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How To Protect Relative

A Brother-in-law has a good sum of money for his living, he's 85 now, but its dwindling,a scamming 20 or 30 + age so called girlfriend he gives money to and a brother who takes money without permission. It's Senior abuse but we don't know what to do to protect him.

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 ---Darlene_1 on 1/18/14
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Darlene, thank you very much for the update. It's good to know that things are improving somewhat. These things usually take time but, providing they move in the right direction, all will be well. God bless you and your family. Family are important and God knows that.
---Rita_H on 2/16/14

KarenD although I said I wasn't going to do anything in the natural,I did go ahead and say I am leaving this with God and believing He will take care of it. Of course your husband agreed with you,he's married to you. There never was one moment our brother was in danger of being physically abused. I am not stupid or unfeeling enough to sit back and do nothing if there was a danger of that. The fact I gave my opinion on child abuse case to CPS proves I am not one to sit back and do nothing when there is a real danger. Be careful not to make a mountain out of a mole hill. Things are getting better Rita H and I am praising God for it. I have every confidence God will continue to protect our brother.
---Darlene_1 on 2/16/14

Karen, there are a few more words which you replace with .....

'I guess really my hands are tied and it took you're input for me to recognize that,thank you. Its hard for me to not do something
"but I guess it all boils down to showing my brother-in-law the truth and let him take the action". God bless.'

I hope that is what has happened by now.

You refer to some elderly people being beaten and murdered. Nowhere in Darlene's original question do I get the impression that by 'elderly abuse' she meant PHYSICAL abuse.
---Rita_H on 2/15/14

Family in my heart, the body of Christ, we are needing one another,many times I ask God please help me- NOT offend NO one.I do not see different ones on here,many a nite

Jesus please help me never offend nobody if I do tell them.let me kno' so we can "break bread & let me ask forgiveness."
I believe this is a good christian - teaching, you are all a family. We got to pray all the time.

The enemy come to kill steal & destroy. I read today online how a christian born,raised loves God active in church married an Aethiest woman against Pastor' in pschiatric care... God help him..
---Lidia4796 on 2/15/14

"She DID NOT say that 'they don't intend to do anything about it'."---Rita_H on 2/13/14

Actually Darlene did say she is not going to do anything about this.

"I guess really my hands are tied and it took you're input for me to recognize that,thank you. Its hard for me to not do something..... God Bless"
---Darlene_1 on 1/21/14

Also, Rita, I am very involved in the church's activities and people come to me for advice because they know I won't beat around the bush. And, my husband has read this blog and agrees with what I have said. There are too many elderly people who have been abused, beaten and even murdered now days because someone did not report the abuse in the first place.
---KarenD on 2/15/14

Shira yes thanks it does make a difference. I'll be praying for your daughter. Grandma and Rita H Thank you for you kind comments backing up what I said too. KarenD I understand you have your particular way of praying and if that satisfies you,fine,but you should never expect everyone else to follow you pattern. What is food in one place is a bucket of ice at another quenching the Spirit. Where two agree as touching anything on earth its done in heaven. How can anyone agree with something and they don't even know what. James 5:16 Confess your faults one to another,and pray one for another,that you may be healed. Confessing one to another is specific and out loud. That is Jesus's pattern.
---Darlene_1 on 2/14/14

Darlene, if it is any conselation, I know you aren't a gossip. we all need prayer and so does those who say things that aren't true. we use to have a lady in our church who would testify and go on and on and on about her unhinged family. everyone got tired of hearing that weekly rant. we can pray for each other's request. I have daughter who is not saved. love you in Christ,
---shira4368 on 2/13/14

Karen, you need to get some perspective. I have already explained to you that just because someone asks for advice doesn't mean that advice is what God guides them to do.

I really feel sorry for your husband's congregation. Their pastor's wife has such a critical, judgemental spirit.
---Grandma on 2/13/14

KarenD You seriously need counselling for you have a huge problem. You call things gossip when it suits you but you ask for more details about personal issues when it suits you also. The latter is encouraging gossip. I don't know how you cannot see that.

I really think you need to take a long break form Christianet and immerse yourself into your own church's activities and, hopefully, learn to respond here with more love in the future.

