I've struggled with this too, and been rejected by a close Christian friend because of this. I was told I HAD to or I could not be saved. Failing miserably, and being ashamed, I felt unable to even admit this to any other believer and had such anxiety, thinking 'If only I could do this one thing', So much wrong thinking, as if "I" could do anything to secure salvation for myself. This person, was, for a time, in my mind, a super-Christian, whom I later followed to particular churches, not realizing that I should not simply accept what (man) said.
The LORD is truth and deliverer