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Married Pastor Future Husband
  
Thank you everyone for your kind advise and replies. The Lord is helping me leave it all behind and start afresh. If anyone does remember, pls do pray for me.

God bless you all.


Married Pastor Future Husband
  
John II - I have just been busy and not had the time to check the blog. Was funny reading your presumptions of why I've been silent though! :)

For all of you who want to know my age - I'm 24 now. Was 21 when I first got involved with him.

You're all right. Your blogs have impacted me for the better. After an exchange of strong words and him yelling at me, he said that this relationship is all wrong and that it's his fault. I'm still in the church, but we dont keep in touch. Though I want to move out, the only thing that keeps me there is my love for God's Word. Yes, I have blown it big time and messed up alright, but if not for God's Word poured into me in this place, I'd not have survived thru this. I dont have any other help.


Married Pastor Future Husband
  
//Now you can't run..you're ensnared! Fleeing temptation is only possible in the first instance, God showed you the way out but you chose to remain...your guilt will still find you, and you'll sear your own conscience to cope.//
John II - I dont believe you know what I've gone thru, and I dont believe what you're saying either, cos my Bible tells me that when I truly repent my God forgives and that guilt is not of God, for if not He wouldn't have died to take away my guilt. Yes I know there are consequences to sin and pain I go thru is because I made the wrong choice, but I dont believe God will let me hurt forever if I let go of the past and trust Jesus with my future. Which is why I desperately want out.


Married Pastor Future Husband
  
Donna66 - Thanks for sharing that. I really do need a lot of hope cos even now as I write I'm going through the battle of truly letting go.

The only way for me to quit the church is move to some other country or place, cos my family goes to this same church and I have stood strong for this church because no matter what, here is where the Lord touched me as an atheist and I gave my life to Him.
Apart from this issue, the church has really helped me grow and the foundation I have is only because of how God used this church to help lay it and my whole family knows this. If I choose to quit the church now I will need to give them all a valid reason, and considering my family is just growing in the Lord, I cant let them know this. :'(


Married Pastor Future Husband
  
John: You are absolutely right about my age and that he's my mentor.

Whenever we try to break off, he talks about him continuing to be my mentor anyway. Being from a broken home, and not having lived in ideal family conditions, I cant help but look upto him as a father figure considering he knows everything about me - my weaknesses, my struggles.

But then somehow so far, when we've tried to restrict it to just a mentor relationship, over time it just slips back to what it was.
I've been hurt too deep, time and again, and I feel so stuck.


Married Pastor Future Husband
  
Thank you. I am doing my best to embrace the Lord and to hold on to Him with all that I have.

John II: I know I have to quit the relationship, and so, NO I'm not waiting for any of you to grant me permission! I'm stuck in a rut that keeps haunting me, and I'm now doing all that I can to really let go. Thanks to some of the responses here I feel there is hope and that somehow I can let go.. and it was in that hope that I even posted my question.

It's just that sometimes the pain is too hard to bear cos I feel too attached to him at the end of 3 yrs. God knows I'm trying.

When I read some of the straight forward responses it does help me see the ugliness of my state and want out. So I'm grateful any how.


Married Pastor Future Husband
  
Thank you all for your responses. This whole scenario is a lot more complicated. The truth is we both know we are wrong, and have made sooo many attempts to get out of this. As for me, at first I was apprehensive and refused to get into this relationship, but the more he kept tellin me it's of God, being a baby Christian I gave in and also felt good that someone wants me so much. Having stripped off everything of the past to begin a new life in Christ, I eventually built my world around him and worked a lot for church along with him. Somewhere down the line when we kept fighting and losing peace, we realised this cant be of God and tried staying out of the relationship but continuing church work so that no one else's walk gets affected.



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