what advice you followed and if things have gotten better or not. Peace.
---Mark_V. on 7/26/13

lidia, I agree with you about Karen. she has some great comments and she stands by her bible.
---shira4368 on 7/25/13

Hello,Well,just wanted to comment I really like KarenD. She seems very good Pastor wife, she often makes good sense when she talks to help couples, I commend her, on her marriage advice,relationships. With all Respect both to:
wish I would have had either KarenD. Or Bro. Elder & his wife. They both good about things like that.
I also, believe yes! It would've been good if she open up to her husband.Good advice, brothers who said better she go to her husband and the person who said "pray & fast" that is excellante.I pray God help this couple. Love of Jesus!
---lidia4796 on 7/24/13

On 6-16-13 I offered Ellen the services of one of the best marriage councelors I know, my wife.
My wife would have revealed the major problems, what to do, how to survive and how to restore this marriage.
There was no contact from Ellen. Maybe this scared her away.
---Elder on 7/21/13

The best advice I can give you is to fast before you talk to your husband ask the Holy spirit to open up your eyes to the things you need to see because you said that you think so their for you
MIGHT not be sure fasting and praying dear for your advice from God can be the best answer.
---nakera_: on 7/20/13

Ellen...Instead of discussing this situation with total strangers, discuss your "suspicions" with your husband. At this point you are only imagining things.
---KarenD on 6/17/13

Hi, Ellen . . . if the reality is you do not trust any of your ladies who you know . . . this can mean you need a stronger social base for doing well in your marriage.

We in Jesus are "members of one another" (Ephesians 4:25, Romans 12:5). Members of a body trust and so depend on each other. In a body, there are not two "married" members who are isolated from the others > we all need each other.

However, many marriages are more or less isolated couples with even each spouse so independent of the other, isolated. This is a basic problem, so ones even in marriage do not have basic Christian love and relating.

Learn how to love, with Jesus and whomever He has to help you > Matthew 11:28-30.
---willie_c on 6/17/13

Jesus Christ, the Son of Man bore your sins before you were born. As he said his last words on that cross... did you know that he was thinking of you? "It is finished!" he said. He said it to you. God calls you to allow him to finish this struggle within and around you. Though one of you may have forgotten, you both swore an oath, not before the white clad punitive of man, but before the throne of God. You swore to be a warrior of love for God and for each other, whether or not you realize it, this is a war you're in, and each battle is God's, He saw that it was finished before it even began for you, and his voice is calling for you to fight for your marriage, as you swore to do kneeling at the feet of the Almighty One.
---A_servant on 6/17/13

==Everyone has seemed to overlook the most obvious person she SHOULD be talking to first... her husband. ==

Not I. That's the first question I asked.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 6/17/13

Karen D I can't argue with good sense in respect to general rules, the things you say are rules based on generalizations given bad circumstances that CAN arise out of less than ideal circumstances...

When someone says "I have no one to talk to" we can at least lead them to rightly confide in Christ through their faith and a ministry of the truth, only a double minded man will be unstable in all his ways, with purity of purpose and motive God's protection abides faithfully.

It's only "not good" when the motive of the counselor is corrupted in one of a multitude of ways.
---Pharisee on 6/16/13

Everyone has seemed to overlook the most obvious person she SHOULD be talking to first... her husband. Telling this woman to go discuss her marital problems with other women in her church? Seriously? In my church we call that gossip. Perhaps it's just my church, but we look down upon wives discussing their marital problems with their female friends and the same goes for husbands discussing their wives with their male friends. That is highly innappropriate and involving your friends will most likely lead to further isolation as your friends fuel your resentment toward your spouse. You and your spouse are one. You should be closer to your spouse than anyone on earth, including your closest friends. Work it out with your spouse.
---Jed on 6/16/13

A Woman....I am not talking about psychiatrists or psychologists. They are professionally trained and are doctors.

Cluny...I do not have a problem with men and am happily married to one. My pastor husband would never think of counseling a woman who is already very vulnerable and is saying that she has no one to talk to. And I would never consider counseling a man in the same situation. We do counsel together when these situations arise. Preferably both spouses should be in the counseling.
---KarenD on 6/16/13

\\You men who think you should be counseling a woman have a real problem.\\

I think you have a problem with men, KarenD.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 6/16/13

Clunky,i would think a woman would not talk of her problems with her peers at her church. I don't know what I would do but I know I would seek someone who lives what they preach.
---shira4368 on 6/16/13

KarenD: I was in psychotherapy for 23 years. I had a male licensed psychologist and psychiatrist, one was Catholic and one was Jewish. At no time did either make advances toward me. Both practiced based on their respective codes of ethics. Both helped me tremendously.
---A_Woman on 6/16/13

KarenD: I will not disagree with you, though I had felt in a case of an emergency it might be necessary to talk online at least, for a short time with a man if she did not have time to find a woman to talk with. But I accept I could well be wrong.

But I agree that two women can logically discuss this problem better, so whatever the danger of temptation, for me it is a matter of efficiency, which again suggests Ellen would do better to talk with another women, either here or at her church.

---Peter9556 on 6/16/13

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You men who think you should be counseling a woman have a real problem. Now if you are a licensed Christian counselor you would already know that counseling a woman without another female (preferably your wife) present is not a good thing. This leaves temptation wide open for both parties involved.
---KarenD on 6/16/13

Ellen, if you feel that here is the best place, as these posts are short, it would be best to meet some people here, and then go to the PenPal area where you can write longer letters, as the moderator said.

Pharisee has already left his ID, but as I have little idea of the situation you are in, I do not feel I would be a good counselor.

Chatting with a woman would be nice, but talking in person would indeed be, I think,more productive.

---Peter9556 on 6/16/13


You said: That is the worst thing you can do. Asking advice from total strangers, especially men, is dangerous.

Why "especially men"? Do you think men are, by their nature, less trustworthy than women? If so, what leads you to that conclusion?
---StrongAxe on 6/15/13

Ellen, please realize that any counselor you seek or go to will also be a total stranger.
Jesus and Paul were both men. Would you seek advice from them? Of course you would. Seeking out a Christian man that has a successful marriage would be OK too.
The Bible says there is wisdom in a mulitude of counsel. So, take the meat and throw away the bones.
Contact us at Elder2291 and I will turn you over to my wife. She can and will help you. She is the best.
Peter/Pharisee can also help you. So don't be scared away from his wisdom by bad advice.
---Elder on 6/16/13

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Ellen...Please go to another woman, preferably a Christian counselor or pastor's wife, for advice. DO NOT GET INVOLVED IN ADVICE FROM A MAN ON THESE BLOGS. That is the worst thing you can do. Asking advice from total strangers, especially men, is dangerous.
---KarenD on 6/15/13

Ellen I'll help you if I can my Pen pal ID is peter4989
---Pharisee on 6/15/13

Have you spoken with your husband about your concerns?

Have you spoken with your pastor or a counsellor?

Are there no women in your church to whom you may confide?

Forgive me, but I find it difficult to believe that you have absolutely NO one to talk to.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 6/15/13

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