When Darlene said they 'don't know what to do to protect him' she expected help here - not insulting accusations. She DID NOT say that 'they don't intend to do anything about it'.
---Rita_H on 2/13/14

Darlene....The way we ask for prayer at our church is simple. We say, "Please pray for my brother, sister, friend, etc." Many ask for "unspoken" prayer as well. We do not encourage lengthy prayer requests with specifics. God knows their needs. No need to get into all the problems.
---KarenD on 2/13/14

Karen D I resent you calling me a gossip,that is wrong,and frankly evil. I don't know how you ever ask for prayer for anyone since you think its all gossip. I'm at a loss to understand why you think because a person asks for prayer they should be prepared to move on the advice. That is completely beyond reason and logic. You don't ask advice to be told what to do but to find out other opinions and possible outcomes. Then if one has any wisdom at all they still take it to God for the finish of the situation. You judge me without even knowing me,I'm not sure why you are so harsh to me but I feel sorry for you because you are blinded by your own past experiences and hatred. Blessings
---Darlene_1 on 2/13/14

Lidia....Thank you for your sincere comments. The only thing I am going through is an awesome revival at our church. It has been a wonderful move of the Holy Ghost with people getting, saved, baptized and filled with the Holy Ghost. It's funny when someone voices their opinion on these blogs. If the people posting the problem don't agree with their answers, suddenly they decide that there is something wrong with the person who doesn't agree with them. When someone posts a question such as this one and really doesn't plan on doing anything about the abuse, then why was it posted? Looks like gossip to me. It isn't the first time that family matters have been posted by the same person. God bless you Lidia. Praying for you.
---KarenD on 2/13/14

Pastora Karen.. just take deep breath and don't worry so,much. We are all human and I hope you calm down. We love you,just maybe you going through something ( that between you and God) people in ministry are human like anyone else.
Take it to the Lord He you.
I did not perceive it as gossip,but we are human and just realize none of us is perfect.. Like I say the family that prays together, stays together.
Love of Jesus!
---Lidia4796 on 2/12/14

Karen D, unless Darlene 1 is using her actual name here and has also named her brother and given other information (such as partial address) then I think he'd have a hard time finding anything here about himself. You really are stretching the imagination to ridiculous lengths to still try to justify saying that Darlene 1 should not have brought up this subject and that it is gossip.

It's highly unlikely that, in these circumstances, anyone would be recognised even in the U.K. but the U.S. is enormous compared with U.K. Without actual names it won't happen.
---Rita_H on 2/8/14

Mark V dear brother,thank you I appreciate that you are reassuring to me and always have a kind word. I am an old intercessor,that is the first thing God called me to do,pray for others and I shall always care about others and pray. I have also stood fast on Gods Word that says where two agree as touching anything on earth its done in heaven therefore I ask for others to pray with me about peoples needs whatever they may be. I love God's people and this is the pattern that has served me well for at least 50 years,since I learned the Bible and stand on the Word. God Bless
---Darlene_1 on 2/7/14

Sis. Darline, I do not believe you have to apologize for anything to anyone. You did nothing wrong in asking for help. You only gave some details of what you consider Senior abuse and ask for advice on what to do. Nothing wrong with that at all.
Karen got a different opinion because of something that happened to her. Gossip by others should not bother us who are in Christ. I little suffering to our name is nothing that should cause us to change the way we live or the way we look at things as Christians.
There is always going to be people who talk about us either bad or good. We have no control over that. It is their problem and should not be our problem. I thought I give my opinion on Karen's answer to you. Blessings to you and Karen.
---Mark_V. on 2/7/14

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KarenD,I'm so sorry you have had such bad experiences from gossip. I understand now why you are so bias in your view and I am sure many of us have something which has made such an impact on our lives that it is hard not to be so firm about it. I don't know how that feels as I have never been gossiped about. I do know my brother well enough,in 58 years I should,to know he trusts me and would never be upset with what I do when asking prayer for him especially since he knows I'd never do anything to hurt him,and I didn't give names. I pray God will heal all your hurts and bless you that you may know once again you can trust people more than you think. Blessings
---Darlene_1 on 2/6/14

If you have ever been a victim of gossip you know where I am coming from Ask the brother to come on this blog and see if he likes his personal life discussed by strangers.
---KarenD on 2/5/14

God bless you Sis.Darlene1 & Sis.Rita, you know I have said much about my life and I have often asked for help.we are a family, Let's keep on helping and praying for one another. God.will work it all out.
Love of Jesus!
---Lidia4796 on 2/5/14

Lidia thank you for the scriptures I am going to enjoy reading them today. I know they will speak to my heart. God Bless. Karen since I never intend to become unteachable or unreachable and have heard the same comment before about prayer being a tool for gossip so I looked up the meaning and it is the disclosure of intimate and or personal information. Since what was going on to our brother was known by several in the family it wasn't intimate nor personal or private information.The same was true of the other prayer requests I have put on here. Love has a concerned heart and will always seek all the help it can find for loved ones in trouble or sick and nothing is more loving than prayer.God Bless
---Darlene_1 on 2/3/14

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Lidia, thank you so much for sharing those verses. Beautiful and so apt. We should all repeat them - often.
---Rita_H on 2/2/14

God bless you Sis.Rita,Darlene1 wow! Like I always we can learn alot on here. Want to share...
Pr.10:22 Mt.11:28,29.
---Lidia4796 on 2/1/14

Lidia thank you for your prayers and input I know I can always count on you. God Bless
---Darlene_1 on 2/1/14

Darlene, yes Projection is what I was referring to here. Thank you for jogging my memory on that.

Have a good weekend and a blessed day in church tomorrow. Don't allow any of this (blog issue) to spoil the joy that we have in belonging to the Lord.
---Rita_H on 2/1/14

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Rita H I think what you are referring to about a person pushing their own feeling on to someone else is called Projection. Projection is a defense mechanism that involves taking our own unacceptable qualities or feelings about something in ourselves that is less than desirable and ascribing them to other people. This helps reduce the anxiety they have about those traits in themselves.
---Darlene1 on 2/1/14

Shira thank you so much it means a lot for you to say that. Rita thank you very much for the suggestion to pray for Rita for that just confirms what I already had felt and written therefore I know God was leading me. I don't think I will have to do anything because I've been praying for God to resolve this matter and I believe I see Him moving. aka thank you for your input and yes we all need temperance. God Bless you all.
---Darlene_1 on 1/31/14

My guess is that no-one here uses their actual name. I also guess that no-one uses the real names of those other people discussed here when referring to others, and asking for prayer - I have certainly not seen anyone do so.

That being the case, if no-one can be identified, then requesting prayer and help can never be seen as gossip - except BY A GOSSIP.

Some people talk about certain issues (as being a problem to others) as a way of admitting that they, personally, have that problem. They have a need to discuss their own problem by 'pushing it onto someone else'. A psychiatrist would be able to explain that better than I can but I am sure that such a situation is what we have here at the moment.
---Rita_H on 1/31/14

Karen, you are the most rude person I have ever come across. I certainly don't see Darlene to be a gossiper. maybe you have bad experiences but our prayer request is NOT gossip. I feel sorry for you that you refuse prayer from the saints of God. you need to back up and re-group. I have never heard a statement like you made.
---shira4368 on 1/31/14

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Karen it seems you are determined to undermine my character. I have never gossiped on here or anywhere about my family,any prayer requests I put on here are born from an honest concern and love for those I ask prayer for. I do take exception to you saying that I am a gossip. I feel sorry for you because you sow lies,anger,and hate. The sad thing is I have never done anything to hurt you. Since the Bible tells me to bless those who curse me and pray for those who despitefully use me,bless you Karen and I will pray for you. Blessings
---Darlene_1 on 1/31/14

KarenD. .. is not earned or learned. Please ask for it. He is liberal in that respect.
---aka on 1/31/14

Darlene 1, might I suggest that you pray for Karen D for she has a huge problem regarding GOSSIP. She sees it everywhere and in many of us here. I have been a victim of her accusations several times YET she regularly asks for MORE DETAILS than the questioner wanted to say - almost inciting gossip it seems. I guess she must have had a serious problem with gossip herself to constantly refer to it here.

Your question shows concern for others. Perhaps social services could advise on this.
---Rita_H on 1/31/14

Spoken like a long-time gossiper. Prayer requests are one of the biggest excuses to gossip. No need to tell your family's dirty little secrets. This is not the first time it has happened. I could post all kinds of things about your family on this blog from what you post. But that would make me a gossip.
---KarenD on 1/31/14

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Mark V thank you for understanding and letting me know. The Bible tells us to bear you one anothers burden and so fulfill the Law of Love therefore it makes sense to me you share with one another when in need of advice or wise counsel or prayer. God Bless
---Darlene_1 on 1/31/14

Hello,Darlene1, very sorry all you been going through! Wow!please know you will be in my prayers!
I blind, my hearing alot sharper!! I love your posts,please don't leave.. christian love goes out to you! Humans we are. God will see you & your family through! That' why we need to PRAY ...

Please do not got enough already on you! I know abit
my late mother always $$ to older brother, learn( how bad the situation really was until months) later, after she passed.

I do not think we should judge you or no one too,harshly.You reached out..

We Can not/ do not know all.the details,like Bro.MarkV. you can't put every detail..
May God bless you and help all your family.
---Lidia4796 on 1/31/14

Sis. Darline, I did not see anything wrong in you asking for advice. Many here have gone through similar problems that could very well help you. It's hard to write every detail down in a few words here. I really could not see why Karen would say what she did, maybe she read it wrong. peace and blessings
---Mark_V. on 1/31/14

Karen thank you for your input but you couldn't be more wrong. I wasn't gossiping and I am sorry you think I was, but would you please stop spreading the unfounded gossip that says I was. You don't know what I intended therefore you would be wise not to judge so harshly for the Bible says how ever you judge you will be judged with the same judgement. I have never heard of anyone who asked for advice and who was bound to take and act upon it. The Bible teaches us to inquire of those Saints who may well have more wisdom in a situation than we do especially since they are more detached from it. Karen I suggest you pray more for the people who ask for help and talk less about them with such a bad attitude. Now are you going to act on my advice?
---Darlene_1 on 1/30/14

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It was not an accusation of gossip. It was the truth. After all, some of you think that if you talk about people on these blogs it is alright as long as it is the truth. It is gossip plain and simple when the poster really had no intention of doing anything about the situation. Since Darlene called it "senior abuse" herself, it should have been reported to authorities and not to these blogs.
---KarenD on 1/30/14

Darlene1, I pray for you.will be glad leave a prayer for you online.Thanks'for let us know! God bless you!

Love of Jesus!
---Lidia4796 on 1/28/14

Darlene, sorry to hear about your eyes. I can't even imagine being blind. my cataract surgery was so easy and when I could take the patch off, everything was so bright and colorful and the yellow tent was gone. I know you said you had that already so this one should be about the same...I pray so. thanks for sharing
---shira4368 on 1/28/14

Shira thank you so much for your prayers. Yes sad but true things do happen even in Christian families. Please be in prAYer for me Thursday. I din't say anything but I have been losing my sight so I saw my doctor today and Praise God it is a minor laser procedure to remove the film that has grown over the lens they put in when i hAD CATARACT SURGERY THREE YEARS AGO. I'll get one done Thursday and the other eye later. Pray nothing goes wrong. Thanks God Bless.
---Darlene_1 on 1/28/14

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Darlene, I pray all goes well with your family. if you could see everyone on christianet, they have problems. no one is immune to the wickedness in the world. I pray for you and your family.
---shira4368 on 1/28/14

Grandma,thank you so much for telling Karen how it really is and you are right I didn't share on here for gossip. When we are troubled for someone we love it is often another persons view that makes us see more clearly. I haven't said anything on here that I couldn't say to my close Brother-in-laws face. Thanks to all of you who gave me an honest answer I now have a peace about the situation I didn't have before. I now realize I don't have to do anything God is on the job. I knew it before but when your heart is aching for someone you may loose sight of the real answer,God,for a moment. Bless all of you who helped me when I needed it.
---Darlene_1 on 1/27/14

Karen: If you read all of Darlene's posts in this thread, it was by discussing the situation with us that she was able to make the decision she made. Darlene does NOT gossip, and you shouldn't make such accusations against her.
---Grandma on 1/26/14

Why is it that a person would post a question like this when they don't intend to do anything about it? Perhaps it was posted just to gossip.
---KarenD on 1/26/14

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Peter thank you for your input. I think God is going to take care of this and that will be the best. You see the three brothers are the only ones left of eight children although the youngest is a bad egg,he is still a brother. What I see happening is the youngest brother is stepping up to help,at least be with the sick brother,when my husband can't and I hope this will make him more concerned with the brother's welfare and less concerned with the brothers money. I do believe God is moving,there hasn't been a repeat of just taking money lately therefore I am hopeful. I am trying to hold my peace and I now do have peace about it all,and let God take care of it. God Bless
---Darlene_1 on 1/25/14

-Darlene_1 on 1/23/14: Darlene, it seems to me that legally, you would do better to seek to do something about the brother,as this is without permission (I assume the girlfriend is allowed by your brother in law to take the money). But if the brother is taking money without your brother in law knowing, you can either try to let him know, or ask whether there is anything (I will assume you are in the US) in the state you live in to stop money being removed by relatives. The same MAY apply for the girlfriend, but each state has its own laws, and it is often had to know what to do in a particular state.....
---Peter on 1/24/14

Karen D no we have never borrowed any money from him at all. We are concerned because we know the cost of Nursing Homes or Assisted Living $5000.00 a month and we just don't want him to run out of money because he is 85 nearly 86. All we care about is that he have the best possible life as long as he lives. My husband is the one who sees that he has all he needs medicine,groceries,etc and drives 40 miles round trip to get him ready for bed and settled for the night. We love him just for him. He and his wife,she died year before last,were our traveling buddies,close friends not just relatives. I hope that answers you well enough. Blessings
---Darlene_1 on 1/23/14

Wondering if the family that is so concerned has ever "borrowed" any money from him since they are not going to report this abuse.
---KarenD on 1/23/14

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aka thank you,I feel that is the answer for now. I remember an old song which says victory,oh victory will be mine,if I hold my peace and let the Lord fight my battle,oh victory oh victory will be mine. I like to say instead victory is mine ,because I know I love a victorious God. Y'll helped so much though to get that peace about it and rest completely in the Lord. God Bless All
---Darlene_1 on 1/22/14 your corner

We are encouraged to wait on the lord. Many times we don't know what this means specifically.

Thank you for your concern for the man and let the lord lead. At this point he may want you to step back. It just might be that the man is sabotaging himself.
---aka on 1/22/14

Steveng you're right,if he doesn't care don't concern myself. My daughter's investigating and everything she has found the woman lied about she has told her uncle. He and my daughter are very close,she's like the daughter he never had. As for taking the sticky fingered brother before the church,he has been and may still be a Deacon in the church he attends and is highly thought of in that church. I am known and liked by the Pastor but a different denomination,I don't think that would work. aka bless you,you are so like me,that is my first thought too,turn them in,but I think I will let my prayers work and my husband deal with his sticky fingered brother. The money isn't savings but "found" money the other won. Thanks Blessings.
---Darlene_1 on 1/22/14

My hands are tied.

that's what I said when I could have stepped forward earlier.

Senility has nothing to do with it. He is being abused and taken advantage of.

an abused child...a beaten old man who is being taken advantage of. What is the commonality?

None of them have an affliction. ...they have no voice...they reasoning skills are diminished or are not matured..

Don't wash your hands of this. Make one phone call and see what they say.

you are the one who ties your hands and everybody knows that when hands are self bound, they are easily untied.
---aka on 1/22/14

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Why not approach the so-called girlfriend and the brother privately and tell them your concern. If they don't listen then bring along two witnesses. If they still don't listen bring it up with your church. Read:

Matthew 18:15-18
Proverbs 15:1

Maybe ask your 85 year old brother in law why does he allow this to happen. If it's okey with him why concern yourself.
---Steveng on 1/21/14

Thanks for caring but I can't and no I don't enable because my Brother-in-law isn't senile and all he would do is say its ok. I guess really my hands are tied and it took you're input for me to recognize that,thank you. Its hard for me to not do something but I guess it all boils down to showing my brother-in-law the truth and let him take the action. God Bless
---Darlene_1 on 1/21/14

Darlene...if you don't call the adult protective service NOW without warning, you enable.

You partake in the evil.

I know once being the king of enablers.
---aka on 1/21/14

darlene1....It IS that simple. Call Adult Protective Services and report this. Why did you ask this question if you didn't want to do anything about it?
---KarenD on 1/21/14

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Thank you all for some very good advice but it isn't that simple. He knows what they are doing,as for the young woman he lost his wife of 63 years 3 years ago and he is lonely. My daughter is investigating the girl and is talking to her uncle about what she finds. The brother is the baby brother,he also made him an equal heir with another brother in a sense of being fair,the youngest brother has been nothing but a gimmie me money person his whole life,bad egg. My brother-in-law is very misguided. I thought about warning the baby brother,he is a convicted felon,that I'd turn him in for Elder abuse,the girl too,hoping it stops them. What do you think of the warning? God Bless
---Darlene_1 on 1/21/14

Call adult protective services. Most states have such an agency.
---KarenD on 1/18/14

Contact a lawyer and also here in tn we have a state dept for senior citizens like dept of childrens services.
---aka on 1/18/14

I'd sit him down, and tell him your concerns. Start by reminding him that you love him. If he's a believer, it might help to remind him that as such, we are supposed to be good stewards.

God bless.
---Grandma on 1/18/14

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